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Sexual Wellness Coaches
These Holistic Sexual Wellness Coaches teach sexual education based on Tantric knowledge and scientific insights, shown in a hands-on and sensual way. They inspire creative ways to enjoy pleasure while also guiding how to clearly state boundaries.More by This Instructor
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Why Join Beducated?
Develop skills to become a better giver and an active receiver.
Explore new ways to spice things up — with or without a partner.
Build confidence and give in to new depths of pleasure.
This date night is all about enjoying your own pleasure and nursing yourself with your own sexual energy. So learning to stay present with the sensations in your own body while exploring yourself will help you to connect deeper sexually with your partner. And that's because your body will be more attuned to their body as well. And allowing the sexual energy and pleasure to float through both your bodies will get much easier and more joyful the more you train this. So self-pleasuring is also an important step to prepare and open up your body to experience deeper and longer lasting orgasms. Because when you masturbate the same way over and over and over again, you're gonna severely limit the ways in which you can actually experience pleasure in your body. But if you develop a regular practice of self-exploration and self-pleasuring in a different way, you're going to create new pleasure circuits in your brain. And this will transform your sexual experience in mind-blowing ways. And guys, also good to know, learning to touch and play with yourself in this way will greatly help you in controlling your ejaculation. So we're gonna kick off this date night with the fears, expectations and desires exercise to help you relax your mind and body and clear the way for beautiful date night together. And after that, we've prepared a solo exercise for the both of you. And in this exercise, we'll invite you to explore and enjoy your own body and sensations in a new way. And this is a great warming up for what's next on the menu. I'm going to invite you to touch and explore your own body while your partner is present and witnessing you. So for a lot of couples, this can be a very scary thing to do. But don't worry if you already get the jitters when I say this because I'm gonna explain in much more detail what we're going to do later on. And of course, you can always stay within your own comfort zone. (relaxed music) - This exercise works magic, to reveal to your partner what's going on inside you, and this, in turn, will help you relax, get out of your head and tune into your body, and connect with your partner, at the start of this beautiful date night. So you're going to take turns, sharing your fears, expectations, or desires, and you will do so by finishing one of these three sentences. What I'm afraid of during this date night is... What I expect during this date night is... Or what I desire during this date night is... So after you've shared a fear, expectation or desire, it's your partner's turn to share, and keep taking turns, until you're both have nothing more to share. And also keep your sharing short. One or two sentences is more than enough. Don't start telling long stories. So when you share your fears, expectations, and desires with each other, it doesn't mean that you have to resolve anything, or that you have to take action to change something. It's also not meant to be a discussion, even though your partner may have triggered something very strong in you. What happens in you, because of the trigger, is about you and not about your partner. So talk in "I sentences" and not in "You sentences". And the other partner only needs to listen to what's being said, and doesn't need to respond to anything of it. So let me tell you what I understand the fear, expectation and desire to be. A fear is something that you are afraid of, that gives you stressful feelings, or that keeps you away from relaxing. An expectation is an action or an event, that you expect is going to take place, and a desire is something you would love to happen, but it doesn't have to happen right now. So after you've shared either a fear or expectation, visualize picking it up and throwing it over your shoulder, because making this move will help your mind to let go of your fear and expectations. And by the way, you don't have to throw a desire over your shoulder, because sharing a desire with your partner is a beautiful and vulnerable act. So there's no need for that. So maybe you wonder why it's necessary to throw your expectations over your shoulder. It is because when your expectations are not being met, you may feel disappointed, confused, or even angry. And moreover, when you hold on too strongly to your expectations, it becomes much more difficult to be open to new and different experiences. So for example, an expectation that is, if you expect this date night to go and resolve all your issues in your relationship, and an example of a desire, on the other hand, is that you want to feel open and loving towards your partner during this date night, and that's something completely different. So let's look at a demonstration in which Bella and Marcus share their