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Tantric Kink Online Course:
Bringing Together Tantra and BDSM

Luna Agneya & Sanya Alaya
Sexologist & Sex, Love & Relationship Coach
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About This Course

Experience new depths of intimacy by combining learnings from tantra and BDSM. Learn how with this breathtaking course, complete with practical exercises, video lessons, and more!

What You Will Learn

  1. What tantra and kink have in common
  2. The benefits of BDSM and tantra for intimacy
  3. Expert techniques for better communication and deeper connection
  4. Power play, sensory play, impact play, and energy play

Take This Course and Hundreds More

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Taught by the world’s top experts.

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Quick results & easy-to-follow instructions.

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For everyone. Singles, couples, all genders and orientations.

Your Instructor

Luna Agneya & Sanya Alaya

Sexologist & Sex, Love & Relationship Coach

Luna and Sanya, a Somatic Sexologist and a Sex, Love, and Relationship Coach, combine their expertise to guide individuals seeking liberation from shame and conditioning. They assist in exploring sensuality, fostering creativity, and cultivating deeper relationships with others.

More by This Instructor

Lessons and Classes

Total length:
more than 180 min
  1.  1. About Luna & Sanya
  2. 2. How to Use This Course
  3. 3. Course Language Introduction
  4. 4. What Tantra and Kink Have In Common
  5. 5. Benefits of Kink, BDSM, and Tantra
  6. 6. Choosing Your Partner
  7. 7. Introduction to Communication
  8. 8. Inner Attitude
  9. 9. How to Start a Session by Checking-in
  10. 10. Traffic Light System and Safe words
  11. 11. Aftercare for Bottoms and Tops
  12. 12. Intro to Partner Play and Dynamics
  13. 13. Finding Common Ground
  14. 14. Intro to Connection Exercises
  15. 15. Eye Gazing
  16. 16. The 3-Minute Game
  17. 17. Heart to Heart Breathing
  18. 18. Somatic Secret & Fantasy Sharing
  19. 19. Intro Talk About Ideas and Options
  20. 20. Bossy Massage
  21. 21. Dom/Sub Exercise Demo
  22. 22. Introduction to Impact Play
  23. 23. Impact Ritual
  24. 24. The Power of Breath, Sounds, and Movement
  25. 25. Microcosmic Orbit for Partners
  26. 26. Spreading Energy
  27. 27. Introduction to the World of Senses
  28. 28. Sensory Activation
  29. 29. Sensory Deprivation
  30. 30. Breath Play
  31. 31. Intro to Resourcing and Emotional Care
  32. 32. Moving Emotions
  33. 33. Emotional Transfiguration
  34. 34. Closure

