There are millions of “number one sex tips”, “10 pieces of relationship advice you can’t ignore” and “the world-best lover hacks” out there that you might have read over the years, desiring to become a master lover.
We are going to share with you one principle that you’ll wish you have read much much earlier, so read on.
Perhaps you might feel a little overwhelmed and don’t know where to start.
You are reading this because you want to be a better lover, you want to learn something new, grow as a partner and experience more in life.
And there is always something to learn, right?!
We all agree that massive amounts of information can be found online, but there is still a huge lack of really good sexual education. Many people navigate through a relationship with emotional trauma and confusion, never really grasping the reason when, why and how things went so terribly wrong.
Let’s start with a short quote by Osho:
“You are born with the capacity to love, but you are not born with the art of love. The art of love has to be taught, has to be imbibed.”
But what is “the art of love” truly?
It is divine and at the same time elementary.
We Believe the Art of Love is Knowledge Everyone Deserves
So let’s imbibe it!
Here at Beducated, we come across various sexuality experts and Tantra teachers who have numerous things to say on how to create a successful and loving relationship.
The lack of good sexual education or you could say the lack of tools and equipment to experience the relationship we envision is one of the main reason why couples end up separating, feeling frustrated and even cheat on each other.
So when we talk to experts all around the world, they share with us techniques on how to improve our sex life, how to move during sex, how to breathe during sex, how to give and receive unconditionally, what positions and massage techniques work best and what you need to visualize… all in the name to better our sexual experience, feel more fulfilled and heal a lover’s, heart.
It can be quite overwhelming for the beginner to implement Tantra practices without feeling slightly absurd.
Well, let us share with you…
One principle that is so powerful and simple that all techniques that you have learned already come naturally to you.
We believe this knowledge is so powerful that it feels like Leonardo Da Vinci’s paintbrush felt into your lap, ready to assist you in drawing an unforgettable fulfilling romantic night.
When Sarita shared this knowledge with us, it suddenly all made sense.
Meet the Spiral Dynamic – or: Learn the Anatomy of Arousal for Men and Women
It assumes that men and women are opposite and yet complementary in their sexual and relationship needs.
The Spiral Dynamic of a Men’s Arousal
This is what Sarita explains:
“Similar to the way ripples form, when you throw a stone into the lake, moving from the center to the circumference, so it is with male sexual activation.
Begin sexual activity with a man by honoring his lingam [penis] first and foremost.
Once he is aroused and feels his potency rising, you can then spread this awakened sexual power all over his body by stroking down his legs to his feet and up through his torso to the shoulders and down his arms and out of his hands.
This will help him to feel recognized and understood in regards to his nature and will also help him to expand his capacity for whole body pleasure states.”
Start to arouse his lingam first, that’s where he will feel most seen, most honored and loved. Only then link his aroused pleasure to other areas of his body.
The Spiral Dynamic of a Woman’s Arousal
“For a woman, it is important to very slowly and progressively move towards her sex center. Start the approach be teasing and inviting rather than going directly to the Yoni.
The same way you would approach the inner sanctum of a temple is the way to approach a woman sexually. As we move into the courtyard of a temple, we simultaneously enter into awe, lingering in front of a beautiful statue to pray, or stopping to admire the stained glass windows before finally entering into space where we will encounter the holy of holies.
A woman’s Yoni is a place for reverence and awe. If a man can approach his woman in this way, her ecstasy and surrender with him will know no limits.”
Touch her shoulders or knees to create an ambiance of trust. Kiss her. Hold her lower belly with full presence to open her up into emotional fluidity.
The foreplay is THE crucial element for a woman to awaken her sexual energies. Sarita actually calls it erotic play instead of foreplay, as she believes it’s is not a preliminary for the ‘real thing’ – it is the real thing! Activate her breasts to open her heart center.
Then and only then, when she is long and lovingly adored approach her Yoni (vagina).
The Sneaky Mistake Happening in Many Bedrooms
Very often one of the partners believes that their partner has to behave just like them. Therefore, they give what they would like, i.e. quick and direct stimulation of the female genitals combined with a sudden entry to penetrative sex.
It could also be that one partner expects the other to be open emotionally immediately, ignoring the sexual center completely. Both ways end in frustration and agony for your partner.
Once we understand the anatomy of arousal and our differences we are able to create art together
If a man’s lover is willing to worship his lingam in adoration and full respect, he will then easily and naturally open his heart.
If a woman’s lover is willing to honor, love and worship her as a Goddess throughout her entire body before connecting with her genital area, she will yearn to open her legs for her lover.