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Tantric Date Nights Online Course:
Rendezvous Ideas for Deepening Intimacy

With
Yves Bonroy
,
Sexual Wellness Coach
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About This Course

Experience new levels of intimacy with your partner(s) by introducing tantra into your relationship. In Tantric Date Nights, you’ll find fresh ideas to reignite the spark when you need inspiration.

What You Will Learn

  1. Sensual methods for out-of-this-world penis pleasure
  2. Expert tips for pleasuring a vulva
  3. Relationship strengthening with honest communication
  4. Fantasy exploration to help you out of a rut

Take This Course and Hundreds More

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Taught by the world’s top experts.

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Quick results & easy-to-follow instructions.

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For everyone. Singles, couples, all genders and orientations.

Your Instructor

Yves Bonroy

Sexual Wellness Coach

Yves is a Holistic Sexual Wellness Coach. His teachings, rooted in Tantric knowledge and scientific insights, are presented in a hands-on, sensual manner, inspiring creative enjoyment of pleasure and clear communication of boundaries.

More by This Instructor

Lessons and Classes

Total length:
more than 180 min
  1. 1. Course Introduction
  2. 2. Welcome to Cock Devotion
  3. 3. Fears and Desires
  4. 4. Cock Devotion Intro
  5. 5. Cock Devotion Massage
  6. 6. Welcome to Pussy Devotion
  7. 7. Fears and Desires
  8. 8. Pussy Devotion Intro
  9. 9. Pussy Devotion Massage
  10. 10. Welcome to Sexual Intelligence
  11. 11. Expressing Your Desires
  12. 12. Getting a No
  13. 13. The Emperor and Empress
  14. 14. Body Language & Curious Touch
  15. 15. Welcome to Polarity and Fantasy
  16. 16. Polarity Dance
  17. 17. Human Play Doll
  18. 18. Homework Fantasy Night
  19. 19. Fantasy Night
  20. 20. Awaken the Hands Exercise
  21. 21. Belly Breathing Exercise

Why Join Beducated?

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Master New Techniques

Develop skills to become a better giver and an active receiver.

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Reignite the Spark

Explore new ways to spice things up — with or without a partner.

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Enjoy Sex More

Build confidence and give in to new depths of pleasure.

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Surprise them with an erotic massage, spoil them with fresh oral techniques, or try out a new kink.