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Before jumping into the course, we thought we'd share a little bit about our personal journeys and how we got into teaching tantric kink and exploring this world. I was very kinky from the start of my sexual experience. I used to always dress in cat ears. I was very much into Japanese a little later kind of fashion and going to raves. And as soon as I was 19, I started stripping. And actually my first performance as a stripper was at a fetish party. And so it was getting a lot into doing a lot of performance, showgirl work, working in the auto industry. I managed a company called Trash Dolls where I was mentoring and holding space for a lot of performers and models in the alternative world. And we also did quite a lot of kinky stuff and run an erotic magazine. And I was exploring the kink world, but I found often a lot of fetish parties that I went to in Australia. It was very much like this black Latex doc, very Gothic kind of vibe that I used to kind of resonate with, but then I found it a bit off putting. And I knew that I was really kinky but a lot of mainstream kink wasn't really doing it for me. I actually had quite a few traumatic experiences with people that I would play with that weren't respecting my boundaries, were pushing me really far, that weren't communicating well. And then I moved to Berlin, and Berlin was amazing liberation experience. There was a lot of conscious sexuality play parties. There was a lot of workshops and festivals where I could go and actually learn conscious skills to use around this world. And I started tantra many, many years ago. I first started exploring it, and then I started going to a lot of workshops and eventually doing training at the Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality, where I learned how to be a sexuality coach, learned a lot, lot, lot more about tantra. And since then I've been exploring more and more, getting into classical tantra, but still loving this side of me, this kind of exploration. And it was being beautiful to fuse the two, to meet other teachers like Sonia that also work with this world because when I was younger, I knew that there could be this kind of connection with this spiritual Yogi side of me and this kinky side, but there wasn't much on offer years ago. And it's definitely starting to become more and more popular. Shibari is definitely helping create more of this conscious BDSM world that is starting to come out. So it's been beautiful to start teaching, sharing, creating play parties and spaces for people that are interested in conscious sexuality and conscious kink. And then coming together to build this amazing course, teaching retreats. And we're really excited to get to share this with the internet for people that might not be able to make it to Berlin or Bali or wherever we are in the world teaching this stuff. - I'm Sonia and I'm coming from a background that started actually with my own experiences in the kinky world, I started with 22 and I had those fantasies since almost ever that I can remember. And they were really becoming big in me and really, really they wanted to be lifted, they wanted to come out. And when I started to explore them, for me it was huge step to just really come to terms with who I am, and to feel seen and accepted, not only by the people around me, but also really by myself. And I was really diving deep into this kink world, and going to parties, and a lot of events, and dating people, and really loved that. But it very quickly almost like hit upon where I'm like, well, it's just repetitive, it's actually not going deeper. It's very physical, which is beautiful, but it really did not satisfy my urge to grow, to expand, to have this higher experience that is not only about sexual part. And I then found tantra somehow, I think, through my coaching training. And that really hit me hard. I was like, "Wow, there is this huge other world "that I actually didn't really know." I always felt it somehow, but I didn't really have the tools for it. And it was really interesting for me because at the beginning it was way more difficult for me and the kinky world, because it's so much more about slowing down, and actually really feeling. And eventually bringing those ones together. That's really where I found like, "That's my home. "This is where I am feeling most confident, "and most satisfied and fulfilled on all different levels." So I brought them together in my own play and my private experiences, but then also at work, like bringing that into workshops, having this approach of really self-expression of kink, but with the tantric tools a lot, and bringing that into the bodywork sessions that I did for working with individuals on their sexuality topics, working with them in workshops, working... I did work a lot with Shanie Love, and really facilitating and giving creating those spaces for people to live this part and to basically, get rid of that shame or anything that might be judging those kinky parts that many of us have. And also during my off doing the coaching, and those workshops and all the work that I do, it really was getting more clear for me that I want to make this available to the broader masses, I want that everybody who is interested can have access to it, and really find a beautiful merge of those two worlds. - Hmm. Yeah. We first now wanna give you a little introduction and a little tour on how to use this course and how to get the most out of it. And you might be watching this course or doing this course now as a single person or as a couple, and both is working really perfectly. If you are a couple, you can really use the exercises and follow along and practice immediately. But even if you are an individual person, you will get a lot out of it just by internalizing. Then there's also sort of practices. And also, I mean, at one point you will have to find a