Anal Pleasure Online Course:
Explore Safe and Pleasurable Butt Play

My name is Amy. Welcome to Pure Pleasure, I'm one of the co-owners of this store. I own this store with my mom. So, we're a mother/daughter adult store. We do sex ed classes almost every week in all kinds of topics, anal 101, orgasm classes, female sexual pleasure, blowjob classes, tantra, so, all kinds of things. And if you want to learn more about our classes, we have a newsletter you can sign up for, or there's class flyers downstairs. I'm not the only one that teaches, we bring in educators from all over the country, so, hurray for learning. And we weren't born knowing everything, right? So, especially with anal, oh my goodness. This is like the one class that if people are going to do it, they should take a class because the primary way people are learning from this is porn, right? Or trial and error, just kind of trying it out and seeing what happens. Porn is one of the top educators for sexuality in general, people are learning about anal and... You know, female sexual pleasure and threesomes. And they're not showing you all the negotiation, all the safety, all of the preparation that goes in. We'll talk about that as well in this class. But it's where people are observing and then doing and they're like, why doesn't it feel good? My ass doesn't work like the porn star's ass. What's wrong with my ass? There's reasons why and we will talk about that. So as you can tell, I like to use terms like the ass, so I will probably say ass a lot. But I'll probably also say anus, anal, might call it backdoor, butt sex, all kinds of things that we're talking about. And everything I'm talking about, we're all gonna use all kinds of body parts. So a lot of stuff... We'll be talking about things with fingers, you know, dildos, homegrown penises, other sex toys, things like that, even mouths. And one thing I want to clarify for anal, as I said, it's the universal orifice, right? Everyone has an ass. And so people that are doing anal, they come from all different genders and all different orientations, for all kinds of reasons. We still somehow live in a culture that thinks that the behavior determines our orientation. So, if we do something, it means that we are into a certain people, right? I'm pretty sure that it's about people that we're having sex with that determines our orientation. So, just because someone likes anal doesn't mean that they're into a certain person. So, just to keep that in mind, all kinds of people are doing anal and why they're doing anal? Well, there's a lot of nerve endings there. Like the anus itself has as many nerve endings approximately as your lips. So, anytime you kiss someone or you just touch your lips and you feel those tingly sensations, the anus has those nerve endings as well, so there's a lot of sensation there. And then when we go internally, into the internal anatomy, there's different parts of the body that respond in different ways as well. But there's a lot of pleasure to be had there. So, it's definitely something that a lot of people are fearful of. And we'll talk about why that is, usually from traumatic experiences. But it's something that is... You have the ability to have a lot of pleasure or you can also incorporate it with other touch and increase your pleasure, which we'll talk about in a little bit. And it's kinda... It's hot. Like there's this taboo thing about it, right? Which goes way back into ancient scripture of like sodomy, Oh my God, we're gonna be murdered if you do it. So, it's something that people think of still as kind of taboo. Some people don't, like, if you talk to people in the kink community, they're like, anal is like for vanilla people. So, it's not necessarily for... It depends on, you know, it's all up to perspective in terms of what you think is taboo. But for a lot of people, they just still find it really, really hot. And I'm one of them. I find it absolutely super hot and sexy. And I don't know exactly where that came from, if I saw some anal porn when I was younger or whatever it was, but I was curious about it from the day I started to be sexually active. And didn't find that shameful because I wasn't raised with a lot of shame around sexuality in general. But I know a lot of people who were raised with shame around sexuality, whether it's from religion or it's from, you know, stories they've had, or partners that have shamed them. Anal can be kind of shameful and then it can be even more taboo and hot, right? So, once we have... Some people have the shame and the, you know, let's not talk about it, but secretly they really want to do it. So, it's not for everyone, you know, not everyone wants to do anal. So, just because I give you all the information, tools, and how to do it and experience pleasure, and do it in a safe way, it doesn't mean it's gonna necessarily be your thing. As goes with everything with sexuality. So again, kind of picking and choosing from this, what works for you and having an open mind, and if it's something that you're totally into and you think it's hot because of the taboo or just hot in general, then awesome, more pleasure for you. - So why people aren't into anal. I assume all of you are curious about it, cause you're all here. So, and if you're watching at home, you're curious about it too, because you're watching at home. So we talked about like ancient scripture people kind of having this message of anal being bad, a big no-no or from, or maybe from their peers or parents or whatever it is. A lot of people also have a really bad first experience. Their very first time being penetrated, someone just kinda shoves it in and they're like OW and it hurts the body and they kind of cramp up sometimes. If that happens, it can feel like being punched in the stomach. Especially if it's like a slip up, you have a lot of lube, it's a slip and slide and all of a sudden, oh, and you're not prepared for it. It literally feels like someone punching you in the stomach from behind. So a lot of people have that first time experience that feels terrible and they never want to do it again. And not only does their mind say, we're never doing that again, that doesn't feel good. The body remembers the body current cramps up. So when someone actually starts to touch you, your body's like, nope, nope. I remember what that was like, and that did not feel good. And we're not going to allow that. I know a lot of people that have had those experiences, like I know, I think more people than not that have had those experiences. And this is probably because the person that was penetrating learned that from porn, right? Because in porn, this is what they're doing. They're like doing whatever else they're doing now. They're gonna put in the ass, they're literally just like. Then they put the whole thing or sometimes it's just like a full shove in, that's not how asses work. It takes a lot more time. It takes a lot of lube. What those porn stars have been doing. First of all, they probably shot lube up their ass So their ass already has a whole bunch of lube because fun fact, the ass does not lubricate itself. It never ever will. If you have an ass that does let me know, come to me. We shall do research on you because you have a miracle ass. It just, it just doesn't happen. It's not self lubricating. So that's why we're always adding lube to anal sex. So they don't show you that in porn, right. That the kinda spit on it to show that sexy, like spit on it. And I'm just gonna shove it in. Spit is never enough for anal and never, ever, ever. It's enough for like maybe a finger on an ass for two seconds or something, or like a minute, but you need lube. Like lube is a must for anal. I think that's a rule like no lube, no anal. It's not going to feel good. So they probably put lube up their ass. The other thing that the porn stars probably did is they probably wore a butt plug for awhile that helps to relax the muscles. The idea of butt plugs and we'll talk about them a little bit, but for that purpose, you'd want a thick butt plug. Like a thicker one that helps to relax the muscles. You put it in, you do whatever else you're doing. You know, whatever touching genitals, making out, penetrative sex, whatever it is. And then when you feel like it's ready to go to penetrative anal sex, you take the butt plug out, and when you actually insert something larger in, then the muscles are relaxed and they're ready for it. Has anyone seen a porn that shows you that? That's just not what's happening. And maybe they started the scene and they'd already taken the plug out, but that's usually part of the process and porn stars are athletes. They're anal athletes, vaginal athletes, whatever they're doing, they're good at what they're doing, because this is what they do for a living. So while we're dealing with these unconscious muscles, you know, sphincter muscles are doing their own thing. Thank goodness, cause we want them to take care of things that are happening back there, but that you do have a sense of, you can develop a sense of connection with those muscles, meaning you can control them a little bit. Like you can learn to work with them and breathe with them and relax them. And porn stars are really good at doing that. So if you're ass doesn't work like a porn star, that's okay. You're completely normal. There's nothing wrong with you. So, no shame on that. Another reason why people have had some trauma with anal is from rectal exams. So the doctor telling you, you know, putting on their not so sexy gloves, cause they were sexy that were black because black is sexy, a black glove or whatever. Their nitrile glove because everyone has latex allergies. They tell you to bend over and they put some nasty K Y jelly and then put it in and test out whatever it is they're testing out. This happens a lot more for people like, not usually the young people are getting anal exams. Although I do remember being in high school and having a lady friend getting an anal exam and she never wanted anything in her ass ever again because it was just traumatizing. They don't warm up your ass They don't tell you to breathe, like maybe they tell you, take one deep breath. This is going to feel cold, but it isn't, it kind of gets rid of this idea that there could be pleasure there. So I think this was just some ways that people are having kind of traumatic experiences from anal sex. And very few people I think are really having that first time, just like magic experience. So none of you have had anal yet and you're coming here. Yay. You're not going to go home with a whole bunch of trauma and, body trauma, hopefully. And it's a journey. You know, it's when I, when I described doing anal, it's not usually quickie sex. It's not like we have five minutes. Let's do anal that just, I mean, maybe on a really good day when your ass is really relaxed, you're able to do something like that. But for the most part, there's some dedication in there there's prep. There's the dedication to actually making, like getting it, getting it in and breathing. And then there's like the aftermath like aftercare cause