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Transcripts

This date night, we're going to travel deep down the rabbit hole, and we're gonna introduce elements in your sexual play that will catapult your intimate connection to the next level. And this date is all about saying what you want, asking for what you want, and also about getting what you want. You're going to discover each other's bodies in new ways, and you're gonna guide each other and learn from each other. We'll kick off this date night with an exercise in which you'll learn to express your desires and ask for what you want. And at the same time, I'll guide you to feel a yes or a no in your body when your partner is making a request, and also how to graciously receive a no from your partner. And after this, we turn things around. Now you're going to try to get an explicit no from your partner by testing their boundaries. And of course, we mean this in a safe way. The third exercise of this date night is, again, about yes, and about getting what you ask for. Exactly what you ask for. And if you don't ask for anything, you're not going to get anything either. In the final exercise of tonight, you are going to tune into your partner and discover how they like to be touched. And this exercise is about learning to read your partner's body signals and also about showing with your body what kind of touch you like. The following touch exercise is one of my all time favorites and I use this one a lot when working with couples. It's simple but at the same time, it's very powerful and it may also drastically change the way you think about touching someone else and how you experience it. So when I did this exercise for the first time, it totally blew my mind. In my work with couples over the years, it always struck me just how difficult it was for them to really touch their partner for their own pleasure. Of course, most of them knew or at least they thought they knew how their partner wanted to be touched but how to really experience pleasure by doing the touching themselves was an absolute mystery for them. That's why I created this exercise. What's so great about this exercise is that anyone can do it. You don't have to be intimate partners or lovers to do this together as it only involves touching each other's hands. However, the impact this exercise may have on your sex life can be enormous and for the couples that I coached learned to consciously touch each other and allow themselves to feel pleasure while doing so was often the key to bring back crazy passion into the bedroom and even more so than when they first met each other and it's also for good reason that touch is one of the tantric foundational tools next to breath, movement, focus, surrender, sound and energy. So before we get to the exercise, let me first show you an animation to make things more clear. (gentle upbeat music) There are two ways to feel pleasure when touching someone. Directly and indirectly. You feel direct pleasure through direct stimulation and when you feel sensations on your skin, this stimulates your sense of touch. Sensory neurons transmit signals back into the brain thereby activating your pleasure centers. Of course, it's not only the one receiving the touch that benefits from this direct pleasure route, it works both ways. Also, the person who is touching can feel direct pleasure through the skin. You feel indirect pleasure through the perception of pleasure. So when you perceive pleasure in the person you're touching mirror neurons in your brain copy this pleasure and this allows you to feel what the other one is feeling. So indirect pleasure uses the sense of sight for visual stimulation and direct pleasure uses the sense of touch for physical stimulation. The direct route is the primary way. That's why it's important to learn how to feel your own pleasure before you start focusing on your partner's pleasure. Over the years I've coached many couples to better tune into their bodies and feel everything there is to feel because without this ability to feel yourself fully, it becomes very difficult to experience direct pleasure through touch and that's also the reason why so many people seek indirect pleasure by touching that partner in ways they think their partner would like and thinking is not feeling. So when both partners are tuned into both themselves and each other, they can access pleasure through both direct and indirect routes simultaneously and that's key for experiencing true sexual ecstasy but it starts with working on your ability to experience pleasure directly and that's what we are going to do in this exercise. One partner is going to touch the other partner's hand in exactly the way they want and if you are the one that is touching, I invite you to be selfish and really touch your partner only for your own pleasure and this has nothing to do with being selfish in any negative way because this is about learning to be selfish in the sense that you'll learn to enjoy the feeling in your hands for your own self and if you the party that is allowing the other to touch you, please state your boundaries of what you don't want beforehand because even though this is a rather innocent exercise, it's important that it's clear what you want and what you don't want as this helps to create safety and trust between the both of you. This becomes especially important if you decide to do this exercise again to include touching different parts of the body or perhaps even the whole body. Learning to set your boundaries and saying no is just as important as learning to act upon your desires, both are essential for creating a safe and loving space for sexual exploration. So let me show you a demonstration of this exercise. Sit side by side so you're not facing each other because this will make it easier for you to stay in your own pleasure. Then ask your partner, "May I feel your hand and touch it with my hands in any way I like?" So the other feels into this request before answering yes or no. Then, assuming your answer is yes, you now have the opportunity to state your boundaries. You could say, for example, yes but no pinching, please and if there are no boundaries now, then it's fine too. You may always redefine your boundaries whenever you feel like it throughout this exercise. If you answered, yes, then give your hand to your partner. Now all you have to do is to totally relax the muscles in your hand and let it happen. Place the hand on your lap. You can rest your arms on a pillow to make it even more comfortable. Then start touching your partners hand in any way you like within the set boundaries and remember, you are doing this for yourself for your own selfish pleasure. If you are the partner allowing the touching, you may or may not enjoy touching, both are totally fine. If you feel pleasure, that's an added bonus but not the purpose of this exercise. The touching is being done to you, but it's not for you. You are simply allowing your partner to touch you. If you feel like you have to do something because you think your partner expects you to do it, don't act on this feeling because you don't have to reassure, police or perform, you only have to allow the touching. You will hear a sound when it's time to switch roles. Before you switch, please thank your partner for allowing you to feel their hands and your partner's gonna answer this with, "Your welcome." And don't say something like, "Well, thank you too." Even if you found it pleasurable because by replying, you are welcome, you are emphasizing the fact that you gave something to your partner and not the other way around and by accepting your partner's gratitude, you create a very powerful imprint of seeing yourself as a gift to your partner. After you've both had your turn, please take a couple of minutes to share your experiences with each other and remember that you can also do this exercise while touching different parts of the body or even the whole body if you prefer and the more you do this exercise, the more you'll upgrade your nervous system and your ability to experience pleasure. Now it's your turn. Pause this video until you're ready to start. (bell chiming) (bell chiming) (relaxing music) - I've prepared for you my absolute favorite breathing exercise, one that clears your mind of your thoughts and worries, and makes you drop into your body, and supercharge all your cells of your body, like nothing else does. It's really one of the most amazing ways, that I know of, to kickstart an intimate date night with your partner, but it's also a great way to start your day full of energy and vitality. And the best thing is that you can do this exercise together or alone, so you can really do it whenever you feel like. All you need is a safe space, where you can make sounds, and have 20 minutes of uninterrupted me-time. So over the years, I've worked with hundreds of couples, and the number one thing that blocked their sexual energy from flowing, was the way they were breathing. Because their breathing was often short and shallow, they weren't able to tap into their full orgasmic potential. Now having a strong breath practice is one of the most powerful and effective ways to let go of mental control, and tune into your body. Even more so, breathing in the right way is the key to be able to surrender. And most of the greatest sexual experiences come from this state of deep surrender. That's also the reason why your breath is one of the tantric foundational tools, next to touch, movement, focus, surrender, sound, and energy. Deep, relaxed breathing with a focus on the exhale, activates the parasympathetic nervous system. And that's excellent for getting into flow states, and also for getting into deeply relaxed states of sexual experience. And it's also the doorway to new and mind blowing orgasms. And if you only have experienced ejaculation, or a clitoral orgasm so far, let me tell you that these orgasms represent only a fraction of the sensual and sexual experience out there. Intense breathing with the focus on the inhale, activates the sympathetic nervous system. And that means it's really good for activating the entire body, and raising the sexual energy. And it's excellent for turning people on, who feel shut down, numb and disconnected. So in this breath work exercise, we are going to work with both intense breathing, and focus on the inhale, and also on deep, relaxed breathing. During the exercise, you may feel a tingling sensation in parts of your body, especially in the hands and your lips. And perhaps you feel a little lightheaded, but these are normal side effects of having more oxygen in your blood than normal, so you don't have to worry about it. So let's start with a quick explanation and demonstration of this exercise. (meditative music) Sit or lie down next to each other. If you choose to sit up straight, make yourself comfortable, as this exercise