partner to practice, but recover so much. That will just perfectly prepare you to then dive into the play wherever you meet that partner. - Yeah. So just having a watch, getting inspired, and then also there's something about taking that action step by yourself and really integrating and learning through these tools that can maybe help you manifest the perfect partner to explore with in the future. - Yeah. And our recommendation is really too much to cause along the index that we have. So because it's all following and building up on each other. So we're going through things like communication, connection exercises, and just naturally you want to do them before you actually dive into the deeper sections of for example, impact play or formal play. - Yeah. So follow along, go through the orders, see what you like. There might be some parts of the course that aren't really your kink and not something that you're particularly interested in, but we still share a lot of other ideas and wisdom along the way. So even if, you know, fantasy play might not be your thing, we will still be talking about all kinds of things that might come up. And for all you know, in the future, you might have a lover that is really into this and really wants you to explore with them. So it's still good to just have that kind of conscious awareness around all these different segments. And it can be helpful to not go and watch all of it too fast at once, because then, you know, it's a little bit much on the brain and you can tend to maybe forget some different parts. So what would be good is choosing one segment per week. And you know, if you are with a partner, then you can explore that segment for that week. So maybe having this intention, if it's the primal section that this week, you're going to really explore a few different primal play things and bring a primal play into your dynamics during that week before moving on. And this really helps you start like integrating that part so that yeah, you're not just piling everything on and then not really actually putting into action a lot of these things. - Yeah. And what is really, really, really important for us and for you, this cause is made for private use. So really those exercises are meant to be for you, for your private context, for your private container. But they are not for teaching them on workshops. And that is really important because we are trained as facilitators. You might even be trained as a facilitator or not, but the exercises that we give you, they are tailored for one-on-one encounters. They are not made for whole groups. If we teach them those exercises in a whole group, we do that differently. There is many, much more to say around it. So really this is for your private use. You can go crazy with that, but not for teaching and also this course doesn't make you a teacher. It doesn't make you a facilitator. It simply makes you a more conscious sexuality practitioner for your private life. - And if you have questions along the way, if you're finding that anything is really coming up for you, then we'll have this Facebook group for other people. Maybe you want to share your experiences as other people that are on this journey too. Can also be beautiful to network. Maybe if you're doing this course by yourself, there might be someone else in your city that also wants to do the exercises with you. So we're really hoping to create a nice community amongst all of us country king stars, where we can kind of share our experiences and ask questions. And if you're finding that there's some really intense triggers coming up, really strong resistance, then you know, both of us are available for one-on-one coaching that can help you move through like specific resistances and blockages. So these tools are designed to add to your sexuality life, but you know, there can be a lot more going on subconsciously and it's totally okay to ask for assistance. You know, if it's a simple question we can answer, but don't be afraid to get help if you need it. If you're finding that there's something that is a little bit too much for you to handle and a bit too much for you to process at the moment that's coming up around these topics. - Yeah. So having said all that, we just really a big thank you for showing up here, for going on this journey to explore and to expand and to experiment, and yeah, enjoy it. (chuckles) - So we've chosen the title The Art of Tantric Kink which might seem maybe even a bit provocative for some of you, it can seem quite exotic, it can bring up a lot of questions. And this section, we gonna clarify hopefully most of them. So the first thing that is really important for us to clarify are the words, tantra and kink. So when we talk about kink, we are basically including everything here that is about exploring your desires, exploring your, maybe limitations, boundaries, things that are often considered to be taboo. So that would include things like BDSM, things like fantasy play and can be sexual and can be non-sexual. So kink here is really a wide variety for us of exploring things that seem to be outside of the norm. - Yeah, so for me kink is, yeah, really just this alternative to what is mainstream intimacy and mainstream relating. So that can be yeah, power dynamics and things like that. And we're going to be exploring quite a bit around intensity and pain and these things yeah are very taboo. And a lot of us have conditioning and shame around exploring these kinds of worlds. And that's why this course and the idea of using kink as a tool for liberation from shame is what we're really going for here. It's about really noticing when you have a conditioning that's telling you that I shouldn't be exploring these energies because we believe that there's no such thing as, good, bad, right, wrong in these realms. It's all different energies and different parts of the psyche that we can explore. - The other word