Let’s talk about Tantra. Though its origins are scholarly and religious, many people – including us! – associate Tantra with sex in the modern day. Tantric sex is all about awareness; focusing on present sensations free of judgment allows us to become more in tune with ourselves and our partners. The roots of this practice are spiritual in nature and stretch back millennia.
Fortunately, it doesn’t take that long to master.
Erotic Tantric practices can be explored with or without a partner. That’s right – Tantric masturbation is a thing! And it’s awesome.
Tantric masturbation is all about self-pleasure and self-care. Just like with Tantric sex, the goal of Tantric self-love is to consciously enjoy the process. It is similar to meditation, another solo activity; both involve mindfulness and getting to know oneself on a deeper level. It can even lead to a spiritual awakening.
I definitely wasn’t convinced at first, but even skeptics like me can benefit from the tenants of this immersive practice. It might come off as magic or fake science, but even if you don’t subscribe to spirituality the benefits are 100% real.
Trust me. Now I can’t wait to have some time to myself.
Tantric self-love can be explored by anyone – expert, skeptic, and all in between. At its core, Tantric masturbation is about trying to get more in touch (pun intended) with yourself and your sexuality.
What You Need
You don’t actually need much to start your Tantric masturbation practice and because everyone is different, what you do need might vary. However, here are some tips to help get anyone started:
1. A Cozy and Safe Environment
The most important thing is to relax. If your head is full of worries or you feel super awkward, it’s going to be tough focusing on the present moment. Don’t just get comfortable though – indulge yourself! Lie on plush pillows, light some candles, play sexy music – whatever helps. This is a new experience, so go ahead and treat yourself like you would a lover.
Tantric self-love is very much about exploration and should not be rushed. The energy created from masturbation can be harnessed based on your own pace, so take your time. In fact, if you are interested in the spiritual aspect of the practice and not just the good feels, a major component of Tantra is harnessing one’s energy to aid in spiritual growth. That’s right, this stuff is enlightening.
3. An Open Mind
Tantric self-love is related to self-discovery, so it works differently for everyone based on one’s personal desires and needs. Also, Tantra isn’t necessarily about achieving orgasm. In fact, the longer you can last without coming, the more energy will be built up. So, don’t worry about achieving anything in particular, especially the first time. Just let it happen.
How to Practice Tantric Masturbation
Now that you have everything you need, it’s time for the fun part! Let’s get right down to it.
1. Create an Intention
Set your goal(s) beforehand, or at least consider what they might be. Are you trying to find new erogenous zones? Feel less awkward about masturbating? Change things up? De-stress? Become the next yogi master? Tantric self-love is a great way to accomplish all of these and more. Just remember: though it helps to have a purpose in mind, there’s no pressure to actually get there.
2. Get Comfortable
Practicing Tantra alone might seem awkward, but it is actually a great place to start. Do whatever normally makes you feel comfortable during a masturbation sesh to begin… and then take it a bit further.
Lie on your back, elevate your head, and put pillows under your back and legs.
Maybe even start with some yoga and meditation or a warm bath. Do you! (Literally.)
3. Focus on Your Breath/Yourself
Here comes the mindfulness bit. After you get comfortable, come to stillness and become aware of your breathing and how your body is feeling. Close your eyes. Put one hand on your heart. Then start when you’re ready.
You can still fantasize, but also be mindful of how you are feeling and reacting. If you normally resort to external stimulants to get aroused, like porn, it’s best not to use those during your Tantric practice. Focus internally and on the here and now.
4. Touch Yourself
Go to town! There aren’t many rules here. It’s best to use your hands since it enhances the full-body sensory experience. However, if you need or prefer to use toys, go ahead! None of us get aroused in the same way.
5. Take It Slow
Sometimes we all crave a tasty quickie, but Tantric masturbation – to explore an old cliche – is more about the journey than the destination. Feel free to take your time making your way to your penis or clitoris or wherever it is that usually gets you going.
Focus on your erogenous zones.
If you don’t know where those are, touch yourself in places you normally wouldn’t. You might even find out something new about yourself!
Remember there is no rush or specific end goal you have to achieve. Orgasms are the icing on the cake – if not gift that keeps on giving – but it’s more than possible to enjoy the ride without “making it to the finish line.” Self-love comes in many forms and it’s important to remember we all experience pleasure differently. Just enjoy yourself. I can’t say this enough!