bodies need aftercare. So it's definitely something of a process. The other thing too, in my really not so sexy diagram here that we're doing the creepy prostate massage. Not, it's not really a massage. It's like a doctor checking out the prostate, this ass probably got, was not happy during this experience. You can see that the rectum is not straight. It's not a straight line actually goes up and then up here. So it's actually a (reh reh) so if you are actually just penetrating straight on like a lot of the scenes we see in porn, it's like anal sex doggy style. You're kind of jabbing into the side of the rectum there. So there's certain positions that are much more comfortable for anal. And we'll talk about those in a little bit, but again, a lot of times people when they're having their first experiences in a way that isn't the right angle for the rectum and doesn't feel that good. So, we can see why people have had a lot of trauma and why a lot of people are shut down, they don't want anything near their ass. That is a no, no, no. - I also heard the thing that it's an exit only, right? And it's just an exit only, I don't put anything in there. That's fine. You don't wanna put anything in there, don't, and if you do, awesome, let's learn about that. With that, when they say it's an exit only, the fear is the fecal matter. They're like, what if there's poop in there? Now, keep in mind, my creepy diagram here, fecal matter is not stored in the rectum. It goes in the rectum when you're about to poop. Like when you get that feeling like, gotta go to the bathroom, it has made its way down here. Yes, this is true. It's probably not the time to have anal sex. You feel like you have to poop, don't have anal sex at that moment. So I always say to people is if you're a morning-pooper, you're probably not a morning anal-sexer, evening-pooper, not an evening anal-sexer. You would switch them up, right? You poop five times a day, just don't have anal sex when you feel like you're about to poop. So, that's just kinda like the windows there. Now, if you don't feel like you have to poop, there most likely is not fecal matter in the rectum. And it's up here, way up here in the colon in an area that you're probably not accessing, unless you were doing very deep, like anal fisting, which we're not covering that in this class, 'cause that's like turbo anal, and maybe another time, we have had a fisting class, it wasn't anal fisting though, it was vaginal fisting. So, poop isn't usually an issue, sometimes there's traces. It depends on like, the fiber that you're eating, like what's happening with your bowel movements. Sometimes those little traces, so if you're doing anal, you might actually get like little tiny traces here and there. It doesn't happen every time, but it can happen. So what I suggest is if you're having anal sex with someone and it's for the first time, have a conversation about it. How are we gonna feel if we see traces? Like, if poop happens, what are we gonna do? Are we going to lose our shit? (speaker chuckles) Literally, figuratively. Are we gonna lose it? Like, are we gonna freak out? And someone's gonna run out the door and be traumatized, and never wanna be touched or touch somebody again. If so, then maybe anal sex isn't for us. - We have options. If we don't wanna see it, we can use condoms that are black, like a black coat color coms, which we have here because they kinda hide the color of the traces. We can put them on dildos. We can put them on penises. We can for a safer sex purposes or for our hands and fingers, we can wear gloves. We also can wear, let's pull this off, finger cots, if we're just using fingers. People always think these are tiny condoms. We have them in little packages down there and they're like, "whose penis is that for?" Like it's a finger cot. I'm sure someone will fit in here, but it's for fingers. These are great for anal penetration with just a finger. They cover everything up. They're very nice and clean. You lube this up and you can use this to stimulate the anus. And maybe if you want to put a finger inside. The cool thing about using finger cots on fingers or our gloves on your hands, or if you're using condoms on dildos, you can put layers and layers of them on there and do what this one porn star calls, rain, rain, degrade calls double dipping, which I think is hilarious. I love the way she talks about it. So say I had like, like, you know, three gloves on here, and I'm like using this like vage doing the vage, and then I go to the ass, and then we go to the ass, and then I'm like "I want to go back to vage", pull one off, shoom! ready to go, vage time, vage time. And then go back to the ass. Cause you can go vage ass, never ass to vage, right? So, but if you put layers on it and then your, your hands are always ready, you don't even need to wash them off. Cause that happens a lot. If you're like playing with the ass and you wanna go to the pussy, cause you don't wanna do that, sometimes so we're like "Which finger did I use? Oh no! I, I think it was this one, so I'm gonna go with this one" and then these infections can happen. So we don't wanna do that. So that's why these can be really helpful. And using like the white collar ones, not as sexy, the black ones are kind of sexy though, right? You're like, I'm ready to stimulate, to double, what are there, double dip you. And same with the finger cots. You can put multiple layers of these on your fingers. If you're, if you're planning on going back and forth and all around and just pull them off every time you move to a new orifice. So these are some cool things in them. They just provide a safer sex barrier. They make it so that if you have cuts, there is no sort of like transmission there. You don't have to worry about washing your hands, which is really nice. So these are really great options for safer sex barriers. There's also, I'll get back to the, the, the poop part cause there's more to it. Just so you know. There's also dental dams, cause one of the safer sex topic, these can be used over the vulva, but they can also, they're also really great for rimming, which is mouth to, to ass, to the anus, which can feel really nice. A lot of those nerve endings. So light licks and things can feel really, really good there. And if you're worried about, you want to do a safer sex method or you're worried about cleanliness, you can just put this over it, it's made of latex and you can still feel a lot of sensation. You just add lube to both sides and it can feel really nice. So this is another option. There's also female condoms. That can be really, can be used for anal play. You take the ring out. So the ring is removable in them. So to take the ring out, you just pull that out and then you'd actually lube this up and put this all the way in. So put this into the, and they won't go all the way, don't kinda go in like that. Cause it'd be hard to put the whole thing in with your finger and then you just hold this outside piece while you're being penetrated. So there's a lot of ways to have safer, when I say safer, it's whatever's safest to you and anal sex, that can also help with the cleanliness issue. - So, as we said, timing is a big thing for cleanliness, fecal matter not usually stored in the rectum, traces can happen. This is another reason why having a shower handy is wonderful. I've definitely had anal sex in places where there wasn't a shower handle, like Burning Man, very interesting choice. Don't worry, it was safe, there was no fecal matter. I was like, yay, but I took a risk. But having a shower there is a really a great option there in case you're worried you wanna clean the body and not see what just happened. Also having dark towels another option. - [Narrator] Baby wipes. - Baby wipes are great, yeah, what even better warm baby wipes, see or just have a washcloth or something like if this is something that if you just really don't wanna see if there is evidence of something, there's options there. And there's also ways you can clean the ass too, so this is an anal douche, so this is just a silicone piece with a plastic piece here, you take this part off, you unscrew it. You put warm water into it, now, not hot water, 'cause when it goes into your body, it feels even warmer. So you want warm water and not cold water 'cause it's gonna feel even colder. So warm water, just test with a finger, and then add a little bit of salt or saline solution to it just like a pinch of it or like a quarter of a teaspoon. And what this does is it makes it so that your body doesn't absorb the water, because if you shoot water up your ass and it doesn't have the salt or saline in it, and you're dehydrated, your body will absorb it, you won't expel it and then you'll pee it out and then you'll get bloated and it's really weird and uncomfortable. It just doesn't feel that great. So also make sure you're hydrated when you're going to use these as well, that's another important thing. Now, if you buy these at CVS, and they already have laxatives in it, dump that shit out, like do not put that in your body because what it does is it shreds your insides. It can create tiny fissures that actually make it more susceptible to getting STIs and things. So, and it just doesn't feel good. You're like literally shutting your body, so you can buy them, but just dump it out and rinse it out and then put in just the warm water with your own salt or saline solution in there too. So what these will do is they'll clean the rectum, so let's use, you'll fill it up and then you stick it in lube up the tip, squeeze it, and will clean this whole rectal area here. It won't get all the way up into the colon and all that, but will just clean this part and then you expel it out and it makes it, so if you're worried about those traces, they're less of an issue. There's also other kits that actually shoot like a full enema kits that you can use shower pressure, that shoot water all the way up into the colon and all that fun business. And that's okay if you're just really concerned or if you wanna just really clean everything, instead of doing some deep anal penetration, that might be an option. I know plenty of people have anal sex which don't do this, so, and they don't get a whole bunch of traces of stuff. It's just isn't really part of it. And sometime they do, they're like, maybe 15% of the time they do, and it's not the end of the world. So I say, this is, it's your choice on how you wanna do it, how you wanna go about it. - So, anatomy (laughs) of the ass. So, you have two sets of sphincter muscles here. You have sphincter muscles that surround, this is my anus, my anal canal, that surrounds the anal canal. And then you notice that once you go through the anal canal here, it opens up into the abyss of rectum. Like if you actually stuck a finger in there, it'd be really tight, and then all of a sudden it opens up and that's the rectum there. On the back of the rectum up here, there's another sphincter muscle here. So a lot of times when you're having anal sex and you stick something in, there's tightness here of the sphincter muscles. You