that we are using is tantric. So this might actually be the most polarizing word here. Tantra has a long tradition, there is traditional tantra and there is the stream that we call the neotantra. And it's really important for us in this course that whenever we refer to tantra, we are mostly referring to neotantra. Luna is going to go in the next section more into the history of tantra. So I'm not covering too much here now, but just really letting you know that we are not claiming that tantra is kinky. We are actually using here tools and exercises and approaches, whether they are external exercises or internal attitudes that are coming from tantra and merging them with a lets say tradition from kink, it is not about disrespecting any lineage. It is not about claiming that the kink is actually a really big part of tantra. It is really the merging of those two traditions. - Yeah, so essentially this is a neotantra course because it is this modern fusion, but we actually are both traditional tantra practitioners as well, and really interested in traditional tantra. And we do feel that a lot of what we're working with, a lot of the practices can be very much in alignment with traditional tantra too while neotantra tends to be a lot more about just like intimacy and sacred sexuality. So it is this kind of hybrid fusion and yeah, but just for ease, we're going to be mostly just using the term tantra, but this is a neotantra practice. So we just really wanted to clarify that for people before we go into it. And if you're interested in learning yeah, much more about classical tantra, then we'll provide resources and things for that too. So we've approached this in a very gender neutral way. Obviously, you know, we are two females doing these practices together, and no matter what your sexuality, no matter what your gender, or if you're non binary, you'll be able to use these tools and use these practices and put it in any way that suits you. If you want to yeah, include more gendered practices, you can also get creative and experiment in that way. But we just wanted to make this accessible for everyone, no matter what orientations and what bodies they're in. - So tantra and kink, they can seem to be very far away from each other. And this might be a very natural reaction when you hear us actually doing our course, where we bring them together. You might actually be even asking yourself, what are they having to do with each other? They seem to be so much at the other end of the spectrum. They seem to be like, for some of you, maybe even completely opposite, or so not belonging together. Tantra, often we associate something very soft and sensual. And then on the other hand, BDSM and kink are very often associated with a lot of roughness and pain, or maybe even violence. So what do they have to do together? So I really wanna speak shortly about this because they have actually so much in common if you make it. It's not to say that kink or tantra naturally have those things in common. Some of them they actually have, but of course it requires a certain amount of consciousness and awareness, and just a general internal curiosity to explore those things. And especially neo tantra and kink, they are basically like erotic arts, almost, of our consciousness. They are playing with a lot of our internal expansion of how we see the world, how we approach the world, how we see ourselves, how we approach ourselves and others. And some other things they have in common are, for example, both of those ones can bring us into a state of trance. So many of us have experienced that without even knowing about it. In tantra, it's a bit more spoken about it. So if you have experienced that in any tantric modality, then that might've even been already talked about before, but if you coming more from kinky side, you might have experienced that as well, that you are almost like out of your body, you're floating somewhere, that you're getting into this state where you're super, yeah, floating, flowing, where time doesn't seem to exist. And both of those modalities really can bring us into those states quite simply, quite naturally, quite quick, actually. And they bring us often into very intense states about our feelings, our sensations, our emotions. And this is due to the fact that BDSM and tantra often really give us a lot of permission to embrace fully who we are, to really allow anything, to not exclude any part of us. There's almost no approach or no suggestion that you should somehow pretend anything. It's really like embracing everything. Embrace everything that you are and everything that you not are. And it brings that out in us, very often, quite naturally. And also, another really beautiful thing about tantra and kink is they both can bring us into really prolonged states of ecstatic feelings. They can give us both also even like full-body orgasms, although by no means it is about that. That is not the goal. It just can happen, but both of them can really give us these expanded sensations that then takes over all the body, because in both ones, really also all the body is included, is really about everything that you are. It's not just about one part. And of course, those things that I'm speaking about right now, it's more about the neo tantra, because yeah, this is a bit more the sexual part, which is not so much a part off the traditional tantra. In fact, almost not at all, like you already learned. Another thing about tantra and BDSM is that both of them often work with quite seemingly opposed sensations. In tantra, we will talk often about feminine or masculine. In Tao or Chinese, you hear more the use of yin and yang. So that transfers into practices in tantra, or also in BDSM that often work with really hard or soft sensations, with being really quick, with fast touch, for example, and with very slow and very careful touch. And if we work with both of those