Some Say These Erotic Massage Techniques Are Better than Sex

erotic massage technique
Jenna Hall
Written by Jenna Hall

Some say a good massage is better than sex. With that said, there are definitely some days I would take an erotic massage over sex in a heartbeat. And this actually makes perfect sense as our brain releases the same feel-good chemicals as it does when we are getting busy between the sheets.

In general, a traditional massage involves rubbing the muscles with light gliding strokes. The goal of a traditional massage is to relax the entire body as well as work out kinks in the body. But what about Erotic massage? Well, that’s where it gets a bit more sultry.

The main difference between traditional massage and sexual massage is, well you can probably guess: sexual arousal.

Curious about how to give a sensual massage? It is indeed not rocket science, but there are some basic techniques you should learn before getting started.

If you really want to know how to give an out-of-this-world massage, you can start by using the following erotic massage techniques.

Listen closely, there is so much to soak up in the sensual territory of hot erotic massage techniques!

The Erotic Massage Vs. The Traditional Massage

Generally, when we think of massages, we think of traditional massage. As mentioned above, a traditional massage usually involves rubbing and kneading of muscles of the body with the hands. Its primary intention is to relieve tension or pain.

erotic massage techniques

While traditional massage may manifest feelings of arousal, it’s certainly not the goal.

Traditional massages leave out “private zones”. Meaning, in a traditional massage, there should be no poking or prodding whatsoever of or around the genitals. Erotic massage, on the other hand, is explicitly used to tap into a person’s erogenous zones.

An erotic massage is where all your happy ending fantasies come true.

With that said, there are many different types of massage therapies you can incorporate into your erotic massage. Once you have nailed down the basics of erotic massage, you can certainly incorporate more mainstream techniques.

And massage techniques such as hot stone massage, or aromatherapy can be a great way to “up-your-game”.

For ideas on more traditional massage therapies check out the basic strokes of Swedish massage.

What About Tantric Yoni Massage?

You have probably heard about Tantric Yoni Massage. Tantric Yoni Massage taps into the idea of sacred sexuality. This particular type of massage is used to target the woman’s vagina while learning to approach it with the utmost love and adoration. Whereas erotic massage focuses on arousal, tantric massages focus is on healing and tend to be more mindful.

If you want to learn more about the secrets of Yoni massage, you can check out: Yoni Massage, The# One Practice for Pleasure Healing and Connection.

At the end of the day, a good erotic massage differs from traditional massage because its primary objective is to enhance sexual stimulation. If an erotic massage results in an orgasm that’s pretty awesome too, but it’s not the goal.

By integrating the following sexual massage tips, erotic massage can be damn well near orgasmic. Furthermore, these tips can actually help boost overall sexual happiness and connection between you and your partner.

How To Erotic Massage: Six Sexual Massage Tips

Tip #1: Dim The Lights: Set The Mood

Not everyone likes to get down and dirty with the lights off. If you are anything like me, you actually prefer to see your partner in the nude clearly. Whether you prefer lights on or off, setting the mood prior to an erotic massage is vital.

Aunt Flo and Her Mojo

In general, women tend to be more sensitive to the cues from their environment than men. In other words, a woman’s brain is much more susceptible to being turned off or on if the mood isn’t quite right. If you are looking for erotic massage techniques for her, it is best to figure out when she will menstruate next.

erotic massage techniques

Why is it important to keep tabs on your partner’s Aunt Flo? Well, according to Dr. Louann Brizendine, the author of “The Female Brain” women are hornier about 10 days after the onset of menstruation, right before ovulation.

So, if you are looking to give your female partner a sensual rub-down, ask her thoughtfully when she menstruated last.

Turned-On Playlist

Whether you are giving a massage to your male or female partner, music will play an essential role in setting the mood. That is to say, neither heavy metal nor cheesy elevator music is probably the right choice when choosing a sexy playlist. If you really want to dance your partner’s pants off choose soft rhythmic beats.

Short on ideas? Try this sassy Spotify mix: relaxing music to love.

Sexy Sanctuary Lighting

Other sexy erotic massage techniques that can help “set the mood” include, sensual lighting. Start by using warm or earthy colors to make your partner feel cozy and loved. This could mean using a few tapestries to cover stark white walls. Want to really spice things up?

Use some sexy mood lighting, and no, I am not talking about the lava lamp you used as a kid.

If you really want to make the erotic massage extra sensual, try hanging up some Christmas lights and a few strategic candles. Want to crank up the kink even more? Then spark it up with some deliciously scented erotic aromas like jasmine or sandalwood, to really set the stage for hot and spa-like sensual massage.

Take Your Sexy Time

Speaking of candles, hot massage candles can be great for a little bit of sexy wax play – but more on that later. Ultimately, one of the most Important things to consider when “setting the mood” is time.

erotic massage techniques

Erotic massage is all about tantalizing the receiving partner’s arousal, and this of course takes time.

Therefore, make sure you choose a time when you have nothing else going on. That means turning your phone ringer and Facebook notifications to silent.