keep going up, there's another set up there that has a tightness to it too. So sometimes you can't, there's dildos that we have that are like eight inches long. You wouldn't be able to insert all those in for most people, unless you're doing like really deep fisting work and spending a lot of time because that second set of sphincter muscles is kind of hard to work through or surpass. (student speaking indistinctly) Yes, yeah, yes. So you have all these ones and even the, the sphincter muscles that are more closer around the anal canal, they're also, like, they do their own thing, but we can also like, we can clench them, right? Like right now I can do an anal clench and I can actually clench that set of sphincter muscles. So when you do that, like, ass cheek clench, that's what you're clenching. And that is another powerful tool that we'll talk about in a second to make anal sex actually better is that clench, or the opposite that, the bearing down, which we'll talk about in a second. So, we talked about rectum. Prostate is actually inside the rectum here. So, see the little fingers going up. So, the testicles are up here. So, this person's kind of standing like this and the finger's going up this way, like that. So the prostate is up here on the wall closer to the belly button, kind of like the G-spot G area, of a female-bodied individual. So if you want to get to a G-spot G area in me, you would curve your fingers up. And only about half a finger's length in towards my belly button. If you wanted to get to my prostate, I don't have one. But if I did, if I was a male bodied individual, you would go a full finger's length in, most likely your longest finger, 'cause it's pretty far in, that same thing, up and in towards the belly button. So little things like, my half finger won't get to a prostate. Sex toys like this do not get to a prostate because they need the curve to get up and in and they need length. So something like this will get to a prostate. And I'll talk about the prostate more in depth closer to the end, but just want to give you an idea of kind of where it hangs out. And one thing I want to comment on there's this wonderful book called "Come As You Are." And the premise of it is that we're all made of the same parts. They're just organized differently. So when we all start out in utero, we all start out with XX chromosomes, and then some of us get testosterone and we go XY and grow externally. And there's also XXY, and all kinds of variations. It's not just XY and XX. but the people that have a G-spot G area, that's kind of like the default. And then if you get the testosterone, you grow externally, that turns into a prostate. So the G-spot G area is embryologically the same as a prostate. We're all made of the same parts. They're just put in different places. The foreskin of the penis and the clitoral hood, same thing. The penis and the clitoris, same things. So they're just put in different places. They get different functions. I like saying that because I think it's kind of liberating because we think we're all so different. They're so different from me. We have things that are in different places, but we have the same things for the most part, they just function differently. So, I think that's kind of cool. We always think in sexuality where like, here's my genitals, and then there's my heart. And there's all these parts of us are so separate. I mean, this is all working together. And this is all working here too. You have the longest nerve system in your body is the vagus nerve. And it connects from your pelvic floor all the way up to your throat. So it's sending you, as you voice things, if you're having orgasm and you're like, "Ah!" It's vibrating all down into your genitals, it's sending messages here. You have trauma down here, it's sending messages up here. So this is all connected, all working together. And same with all of this. We're all just one, all functioning together. - So anal sex in terms of safety, you are something like 18 times more likely to get STIs than you would vaginally from anal sex, because of those tiny fissures that you can get. The anal canal is less elastic than a vaginal canal and it's not lubricating. So it's just really easy to get little tears. So in terms of safety-wise, if you wanna be extra safe, anal sex is a good department to be extra safe in, because it's just more likely to get STIs. If you're fluid-bonded with someone, like you have an arrangement and so you've all been tested or you're just okay with sharing body fluids, then go ahead. But if it's someone that you're concerned about sharing body fluids with, this is a really good department to perhaps where you use condoms or use things like this. And there's that part, there's the STI part, but then there's also like the actual safety, which we'll talk about in terms of making it comfortable because of those little fissures. I do not recommend numbing lube. We don't sell a numbing lube, and for me personally, I'm like, don't we wanna feel what we're doing? Isn't that the whole point of what we're doing? Usually people are using numbing because they're just trying to please someone and make someone happy. There's like, numbing deep throat lube and there's numbing ass lube and all these things. I don't recommend it because it can be a really unsafe thing. You wanna feel what you're doing, because if something hurts, you stop what you're doing. Anal should never hurt. It might feel uncomfortable because you have a click clamp-down muscle that's like, hmm, I dunno if I wanna open up for this, or I'm gonna open up, but I'ma open up on my own time, and it can feel uncomfortable because you're going against the muscle. So discomfort, yes. And as you relax the muscle and you go work with it, it will start to open up and then it won't be uncomfortable after awhile. And we'll talk about other ways to do that. Pain, no. You feel pain, stop what you're doing, add more lubricant, slow down, whatever it is, just make it so that it's comfortable, or not painful. So, pain is a no-no for anal sex, and a lot of times what people do as they experience pain, they don't voice it because they think that that's what anal sex should feel like, that it should hurt. This is not true. So, I highly recommend that if you're someone that is going to dive into anal sex world, the minute you feel pain, you press pause, you voice that, you communicate with your partner and let them know, because that doesn't need to be a part of the equation. And when we experience pain or trauma, and we comply and we go with it, that trauma can stay with us. It can really follow us. And like I was talking about those people have an automatic, like physical clench when someone touches their ass, because they have trauma that has stayed with them from that compliance of allowing something that didn't feel good. - So, lube. We talked about this as being very, very important. Like there is no way around lube, lube is a must. My favorite lube in general, for all kinds of play, I talk about this in every single class, is Uberlube. It's amazing. I gave you all little vials of it. Yes, it's incredible! So, why I like Uberlube. It's a silicone-based lubricant. So, your skin doesn't absorb it, so it lasts a long time. It doesn't get sticky. It doesn't taste like anything. It doesn't smell like anything. It's great for anal because your skin doesn't absorb it, so it stays. Water-based is also good too, the only thing is your skin absorbs it over time, and a lot of times, you just need to keep adding. And when you use lube, don't be afraid to keep adding more and more and more. A lot of times people think that like one pop should be enough. The minute you feel like the friction thing is going on, just add more lubricant. This Sliquid Sassy is a good one, it's thick. So for anal, I either recommend a thick, water-based gel or a silicone lube like Uberlube. Now the only thing about silicone lubes, you cannot use them with silicone toys because silicone on silicone, it will wear down your toy. There's something about it, like chemically, they bind, and then your toy will get all this like kind of roughness to it. It's a fun science project if you want to just take a shitty, silicone dildo and put some lube on, and put in a plastic bag for a week, and you look, and you're like, what happened to it? It's like kind of melted. Don't do your expensive ones though 'cause that will hurt them. So, that's the only downfall about a silicone lube like Uberlube, but for everything else, it's like great for all kinds of play. So, if you're using silicone toys, go for the water-based lubricant. A thicker gel likes Sliquid Sassy is a really, really great option. - So, what we're going to do, So you have your little vials of Uberlube. And for you kids at home, just grab a lube if you don't have your vials. So, just, we're gonna take, well, yours just has a little cap, so I'll use yours. So you just pop open the cap. Now, a little bit goes a long way, so just take one hand like this, kind of like it's a little creature talking to you, and then just pour a little bit in the pit of this little ass creature in your hand. And then you can just take your other finger and kind of rub it around, here. So just rub around the outside, and then maybe take a finger, and put it on the inside. This is a great thing to do for anal play. What you can do is, if you're going to be inserting it with a finger, a toy, a dildo, or homegrown cock, you can just put it on those and lube those things up. But to make it feel even better, put it on the orifice, put it on the outside, like stick a finger, and put a little bit on the inside slowly. Just get things nice and lubey. So, what I'll show you, when I teach, I usually talk about how no one likes creepy, pokey finger. Like touching like a clitoris, like gee, doesn't feel that good, nipples, massaging, no want creepy, pokey finger, never feels good. The only time creepy, pokey finger is really great is for inserting into an ass, because usually you wanna start small, and then work your way up. So starting with two can be a lot. So starting with creepy, pokey finger, what I want you to do is clamp your hand down really tight, then take your creepy, pokey finger and press into the outside, and you'll feel it stop, right? Your hand's like, "Nope, not coming in." And just hang out there and you're just lightly pressing, it's not forceful, you don't wanna press, so that it actually hurts your hand or your finger. So, just kind of hanging out there, and then you can start to just move in a like, little circular action here. Just kind of moving around, just kind of like massaging it, pretending like you're just letting it know, like I'm here. I'm just, just kinda relaxing with you. Now, as you do that, just start to loosen your grip a little bit and start to press a little bit more, and just feel your finger kind of slide a little more, and then keep going, lightly in a circular fashion. And this is the Cliff Notes version, right? 