fears, expectations and desires. And after that, it's your turn. - What I expect from this date night is that this, and we're going to look really good. (they giggle) - (exhales) What I desire during this date night, is to have fun. (giggles) - What I desire for during this date night, is to connect with you, without having so much pressure on me. (they giggle) - My expectation for this date night, is to know exactly how to touch you in any moments. - What I'm afraid of during this date night, is that I'll fuck up somehow, and that you'll be angry, and that will cause me to shut down and feel guilty. - What I'm afraid of during this date night, is to be too self-conscious about how I look, while I connect with you. (both exhale deeply) - What I'm afraid of during this date night, is that I won't be able to control my ejaculation. - My desire for this date night, is let go of all the expectations. - [Marcus] What I desire for this date night, is to just have fun. - Mm. - [Marcus] Have fun with you. (gentle music) - So in order to become a great lover and to be able to feel into your partner's body as if it's your own body, you will need to get very intimate with your own body as well. And that's why we created for the both of you, a beautiful self exploration exercise in the form of a guided meditation. We're going to guide you to connect you to your whole body, including your genitals, and we're also going to invite you to explore your sensations, and perhaps even increase your pleasure and arousal while touching yourself everywhere. And if you're feeling a little anxious or awkward about this, that's perfectly understandable, and also that's no problem at all, because self-pleasuring is very different to what most people do when they masturbate. Many of us are used to releasing ourselves very quickly and we often watch porn or fantasize about something or someone, and we masturbate with the clear intention of reaching an orgasm. Our movements are often fast and furious, and they're very localized to genitals. And our breathing is quick and shallow, and we often tense the muscles in our pelvic region because that's how we conditioned ourselves to feel our arousal better. So for many people, it's quite common to masturbate and orgasm to reduce stress, to let go of sexual tension, or because it helps falling asleep. While there's nothing wrong with this, and having an orgasm reducing the cortisol levels in the body, there's also another way to self-pleasure. So tantric self exploration or pleasuring is as much about sensuality as it is about sexuality. And instead of mainly relying on visual stimuli or fantasies to get aroused, you focus on sensations that you experience when you touch your whole body. You're not only focusing on touching your genitals, but you alternate between touching your genitals, and touching the rest of your body, or you touch both your genitals and the rest of your body at the same time, because this is how you spread the sexual energy in your body, and how you allow the pleasurable sensations to expand, instead of keeping it localized just around the genitals. And this can be a both very subtle process, as well as an intense body sensation. When you're exploring yourself, the focus is also more on relaxing your body by breathing deeply and not tensing your muscles. So as I explained before, this really helps you to allow to build and conduct a sexual energy through your body. And even though you may decide to have a peak orgasm in the end, that's really not the goal of self-pleasuring. So when you're tuning into the sensations in your body in every moment, you may experience different feelings or emotions coming up. If this happens, please welcome them, and let them arise naturally without suppressing it, really, everything is welcome. So I'd like to ask one of you to go to another room where you can lie down and do this exercise. Then start the audio guides. There's one for the woman, and one for the man. And when the audio is finished, please take your time if you want to lie down a little longer. And if you go back to your partner, first check if they have already finished and if they're ready for you to enter the room again, then take some time to reconnect and share your experiences with your partner. (gentle music) - It's time for a very intimate and perhaps even life-changing practice, I'm going to ask you to self-pleasure while your partner witnesses you and by witnessing, I mean, your partner's in full loving presence with you, not touching themselves and not needing to do anything but to hold space for you. So for the one self-pleasuring, it's important to understand that you're not doing this with the purpose to arouse your partner. That may or may not happen and both is fine. This is not a show, and it's not a performance you're giving. You're really doing this for yourself. And I invite you to stay present with yourself. So you could see this more as a sacred ritual, where your partner can witness you in all there is. So for many of you, this will be a very vulnerable thing to do, and you may feel awkward about this, but even when doing this exercise scares you a bit, I want to encourage you to try to do it anyway, but really take your time and take small steps. It's important that you