takes around 20 minutes. I'll ask you to close your eyes and follow my instructions. You'll be breathing a little faster than normal. Inhaling deeply, and breathing down into your belly. At a certain point. I will tell you to exhale, and breathe out all the air you have inside you. And once you've done that, stay without air for as long as you can. (meditative music continues) When you called hold it any longer, inhale and hold your breath for 20 seconds. After that, I'll ask you to breathe normally until the next round. I'll be guiding you throughout the whole exercise. Because your blood is rich in oxygen, you'll notice that you can actually go without air for longer than you thought. You don't have to worry about this being dangerous. Even if you push yourself to go without air for a long time, your body will make you gasp for air, when this is really needed. At the end of the exercise, I'll ask you to sit facing your partner, so I can guide you in reconnecting with each other. If you're doing the exercise alone, you can just stay as you are and enjoy how your body feels. Now. It's your turn. (meditative music fades) (light upbeat music) (light upbeat music continues) - Welcome to this Date Night. We've got something epic for you in store tonight. So during this date, the center stage will be for the man's penis, and we've got a beautiful cock and devotion massage for you in which we're gonna guide you to devote all your love and attention to your man. And even though this massage can become very orgasmic, it's as much about relaxation as it is about pleasure. So I advise you to first watch the lecture about this massage as this will help you both to get prepared. And also in the lecture, I'll give you some important tips on how you can stay connected with each other during the massage, and also how you can support your man to really sink into this amazing experience. As this massage can be a very moving experience for the both of you, I strongly advise you to take some time afterwards to share your experiences with each other. So in this week lecture, I explained to you why this process of sharing is such an important part of this master class, and how sharing is powerful and transformational in its own right. But before we get to the cock devotional massage, we'll kick off with a beautiful exercise that will help you connect and tune into each other. You are going to share the fierce expectations and desires that you have for this date night. So when you have thoughts that clutter your mind and keep you from opening up and relaxing your body, it can really do miracles for the both of you if you share these thoughts with your partner. So, after this simple but very powerful exercise, we're gonna start with the cock devotional massage. (gentle music) - This exercise works magic to reveal to your partner what's going on inside you and this in turn will help you relax, get out of your head and tune into your body and connect with your partner at the start of this beautiful date night. So you're gonna take turns sharing your fears, expectations or desires, and you will by finishing one of these three sentences. What I'm afraid of doing this date night is, this what to expect during this date night is, or what I desire during this date night is. So after you've shared a fear, expectation or desire, it's your partner's turn to share and keep taking turns until you're both have nothing more to share. And also keep your sharing short, one or two sentences is more than enough. Don't start telling long stories. So when you share your fears, expectations, and desires with each other, it doesn't mean that you have to resolve anything or that you have to take action to change something. It's also not meant to be a discussion, even though your partner may have triggered something very strong in you. What happens in you because of the trigger is about you and not about your partner. So talk and I sentences and not in you sentences. And the other partner only needs to listen to what's being said, and doesn't need to respond to anything of it. So let me tell you what I understand the fear, expectation and desire to be. A fear is something that you are afraid of, that gives you stressful feelings, or that keeps you away from relaxing. An expectation is an action or an event that you expect is going to take place and a desire is something you would love to happen, but it doesn't have to happen right now. So after you've shared either a fear or expectation, visualize picking it up and throwing it over your shoulder, because making this move will help your mind to let go of your fear and expectations. And by the way, you don't have to throw a desire over your shoulder because sharing a desire with your partner is a beautiful and vulnerable act. So there's no need for that. So maybe you wonder why it's necessary to throw your expectations over your shoulder. It is because when your expectations are not being met, you may feel disappointed, confused or even angry. And moreover, when you hold on too strongly to your expectations, it becomes much more difficult to be open to new and different experiences. So for example, an expectation that is if you expect this date night's going to resolve all your issues in your relationship. An of a desire on the other hand is that you want to feel open and loving towards your part in during this date night. And that's something completely different. So let's look at a demonstration in which Bella and Marcus share their fears, expectations and desires. And after that, it's your turn. - What I expect from this date night is that this and we're going to look really good. (laughing) - What I desire during this date night is to have fun. - What I desire during this date night is to connect with you without having so much pressure on me. (laughing) - My expectation for this date night is to know exactly how to touch you in any moment. - What I'm afraid of during this date night is that I'll fuck up somehow and that you'll be angry. And that will cause me to shut down and feel guilty. - What I'm afraid of during this date night is to be too self-conscious about how I look while I connect with you. (sighing) - What I'm afraid of during this date night is that I won't be able to control my ejaculation. - My desire for this date night is that I go with all the expectations. - what I desire for this date night is to just have fun. (bright music) - It is time to get up close and personal with the cock and I'm going to show and guide you through a cock devotion massage. And this is truly one of my favorite rituals and the couples that I worked with often describe this as one of the most transformative and pleasurable exercises. In sex, the cock is often approached by both men and women as just a tool for sexual pleasure, the cock should be erect and do its job. Well, this is one reason why so many men experience performance anxiety during sex, but everything changes when you start seeing the cock as an important and sensual part of the body, a part that you can devote your love and attention to and you can really touch and massage the cock without it needing to do anything. And that's also why I'd like to call it cock devotion instead of just a cock massage. The first time that I received something like this, it was so powerful, loving and disarming that I started to cry because it really was the first time in my life that I felt that my cock was totally loved and accepted the way it was, with or without an erection. And it really was one of the most blissful and healing sexual experiences of all times for me. So even though cock devotion can and often becomes very orgasmic, it is much about relaxation as it is about pleasure and there is really no goal to achieve here and it doesn't matter if you have an erection or not. Cock devotion can be done with or without an erection. And for the woman, I'd like to say, really take the time to play with and massage the cock because you are going to help your man to get used to amazing pleasure levels without actually pushing him to ejaculation. And most important of all is the quality of how you're touching 'cause you want to be totally present in your touch. And what this means is that when you touch your man, that's really all you're doing and your man would really feel it when you are there for him, when you give him, his body and his penis your full attention. So, you want to make sure that your mind is not wondering. And one good way to prevent that from happening is to really focus on the sensation of your fingers or your hands when you are touching his body. Of course, the first time you do this cock devotion, it will not be so easy to be fully present with your man because you'll be doing different things at the same time like watching a demonstration, listening to my voice, copying different strokes, all the while staying present with your partner and you touch as good as you can. But if you do this cock devotion more often and I strongly advise you to do so, it become easier and even more pleasurable for the both of you because you will learn better and better how he likes it. So, really see this demonstration as a guide that you can tweak yourself to make this the most beautiful and pleasurable experience possible for your partner. And every man's body reacts differently and that's also why it's important that you frequently check in with him. How does he like it? Does he like the pressure? Does he like the speed? And it's incredibly, incredibly important to find out exactly what he likes best. After all, this cock devotion is also your gift of pleasure to him. And I'd like you to use a signaling system where zero means no pleasure at all, I don't feel anything, and 10 means I am ejaculating and you want to bring him to an eight or a nine and not push him over the edge. And if you are the man, don't drift off and to fence your thoughts but really tune into your own body and your own pleasure levels. Just as it's important for your woman to be present in that touch, it's also important for you to really feel their touch. Be there with your full attention and this will help you stay in your body and out of your head. And if you find yourself getting to an eight or a nine, keep breathing deeply, prolong your exhales and really ask you partner to pause until you feel ready to continue. Breathing deeply and relax is also very important for the woman because this will not only remind your men to do the same, it will also help you to stay more present and connected with him during the devotion. So, both of you try as much as possible to go in without expectations as cock devotion allows you to experience your sexuality in a new and different way. It may feel totally different than what you were expecting. And really welcome this difference, be open to it. And also be open for the possibility of different emotions that