'Cause this could actually take, like for each step of this could take 30 seconds to a minute. And then pressing a little bit more. Like, this is how we insert things into the ass. We actually let the ass allow it in, as opposed to like, "Opp, you're ready to go. The lube's in here and bam!" And the ass is like, "Oh my god, I'm never doing this again." So really just feeling with the muscle as it lets you in. It might take you two minutes to get a whole finger in. And then once it's in, kind of just hanging out and maybe still moving around like this, so it relaxes the muscles, but just taking your time and going really, really, really slow. Another thing, too, when you're actually coming to touch the ass for the first time, taking the pads of your fingers and just, like, this is what, this is kind of that part that you have all these nerve endings. Kind of just going around in a circular fashion here can feel good, and just lightly pressing into it, just a little bit, to help kind of like relax and open up. Also, it feels good, there's so many nerve endings here. But this is, as you can feel, if you have nails, you probably might be jabbing yourself, a little bit. Trim your nails for anal. Asses do not like sharp nails, actually, most body parts don't like really sharp nails. So if you have your certain bias, I'll look over here, be like, "Hmm, I probably had an experience with that once." This has happened to most people. They're like, and a lot of times people don't know what's going on. They feel just like a sharp thing, and they don't really say anything about it. And so yeah, you definitely wanna trim it when you're touching body parts here. So trim those nails, and then when you're actually going in, you go in really, really slow. - So timing is huge. This is why I was talking about anal is not usually a quickie sex kinda thing. It can take a long time to get that one finger in, and then once it's in, you wanna move to another finger. I suggest not pulling the finger all the way out, 'cause then the muscle closes down all the way again. I would pull it most of the way, then put the other finger in, and then same thing, go just as slow. Just because you have one finger in doesn't mean it's ready for you to jam the other finger in. And really, really slowly, letting the ass kinda invite you in. You'll feel the muscle open up around you. If you feel like you really, really, really have to force it, you're probably going too fast. The muscle will work with you with enough lube and enough time. Now, the timing, sometimes there's great anal sex days, where you're like, whoa, it just slid in! My just ass opened right up today. I dunno why. I still don't figure out why that happens sometimes. And sometimes there's days where it just doesn't want to. It's just like, maybe I'm stressed, I dunno. But it just feels like it is kind of a challenge. And maybe if you work at it during that time, you'd dedicate a lot more time, a lot of lube and a lot of breathing, it will happen, or maybe it's not anal sex day. Like maybe your muscles just wanna chill out for a little bit. So it's interesting, there will be some days that the ass just kinda functions differently. Like, it'll open up one day, and just tightens up another day. - Communication is another really, really huge piece. I think anal always needs communication. Always, always. And I'll talk in a second about positioning because I think it's really important for the person that's being penetrated to be the one to actually like, do all the maneuvering, and then communication is still a part of it, but they're the ones in control. But I think it's a really, really important thing to communicate with your partner here, to let them know the person that's actually penetrating to let them know when they can actually move and thrust, because, they don't show this in porn. They put it in, they start thrusting right away. But at home what's usually happening is when you insert something in the muscle still needs to acclimate for a while. And maybe the movement is barely, it's like a little bit of undulation or like a little bit of back and forth, but it's barely moving. And then eventually the muscle relax. And then the person's being penetrated can tell the penetrator, now you can start moving because they'll feel their ass opening up. So, communication. Anal, without communication, in my opinion, might be a little dangerous. We definitely want to add a little bit of communication into it. If you're not skilled at talking about sex, it is a skill, it's a practice. So if you're scared about talking about sex, it just probably means you're out of practice because you don't have a lot of experience with it, or you've been shamed before you talked about sex, and someone's like, "I can't believe you're talking about that right now." Or they weren't ready for it because they have their own insecurities. If you're not in practice talking about sex, I recommend writing about it in a journal, like, write your own erotic novel to express yourself sexually. You can talk to a mirror and then just practice with a partner or with other people, or come in classes like this and start talking about anal sex. And then you'll be as open as I am! I wasn't born this way. I learned how to talk openly about sexuality. This is not a natural thing, although I wasn't given a whole bunch of shame, but I'm just really well-practiced, and that's what makes it. So it's easier for me to communicate with partners when I'm actually touching or being touched. And then the anal is great. We talked about no pain, no numbing, really important rule. - Anything that goes in the ass needs to have a base. So this isn't a sex toy, but a lot of times people like to put those little, tiny bullet three-speed vibrators in your asses. You put it in and you're like, ooh, everything's exciting, I'm gonna let it go and do something else. And the ass gets all excited and it sucks it up. This has happened. I actually have some friends that recently had this happen in Mexico and they freaked out and I think it was like, he was inserting it in her, let go, and they were, and she didn't even notice, they're all excited, and he's like, "Babe, babe, it's gone". She's like, "What!? No! And she ran to the bathroom and like, she was just like trying to take care of it and eventually heard like dink, and it actually came out and fell into the toilet. It doesn't always come out. So this is something that if it happens to you, you can try for a little bit maybe to, to push it out of your body, but if it's not coming out, do not sit and wait on it for a long time, go to the hospital and they will take care of you. Everyone's heard of funny things in people's asses, right? Yeah. The gerbil? How did that happen? How did you crush a gerbil and get it in the ass? I don't think that's real. I mean, I'm sure you could find ways, but it doesn't make sense, but I've seen little images of like little toy cars and all kinds of fun things. Coca-Cola bottles? I don't even know if that's real. I just saw something. How does your ass not crush it? But people are getting creative because it feels good to put things in your ass. So they're doing this and they're going to the hospital because their body isn't able to expel it. If it happens to you, please get it out and do not wait. So that's why you'll see anal toys, yeah, bases, this is a flared base right here. Things like this. There, I would think of them as stoppers. So, and you put it in that, then this just stops right here. It can't go any further. So this is really, really, really important. When it comes to vaginal sex, like the vagina, it has an end. You can't get something through the cervix other than like sperm and fluids, but you cannot get a toy through there. A lot of people still think you can, but you cannot. So that doesn't apply to those. You can definitely insert something small and doesn't have a base into a vagina, but to the ass, it is a big no-no. You would definitely want to make sure that it has that flared base. Also, you want to make sure you use poor or sorry, non-porous toys. When I say non-porous, I mean toys that do not, they do not hold bacteria in them, that you can sanitize. So this is silicone, it's non-porous. There's like cook, a good rule of thumb is like cookware, you know, things that are made of silicone and stainless steel like cookware, those are non-porous. They're great for anal play and they're great sex toy products. A porous material, usually it's squishy like a rubber jelly kind of things. And especially if a sex toy has a strong scent, it's probably porous. If it has a strong scent, it means it's emitting the plastics that are in it, which means it will absorb whatever you put on it as well. The reason why you want to use a non-porous toy is that when you get bacteria on it, because yes, the ass does have bacteria. You might not be able to fully sanitize it out and then you use it again. It just keeps putting that bacteria in wherever you're putting it over and over again. There are some toys that are designed to be disposable. So if you're doing that and it is a porous material, you know, you can use it and just throw in the garbage, then you're all good, but you definitely want to use something, and in my opinion, for most things we use non-porous. So, so, so this is a Silicone, stainless steel. Like this thing we were talking about this earlier will outlive you, like you will, you will die before this will die. And then when you die, you can hand it off to your children and they can give it to their children and pass it on. Cause it will live forever. It's the butt plug that goes through many generations. We also have butt plugs with butt bling. Ooh fun. In case you want to bling out your ass and make your little pucker nice and pretty. So this is an example of stainless steel. There's also hard ABS plastic that is non-porous as well. So this is something that's also very safe. I'll talk about what this is in a little bit. So there's just some things in terms of, of anal safety. - Positions for anal sex. So again, when we're watching porn, they're usually like, just shove it in and then they're like flip over and then Doggy-style and they're running into that rectum. And they're not showing you the most comfortable position. When we're working with a rectum here. It does kind of like the first part kind of curves up. And in kind of like we were talking about you doing like the hook, hook for the prostate or the G-spot. So ideally whatever we're putting in, we want it to curve up with our body. That's why, you know, if you use the sex with it, the best angle is something that curves up like this, or a homegrown cocker, a buck pluck to, you know, turning around like that. It's not at the right angle. So if you're actually having penetrative anal sex, whether it's with a dildo or with a homegrown cock, a missionary facing each other kind of position is really great because there's also, there's already that curve there. If you using Dildo, I guess he could always curve it yet. You can just like angle it however you want to. But homegrown cock usually wanted to have like a facing each other. And then when the body relaxes, then you