7. Lose Your Inhibitions
Make the bed creak, moan, dirty talk to yourself – anything goes! Masturbate like no one is watching! Unless, of course, that’s your thing.
8. But Remember to Remain Mindful
Now is not the time to get distracted by what’s for dinner or that annoying meeting you have to attend tomorrow. Take control of your sensations, not the other way around. When you find something that feels good, take note of it.
9. Achieve Satisfaction
Though orgasm isn’t necessarily the goal of Tantric masturbation, it’s capital-O-Obvious that this might happen as a result of an extended exploration of the self. Those with extensive experience in the art of enthusiastically pleasuring themselves might even reach something called Kundalini orgasm.
Kundalini is a term from ancient India that describes a life force each person possesses. This force tends to lay dormant but eventually becomes awakened. Its potential is usually unlocked through a devoted meditation practice, yet it can also come about from Tantric sex and masturbation (or even spontaneously!).
To achieve a kundalini orgasm you have to feel very relaxed and in control. Harnessing this energy is an important part of Tantra. It allows this force, which lies coiled at the base of one’s spine, to unravel and awaken. You probably won’t get there the time, but don’t worry. What orgasm doesn’t already feel like a glorious unraveling?
Don’t feel pressure to come, however;
The point is to enjoy yourself, whatever that means to you.
You can stop whenever you feel satisfied. If you conform to a specific gender or have just one set of genitalia, you might be wondering if there are specific tips to spice up your juicy self-love session. Lucky you, the answer is yes yes YES!
Pro-tips for men/people with penises:
- “Just the tip” is never good advice. Stimulate the whole Lingam (Sanskrit for penis) from the base to the head. Massage your scrotum and prostate. Take. Your. Time.
- Try and last for at least 15 minutes and up to 30 without an orgasm. Touching various parts of your body, and not just focusing on the head of the penis, can help. Resisting ejaculating in this way can allow you to awaken that delicious kundalini energy and you’ll last longer during sex. Try this for as long as it feels good. Giving yourself a Lingam Massage is a great way to explore this practice of heightened pleasure.
- The ultimate Tantric enlightenment for men, of course, is the mystical orgasm without ejaculation. Pulling your testicles away from your body, pressing down on the skin between the balls and the anus, or slowing down and concentrating on the breath can all help delay ejaculation. Let yourself get close a few times (or more!) and mindfully bring yourself away from the point of no return while continuing to pleasure yourself (or pause altogether for a moment). Tantra is about rejuvenation whereas ejaculating usually results in fatigue. Taking control of the speed and frequency you ejaculate has many benefits. It results in longer, more pleasurable sex for both you and your partner. Expect more exciting solo sessions as well!
Pro-tips for women/people with vaginas:
- Using a natural lubricant like coconut oil, massage your vulva (or the Yoni as we like to call it here). Even if you don’t need it, lube can add a variety of sensations and can be used on other areas besides the Yoni.
- After slowly and sensually making your way down to your pleasure center, touch yourself in a variety of ways and places. Hold off on stimulating the clit and instead massage your whole vulva. Alternate between circular and up and down motions. Really concentrate and try and find the exact spots and strokes that feel best.
- To extend your pleasure session and hold off on orgasming, slow your pace when you feel like you’re about to come. Long, slow touches can help plateau your pleasure level whereas shorter, faster strokes will reinvigorate your energy and bring you back to excitement. Try getting close and then slowing back down a few times before finally reaching satisfaction or orgasming.
10. Rejuvenate Your Mind, Body, and Spirit
Once you’ve reached the point of peak satisfaction it’s important not to rush off right away! Remember to take time out for this practice so afterward so you can spend a few more moments alone with yourself. Revel in the new and delicious sensations you’ve just discovered.
Just as you would following a yoga or meditation practice, lie in Savasana (a completely still and relaxed pose) and return your breathing to normal. Rest one hand on your Yoni or Lingam and the other on your heart. Visualize the energy you created returning to the universe. Integrate what you learned from the experience into how you live your daily life. The practice should be fun, but it also has the potential to be utterly transformative.
That’s it! It may sound like a lot (okay it is).
If you take anything away from this article, view this information as guidelines rather than a strict set of rules you have to follow. As I mentioned, the main goal is to enjoy yourself, so take what you need from here to do just that. I know I did.