may come up because cock devotion often is a mind-blowing, exquisite experience, but it doesn't have to be. So, all emotions are super, super welcome. And the first time I received the cock devotion, I experienced sadness and grief. And I even got a little bit angry because for me, being touched in this way, without me needing to prove anything or not perform had been a very deep longing, but I only realized this during the cock devotion. And with that insight, all suppressed emotions and also memories came up as well. So, if this happens to you and you let these emotions flow naturally through your body, this can be a very deep healing experience. And if you don't know what to do when your man starts crying or has some other emotional response, you can always ask him. And one of the best questions you can ask is what do you need right now? Or how can I support you through this? And maybe he wants you to continue or you wants a hug and a kiss. Whatever he needs, if you can hold space that and love him through his experience, that's a huge gift to him. So, what cock devotion will bring you is that it helps the men to enhance the sensitivity in his penis, but also in the rest of his body. And this is especially beneficial for you if you've deconditioned your body with watching too much porn or with hard and fast masturbation over and over again. And another benefit is that cock devotion trains you to go from solely genital-based orgasms to full body orgasms or even multi-orgasmic states. And just like self-pleasuring, cock devotion greatly improves your stamina and makes you a master in ejaculation control. And when you frequently practice going up to an eight or nine without ejaculating, you will become a better lover because you are going to connect deeper with your sexuality, your pleasure levels and your cock. Another great benefit is that, as a man, you will also experience what it's like to receive, which will help develop your ability to surrender and let go. And this in turn increases your capacity for pleasure and it will also make it easier for you to tune into your woman when she's receiving because now, you know better how it feels like. And for the woman, cock devotion will help you to better understand your partner's sexual response. You will also build your confidence in taking the lead sexually. And as many women greatly enjoy giving and directing pleasure, giving your devotion to your man's cock in this way may also feel fantastic for you. As I said before, cock devotion can be done with or without an erection. However, some strokes can be more pleasurable and a little easier to do with an erection. So, let me share with you a simple trick how you can help your man get and maintain an erection. So, when you squeeze with your hand or fingers at the base of the shaft, you prevent the blood from flowing out of the cock. And let me show you what I mean. If this is the cock, you want to apply pressure at the base here, all the way around, but mostly on the underside of the penis. So, that's the part away from the belly. And if you stimulate the shaft and the head of the penis, blood may flow into the swell bodies of the cock, but with the squeeze, you prevent it from flowing back out. And if you are new to this, the first time you try this may feel a bit awkward, but it's an easy and effective technique to learn and also a very fun and pleasurable one. And in general, because women do not have a penis, they tend to be very gentle with the cock or they're afraid to apply too much pressure. So, as a test, ask your man to show you how firm you can hold his penis and you may even squeeze the cock very tightly, maybe even as hard as you can, with his approval, of course, because for most men, that isn't painful and as for most women, that can be quite shocking to find out. In order to get ready for the cock devotion, I would like to ask the woman to prepare the space. So, make sure the temperature in the room is right, light some candles, burn some incense if you like and really make it as inviting as possible for your man to lie down and let go during this amazing ritual. And if you want to play music on the background, which I highly recommend, have that ready as well. Don't put the music too loud because you still want to be able to hear my instructions. And also make sure you have massage oil and a towel ready. Some strokes are great with lots of oil, but other strokes are easier if you have more grip. So, feel free to pause a moment and get more oil or remove some oil with a towel if you need more grip. And you're also going to do some cock yoga. You're going to apply pressure with both hands and stretch the base of the penis where it connects to the body. And we do this because the penis sometimes holds tension and this tension can prevent you from feeling more pleasure. And the massage also involves stroking, tickling and gently pulling the scrotum and testicles. And this usually gives a lot of pleasure, but it can also be quite sensitive because every man is different. So ladies, please keep a close eye on how your man responds when you do this. And if you're in doubt, ask him if he likes it the way you are doing it. And as for the man, if this stroke or any other stroke doesn't feel right for you, always tell your woman. During the cock devotion, you will also touch the frenulum and the frenulum is the piece of skin that connects to the head of the penis to the shaft on the underside of the penis. So, that's the part away from his belly. So, that's this part here. And the head of the penis, and especially the frenulum is very sensitive, much more sensitive than the shaft and it can feel awesome to focus the strokes over the head and the frenulum. And you will also touch the perineum, which is the area of skin beneath his testicles, but above his anus. And a feather-light touch or stroke can feel very nice, but also pressing firmly into the perineum can feel amazing. At the end of the cock devotion video, you may decide to have sex, but you can also stop here, lie down together and cuddle. Or you can end this cock devotion with ejaculation if that is what you prefer. And if you do decide to enter ejaculation, I would also suggest that you do the cock devotion another time without climaxing, and then to have sex together to feel the difference. So, go ahead and get ready for the cock devotion. Prepare to play space and have your oil or lube on hands. And then start the cock devotion video and I will guide you through the experience. I wish you lots of pleasure, relaxation and a lot of devotion during this amazing ritual. (smooth, sensual music) - Welcome to this date night. Tonight, you're going to give your love and attention to your woman's vulva and vagina. I will guide you step by step through an amazing ritual in the form of an epic, pussy devotion massage. It can be a very powerful and new experience for a woman when her genitals are touched in a gentle, soft, and conscious way, especially when they don't have to think or worry about what comes after. And that's also why I advise you to first watch this week's lecture if you haven't done so already, as this will help you both to get prepared for this beautiful massage. In the lecture, we'll also give you some important tips on how you can stay connected with each other, and also how you can hold space for your woman during this sensual and possibly also emotional experience. But before we start with this devotional massage, let's first do the same opening exercise you did the previous date nights. We're again going to share the fears, expectations, and desires that we have for these date nights. Doing so will help you to tune into your body and open up to each other. Sharing your thoughts with your partner, while they are present with you and listening, can be a very healing and extremely connective experience. And the more you practice this exercise, the more powerful it becomes. When you've shared your fears, expectations, and desires with each other, it's time for the pussy devotional massage. (gentle music) - This exercise works magic to reveal to your partner what's going on inside you, and this in turn will help you relax, get out of your head and tune into your body, and connect with your partner at the start of this beautiful date night. So you're gonna take turns sharing your fears, expectations, or desires, and will do so by finishing one of these three sentences. What I'm afraid of during this date night is? What I expect during this date night is, or what I desire during this date night is? So after you've shared a fear, expectation or desire, it's your partner's turn to share. And keep taking turns until you both have nothing more to share. And also keep your sharing short, one or two sentences is more than enough. Don't start telling long stories. So when you share your fears, expectations, and desires with each other, it doesn't mean that you have to resolve anything, or that you have to take action to change something. It's also not meant to be a discussion, even though your partner may have triggered something very strong in you, what happens in you because of the trigger is about you and not about your partner. So talk in I sentences and not in you sentences. And the other partner only needs to listen to what's being said, and doesn't need to respond to anything of it. So let me tell you what I understand the fear, expectation and desire to be. A fear is something that you are afraid of, that gives you stressful feelings, or that keeps you away from relaxing. An expectation is an action or an event that you expect is going to take place, and a desire is something you would love to happen, but it doesn't have to happen right now. So after you've shared either a fear or expectation, visualize picking it up and throwing it over your shoulder. Because making this move will help your mind to let go of your fear and expectations. And by the way, you don't have to throw a desire over your shoulder, because sharing a desire with your partner is a beautiful and vulnerable act. So there's no need for that. So maybe you wonder why it's necessary to throw your expectations over your shoulder. It is because when your expectations are not being met, you may feel disappointed, confused, or even angry. And moreover, when you hold on too strongly to your expectations, it becomes much more difficult to be open to new and different experiences. So for example, an expectations that is if you expect this date night to going to resolve all your issues in your relationship. An example of a desire on the other hand is that you want to feel open and loving towards your partner during this date night, and that's something completely different. So let's look at a demonstration in which Bella and Marcus share their fears, expectations and desires. And after that, it's your turn. - What I expect from this date