can go into Doggy-style and all these other, I hate the term Doggy-style. Every time I was saying like, Ooh, so weird. But it just, it just like these weird trigger of dogs, Doug, I don't know. I like dogs. This just a little weird, well animal thing, but you can move to those things. Those positions once the body is relaxed and comfortable. And again, this is why communication is great because in the bottom can be like, okay, I'm ready to switch positions. I can feel that my muscles have relaxed and that they've opened up and we're ready to move along to something else. So I think that's a really big thing now, you know, Porn, the other thing that we see is a lot of thrusting. This is just like in, oh my God, my Ass doesn't like that. Usually what we do when we insert something in, I showed you with fingers already, but as the body is warming up, just don't pull it out. Even if it's a homegrown Cocker, or a Dildo, it feels like it's, it's more opened up enough for this. It's more of like an in and out thing with the Cock or the Dildo staying inside until it's opened up and you can feel, and then like, oh, now you can pull all the way out. Cause the muscles no longer clamping down. And so this is just something to keep in mind again, for the person being penetrated, the bottom, they get to gauge their body and let their partner know when they're ready for those movements. They're the ones that can feel what's going on. Whereas if they just kind of like passive and let their partners do whatever they want to do, that's when some pain and trauma can happen. So it's really more of like a slow grinding, at least for a while in the beginning, like, you know, by the time you get a Dildo or a Cock in there, the first like five minutes is more of a very slow movement. Like barely even moving. And then eventually when opens up, then the thrusting can happen. If that's what you're into. Some people just like to some movements. So I just don't think that anyone can ever just go right into the heavy thrusting. I don't know any Asses that can do that except for what they show you in porn. But again, they've had a lot of warmup and a lot of practice. And now another thing that I think is really great for positioning. Is to let the, the bottom actually control the penetration. Then when I say bottom, it's not the person laying down. It's the persons whose bottom is being penetrated in this example. So a really great position for anal sex, the person with the Cock, or the Dildo, say, they're laying down right here. They're laying on this table. Their head is right here. They're facing me. And so their Cock would be turned like this, right? This would be the angle of their Cock. So I actually crouch down on them. So I crouch and crouch my body. So my Ass as I'm facing them slowly makes its way onto the Dildo here. So I'm doing the penetrating. They don't do anything. They just hang out there. And in fact, what I think is really, really sexy and I've done this to a couple of partners before, if they start to move I pin them down, I don't you fucking move, and they're like, oh, she's so dominant. I'm usually not domino. I'm usually like, actually very submissive, but it was like a time when we can do a role because it lets them know like, I'm, I'm controlling this for my own safety. I'll let you know when you can move. And they usually like it. They're like, oh God, okay. It's so exciting. So they literally the person with the Dildo without in a harness or homegrown Cock, they just get to lay there. No, I have had some people at homegrown Cock who say like, if I just hang out there for a while, my Cock might just go soft because of it. There's, there's not a lot of movement. If you have a Cock, you have balls, let's touch the balls. Find other ways to touch. Maybe you have nipples, make out, find other things that you can stimulate as it takes time for the body. That's on top of you to move because they might not be moving a lot for it to really open up. So just something to, to keep in mind, you want to keep a hard Cock and you're not getting a lot of movement that keeps it hard to just make sure that you touch other parts of the body. If that's something that you want to do. So the bottom slowly gets on your so I'm crouching down, as if me like crouching down on this Dildo, that were curved this way, crouching down. So I'm crouching and I just barely, I've already done the finger. Like I did one finger all while lived. Then I did two fingers. I'll talk about Toy sex for within a second, but let's say in this round I just use fingers. And I felt that my Ass is relaxed to the point where I can put two fingers in there. Now I'm crouched on it and I'm just barely making my way on it. And I'm just hanging out like I'm as the person being penetrated, I'm not just shoving it in. I'm feeling my body I'm gauging it. Just the way that we're putting fingers in and really feeling it work with the muscle here. I'm doing the same thing with my Ass. And they're like, okay. It's like, it's starting to go in, but I'm just kind of hanging out and waiting and I'll just feel the muscle open up more and more and it'll slide and you might take five minutes. It might take 10 minutes. We have all the time in the world, right. Hopefully, hopefully get in. And then new for that, let the body relax. And usually what will happen, the person the bottom will get all excited. Cause they'll be like, oh God, it's happening. They'll start trying to move their hips again. And like, don't you fucking move, stop moving, and pin them down. Let them know, like, I'll let you know when I'm ready to move. And then when you feel it gets in, then as versed on top, then you can just start some really light move its movements. So you can just kind of the pelvic floor kind of rocking back and forth. Or you can kind of do a very light up and down and you'll just feel the body starting to relax more and more. And it might still feel a little uncomfortable because the muscles are still opening up. Again the discomfort is normal, pain no, we're not feeling pain. So if I'm starting to surface and I feel pain, I stop! I add more loop, I go back to fingers, I do some breaths, which I'll take a breath in a little bit, but, but again, no pain. Yes, discomfort. And then eventually as I'm on, then I'll feel the discomfort gone like, whoa, my muscle just opened up. I can move a little bit more. So then I can get some more kind of like pronounced movements with my hips up and down. And then eventually I can say, okay, now you can start moving and then they can start thrusting and we can either move together or whatever the movements are. And, but again, that is the key. Like a lot of people are relying on some, the person that's penetrating them to do the work. I'll just hang out here and give you my Ass and you penetrate me. And they're like, ah, it doesn't feel good. And they don't have control over it. And the person penetrating can do all these things. They can go really, really slow. It involves communication. Like it really involves doing the same thing where they're going. So, and like, you know, is this like, this is too much. We need more loop. Like if you're breathing, can you, or can you take a little more, are you ready for a little more? That kind of thing. It involves that communication piece. Whereas the person that's being penetrated is in control. They can kind of just do what they're doing and just tell their partner to chill out and make their way on it. And so it, but it just gives them a little bit more control to make it more comfortable. And when I've talked about this to people like who had anal sex, first of all, most of them have done it the other way, where they just let someone else penetrate them. And when they tried it and it didn't feel that great, where was this come challenging when they tried it this way, it was a game changer. They were like, I look at anal entirely differently, has become more empowering. There's more pleasure in it. It took longer to do it, which is great. Right? We're in it for the journey people, right? A lot of times people think sex needs to be quick. They're like, we're not quick, but like it's very goal oriented. We're just trying to get from point A to point B, move everywhere, point A being arousal, B being orgasm, the journey in between all of the fun, yummy stuff. Like really looking at all of this stuff, the insertion and all this slowness. That's yummy too. A lot of times people don't miss that. That's not like sexy to them. It's like, no, the sexy part is when we're thrusting that crazy. And we have an orgasm, but looking at all the prep as part of the sexy journey as well, all of the, like slowness of the fingers and then an Ass invite you in all of that stuff that, making that part of the whole experience to. Another key thing that a lot that sounds counterintuitive when you have something in your ass and you want your ass to open up a little bit more is to bear down. So like kind of like you're pooping, you kind of push out your muscles actually open up. It sounds crazy to people they're like, I'm not going to pop, am I going to poop on them? Like, am I going poop on the, on the Cocker, the Dildo, most likely not. Unless of course, as we said, you're a morning popper and you're having morning anal sex and you have poop in your rectum, then that might be an issue. But for the most part, no, you bear down in the muscle, goes and opens up a little bit when you bear down and then it can actually insert in a little bit easier. This is another thing that is a game changer for people that if they don't, they don't know to do that. How would you know, porn is not showing you? How would you it's again, it's kind of counterintuitive. You wouldn't think like maybe I'll press out like I'm pooping and it will make the anal sex easier. So again, this is the why these classes, lots of information, very, very useful. So bear bearing down really, really good. And then when the muscle relaxes, as we said, then we can move to other things. Doggy-style my, my favorite term doggy-style anal can feel great. It can feel really, really good. Thrusting fast for anal sex can actually feel really good when the body is fully relaxed when it's fully ready. So these are things that you save. You, you work your way up until the body is fully ready. It's it's, it's definitely a key. You can also take pillows to prop up the pelvis. So in that missionary position, propping up the pelvis a little bit more so that it's kind of up a little bit, can actually angle the pelvis a little bit better for, for, for penetrative anal sex. So those things will make it a little bit, little bit easier, a little more comfortable. - Orgasms do happen from anal sex. Like anal sex... As I said, there's a lot of nerve endings out here. But when you go inside, if you're a vulva owner, you have a vaginal canal, you can have indirect stimulation of the G-spot through anal penetration. So again, it's that same kind of thing, like up towards the belly button. If you're actually doing a lot of penetration up and in like this... So if it was, for me, it would be