Tip #2: Use Sexy and SAFE Communication

I can’t stress enough how crucial safe communication is during any type of erotic play. Therefore, before performing any erotic massage techniques, it is absolutely vital to check in with your partner.

There may be parts of the body that your partner prefers to flag as “off limits”. Safe communication is an absolute must and a recent study suggests that people who communicate their likes and dislikes to their partners during sex are more sexually satisfied.

Using safe techniques during an erotic massage can actually be very fun and empowering!

That’s because secure and sexy communication develops trust between two people. Obviously right? To help you get started, below are some simple ways you effectively incorporate communication in a sexy and safe way.

Always start slow using the hand as a starting point. Experiment with a few strokes on the palm and have your partner vocalize things like “Yes that feels good” or “I don’t like that” or “Keep going”.

Define safe words if things get too heavy or uncomfortable.  These words can be as simple as “stop” or, “that doesn’t feel so good”. If words seem to blunt, you and your partner can also establish safe sounds or gestures that will stop or slow down the erotic touch immediately.

erotic massage technique couple talking in bed

Keep the verbal communication flowing from the initiation of the erotic massage to the conclusion.

The receiving partner is given the freedom to speak up, while the giving partner is welcome to ask the receiver questions when they need feedback.

Check in after the massage is over.See what came up for your partner. Be empathetic and understanding.

Now that we have our secure communication defined, let’s move on. Things are about to get a little slippery.

Tip #3: Props, Oils, and Toys Oh My!

Ever dreamed about an erotic massage using oil, wax or toys? Along with setting the mood, pleasure can be enhanced in an erotic massage by using things like hot candle wax or natural oils. My favorite lube to use for erotic massage is coconut oil. Coconut oil is ideal because it is safe for both inside and outside parts.

Furthermore, natural oils like five tablespoons of honey mixed with two cups of almond oil and two tablespoons of rose oil can really help lather up your partner’s sultry folds. You can also check out synthetic oils like, LoveHoney edible massage oils, that are non-toxic and edible and great to use in the bedroom.

If you are feeling extra randy, you can use hot candle wax that is made for massage play.

But be careful, not all candle wax is equal. Third-degree burns are the opposite of a happy ending to an erotic massage. To safely use candle wax during a massage, make sure you are using candles that are designed explicitly for erotic play.

Toys are not essential when performing an erotic massage, but they can add some zest. If you want to incorporate toys, keep them simple. These can include a handheld massager like this one that can travel with you anywhere. You can also use a dildo for a better orgasm.

erotic massage techniques

A weekend getaway filled with an erotic massage and a traveling vibrator? Get ready for your receiving partner to melt into a puddle of passionate mush, while screaming out your name. Oh Yes!

Tip #4: The Right Kind of Touch

Honestly, there are so many touch techniques you can use when giving an erotic massage. To simplify things, I am going to offer a method called “fingertips to kneading”.

Many of these techniques come from “Swedish massage”, which is probably the best-known type of bodywork performed today.

You can surprise your partner by integrating a few of the following refined touch tactics into your erotic massage.

  1. Effleurage: Start with long gliding strokes that sweep across the muscles. These strokes should be performed with the palm of the hand.
  2. Petrissage: When you reach the bigger muscles begin to use kneading, rolling, and lifting strokes. This will help you achieve deeper massage penetration of the tissues.
  3. Rhythmic Tapping: Perform “rhythmic tapping” by using the fists, and the size of the hands begin “tapping” the muscles to energize them. Practice using a variety of pressure and speed. You can also “cup” your hands to create a more rhythmic percussion.
  4. Friction: Rub your hands together rapidly and immediately place your hands back on your partner’s body. Use friction to relax the muscles and prep your partner for more profound work.
  5. Vibration/Shaking: Use vibration to help loosen the muscles by performing a “rocking action” using the heel of the hand over the skin.
  6. Vibrate or “tremble” the entire muscle with the hand, using rapid or soft movements

While experimenting with these techniques, you may find that your partner prefers more pressure or less. Either way, it’s essential to start with light feathery fingertip massaging, to begin with. This will help escalate arousal.

erotic massage techniques

When it comes to kneading, you can use your thumb to work into deeper tissue around the muscles.

There are a few sensual massage techniques you can use to increase the pleasure factor of kneading:

  1. Circular Technique: Start by kneading in a circular motion around the major tissues and muscles of the body. Massage the area by lifting, rolling and squeezing and compressing the muscles. Think of it kind of like kneading bread – who knew kneading bread could be so erotic?
  2. Kneading in Folds: Knead around the folds of muscles with a medium grip. You can do this by “squeezing”. This grip is formed by the fingers and palm while compressing the skin together. Be careful, the idea to grab enough muscle to prevent a pinching sensation.

And finally, tracing

Whatever technique you incorporate into your erotic massage, the idea is to trace your partner’s body. It is important to use very light touch initially.

From there, you can begin to massage from the head to the feet while gradually increasing pressure little by little. To do this, you can start by asking your partner to lie on their back.

When you feel like your partner is relaxed enough, ask them nicely to turn over. Apply the same techniques to their front as you did to their back, massaging their shoulders, arms, legs, thighs and eventually heading to their sexy bits.

