Physical affection is such a powerful form of communication that Dr Gary Chapman identified it as one of the 5 love languages, and for good reason. Sensual touching lowers the amount of cortisol our body produces, effectively relieving stress and strengthening our immune systems.
It also triggers the release of oxytocin, boosting our sense of trust and security and allowing us to bond with our partners. How we touch our partner matters. No two people are the same, and what feels good to one person might be an uncomfortable experience for another.
Our attitude as givers of physical affection also influences how our partners will receive it.
If you’re wondering how to approach sensual touching in ways that are mindful and pleasurable, this article is just for you!
Delicious Tips for Sensual Touching
1. Make Small Displays of Affection Throughout the Day
Being affectionate with your partner while you’re out and about is a great way to maintain continuous warmth and relieve them of the little stresses that build up throughout the day. You’ll also be creating delicious anticipation for what’s to come when you finally get home later.
2. Learn Your Partner’s Yes and No Zones
Your lover is likely to have erogenous zones that are unique to their body, along with spots you’ll want to stay away from unless they tell you otherwise.
Common erogenous zones (aside from the obvious ones like genitalia, butts, and boobies) can include the ears, lips, neck, small of the back, and thighs. Find out which areas of your partner’s body make them melt in response to your touch.
3. Learn What Types of Sensations Feel Good to Your Partner
Some people like light, tickly scratches while others hate them. Some like pain during sex while others despise it. Some like hard pressure during massages while others prefer gentler ministrations. Most people will have an easier time telling you what they do or don’t like if you ask pointed, specific questions, so go ahead and zero in on the exact info you’re looking for. If you don’t ask, you may never know!
4. Learn the Basics of Massage
Learning a few basic tenants of erotic massage will go a long way when you’re touching your partner. For instance, never massage over bone. Target their muscles. Don’t massage by pinching their skin between your fingers, but by pressing instead. If you’re going for sensitive areas like genitalia, check out a tantric massage course for techniques to add to your arsenal. Your partner will thank you endlessly!
5. Learn the Basics of Sexual Anatomy
Porn often pushes the idea that having a huge cock is desirable because it allows men to rail their partners as deeply as possible during intercourse. However, many people actually derive more pleasure from shallow penetration.
This is because the entrances to the vagina and anus have more nerve endings than deeper areas, making the first inch or two more sensitive. Whether or not nitty gritty science is your thing, understanding how your partner’s body works will give you a leg-up.
6. Let Go of Concerns about Orgasm
If your touches involve or are leading toward sex, focusing on orgasm as the goal will impede your ability to be in the moment with your partner. It might also rob them of their ability to orgasm or enjoy getting intimate with you. The best thing you can do is focus on the journey rather than the destination.
Dive in and enjoy watching your partner writhe in ecstasy and don’t take it personally if they aren’t coming within your desired timeframe.
There are countless factors that influence arousal and many of them might not actually have anything to do with you. They’ll be a lot more likely to reach climax if they’re confident that you get genuine pleasure from their enjoyment. And if they don’t come, no biggie! There’s always next time.
7. Consider Experimenting With Sensory Deprivation Tools
Sensory deprivation involves depriving a person of their sensory abilities, such as sight or hearing. For instance, you might blindfold your partner while giving them head in order to help allay any feelings of self-consciousness.
You could also have them wear headphones and play calming music or white noise. These steps can be great for helping them let go of distractions and focus on the sensual touching.
8. Start off Gentle, No Matter What You’re Doing
Even if your partner is into rough play in the heat of passion, it’s best to start off with lighter forms of touch. Being bitten or spanked can be incredibly jarring when done too hard too quickly. Think of the beginning stages of your sexual sessions as a sensation-focused warm-up to get your partner ready for the main course.
9. Avoid Erogenous Zones at First
Going straight for your partner’s cock or clit may be too intense or even unwanted. You can build pleasurable anticipation by gently teasing and hinting around these areas.
By the time you do go for it, they’ll be dying to feel you there. Create that annoying itch that only you can scratch.
10. Vary up Your Touches
In the beginning stages of arousal, one motion, sensation, rhythm, or speed can get dull or even painful. Test out different types of touches while your partner’s getting warmed up.
11. If Your Partner Seems to Drift off, Welcome It as a Positive Sign
Some people want their partners to always make eye contact, moan, or give feedback during intimate moments.
However, you’ll be giving your partner an awesome gift by allowing them to let go and deeply relax.
12. Wait until the Stage of Full Arousal to Experiment with Certain Activities
Amazing things can happen when the body is fully aroused. For instance, in women, the mystical ‘G-spot’ appears. Also, anal and vaginal penetration become easier and more pleasurable for everyone.
Try holding off on these moves until your partner is clearly ready for them.
13. If Your Partner Does Seem like They’re about to Come, Don’t Change a Thing!
Many people need consistency in pressure, speed, angle, etc. right before they come in order to get there. Keep doing what you’re doing and watch the magic unfold.
14. If You Want to Go for Multiple Orgasms, Realize That the Body Is Far More Sensitive after the First One
You might need to go back to a lower level of intensity and build back up to climax in the way you did the first time. Most men have a refractory period, but there are Tantric methods for getting around this if you’re going for marathon lovemaking.
15. Practice Aftercare
Hang out and cuddle with your partner after you’ve decided to wrap things up, rather than checking your phone or getting up to do something else. Enjoy the glow of all the pleasure you just created, you magical wizard of LOVE!
Give these handy tips a try and see how sensual touching will help you in the bedroom!