up in like this, whether it's with a cock or a dildo, it can actually kind of press in, and then press into the G-spot, G-area tissue. And then there's the prostate, which we'll talk about a little bit. And some people are just getting off to anal because it's just hot. Like it isn't about the nerve endings, it isn't about the prostate or the G-spot, it's just the act of it is really sexy. Because what's our largest sex organ? - [Audience Member] Brain. - Yes! The brain. A lot of times, people like, skin. Skin, too, skin is very powerful. But yeah, this thing right here. This things' interpretation of what's happening, the story behind it, the trauma, whatever, is what determines the pleasure that we're having. And of course touch is important. But if the story behind us is, anal sex is super taboo, it's really hot. And then someone's touching your ass, that might be really hot and it might not actually be about the nerve endings or whether or not you're hitting a prostate or a G-spot, G area. - So toys. Plugs. They are not used because the ass is leaking contrary to not so popular belief, but a lot of people have no idea what a plug would be used for. Like why are you putting a plug in the ass and why are we calling it A plug? Plugs are used, as I talked about earlier to move to something larger is really popular. So if you want to move today to a cock or a dildo that's pretty thick. You don't want to use a teeny tiny narrow plug. You want to use a plug that is a little bit thicker and maybe just a little less thick than the larger item that you're inserting. So you can come in. If you're coming to sex shop and bring your cock in and then put it next to all the butt plugs and be like this one's a little more narrow than mine. We might judge here a little bit. We'd be like, Hmm put your away cock away. Come in with an idea of the thickness of your and then find its way that is a little more narrow than that. And then what you do with a plug too. And again, you want to have this squared base, the stainless steel by Enjoy. They're amazing. It's feels cold, but the nice thing about stainless steel is it warms up easily. So you can hold in your hands for two minutes, it'll hold your body heat and put it under a faucet. And it will heat up with warm water, not hot water. Cause then it will be really hot and that may not feel good unless you're in that kind of play. Put this in and same thing, you'll lube it up. You'll press lightly into the anus here. You're not going to shove it in. The body is going to invite you. It might take five minutes again for it to get over the thick part. It might feel uncomfortable, should not feel painful and eventually to open up and big and then just kind of suck it up and then we'll stop because it has this whole, it's like a pacifier. Well, butt pacifier will stop her. Yes. And that's what it does is clamp around the narrow. And now it's going to kind of stay because this part stopping the outside and then this part stopping on the inside. So the canals right here, this part is now most likely in the rectum when you're kind of moving and breathing, it's kind of moving back and forth in there too. So it is, it is definitely doing some work in there and it's the action of getting in there. And the body's just kind of acclimating around this and yeah, there will still be like some of the, you know, the canal will still be up around this part. So it's just starting to work those muscles in there, but yet you don't want it. You just let this part hang up, but you can also take them if you're really an eye candy and you're using this on someone like doing this kind of thing to really like open up the ass, you can do that too. And it can be really hot to watch an ass, do have to be penetrated like this. And that's a great way to open it up with a thick part, but you can also put it in, leave it in and then go off and do whatever you're doing. You know, touching cocks and nipples and whatever kind of sex or you're into having. And then when you're ready to move to that, then you'll slowly remove it. Every time this goes in and out, it helps to open up the muscles slowly, pull it out, not like a chainsaw. That's not going to feel very good slowly, pull it out, probably add more lube and then move to the larger thing. And it will be easier to insert the larger thing. Plugs are also warmed because they just feel good. Like the pressure of that fullness when they're in that you of there's like this nice weighted pressure can just feel really nice. I know people that wear the enjoy plugs around like out grocery shopping because they like the feeling of it. We, once that employee, I won't say her name, but she was terrified of the dentist. She would wear this to the dentist because it felt good. And it distracted her from all the dental stuff that was going. She's like my butt has that bling and I don't care what you're doing to my teeth. She really did. She wrote a blog about it is awesome. So if that's your thing, you have a big fear. You can wear these. But the thing about these plugs, you see, they have a really thin neck that you call it the neck. This is what makes it really comfortable and easy to hold it. And we'll make it stay in at, they have thicker necks. Like this neck is a little bit thicker. This is a great plug, but it's just, isn't as thin for the body to relax around. So you might feel it a little bit more and over time, your body can kind of push them out because it doesn't have as much to clamp around. So if you want something that's going to really stay in. You want a thin neck here, of course, a flared base and the body can just really clamp down and keep it in there. Like I said, people wear this out. I've to say, I actually, we had a customer who wear this to Safeway and it fell out. They usually stay in. You usually fall out if you're laughing, cause your body kind of kind of contracts, but it fell out like down his pant leg, get it run out. It didn't make it to the floor though. Cause then you hear like, he caught it in time. This is also happened with Kegel balls. Like people were in the mountain and they fall down. And then also the other thing about plugs other than just feeling nice and people just like to use them cause they feel good. And then also for the penetrative anal sex part, if you have a vaginal canal, when you put the plug in analy, it actually presses into the vaginal canal can make the vaginal canal tighter and also can make it so that when you, now that you have pet stimulation or penetration in the vaginal canal, you have easier access to the G-spot. Everything's just tighter and more sensitive because there's that pressure coming from the anal canal through the plug. So there's a lot of reasons why people using plugs not no, no leaking assets. Yeah. So then, and this, and this one is an example of a silicone plug too. These ones come in multiple sizes. This is called the Booty by Fun Factory. So another great plug. This one's a little deceiving. It has a curve. And so one would think it might hit the prostate. But in my opinion is probably not long enough for most prostates. Most prostates you want toy that's like this long or so. Then there's also beads. Beads freak A lot of people out there, also a lot of great place for like starter starter sex toys for people just want to kind of play with the sensations of, of anal sex, but they freak people out because they're like that whole thing in the whole thing in there. And you don't have to, you can just put a couple of them and just have a little tail hangout. But the idea behind these is you would loop them up. You put them in bead by beads. He's kind of again, like let the body take it in. And then you get in, then you do whatever you're doing, all your fun, little sexy things. And when this person is wearing, this is getting close to orgasm or is about to orgasm or is orgasming. You slowly remove them again. Not like that. Not like that. Slowly and it goes. And it massages the anus. That part that's like the lips, a lot of nerve endings and it can enhance the orgasm. So if someone is new to anal play and they just want to play around with kind of like first time, we're not really wanting to do penetrative anal sex, but we just want to play with some anal play. Beads are a great place to start to experiment with. So these are silicone beads that are really great. - Now the thing about vibrating toys for anal, you don't usually feel the vibrations internally that much. You might a little bit, but when you go internally, a lot of nerve endings at the anus, but as you go in here, there's not as lot of nerve endings. Internally, you respond more to pressure. Just like a vaginal canal, it's very similar. First inch, a lot of nerve endings. Then you go in, the rest of it is kind of more about pressure and stimulation, minus the cervix, a lot of sensitivity there. But that's why if you put a vibrator in here, you'll kind of feel it, but it usually doesn't do much, so a lot of our anal toys are non vibrating. They vibrate, that does feel nice for the anus, so the anus can get off to the vibrations and it can feel nice and tingly and pleasurable. Vibrations can help to relax muscles too, so if you're using a vibration anally, this helps to like really kind of relax and open things up a little bit. But that's why you won't see a lot of these that will have those. You do have them as an option. - A nice thing for penetrative anal sex with dildos. You want things that are smooth and tapered at the end. You don't, I mean we definitely have your realistic ones that all dainty and have a big head. They're just harder for insertion. A lot of the in and out stuff, they don't feel as comfortable. You know, a homegrown cock has a lot of softness and a lot to give, but silicone doesn't have as much. So a smoother kind of tapered with a little tip like that, and then slowly putting it in as we were talking about, it's just easier for insertion, it's easier for the penetration back and forth. So if you, this is the Leisure by Tantus it's really, really great, kind of starter anal toy or anal dildo and it can go in a harness too. So you can do that for strap-on play. As I talk about harness play, I didn't bring one up here to put on for you, but a lot of times people are you doing harness play for anal, whether it's girl on girl or girl and guy or whomever on whomever, whatever you're into. Has everyone heard of pegging? Tries the term that a lot not everyone has heard of. Pegging is actually really popular, it's when a female bodied individual is topping a male bodied individual, and they're wearing a harness and they're doing strap-on play from behind. This has been going on for a long time, but for some reason, we just had this like term that we're talking about, it's kind of like the latest sensation, everyone's talking about pegging. People have been doing it for a long time. Straight men have been loving to get penetrated for a long time. It feels, I mean the same way it will feel nice for a woman, it's gonna feel nice for all bodies, just gonna respond and in the same way if we're doing it in a way that feels good and we're actually choosing it. So pegging is an option, it can feel really nice. - When it comes to prostates, we narrow the demographic even more to the people that are going to come. Usually it's prostate owners or people who want to stimulate a male bodied individual. So it's really hard to fill. But a lot of people are having prostate play, like they're this is a very, very common thing. It is a great way to enhance your orgasm. Prostate also are, it's like its own little muscle that deserves to be exercised and worked out. And I'll talk about that in a little bit, but this book is phenomenal. Charlie Glickman is a genius. He also co-wrote it with someone too. I don't, I've never known, Aislinn. Aislinn. So if you want to learn about prostate play, this one is a great book. So the prostate, it responds much like the G-spot, G area. 