sensations, then again, this is really embracing all that we are, it's embracing the whole, the full spectrum. And that is really the beauty for me in tantra and in kink, that it's embracing this full spectrum of who we are and who we can be. And often, we also use both of them for exploring our limitations, for exploring our boundaries, for exploring how far we can go. What else is there? Is there maybe something that's bigger than us? Where do I have more capacity to maybe even open up? Where do I have more capacity to be even more all-inclusive? Where do I wanna expand myself more, my own personality? So also the thing about exploring limitations, it's really often that even in real life, we often hit some spot where we feel like, I can't go any further. I can't do any more. Or even like, I don't even know what I want, but with tantra and with BDSM used in a conscious way, we explore exactly those things. We explore our whole, our own capacity. We explore all of our parts. Also in BDSM, for example, if you explore your dominant and your submissive side, you explore that side of surrender and you explore that side of guidance. And with that, we also really often work in tantra, guidance and surrender. Often it's more to the deity or to the universe. And another part also of this exploring your limitations and embracing everything, it is really something that supports us on our way to become more who we are and to live a life that is way more self-expressed. So the more I know myself, the more I can be centered, the more I feel totally accepted and tolerated in who I am with all my fantasies and my shadow sides, the more I can actually also accept the people around me. The more I can go deep, for example, with a person, let's say in BDSM, and I see also their ugly side, the more I can really love and appreciate this whole person. And that goes together with the principal of in tantra, like really seeing the divine in every being, seeing behind their personality, seeing behind what they are building up in life and what their name is or their profession or their title. So especially, kink can be done very conscious or unconscious. So kink is not per se tantric, but we can make kink tantric. We can make kink also conscious, but there's still a little bit difference between just conscious or tantric. And I wanna share now some of the tools with you that actually are making kink tantric. So what do we need to do? What do we need to incorporate to make it that? Firstly, what is really, really one of the key essences here is that we are setting an intention. We are not just going into this practice for the mere joy of physical sensations, of sexuality, but we're actually using this one for something that is bigger. So we're gonna set an intention. We don't have a goal. This is what we do in tantra. Like, we go into a session, we go into any practice without having a goal. We might have an intention, but that is different to a goal. The goal is really something more focused, something, I have to reach this. If I haven't reached this, then that is not done. An intention is just a gentle direction from your heart and from your consciousness that you are inviting. So we don't have a goal. If we go into the session, into a kink session already with having intention and no goal, that brings it quite somewhere. What we also can do is we can consecrate a session. We can consecrate our session and really make the session about taking all the fruits and the merits and whatever we achieve in the session and channel that to something higher, bring that into a higher goal. Also, what makes it more tantric is really putting a lot of presence into the play, really presence with the now, presence with who or whatever is in front of you. And that includes also the next thing, which is everything is welcome. We talked about this already. All emotions, everything that you are, everything that wants to be expressed is welcome. Everything is embraced and nothing will be pushed away. And that also includes sound, movement, and breath. We gonna talk about this a lot. It's bringing that into your play, bringing that really consciously into your play and working with it. We're using the sound and movement and the breath to move your energies, to move your sensations, and to channel them. In tantra, there is a lot of practice about sublimation of the energy from your second chakra, from your sexual or sacred chakra, where we take that energy and we channel it through our body and sending it up to the universe. And we can do that in kink, too. So there is many of the breath work practices of the focused practices of meditations that we can bring into our play. And that naturally, that makes it also, again, more tantric. Yeah, and another one that I really, really appreciate a lot is about slowing down and inviting breaks and pauses. And it's very similar to the one of being very present. It's including a lot the feeling and really noticing what is actually going on and being present to the now, being in your body. So there is a lot of practices where we actually working with the consciousness or with energy, as in universe that is around us, but also, especially also in tantra, it is about also really being in this body that we have, being on this world, in this reality with this body, and not just spacing ourselves out and being kicked out into other realities. And actually sometimes, even avoid the feeling, but really coming back and being here, being in this body and feel, feel the connection and allow to feel connection, allowing to feel your heart, your emotions, sadness, anger, whatever it is. - Yeah, so here I shortly wanna talk about benefits of kink in particular also. So in the tantric practice, we often work up from the root, from our root chakra. And especially there, which is seated at the root of our anus, we have stored a lot of emotion and traumas. You might know that