feel safe enough to show this vulnerable side of yourself to your partner. So slow down everything you do to a pace where you can really stay present with yourself and with the sensations and emotions that may come up. You don't want to rush this and nothing needs to happen here. Don't force yourself, and it's normal to experience some resistance when you stretch your comfort zone, but don't overstep your personal boundaries either. And if you need to take a break and want to share what's happening with your partner, please do so. This ritual helps you to become more comfortable in showing yourself and your body. And it really helps you to acknowledge yourself as a sensual and sexual human being. So remind yourself that it's totally okay to allow yourself to feel pleasure and enjoy your own body in any way you like. And you're always safe in your own body. If you find it too challenging to self-pleasure with your partner witnessing you, you can also do this ritual with your underwear on, and then you can just start touching, exploring or self-pleasuring in any way that still feels comfortable for you, and you can build it up from there. So if you're witnessing your partner doing their self-pleasure ritual, make sure to beat our in full loving presence, really give your partner all your attention and let them have their experience, and you're there just to hold space for them, for all their emotions or feelings that may come up. And if things come up for you during this ritual, don't act on it, but keep breathing deeply and relaxed and stay fully present with your partner. And if you feel emotion or aroused yourself, that's okay of course, just sit with it and breathe through it. You don't need to show your part in that you're turned on as this is not about you. This is really about honoring your partner in this loving space. So let me show you a demonstration of this beautiful ritual. Choose which partner will start. And the other partner will be the witness. And when you are self-pleasuring, try to really sink into your own touch, just as you did when you were alone. Like I said, this is not a show or performance. This is about you learning to enjoy your own body and being comfortable with your partner being present. ♪ Word of mouth can change history ♪ Doing this ritual, see if you can feel in every moment what will help you to let the sexual energy grow and spread through your body. ♪ Make you a loser ♪ ♪ Try and listen ♪ ♪ Devil everywhere ♪ ♪ People watch but they do not care ♪ ♪ 'Cause you're walking to a place called nowhere ♪ ♪ I said, I try and listen ♪ Where do you feel longing to touch your body? ♪ People watch ♪ And how do you want to touch yourself? Does your body need to breathe deeper to relax and let go? Do you feel like making sounds and movements to help build up, spread or conduct the energy? Really give yourself permission to do whatever comes up and feels right for you in the moment. Don't censor yourself, explore your body with all your loving presence and curiosity. And if you don't feel aroused, that's okay too. Nothing needs to happen, and everything is allowed. If you're getting really aroused while doing this exercise, see if you can steer away from having ejaculation or a clitoral orgasm, that way you can conserve your sexual energy for this date night. If your arousal rate gets too high for you to conduct properly, slow down, or focus more on touching other parts of your body, instead of the genitals. We haven't put a time cap on this exercise, but feel free to set your own timer if you want. I advise you to allow at least 10 to 15 minutes per person, so you can really sink into the experience. So put on your favorite music and make yourselves comfortable before you start. And please also take some time afterwards to share your experience with each other. (light music) - I hope you had a beautiful experience together, showing yourself in this open and vulnerable way to your partner while they witnessed and held space for you. Now it's time to make it more playful. I'd like to invite you to touch, explore, and self pleasure together at the same time. For some of you, it may feel quite easy and more fun than the first part, but for others, this can be more challenging. Again, both is fine. (light music) You're training this beautiful skill to enjoy your own body with your partner being present, and learning a new skill always takes time. (light music) So even though you're now going to self pleasure while also seeing your partner doing the same, you're still touching yourself for your own pleasure and not trying to arouse your partner. Of course, it's great if watching your partner touching themselves turns you on. When this happens, see if you can expand this pleasure and spread this sexual energy in your whole body, while self pleasuring. (moaning) Really feel into your body how you want to touch yourself, and feel if you perhaps want to make sounds or move your body in a certain way, and really allow yourself to do what feels pleasurable to you. (light music) Explore your body in any way you like, and don't censor yourself. (light music) (moaning) So there's no time limits on his exercise. So take all the time you like, and as always, please share your experiences with each other afterwards.