Tip #5: Edging and Getting Your Partner From Calm to Climax

You know that intense warm-fuzzy feeling that takes over every inch of your body leading up to an orgasm? Remember that feeling and stop right there. This is the feeling you want to elicit in your partner during an erotic massage.

Bringing your partner from calm to climax will not only heighten arousal but, will also drive your lover wild.

This ‘secret’ is a technique called edging, otherwise known as orgasm control. According to Jordan Gray, a sex and relationship coach, escalation is key to a fulfilling erotic massage “The arc of the sensual massage is a giant tease from initial feather-light touch on the back to full manual stimulation of her lady parts”. For this reason, he urges not to race to the finish line.

erotic massage techniques

Keeping that in mind, the following “edging” techniques can keep your partner literally “on edge” and make a juicy massage that much more juicy.

Press Pause Technique (for women and men)

Play around with arousal with your partner. Trace your partner moving from the outline of their body inward towards their genitals. Experiment with the fingertip and kneading massage techniques listed above. When your partner becomes highly aroused, slow down the kneading always staying connected to their body with a firm touch.

Rhythm Technique (for women)

Incorporate a vibrator into the erotic massage. Use different levels of vibration and refer back to technique #1 if an orgasm is on the horizon. In other words, stop while you are ahead, retreat, and repeat.

Perpetual Edging Scrotum (for men)

Many women think that the penis is the only place a man can generate pleasure. This is so far from the truth. You can use Perpetual Edging in erotic massage by using your hands to cup and massage your man’s scrotum. You can also experiment with very light pinching on the skin of the scrotum.

Remember that if your partner doesn’t reach it’s not the end of the world. While giving pleasure is the main goal of the massage and orgasms may be part of that, don’t worry if your partner doesn’t climax.

With that in mind, some techniques focus explicitly on the genital area itself. These techniques may or may not bring your partner to a full climax, which is okay. Either way, make sure you focus on the previous “edging” techniques before incorporating the following genital stimulation techniques.

The Screwdriver Stroke (for men)erotic massage techniques

This stroke can provide the receiver with some exciting sensations. Surround the lingam with both hands and twist them in opposite directions. Keep a firm grip, but don’t squeeze too hard here. You can also check our Lingam Massage Guide.

The Headstroke (for men)

erotic massage techniquesThe headstroke is for your male partner’s second “head”. You know, the one below the waistline that does all the sensual thinking. To do the headstroke, cup his cock head with your palm. Place your thumb and index finger under his mushroom tip and start to twist your fingers back and forth.

The Yoni Blossoming Warmup Stroke (for women)

erotic massage techniques Use this technique to warm up your partner’s yoni (vagina). Place your left hand on her heart, and the right hand on her yoni. Continue to step 4.

Yoni Squeeze Stroke (for women)

erotic massage techniques

Begin to firmly squeeze her outer lips and clitoris from top to bottom. Use your thumb and index finger to grip.

Tip #6: Take Sex Off The Table

Personally, when looking for pornography, my favorite title to search is “no sex, just erotic massage”. That’s right!Contrary to popular belief, erotic massage is actually not about the sex.

Threfore, the focus of erotic massage should be more about tension and buildup.

For this reason, many experts agree that it is important to take sex off the table before giving an erotic massage.

While it may seem boring, erotic massage that doesn’t end in sex can be ten times more sexually exhilarating than actual sex itself. If you follow the tips listed above, I can almost guarantee you that your partner will be on their knees begging for sex by the end of the massage.

It’s okay if you give in, but the idea is to keep your partner right on the edge. Either way, let your partner guide you! Listen to their sighs, grunts, and squeals of arousal. These will be your cues to staying right on the line before climax takes over.

Make Your Fingers Work Their Magic

Erotic massage can open the door to a tunnel of tantalizing sexuality. In fact, it could be that extra spark that relights the fire between you and your lover. So what do you think? Are you ready to get your hands wet and wild in the land of erotic massage? My advice?

Get creative with your partner and paint outside the lines.

What feels good for one person may not feel good for the next. Check in with integrity and stay open. Intentional Erotic massage is possibly one of the best ways to reach a heavenly full-body orgasm. And who doesn’t want that?

About the author

Jenna Hall

Jenna Hall

Jenna discovered her passion for freelance writing in 2005 when she started a sex and relationship column for her university newspaper, The Tartan. The column eventually went viral, and shortly after she was recruited by Elle magazine to write as a Top Ten University Sex and Relationship Columnist for Ask E. Jean. In 2009, Jenna graduated from California State University, Dominguez Hills, earning a B.A in Communications with a concentration in Technical Writing and English. After graduation, she headed to Latin America to study to become a yoga teacher and was picked up by a Portland, Oregon-based activewear company to write for their blog on yoga, dating, and relationships. In 2014, Jenna permanently moved to South America, where she worked for one year at a local non-profit in Bolivia helping with fundraising and grant writing. She now writes and edits for several online publications on a variety of topics including health, relationships, travel, yoga, and fitness. She lives a simple life in Bolivia with her husband and son.

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