when you have some intense feeling or especially when you have something that makes you tense, that you clinch the anus. So there is a lot of tension here, a lot of accumulated emotions that are stuck. So in that base that we have, kind of also goes in accordance with the sexual shame that we have, and we wanna free that. We wanna open that. Because if we are blocked here, everything that we wanna accomplish with our heart or with our higher chakras to the throat or through the eye, it's not really gonna work because the energy doesn't flow. So even when we just go into tantra, we wanna first really clear all of that and to open our body up so that the extra practice can work, that there's space for it. So this is really then where your healing, your self-healing can start. And many people who practice BDSM, they experience a lot of benefits out of it, and those benefits are really, really very different from person to person, but there's some things that might actually resonate with you. Some of those benefits, they include actually experiencing a deeper connection with yourself, and with that deeper connection that you have with yourself, also having a deeper connection with the other. It is about really becoming clear and honest, authentic about your desires. And once we express that and we are seen in that, then we feel actually much more completely accepted as a whole person, not just for our parts that are normal or a bit more in according, in accordance to what seems to be normal. Another benefit can be that you really start to express what's living inside you. If you are someone who likes to experience pain, many people report actually that the benefit for them in experiencing the pain is, so it can be different ones. It can be really this one that you allow yourself to actually feel pain, because this is something in our daily life that we often push aside, that we avoid. So we kind of don't wanna feel the pain. We wanna feel all joyful and happy. So going into this play or into some kink and BDSM factors, this allows you and gives you a space to feel the pain. It also often gives you a space where you actually can feel weak or where you actually can fully express your power. So this might all be things that you actually wanna explore. For some people with pain diseases or chronical pain, many of them actually experience quite some release of that pain because when we go into, for example, impact play and we feel that pain and we are able to release that with our voice, with body movement, it often releases a lot of that where we carry within us. And the benefits are that those intense sensations of BDSM, they often really just put you in your body. It forces you to be in your body. There is no more escape. It's really about being here and being present. So many people who have experienced trauma, they also often play with kink, and what it helps them is often that they, actually it can rewrite the trauma, their stories. They can reclaim their power, especially often also if it's to do with scenarios that are connected to sexual abuse or violence where you could not speak up. So you can use those modalities often to really kind of bring a closure to whatever it is that is still alive in you, and we have a whole section about trauma where kinks completes. If this is something that you resonate with or you're playing with someone who has some trauma background, then definitely watch this one and get yourself a bit more education about this, especially there's quite some safety things that you should consider. And apart from this, both tantra and BDSM, really the benefit here is that we work with ourselves, that we work with who we are, that we give ourself permission to express ourselves, to come back into a pleasure, into our sensuality, and that transfers into all areas of our life. And if you even take your studies in tantra also further, like to the traditional tantra, which I highly, highly, highly can recommend, you'll find much more treasures also about really working with your consciousness and your internal state that's not to do with the sexuality, and that's the same thing for BDSM. BDSM and kink, they don't have to include sexuality but they can. - So we wanted to talk about how to pick a partner to do this kind of conscious kink, tantric kink work with and really talk about how it doesn't have to actually be a sexual thing, it doesn't have to be something that is just done in a romantic relationship. However, a lot of people choose to explore this world with a romantic partner that they are sexually intimate with. Because that feels really safe and loving, and can be a really beautiful container. But a lot of people in the kink world actually find that they like to explore with people that they have different kinds of relationships with. - Yeah, so whatever you choosing, whatever feels natural for you, just make sure that you are checking in with yourself that you sort of know that person and trust that person. So especially the more intense the scene is gonna be that you're planning, it's really good to even double-check with yourself, is this person the right one for this one or not? You maybe have to meet that person two, three more times, or maybe start with a person on a bit more lower level. Not go as intense immediately, yeah. - Yeah, so it can be really tempting when you are really excited to want to explore this world. And maybe you meet someone that has some experience to override your own instincts around whether this person is actually a good match. Because, especially if you're watching this course, and you really want to get into experimenting, then that kind of excitement and wanting to get into the play can, yeah, really be a strong pull. And often this suddenly can result in people going into scenes and going into interactions with people that if they were truly checking in with themselves, they know that