night is that this and we're gonna look really good. (Bella laughs) - What I desire during this date night is to have fun. (Marcus and Bella laughing) - What I desire during this date night is to connect with you without having so much pressure on me. (Bella and Marcus laughing) - My expectation for this date night is to know exactly how to touch you in any moment. - What I'm afraid of during this date night is that I'll fuck up somehow and that you'll be angry and that will cause me to shut down and feel guilty. - What I'm afraid of during this date night is to be too self-conscious about how I look while I connect with you. - What I'm afraid of during this date night is that I won't be able to control my ejaculation. - My desire for this date night is to let go of all the expectations. - [Marcus] What I desire for this date night is to just have fun. Have fun with you. (smooth, sensual music) - In this week's module, you will learn everything about the pussy. And we will explain and show you all you need and want to know about the female anatomy, and we will guide you along an in-depth practice in the form of an epic, pussy devotion massage. Many women experience pain or numbness in the vagina. And this week, we will work towards transforming that pain or numbness into pleasure. Next to this lecture, you will find three videos. And the first two are from Annamarie Greyling, who is a pelvic-floor expert and has worked with thousands of women to increase pleasure in their bodies. In the video about the pelvic floor, Annamarie talks about why it's so important that women are able to both contract and relax their pelvic floor. And she also explains the reason why many women carry tension, pain, and numbness in their pelvic floor and what problems this may cause. In the video about sexual anatomy and orgasmic potential, Annamarie talks about, of course, orgasms. She explains clitoral orgasms. Vaginal orgasms. She talks about the cervix and the G-spot, but not only the G-spot, but also the U, O, A, and B spots. And Annamarie also shows you the whole clitoral body. So not only the tip of the iceberg that you can see that people call the clitoris, but also the other parts that play such an important orgasmic role, like, for example, the vestibular bulbs. She also talks about activating deeper spots in your vagina, how these connect to different nerve endings, and how you can connect these spots to your brain and awaken pleasure and different orgasmic experiences. And as a cherry on the cake, we have for you the pussy devotion massage, with a beautiful couple Marcus and Bella. And I will guide you step by step through this amazing ritual. In this lecture, I'll explain to you a bit more about what to expect and how to prepare for the pussy devotion. For some women, it can be a new and even an emotional experience to have their pussies touched in a gentle, soft, and conscious way. And for many women, it feels great to be touched in this way without having to think or worry about what comes next. And the massage starts with stimulating the vulva with different strokes. And the vulva is the outside of the female genitals. So that's the pubic mound, the inner and outer labia, the clitoris, the vaginal opening, and the vestibular bulbs. And we'll also show you different ways to stimulate the vagina itself. And that's the inside of the female genitals. For women who experience pain during intercourse, it may really help to begin your sexual play with a pussy massage like this. And you may experience pain during intercourse for different reasons. And one big cross is that you stored tension inside your pussy. And a good massage will help you to deeply connect with your pussy and also to let go of this tension. And there are also a lot of women who don't feel so much in their pussy during intercourse. And this is one of the reasons why many women like to squeeze their pussy around the cock when they have sex, because then they feel more. This massage helps in restoring natural sensitivity in your pussy. So you don't need to squeeze and hold your breath any more to feel something. And it may also boost the natural lubrication of your vaginal walls, which helps in making intercourse more pleasurable. A well-sensitized pussy can be totally relaxed and soft and feel ecstatic at the same time, both for you and for your partner. There are many amazing benefits you may have from doing a pussy devotion massage. And one benefit is that massaging the pussy really helps in awakening nerve endings in vaginal tissue. And this can be the gateway to deeper and longer orgasms, like, for example, the cervical orgasm. Another benefit is that this massage helps to release muscle tension from the pelvic floor and vaginal walls that may cause pain or numbness. And it also increases the blood circulation and flow of oxygen in your genitals. And better flow means more lubrication and intense orgasms. So you really awaken your pussy to more sensitivity and pleasure. This ritual allows you to explore full-body relaxation and sexual nourishment through loving touch, without any expectations or goals or a need to perform. And it also helps you to get to know your own body more intimately, and you may increase your awareness about various body parts that you've never noticed before. And knowledge of what you like really helps you and your partner to increase your pleasure, connection, and depth during sex. And you'll learn how to relax into your body, instead of being inside the head and tensing up with control, and this will make letting go and surrendering into orgasmic experiences much easier. And if you decide to have intercourse after this pussy devotion, this may well be a totally new, delicious, and mind-blowing experience because you're going to feel a lot more. In order to get ready for the pussy devotion, I would like to ask the man to prepare the space. And make sure the temperature in the room is right, because pleasure and energy can't flow freely when it's too cold. And light some candles. Burn some incense if your woman likes that. And really make it as inviting as possible for her to lie down and receive this beautiful gift you have to give her. And if you want to play music in the background, and I highly recommend you do, have that ready as well. And don't put the music too loud, because you still want to be able to hear my instructions. Also make sure you have the massage oil and a towel ready, and you can use, for example, coconut oil or lube. But please remember, however, that if you are going to have intercourse afterwards, coconut oil is not a safe combination with condoms. In the video, Marcus sits on the bed between Bella's legs. If this is uncomfortable for the man, for example, if you have knee or back pain, you can also sit in a chair next to the bed with your partner's legs resting on chairs on both sides of you. And you can also change how you sit throughout the massage if you need to. Most important is that you are both comfortable so you can really focus on the pussy devotion. I also advise you to put a pillow under your woman's buttocks, as this will lift up her pelvis, which will give you greater access to her vagina. And if you are going to give this pussy devotion massage to your woman, let me tell you that the quality of your touch is very, very important. Most important is that you are totally present in your touch. And what I mean by this is that when you touch your partner, that's really all you're doing. So just focus with all your attention on touching your partner and they can feel that you are really there with them. So make sure your mind is not wandering off, but tune into her body with all your senses. So, listen to how she's breathing and how she's making sounds, and see how she moves under your touch. And feel the sensation and pressure of your fingers and your hands on her body. And I advise you to ask your woman regularly if she likes your touch. Does she like the pressure? Does she like the speed? Or does she want it slower for example? Pussy devotion is really about teamwork and exploring what your woman's pussy likes best. And please see the video not as a tight script that you have to follow, but more like an inspiration you can draw from. And if you want to continue a stroke lower than is shown in the video, feel free to pause the video. And if you'd like to explore in a different way, please take that liberty. You can take as much time and be as creative as you want. And at a certain moment during the massage, I will ask you to check in with your woman, if she wants you to go inside with your fingers. And don't just assume she wants this. Always check in with her, because she may be in the mood for penetration, but then again, maybe she is not. Maybe she feels very tender and just wants you to continue massaging the outside, the vulva. So to give her this choice really is a gift, and it may also help to rebuild trust between her pussy and physical touch. And if she doesn't want to be penetrated, that's fine. Because you can always pause this video and continue with strokes on the outside of the pussy to explore the pleasurable spots there. This pussy devotion can be a very deep, healing experience. So all emotions are super, super welcome. And if you don't know what to do when your woman starts crying or seems really upset, you can always ask her. And one of the best questions you can ask is, what do you need right now? Or, how can I support you through this? And maybe she needs a kiss, or maybe she needs a cuddle, or maybe she just wants you to continue doing what you're doing. If you are receiving this pussy devotion, all you have to do is to feel, and it can be quite a challenge for women receiving this to not judge themselves. So if you find yourself thinking that I'm not feeling enough, or I'm not orgasmic enough, or the opposite of that, I'm too orgasmic, I should contain myself, remind yourself that everything that happens is perfect and whatever you're feeling is perfect. Just keep feeling whatever it is that you're feeling. And please be gentle with yourself. If you have to cry, or if you have different emotions, let yourself feel it and be compassionate towards yourself and your body. And if at any point you feel really orgasmic, go ahead and have an orgasm! Really enjoy it. Every woman is different and every pussy is different. So see this pussy devotion as an exploration of your pussy to discover what you like. And if you would like more pressure, or if you would like your man to move slower or faster or do a different stroke, just ask for it. And if you experience pain or discomfort during this massage, you can also ask your man to slow down or stop his movements altogether. And if this happens, see if you can release this pain or discomfort by breathing into it and letting it go during the out breath. And only if and when you are ready, you can