'Cause I talked about how they're the same, the same tissues, right? So responds to pressure. So I take a vibrator and put it on there. Not much happens. I take a vibrating toy, and I use it to kind of massage the prostate. Then it responds. And when you to feel a prostate, so feel the side of your cheek, and now feel the tip of your nose. Tip of your nose is what prostate will feel like. And even the prostate has like a little crevice kinda like your nose. This is what the rest of your rectum will feel like. This is so, rest of the rectum is kind of soft and squishy. Prostate has a little more of this, like firmish kind of feeling to it. And it does have kind of like a little crevice in the middle, kind of like your nose does as well. So that's a way of when you're actually hunting for a prostate, that's a good way to gauge. That's what you're looking for is something that kind of feels different from the rest of the tissue . It's described as like a small plum or a golf ball. It's not usually like that. Like when you go in, you don't just all of a sudden feel this big bulgy tissue. It fact it becomes more engorged only right before someone's about to have an orgasm. It like goes up, and is only engorged for a little bit. And then it releases and kind of relaxes a little bit. So if you're looking in there for the golf ball, you probably won't find it. Look more for the feeling of this kind of tissue versus the rectum, the soft tissue in there too. And you might also feel like this little crevice. So to get to it again, we're doing the curve up and in, towards the pubic bone, the belly button here, and again, full fingers length in there. I have tried to access the prostate before with my fingers, and this person had a really, really long anal canal and rectum, and I could not get to it. 'Cause I had to get to the other side of the wall of the rectum, and my fingers were not long enough. So it's different for all people. That's why you'll see prostate toys like this are nice and long. Like this is even longer than my middle finger, right. So this is really great to get to it. This store was designed by a company called Aneros. Aneros makes some really amazing prostate stimulators. These were originally designed for health purposes. And the idea behind that is, is that when we have parts of our body, when we keep them healthy and exercised, they are less likely to have issues. The prostate too. I think it's something like one in six men that live in their older age. So that's like 70 and up. Will have prostate issues. Meaning usually just engorged, like this engorged prostate. It just kind of grows over time. It's just what it does. And it can press into the bladder, and make people have to pee more, and give kind of like some discomfort to the bladder. And then there's the fewer cases, but it does happen, there's prostate cancer too, which does happen, but it's not one in six, it's less than that. So the idea behind this is that if we keep this part of ourselves healthy and strong, we might be able to decrease the potential for having health-related issues. So that's why these toys were designed to go and actually help to stimulate the prostate in a healthy way. So you put them in, and then you can do those ass kegals. So it's that clench, that like clench of ass cheek muscles. When you put this in slowly of course, this part goes in, this is on the taint. So between the testicles and the anus, this is the cute little tail that you, it's the handle, the cute little curly Q tail. Put this in, and as it's in, you can actually do those clenches. So do those ass clenches. And what this will do, is it will go (squeaking noise) every time you clench, and it will massage the prostate. Now you do that on its own, probably won't do much. If you're doing that just for the health purposes, which this is what this was designed for. That's great. It's a prostate exerciser. What they found out with this toy though, is it feels good. So you do that. You do those ass kegals, and then you're touching your cock, having someone else touch your cock, or having penetrative sex, or whatever you're doing. It increases the stimulation. Usually prostate stimulation alone isn't what it's giving people mind blowing orgasms. They're not just touching your prostate and bam explosions, the most incredible orgasm ever. Usually they're adding that to other stimulation. So if you want to go into prostate play, usually you won't use this alone, or you won't just use fingers alone. You'll be doing that while touching the cock, or the nipples, or whatever they're into, or you're into in some other way as well. So there's usually a combination there that goes hand in hand. So the prostate, as we talked about, responds well to pressure, okay. So now we won't need to lube it up, but now we're gonna make our hands an ass. Let's start with one finger here. So what we do is with the one finger, we're going to insert that in, and I'm gonna have mine out, but now, so say you're in, you made it all the way in. You did that really slowly. Mine wasn't that slow. So you're hanging out. Now curving it up a little bit. Maybe if you do your middle finger too watch out for those knuckles, getting into the skin too. There's a couple of movements you can do. So we'll do, I'm gonna flip you off as I do one finger. You can do a tapping. So up and down, just like a tap up and down like that. Or you can do a back and forth. It's hard to do with my middle finger. There we go. It wasn't working on like it's weird. It doesn't want to move, or you can do a back and forth kind of thing. So just like a ch-ch-ch-ch. Back and forth, that's the noise it makes when you do it by the way. A tapping. And there's also the come hither motion too. Usually I recommend just like the same thing with the G-spot, G area. You go in, you hang out. You don't move a lot. You let the body acclimate around your fingers. You let the prostate know, I'm here. I'm here with you. This is a very sensitive part of the body. Deep in the body holds a lot of stuff, like holds, I mean, the prostate itself holds a lot of fluids, but this is like a really emotional part of the body for people. And then when you move, you start to move really slow. So that's why tapping can feel nice. Just kind of like letting it know that I'm here and I'm starting to like, I'm with you. I'm starting to stimulate you. Really slow movements. A lot of times when we think of this G-spot play and prostate play we're like milk it, milk it, milk it, and just going crazy. 'Cause it's like what we're seeing in porn. But again, in honor of really going slow with a body, I always say in a lot of my classes is, actually every class, go slower than slow, and then go slower than that. Like what you think slow is, slower than that. And that's probably what the body likes, at least for the first 10 minutes of being touched. So prostate too, really light tapping, really light back and forth. Check in with your partner. Like as you tap, how does that feel? Okay, not so much. Go back and forth. How's that feel? Oh, I likes it. Oh okay, they like back and forth. Let's do more of that. Trying this. How does this one feel? They're like, ah! Okay, this is the one. They're really, really liking this, or they're really ready for this. So just really playing with the different finger movements because there's, everyone's different in terms of what they respond to, in terms of order of operations, really slow, the slower kind of lighter things to start with. And then moving more to this kind of thing can feel nice. And as you can tell, I keep doing the double finger. It is easier to move two fingers together than the one, especially if you're trying to go for the middle finger. Now, when someone is about to have an orgasm, and it's a prostate based orgasm, quite often they can feel, it feels like a lot of pressure, like a lot of build up. And on the other side of the prostate, is the bladder. So sometimes you can feel like you're also pressing into the bladder. Same thing as the G-spot, you're touching a G-spot, G area. And a lot of times people feel like they have to pee. 'Cause they're like I have to pee, you're pressing into my bladder. And if this is uncomfortable for you, and you feel you're going to pee, you can stop what you're doing. go pee, come back, keep doing what you're doing. Chances are, it's just, you're just about to have an orgasm though. Like that's a lot, that happens a lot of times you start to feel that pressure, and that buildup. It just means you're about to come to a place where you're going to ejaculate. So if you can continue with what you're doing, that's when the orgasm can kind of, can come. And as I said, it's usually prostate stimulation combined with other stimulation. So what it's usually doing is just enhancing the orgasm. I know a lot of men that are like the female orgasm looks so much better than the male orgasm. Like there's like, it's just like expansive. They look like they're transcending. And they're like, some of them are having like five minute orgasms. Like mine is so not exciting. And for them like that's 'cause you're not incorporating anal play. So start playing with some prostate play. There's other ways to enhance the male orgasm as well. But adding prostate play or prostate stimulation into whatever you're already doing can enhance that orgasm. It's described more as just like this full body experience where there's so much more. It's not just this quick general like shoot, shoot. Oh I came and that's it,. You know, it's like oh, it's so exciting. It really is this whole thing that builds up and pours out and flows through. And if you're new to prostate play, you might not have much happen the first couple times you do it. Everything with sex. It is a skill. It is a practice. Like the more we do it, the better we get at it. So just because you have a finger touch your prostate once, doesn't mean you're going to get that mind blowing orgasm. It might take you five times. It might take you 20. Might take you a year. I know someone who works for this company, who said it took him a couple of years to really acclimate to having prostate orgasms. It just, it took him time. And there's so many factors. There might be, you know stress. It