it's not quite in alignment. And there are people that can use their experience level and kind of hype themselves off and make themselves out to be someone that really knows what they're doing. And if you're new and I'll take you by the hand and show you this world and can kind of use that as a power structure to kind of, yeah, make abusive situations to people that are younger, maybe a bit new and naive. So it's yeah, really important that just because someone has experienced doesn't mean that they're necessarily someone that has your best interests at heart. So it's really important to check in feel into your body, check in with your genitals, check in with your heart, check in with your mind, your rationality. I know a lot of people in the spiritual world like to ignore the mind entirely go from the heart and the belly, but you should also use logic and intellect around this kind of thing and ask a lot of questions. - Yeah, there's this quote that I love very much it's "Follow your heart, but don't forget your brain." (both chuckling) And also, we're gonna share with you tools for communication and check ins. So if you have someone that you feel drawn to, you can follow a list, you can talk with them, you can ask them, just really dare to ask them some questions. And as Luna just said, listening to your intuition to your brain, and deciding from there, being rather bit careful, starting slowly and building up. So also with that gain trust, then you and your whole body, your whole senses, your gizmo city or gizmo ci... (both laughing) That all kind of relax more, and your experience is just gonna be much safer and deeper and more intimate. - Yeah, so you can have this kind of danger excitement, this adrenaline kind of feeling while in a safe container. So you don't want to be doing things that are actually risky and actually putting yourself in any danger. You can have this kind of risky, dangerous, naughty feeling with someone that is yeah, actually safe and if you notice any red flags, any signs of people not listening to say for what it's trying to coerce you, push your boundaries, trying to talk you into things that you have said no to, then you should really immediately yeah, disengage with that person. And yeah, really work on these boundaries. And there's also quite a few professionals around the world now in this field. And if you're really wanting to explore on how to find a play partner, then perhaps looking if there are any professionals, if you're wanting to explore that can help you because professionals more often will have very good integrity, boundaries, professional skills and can really create a container for you to explore your desires without having to worry about if the partner is correct match. - Yeah, and on that also check your professionals because some people really like to use some courses they did or maybe this one weekend certificate as showing themselves off as professionals, so also check professionals. It's always really good to go by recommendation. I never go to actually any conscious sexuality practitioner, whether that is tantra or conscious kink who I haven't heard of someone else working with, and also check them and listen to you. - Okay. So we talked in the trauma section about why communication is so vital and pre-communicating with someone before you play with them, before you start to engage with someone. So we have this section with a whole bunch of tools of, yeah, things that you can be asking before you play, asking yourself, asking each other in ways to really connect on a kind of mind intellect level before you get into the body. - Yeah. Because you wanna feel safe. You wanna feel trust and you wanna feel seen and heard, so you can really go for a beautiful, deep experience. - Yeah. And I find also as the giver, the more communication that you've had, the more you understand about what the receiver wants and the more confident and assured you can be, that you're really able to go all in and do your best job of being in service of someone having an experience. - Yeah. The safety definitely wants to be on both sides. You wanna feel safe to receive, and you wanna feel safe to give without doing harm. So excited to share a lot of exercises and tools with you. - So we talked with you about communication and before we can go into any communication with another being, what's really important and very essential is to check in with ourselves first, with our own inner attitude, with our reasons and with our own approach. - Yeah, so you wanna check in what's your reason for doing this? Where do you want to get out of it? And also, you know, when you're thinking about playing with someone else, checking in, like, how do I feel about this person? Is it platonic, is it a romantic attraction? Am I wanting to connect with them in a different way and being really honest with yourself. So then you can be honest with the other person, because if you're pretending that it's a platonic or you're just totally in service of them, when really you have this intention of wanting more and wanting this to go somewhere, that energy will be felt. And there will be this kind of misalignment that can leave both of you feeling really blah about the situation. So you really wanna be getting honest with yourself, checking in with yourself. So then you can share from an honest place. - Another attitude that is really beautiful is to cultivate a very loving and nurturing inner state basically, which means you are there for the other person, you're there for yourself, you don't have a goal. It's not about any outcome. It's just really about this moment, it's about the connection. It's about whatever comes up in the present, in the now, it's not in order to achieve an orgasm or to achieve like a certain level of pain or this crazy emotional release. It's really just from your heart, being there, being in the scene with you and the