ask your partner to continue. So get ready for the pussy devotion. Prepare the play space and then start the video and I will guide you through the experience. I wish you both a beautiful exploration and lots of pleasure during this amazing ritual. (soft music) - Inside, as well as outside the bedroom, I've seen lots of couples struggling with on the one hand expressing their desires of what they really want. And on the other hand, giving clear boundaries of what they don't want. And this can be very challenging at times. The good news is that you can train your capacity to do so. This exercise is made up of three parts, and trains your capacity to speak your desires, no matter how weird, immoral, kinky, or dull they may. It will also help you to tune into your body, and feel where your noes and your yeses are. So in the first part, we'll start with expressing our desires to our partner. And when expressing some of your desires, you may feel shame, or fear, or rejection, or perhaps you're convinced that your partner doesn't share your desire. I invite you to express it anyway when you have these feelings, because you're learning a new valuable skill here, and that sometimes is just scary. And if you're the partner listening, you don't have to act on what your partner says. All you have to do is to acknowledge that they shared a desire. So let me show you a demonstration of this first part of the exercise. Decide who's going to start. For the next two minutes, you can now express your desires to your partner, and be creative. Don't censor yourself, and remember to have fun. When it's time to switch sides, you will hear a sound. - I went to fuck you for hours without worrying about cumming. - That's a really good thing to want. - I want to fart in your face. - That's a good desire. (couple laughing) - I want to laugh about everything with you. - That's also a good desire. - I want to slap my dick in your cheek. (woman laughing) - That's a good desire. - I want you to wake me up by sucking my cock. - If you want it all. - I want to live a long life with you. - That's a good thing to want. - I desire for you to put me to bed, stroke my forehead until I fall asleep. - That's a good thing to want. I want to lay down, and connect with you for a long time. - That's a good desire. - I desire to let go of all fear of our relationship. - That's a good desire. - I desire a full body massage from you. - That's a good desire. - I desire for you to lick me all through my body, all the way down to my pussy, and then lick my pussy for a long time after that. - That's a good desire. (bell dinging) (bell dinging) - Part two, making a request, and no is the answer. So you've just practiced sharing your desires with your partner. Now let's take this one step further. You're going to practice making real requests, and this may sound easier than it is. In my work with couples, many partners found it very difficult to ask for something they really wanted. It was often easier, and less scary to make a statement, instead of asking explicitly for something, because when their partner would say no to a statement, it didn't really feel so much like a rejection. A massage would be nice, that's a statement. Will you give me a massage? That's a request. So in the second part of the exercise, one partner starts by making outrageous requests to the partner. And because this is a practice, it isn't important if all of these requests are sincere or not, anything goes. I ask you to make your requests outrageous, as this helps you to keep it light and playful. You're going to train an important skill here, and making it too serious and heavy may hinder the learning process. So please focus on requests in the areas of romance, intimacy, and sexuality, and start your request by asking, may I, will you, or could you. And the partner who's listening to the request will feel into this for a moment, and then always answer with a no. And the goal here is to experience how it feels in your body when you say no. When you would have actually said no if you had a choice, it probably feels very fitting to also say no in real life. But when you would rather have said yes, maybe you experienced some sort of friction or dissonance in your body. And if you feel this, that means your body is disagreeing with what you're actually saying. And that of course is a very valuable feeling to recognize. So for the one making the request, you may experience the feeling of rejection, even though your partner must say no, and you know that, and that's perfectly okay. This is about owning your desires, even when you get rejected. We train this skill in a playful way, so you can feel in your body what happens if you get a no, and also later on, if you get a yes. And this will prepare you for situations where you express your desires for real. So this is what you are going to do. For two minutes, one of you will make requests to the partner, and the partner will feel into the request for a moment, but then always respond with a no. And when it's time to switch sides, you will hear a sound. So let's look at the demo from Marcus and Bella. - May I bite your neck very gently? - No. - May I bite your lips? - No. - May I throw you off a building? - No. - May I catch you if you fall off a building? - No. (couple laughing) - May I stroke gently on your back with my fingertips? - No. - May I sit down on your cock with my pussy? - No. (man laughing) - May I cook you dinner tonight? - No. (couple laughing) - May I bite your balls until you scream? (couple laughing) - No. - Can you give me a five hours long massage? - No. (couple laughing) I don't know. (bell dinging) (bell dinging) - Part three, making a request, and yes is the answer. And now for the third and most fun part, we are going to do the same like last time, but only this time, the response will always be yes. And if you have to say yes to something you would otherwise always say no to, this can really create some discomfort, or even feel painful in your body. That's because your answer is not in sync with your body reaction. Of course, in this exercise, even though you're going to say yes to anything your partner is asking, you're not going to do it, because that's not what this exercise is about. This part of the exercise, as well as the part before, trains you to better tune into your body, and to learn to trust your body that it knows what it wants. And just like before, you will get two minutes in which one partner makes requests to the other, and the other feels into this request, but then always responds with yes. And when it's time to switch sides, you'll hear a sound. So let's look at a demo from Marcus and Bella. - Will you go to the beach with me when we really start this next holiday? - Yes. - Can I then hold you under the water for four minutes? - Yes. - Can I slap you as hard as I can? - Yes. - May I gently stroke your face until you fall asleep tonight? - Yes. - May I hold you in your arms, may I hold you in my arms? Tell you I love you. - Yes. - May I spit in your eye? - Yes. - Can I tickle your feet for an hour? - Yes. (woman giggling) - Can I lay in your arms, and melt together tonight? - Yes. - Can I bite your balls until you scream? - Yes. (couple laughing) - Can I lick your armpits? - Yes. - Can I shave your balls? - Yes. - Can I take you out for dinner one day soon? - Yes. - Can I walk over your back with my high heels? - Yes. (bell dinging) (bell dinging) (romantic music) - We've created a fun exercise for you in which you are going to test your partner's boundaries and try to get a clear no from them. So before you start with the exercise, you're going to share with your partner the boundaries that you know you have. And then during the exercise, you're going to say no out loud to your partner when they, of course, in the playful way, cross a boundary you didn't know you had up until that point. And this exercise is not just about giving a no. It's also about receiving a no. Because the better you get in both giving and receiving those, the deeper, more creative and juicier your sexual connection becomes as this will build safety and trust in each other. Your yes is only as good as your no. The aim of the game is to get four consecutive nos from your partner before you switch sides. And this is a crazy, powerful exercise. And you'll probably find that by saying no in this exercise, it will be a lot easier for you to say no in real life. In this exercise, you can move around, sit or lie down. You can do whatever feels right for you. Decide which one of you is go to test the other person's boundaries. Start by exploring your partner's body with your hands. Start nice and slow to allow your partner to get used to your touch. Now keep exploring your partner's body, trying out different ways of touching, and gradually increase the intensity of your touch. You're building up momentum and raising the stakes in your quest to find your partner's boundaries. Remember to keep it light and playful though, and start slow because you definitely don't want to cross your partner's boundaries too far and too fast. - Ah. No. - [Trainer] Maintain eye contact to stay aware of what's happening and don't get lost in your goal to cross the line. This is not a contest. Keep touching your partner and trying out new ways to press their buttons. And remind yourself that there are more ways to get a no than just by inflicting pain. - No. - [Trainer] For example, you can try licking your partner's face or sticking your finger in their nose, putting their finger in your ear or tickling their armpits, or sucking their big toe. And when you do get a no, stop what you're doing immediately. - No. - [Trainer] Slowly inhale and exhale once, and then start over again. Continue testing your boundaries until you've gotten your fourth no. Then thank your partner for expressing their boundaries and switch sides. If you're the partner who is being tested, remember that this exercise is for you to notice what's happening in your body as your partner gradually intensifies that touch. It's not meant to shock or traumatize you. Stay with it until you feel that the boundary has been crossed. - No. - [Trainer] And when that happens, when you do feel a full no, it's time for you to express this. And try to distinguish between feeling and knowing your body, and wanting to say no in anticipation or fear of what may be coming. Of course, if you do feel any difficult emotions arising at any point, and it gets too intense for you to carry on, then of course, it's okay to say no then, too. Remind yourself that this is not an opportunity for you to show your partner just how tough you are. If your partner is pinching your nipple and you experience excruciating pain, but you grin and bear it because you don't want to lose, then you're missing the point of this exercise. - Ah. No. - [Trainer] When you've both had your