might be trauma. It might be the partner that you're with, and you don't really trust them, or there's so many reasons there. So if this isn't something that happens for you right away, really be patient with yourself because that's actually usually the case more often than not. - This is the same thing. Again, the G-spot G area and prostates. These are parts of the body of are inside of us that deserve, or actually desire to be exercised. So for people who have G-spot G areas, using Kegal balls or just doing vaginal clench exercises is important because one, it enhances your orgasm because part of the orgasm process is the contractions of those muscles. And if they're not strong, it's like this. Also, it helps to keep it strong and helps to maintain bladder control, too. Same thing with the prostate. If the, if those muscles are weak, those orgasms are going to be weaker as well. When you see porn, you see ejaculate like sh, projectile across the room. Those people have been doing Kegels. They've been doing ass Kegels, they've been doing vaginal Kegels, they've been, or cock Kegals, all this Kegels. They've been doing things to work that part of their body. When ejaculate just kind of like, ooh, which is nothing wrong with that, it just, the muscles just aren't as strong. So if you really want to have your projectile ejaculate, start working, cord those, oh god, moving too much, start working those muscles, and then you'll have more of a projectile. It also helps you to have more ejaculatory control. So you want more control there. Working those muscles, it gives you more control over what's what's happening. Cock Kegels, I call them cock pull-ups, it's the same thing. It's like stopping the flow of urine. So if you're mid pee and you, you clench and the cock goes and kind of pops up, and if it's soft, it's a different just kind of like moves around a little bit. It's the same thing, it's that clench of the upper pelvic floor, you know, you have different pelvic floor muscles. And the key to Kegels is you can separate the front part of the body from the back part. A lot of times when people are clenching, they're clenching ass and pelvic floor all together. You can actually do ass and pelvic floor separately. So there's different ones that you can do. And so you're all doing it out there. You're like, I don't know, can I do these. Yeah. That is also another like learned skill. If you're someone who's only done all of altogether and you're trying to right now, and it doesn't, isn't working for you, it just takes time. The more you do it, then you can separate the two. Now, when it comes to the ass, there's actually two sets of muscles. You can clench your cheeks and then you can also clench more of the sphincter muscle that is around the, the anal canal and the anus. Again, a skill, some of you probably doing it out there. You're like, yay, I got it. And some of you are like I have no idea how to do this. So now you know your homework, you can do it at home. And this just, again, gives you more control. Also, this helps with the whole thing about being able to work with those muscles. So the more strength we have with that muscle and the more understanding we have with how it works, you know, when we clench it and like when we release it and what that feels like, the more we're being penetrated, we can actually use those muscles because we bear down or clench in when we need to. - It being an anal explorer of your own ass. Very, very brilliant, very smart. If you want to understand what's going on here, if you're being penetrated by someone else, you kind of don't really know what's going on, but, and so if you want to know what it feels like, you've never had your finger in an ass or just in your own ass, it's a really great way to explore and understand more of the inner workings. So again, more homework, if this is something you've never done. I suggest going home and putting some lube on a finger and just really feeling like what does it feel like? What are my nerve endings feel like here? And what does it feel like as I go in and as my anal canal starts to open up and how long that takes and what it feels like as the, the muscle and what it feels like as it opens up into the rectum, giving us a greater understanding of how our bodies operate. If you're someone who only penetrates people annually, I also suggest putting something in your ass so that you can understand what it feels like when you put your, your, your something in someone else's ass. You know, it gives you more of an understanding of what you're giving. So it's a really, really important homework piece if this applies to any of you to go home and do. You're all like, ah, I have so much homework to do. It's all about anal. Yay. You know, and this is great. This homework, you're a single person, you have homework, you're a partner person, you have homework. Everyone has an ass, stick your fingers in there. - Breath is really important in sex, in general. Of course, our bodies are automatically breathing, like keeping us alive. But breath we can use to relax muscles. So, if we're feeling like our muscle's really tight and clenched, taking really slow, deep breaths, (instructor breathes in) like letting the body relax, it helps, and especially when you do the (breathes out) that part, you can literally feel your pelvic floor and things is kind of like opening up. So if you're feeling like you're trying to insert something, it's just like really intense, you know, you're like, you're the one crouching down on your partner and starting to, this is starting to penetrate you, take those slow deep breaths as you start to kind of push down very lightly. (instructor inhales and exhales) And you'll feel the muscles open up and allow this, this part of the body into you more and more. So breath is really great. And then if you want to like increase arousal more, (instructor inhaling and exhaling fast) That's usually not great right when you're being penetrated. Cause that makes things like, Ooh, things are getting exciting and tightening up. So that's more of like a, I just want to create more fire in my body. So that slow, deep breath. You can also imagine breathing into your genitals, too. A lot of times when I work, I'm also a somatic sex and relationship coach. So I work with clients privately, not usually on anal sex, more on relationships and like sex, but I had them do breath where we'd make, we breathe into our chest and we breathe into our diaphragm and then our lower belly. And then I have them breathe into their genitals as a way of kind of awakening this part of themselves and connecting to it. And I know our genitals don't breath, like usually not... It's a little amusing imagination, but you really can, like with the imagination, imagine that breath going down through and breathing into and sending air into that part of you. And it can help to relax. So breath is another really great tool to enhance anal play as well. - Hemorrhoids is a thing. Very common thing. A lot of times when people get hemorrhoids, they don't want anything near their ass anymore. They're like, ah, this is... It doesn't feel good. It's scary. Or they ashamed. I don't want someone to see it or feel it. Just because you have hemorrhoids doesn't mean anal sex has to be completely off the table. It just means that you need more care and more understanding. And if you're being touched by someone, they just need to work with you for this, with this part of your body. And actually, touch of that part of your body can help to create some circulation there, bring more blood there, which can be kind of healing. Get rid of that shame too, and can just kind of get rid of some of that trauma. But it just takes those conversations, it takes that that really like sensitive, intentional care, because it is something that can be an uncomfortable and also painful. So again, there's pain? Don't do it. If there's anything else there you have like extreme anal fissures or things like that too. Again, if anything feels painful, this is the rule of thumb, don't do it. If it feels uncomfortable, explore with it, slow down, breathe into it, add more lube, but pain is just, it's always off the table. It's not a part of it. - We're talking about that part, like the body opens up, literally when we start doing this, like the body's opened up and we're doing like the full in and out thrusting, we're like, holy shit, it just keeps opening up, and you're like, am I gonna be stuck like this forever? No, you're not. It's going to close. That's what it does. Over time, it's going to close. It might stay open for a little while, it's not gonna stay open for like three days, though. But for a little bit, it might just stay open, 'cause you fully relaxed the muscle. But it's still, even if it's open here, it still is kinda closed back here. It's not all like just a wide open thing, just hanging out for the whole world to do whatever they want to. Unless you put like, there's like those butt plugs that open it up and hang out and you can see inside. Those are kind of fun. We don't have them here, but they're pretty awesome. Tunnels, that's what they're called. Tunnel plugs. But it will close. It just, it will. And lots of times people have the thing of like, the more I do it, the looser I'll get. No, the more you do it, the more awesome you're gonna be, and the more practiced you're going to be, and the more you'll know how to work with your muscles, and probably the more pleasure you're going to have. And this applies to vaginal sex, this applies to anal sex. When you will, maybe when it will get loose and be an issue is when you have sex and it's painful and it tears things. So that's when there's a problem. This is why we do not numb anything. We want everything to feel good, and if it feels good, things are going to most likely work out smoothly and feel, I mean, it's gonna feel nice, it feels good. So that's another big thing. And I always think of like when I teach classes to, I go to UCSC and teach classes there on sex ed on the occasion, and their questions, I do like the anonymous little paper, and their questions are always those questions about poop and about am I gonna be loose forever? I think those are the top questions that I get. And I'm like, what about all the other things? And it's like all the fear-based things like, all these things that are absolutely terrible. Am I gonna be ruined forever? There's so much pleasure in anal sex. There's so many ways to do it incorrectly, do it in a way that hurts the body and makes it so you never want to do it again, but if you do it this way and many other ways, and you incorporate at least some of these skills or some of these tools, it has the potential to be a complete game changer and anal sex can be now on the menu as a regular delicious thing, if you want it to, so. And you can do a burning man, (woman laughing) like me. Where it's wild, I don't know what I was getting into, but yes, there's so much pleasure in it and it's really a really delicious thing to add on to menu and I'm really glad that you're learning about it. Yay.