I will admit it.
I am a woman and I have watched porn.
I’m not entirely sure if it’s a topic that falls into a social taboo but online porn is not something my friends and I have ever really talked about.
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Since my early twenties – the dawn of high-speed internet – I have on the odd occasion found arousal in the form of internet pornography. But over the years I began to feel increasingly conflicted about what I was seeing. As my worldview and understanding of feminine equality began to form, I knew that most of what I was seeing was way out of alignment with my deepening values.
Now we find ourselves here, in the bourgeoning #MeToo era.
A time when many of us, male and female alike, are questioning our standards of equality in a deeper way. And a new conversation has begun concerning how women are represented and treated, not just by men but by other women and society’s view of females in general. I’m excited by this dialogue. I think it’s timely and critical.
An opportunity for us all to go a little (or a lot) deeper.
So what does porn have to do with it?
It is likely that at some point in your life you have watched porn online. And if you’ve never sought it out, 1-in-3 of you have experienced unwanted exposure. The average age a user is first exposed to porn on the internet is 11.
Yes. 11 years of age.
The unfortunate reality is that the majority of online porn is not representative of what real sex in a loving, or at least, a respectful relationship looks like. Visit any of the top-ranking porn websites and you’re likely to see aggressive, derogatory sex that is male-focused and clearly developed for the male viewer.
According to TechAddiction.ca, women make up one-third of people consuming porn online, though these numbers are inherently difficult to pinpoint with any accuracy and often biased towards a particular viewpoint on the subject, there is no doubt that with around 28,000 people watching porn every second, women must be seeking pornographic entertainment online.
Enter feminist porn
Feminist porn is a sub-genre of pornography that is produced for – and by – women.
Its primary purpose is to give women choice.
It encourages a sex-positive attitude and gives women an opportunity to experience intimacy, joy, and pleasure in a way that meets their viewpoint.
One of the women currently defining the genre is Erika Lust. This Swedish producer’s work is deeply erotic and titillating with an unmistakable female perspective on sex. Described as “a staunch feminist”, Erika Lust, dissatisfied with the depiction of women in mainstream pornography, decided to take matters into her own hands.
Now with a prolific body of work, Erika is committed to infusing intimacy, modernity, and beauty into her explicit films. And she is not alone. A growing number of women are opting to produce work that turns its back on the pornographic norms and seeks to represent the female sexual experience and be a voice for their complex, intricate and intimate desires.
The need to depict respectful and “healthy” sexual experiences in porn is increasingly important as the internet becomes the primary source of sexual education for many young people. Particularly in America, where most sexual education is woefully inadequate if it exists at all. Many young people, or those who have come of age in the era of high-speed internet, report having had their views of sex and intimacy warped by what they see online.
I have personally experienced the impact of internet pornography on a relationship.
My boyfriend and I lived together and as he began to watch more porn online it began to obscure his ideas of sex and change the kinds of things that turned him on.
Generally speaking, it was not a change for the better. As the images of detached, often derogatory, sex normalized for him, his behavior in our bedroom shifted, mirroring the misogynistic porn he was consuming. Thankfully, we recognized this and decided that cutting off the porn was the best idea for our relationship.
Men, too, love feminist porn!
Writing this article gave me an excuse to talk porn with some male friends and I learned that they are also looking for a better alternative. There are plenty of guys out there who are not interested in seeing aggressive, derogatory depictions of sex. They love to see women empowered in the real world and they want to see it in their fantasy worlds, too.
Feminist porn is certainly not the solution to any of the many issues facing women across the globe. Nor is it a replacement for sexual education and lessons in consent.
Though, it can go a long way in helping people develop healthier, more equitable, and more respectful views of sex and their bodies.
Whether or not you personally agree with pornography is important and you should never be forced into something you’re not comfortable with. Nor should you be exposed to something you’re uncomfortable with so often that it becomes normalized. It’s your right to say no.
If it does pique your curiosity, I invite you to explore this exciting, fun and playful new world.
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