turn, take some time to share your experiences with each other. (gentle music) - It's time to start asking for what you want and getting it too. So, in this next exercise, you'll be working on recognizing in the moment what your desires are, and then you're going to ask your partner for exactly what you want. If your partner agrees to it, they can give you what you've asked for, whether this is a kiss on the cheek, a slap on the bum, or a compliment about how beautiful your breasts are. This exercise is all about noticing and valuing what you want in any given moment. And this can change from moment to moment. So, in order to keep your requests up-to-date and aligned with what's really alive in you, you're going to ask for what you want every 10 seconds. If you are the giving partner, it's important that you give exactly for what your partner has asked for, but only for 10 seconds. Don't improvise and don't try to please by giving it for longer than 10 seconds. This is about executing the request, not about showing initiative. If you're the partner that's asking, lie down on either your stomach or your back. The partner that's giving sits next to you. Now, take a moment to feel into your body and tune into what you want to receive. Do you want your partner to stroke your hair? Or do you want your upper body jiggled? Or do you want to hug or a kiss? If nothing comes up, you can wait until something does, or you can try out a few of the suggestions from this demonstration and take it from there. If you are the giving partner, only start to touch the other after they've expressed what they want to receive. Then do exactly what they asked for, nothing more and nothing less. If the request is not clear, you can ask specific questions such as, "Do you want harder or softer pressure?" Or, "Do you want my hands here?" After 10 seconds, gently move your hands from your partner and wait until your partner ask again what they want to receive. If your partner asks for something you really don't want to do, you can say, "Thank you for that request, can you ask for something else?" Or, "I'm not willing to do that, could you make another request?" If you are the one asking and you really like what your partner is doing, you can of course make the same request again after 10 seconds. That's entirely up to you. The most important thing is that you keep noticing what you want to receive in every moment and continue expressing this. And when it's time to switch roles you'll hear a sound. After you've both had your turn, take some time to share your experience with each other. (bell chiming) (bell chiming) (soft music) - Tonight is going to be wild. And if you've watched this module's lecture and prepared yourself as I explained in the "Fantasy Night" video, you did your part in laying the groundwork for a beautiful and perhaps even spectacular intimate journey together. So we start today with a simple and yet not so simple, but very powerful exercise. This exercise will give you an experience of what polarity means, and how during intimate play, the different roles of taking the lead or following that lead feel. In the life lecture, we also explained more about polarity and also about the sometimes confusing concepts of the masculine and the feminine, which are often used in Tantra. I really advise you to watch this lecture if you haven't done so yet, especially if polarity is something you haven't heard much about before. After this taste of polarity, it's time to play with your partner's whole body for your own pleasure. Of course, within a consensual framework. This exercise builds on top of what you've learned in previous modules. And I've seen couples being blown away after doing this exercise, because they experienced a deep level of intimate touch they didn't even know was possible. (upbeat music) - Sexual attraction is based on the polarity between two opposing energies. And polarity is a fancy word for opposites or attraction. And sexual energy pours to the polarity dynamic between the masculine and the feminine. And as I explained in the life lecture, this has absolutely nothing to do with gender, as we all have these masculine and feminine qualities in us. So whether you're a man or a woman, straight, gay or bisexual, you can play with this polarity dynamic. And that's exactly what we're going to do in this exercise. So in Tantra, the masculine is often associated with providing direction and leading the feminine. While the feminine on the other hand is associated with providing the force of the energy and surrendering to or following the masculine. And it's important to get intimate with both your masculine and feminine side because this will help you to connect with these different qualities in yourself, but also in these qualities in your partner. And in the lecture, I also explained that the challenge for both the masculine, as well as for the feminine, is to surrender and let go of mental control. And surrendering deeply can be a very scary and vulnerable thing to do. And you need to feel safe both in yourself, and with your partner to be able to do so. So in my work with couples over the years, I've seen that in most cases, one partner is more used to taking the lead during sex while the other is more used to following that lead. And for both partners, it was often very challenging to switch these roles around. What I've also seen happen is that partners would compete with each other in taking the lead because they found it both very difficult to let go of control. And the result of this would be that need a partner could really sink into their feminine or their masculine, and that made a sexual play shallow, predictable, and boring, and that is what happens when you have two captains on one ship. So we created this exercise for you. So you can play with an experienced both sides of the coin, and then there's exercise only one partner leads and the other follows. So let me show you a demonstration. (upbeat music) Decide which one of you is going to lead first, sit or kneel opposite each other on the bed, and gently press both of your hands against your partner's hands. Imagine you're pressing against the wall, now close your eyes and keep them closed during the exercise. If you're the partner who is leading first, started move your hands forwards, backwards, left or right, up and down, and you can alter the speed of your movements and change the pressure against your partner's hands. You can make circling movements or windshield wiper movements. You can move each hands in different directions, apply more pressure with your fingers or even curl your hands in the claw. So that only your fingertips are touching, make whatever surprising and creative moves you feel like, just make sure that your partner can keep up with you and your hand stay connected. You got a partner follows the movements, and when you do so, try not to take over. All you have to do is to follow your partner's leads and surrender to their movements by moving along, off the five minutes, you'll hear the sound and it's time to switch roles. And when you've both had your turn, take some time to share your experience with each other. (upbeat music) - This is going to be fun and possibly super sexy, and perhaps also somewhat challenging for some of you. I'm going to invite you to touch your partner's whole body for your own pleasure. In my work with couples over the years, it always struck me just how difficult it was for them to touch their partner for their own pleasure. Most couples had an idea how their partner want to be touched, but they were often clueless about how to touch their partner so that they would experience pleasure themselves. And that's what this exercise is all about. Can you derive pleasure yourself from the act of touching your partner, and can you also allow this pleasure to grow and fill your entire body? For the couples that I coached learned to consciously touch their partner and allow themselves to feel pleasure while doing so was often the key to bring back crazy passion into the bedroom, even more so than when they first met. And I can tell you few things are more of a turn-on than your partner enjoying your body and touching you the way they want. So if you're the one that's touching during the exercise, remind yourself that you're touching your partner for your own selfish pleasure. That means for yourself. Doing so will stimulate new neuro connections in your brain, and this helps to increase your capacity to allow and experience pleasure. You're quite literally strengthening the direct pleasure routes between your senses and your brain. If you're the one allowing your partner to touch you, please state your boundaries before starting the exercise and remember to speak up or say no during the exercise, whenever you feel it's necessary. Remind yourself that your ability to give and receive no is essential in order to be able to give and receive a full yes. This is what creates a safe and loving space for sexual exploration. Also remind yourself that it's not the goal of this exercise that you enjoy the touch. If you do enjoy it, which is probably the case once your partner really gets the hang of it, that's an added bonus. So let's look at a demonstration. Sit up straight in a comfortable position. The partner that's allowing the touching states their boundaries. Then start touching your partner. It can be quite challenging for you to touch and play with your partner's whole body for your own pleasure. Many of us are deeply conditioned to please the other when we touch, and it really takes time and practice to rewire ourselves. It can be a scary and vulnerable thing to do what you feel like, what turns you on. So if you don't know what to do at first, that's fine. The goal of this exercise is to become aware of your impulses and to be relaxed enough to act on them. So if you do feel an impulse or longing to do something, follow it through. This is how your body communicates with you, so don't start thinking about it, but just do it. If you don't know what to do, just try things out. You can push, you can pull, you can bite, lick, tickle, slap, stroke, or grab, anything goes. But keep reminding yourself that you do this for your pleasure and not for your partner's pleasure. So give yourself enough time to feel if you like what you are doing. If it turns you on, or if it's just plain fun. And slowing down, or even doing nothing for a moment, can help you tune into yourself and listen to what your body wants to do. Trust that your partner will state their boundaries, if necessary. Be playful, tease, follow your curiosity and have fun. There is really no wear tear. The more you do this exercise, the more relaxed, adventurous, and curious you'll become. You'll almost certainly discover new things that turn you on, and you don't have to avoid your partner's genitals, but don't excessively focus on them either. And when you do touch the genitals, ask yourself if you're doing this because this turns you on, or if it's seeing your partner's arousal that turns you on. Include the whole body in your touching. Remind yourself as a general rule that whatever part of the body you don't touch and leave out of your intimate play is a missed opportunity. Explore your partner's whole body and experiment with new ways of touching it. If you are the partner that's allowing the touching, see if you can sink into this touch. Keep feeling into your body, and remind yourself to speak up when your boundaries are crossed, or even when you're not entirely sure and need a breather. After 10 minutes, you'll hear a sound, and it's time to switch sides. Afterwards, take your time to share with each other how this works for you. Have fun. (mood music) - For the upcoming date night, please take some time to connect with your desires and feel into your body if there's a sexual fantasy you'd like to live out with your partner. So most people have sexual fantasies. Some more innocent and playful and others, more raw and kinky. And often these fantasies involve some kind of role-play. That's because when you can allow yourself to step into your fantasy, it's often very exciting to take on another identity and to let go of the normal sexual dynamic. And the kind of role-play people fantasize about often revolve around a strong polarity of playing roles that are quite opposite from each other. And that's also because this creates a high sexual charge. And it's just like in Hollywood movies, you have opposite roles like "The Beauty and the Beast," the hero and the villain, the cop and the bank robber. And there always is some sort of tension between these two opposites, which is what makes the story interesting. And in sexual play, it's really not so different. So some of the couples we work with over the years found it very liberating to have an open conversation about fantasies and role-play because they could allow themselves to actually have sexual fantasies and share these with their partner. All of a sudden these fantasies seem to pop out of thin thin air. And that's awesome because there are few things more fun and exciting than orchestrating your own sexual adventures together. For other couples, on the other hand, it was quite challenging to talk about this subject, which is also very understandable because having an honest conversation about this, it requires a degree of sexual openness that can leave you feeling very exposed and vulnerable. Feelings of shame and self-judgment may come up when you share your fantasies with your partner. And especially if it's a sexual fantasies you've had for quite some time, but never really shared with anyone before. And when you're listening to your partner sharing their fantasy, you may also experience feelings of doubt and judgment about it, and if this happens, just be gentle and have compassion with yourself and your partner, because it really takes time to create this level of openness toward one another, as this is not something society has taught us to do. You're learning a new skill and intimate language here, connecting with your own and your partner's feelings and desires in a loving way. And learning a new skill is sometimes a lot of fun and sometimes it's also quite challenging. So, really allow yourself time and space to grow together. I advise you to first take some time on your own to feel into what sexual fantasy you would like to do with your partner. What is it exactly that turns you on? And you can feel into this while sipping a good glass of wine or taking a walk in the woods, or you can do it as well self-pleasuring or even while visiting porn sites for inspiration. We also asked Bella and Marcus to prepare for their fantasy night and we had the pleasure of filming them when they played out their three favorite fantasies. ("Teardrop") So the first one was about a naughty teacher-student relationship, where Marcus played the role of a not-so-strict teacher and Bella played the provocative student. ("Teardrop") (indistinct whispering) ♪ Love, love is a verb, love is a ♪ - In the next fantasy, the power dynamics flipped around and it was time for Bella to step into her power and dominate Marcus, who gladly surrendered to his femme fatale. ♪ Shakes me, makes me lighter ♪ ♪ Feathers on my breath ♪ ♪ Teardrop on the fire ♪ ♪ Feathers on my breath ♪ ♪ Night, night after day ♪ ♪ Black flowers blossom ♪ ♪ Feathers on my breath ♪ ♪ Black flowers blossom ♪ ♪ Feathers on my breath ♪ - [Instructor] And in the last fantasy, both Marcus and Bella saw their desires fulfilled. Bella stepped into the role of her favorite pet, playing a kitten and Marcus played the pet's master. (Marcus giggling) ("Teardrop") (indistinct chattering) ♪ Water is my eye ♪ ♪ Most faithful mirror ♪ ♪ Feathers on my breath ♪ ♪ Teardrop on the fire ♪ (Marcus giggling) ♪ Feathers on my breath ♪ ♪ Most faithful mirror ♪ ♪ Feathers on my breath ♪ (Marcus giggling) (indistinct chattering) - When you've come up with one or more fantasies you'd like to live out with your partner, plan some time together to share these with each other. And remind yourself that sharing your fantasies with each other, is a beautiful act of trust and vulnerability. And this is really about owning your fantasies and sharing these with your partner doesn't mean there's any obligation whatsoever that you or your partner has to fulfill these. And if there's one fantasy or role-play that you both feel comfortable with doing, that's awesome. And if not, see if you can find some common ground and try out the fantasy or some kind of role-play that you both feel curious about. After that, it's time to get prepared. So perhaps you want to spend some time feeling into, or thinking about, how you can step into your own role. Maybe you want to be dressed in a certain way, or you want to use makeup, or maybe you need some extra accessories or gadget that fits the scene. Make it as realistic as you can in your mind's eye, as that will help you dropping into your role during the fantasy nights. So during your fantasy nights, there are a few things that may help you in having a great experience together. First of all, you don't want to take your script too seriously. It's great if you set up the scene and have some ideas about what you want to do, but don't make it into a mind game where you hold on too tightly on what you had planned. Things almost always go differently and that's perfectly fine. Great sexual play only happens when you follow your senses and listen to your bodily impulses. So in other words, let your body lead you and not your mind. And when things go differently than expected, just relax, slow down, and connect to what's actually happening in the moment. You can even stop doing anything until your senses tell you what to do. And this could up as a sudden impulse to do something, which basically is an insight, communicated from your body to your mind. And it can also be more subtle. Like for example, you feel a desire to hug or to kiss or to touch in a certain way and you just start doing that until something else comes up. Most important is that you relax and focus on what you are feeling in your body and not on the thoughts in your head. Another tip I would like to give you, and especially if you are going to engage in role-play with a strong polarity dynamic, is to agree on using safe words. As we talked about before, it's important that you can both express your desires as well as your boundaries, but if you're playing out a sexual fantasy, it may sometimes be not entirely clear when a "no" is a real "no," or where a "no" is really a "fuck yes" because it fits the role-play more. Well, what do you say, without breaking the flow, when you really like what your partner is doing, but it's also on the edge of what you can handle or you feel intense emotions coming up. So for this reason, it may be helpful to use some safe words. For example, you could agree with each other to use the words green, yellow, and red. And "green" in this case could mean, "Go ahead, I'm doing fine." Or even, "Please don't stop because it feels incredible," right? And "yellow" could mean, "You don't have to stop, but don't make it any more intense than it is now." Or, "It's okay and I like it, but not sure if I can hold on for a lot longer." So this safe word, "yellow" in this case, is really an invitation for the doing partner to stay super present to see what's going on with their partner. And "red" could mean, "Stop immediately with what you're doing." And of course the doing partner can also use these safe words, especially when you're trying out something you've never done before, you may feel very vulnerable because you're not sure how your partner is going to react on this. And in this case, it's really helpful if you can check in with your partner without disrupting the vibe you're in. For example, you can ask them what color they are, and then if your partner says, "Green," you know everything is okay. You can let go of any worries and you can keep doing what you're doing. So, agreeing on using safe words like this, is a great way to create a safe container for the both of you and especially when you go on your sexual exploration together, that's very important. Well, that's it for now. I wish you a lot of fun with the preparations and I'll see you back on fantasy night. - [Woman] Starts good. - How do you want it? Straight-straight? - [Woman] Straight on the back. - Because now this one is like a twisted thing. - [Woman] Yeah, we cannot prevent that, I guess. (indistinct chattering) I don't see it from behind. We might do one shot from behind. Pull it up. (Bella and Marcus giggling) - You're liking this a bit too much. (everyone giggling) - [Woman] Yes (indistinct) fantasy. (upbeat music) - It's time for Fantasy Night. In this module's life lecture and the Fantasy Night video, we talked about how many people have sexual fantasies and how awesome it can be to live these out with your partner. We also asked you to think of a sexual fantasy or a role-play you'd like to do with each other. So, I invite you now to step into one fantasy you chose together and that you're comfortable with bringing to the bedroom. And if you're going to engage in role-play, remind yourself to follow your impulses and not your mind. And if you still need to agree on some safe words that we talked about before in the Fantasy Night video, please do so now. There is no time-cap on this exercise, so take all the time you need. Turn on your favorite music playlist and give yourself the time to really drop in. Allow yourself to touch and play with your partner for your own pleasure and remember to have fun and not take it all too seriously. Enjoy the rest of your evening together.

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