other. - Yeah, and another thing is having self compassion and compassion for the other person. So cultivating this kind of unconditional love and presence and yeah, this really beautiful feeling of like, okay, if I get insecure and I maybe don't do the best job, you know, being the best dom or something like that, like being really compassionate for yourself, being compassionate for any desires that you have, that might be a little bit like normal or weird, that you might be shy about sharing with the person, just knowing that yeah, whatever you feel, whatever your desires are, it makes sense depending on how you were raised and how you grew up and that, you know, whatever you're feeling is, a normal kind of state. - Yeah, what's also really beautiful and can be very important is to enter any scene, play, new partner with the so-called beginners mind, and what I mean in this I'm setting with it is not making conclusions that what worked on the other person will be working on this person, and not even making conclusions that what worked yesterday for this person might work today and taking it even further, not thinking that what worked five minutes ago will work right now. So really having this openness, this curiosity, this awareness of each moment and the ever changing, ever flowing character of all that we do, but also particularly in sexuality and not comparing people, not comparing plays, not comparing yourself. And also knowing that what worked for you in another moment might not work for you in this very moment and not getting agitated with that or frustrated or having expectations, but rather this curious mind of like, wow, where can we take this now? - Yeah, and going with curiosity is, yeah, this playful kind of spirit. So even if you're doing a scene that might not be like fun, playful, but this attitude of, this young exploring, playful curiosity that, try to have fun with it. If things don't go according to plan, if you know, there's some weird sounds or juices or slip ups, that you can just have a laugh about it. Yeah, I really like kind of coming in with this playful, young, exploring attitude to kink and BDSM, to kind of take away like the seriousness and the pressure. You can kind of balance it out like that. - Yeah. - So we talked about the check-in already, which is really the main tool that we always use for every scene, actually even for every body work that we do or whatever coachings. And it is also really recommended for you to make that a natural habit, to work with it before you start, and we're just gonna go into a short demo. - Yeah. And so check-ins are absolutely vital the first time that you play with someone, but even every time after that. Everyone feels different every day, so usually before I play with a new person, I would do a big check-in, and I'm attaching a PDF of this. And also there's a video on YouTube from my rope course, where we do that full a check-in example. But then other times you can do a much quicker, condensed version that's more relevant to exactly what you're going to do here. So how are you feeling emotionally today? - I'm feeling, I'm feeling quite centered, and still I know there's some things happening, so I might become a bit emotional. Yeah. - Okay, thanks for sharing. And how about physically, is there any issues with your body right now? Any areas that I need to be aware of? - Well, it's basically just like I have a bit of a stiff lower back on my left side, so anything that is back arching would not be good. And if I feel, I mean the pain is there constantly, but if I feel it's getting a bit more urgent, I'll just let you know by saying my back or something, and then you know it's about this. (laughs) - Okay, okay, beautiful. - Yep. - And so what areas are okay to touch and what areas aren't okay to touch? - I would say for today, basically, everything's okay. I want to keep on my panties and no inside touch of my yoni, but to kind of touch the outside gently, and the rest of the body is free. (laughs) - Okay. And how about inside your mouth or any kind of mouth touch? - I think it's fine. I don't fully know yet so in this moment, so when we get there, just give me a moment to check in or even ask me. - And what are your soft limits and hard limits? - I'd say my soft limit is, oh, I think like hair-pulling. For today I have a slight headache. And other than that, like, yeah, there's not so many soft limits 'cause I feel comfortable in sharing my traffic light system. And the hard limit is actually anything into my pussy, and I don't feel like going, like, super intense with pain today, so basically I guess the limit here would be like probably no marks. - Okay, beautiful. And what kind of timeframe did you have in mind for a scene? Is there anywhere that you have to be afterwards? Do we have any deadline? - Nope, there's no deadline today. - Okay, beautiful. And what is your safe word? - My safe word is banana. - Banana? Okay, beautiful. And yeah, is there anything else that you want to share or anything else I need to know? - No, I feel pretty complete for now. - So this was a regular kind of check-in, where you're doing a conversation, and a kind of simplified way that I like to use is desires, fears, and boundaries, or you can have desires, needs, and fears. (laughs) And this kind of encapsulates a lot around what the person wants to experience, maybe what they're afraid of so they can share any vulnerabilities that they are feeling, so it can be spoken and understood. And then, yeah, also what are their boundaries around the play? So this is, yeah, really good once you know someone as a kind of quicker check-in, that's not as comprehensive as going through the big list, but can still cover all the essentials. So, do you want to ask me this time? - Yes. And also just adding, especially hearing the desires from the receiver, for me as a giver is really, really important because I sort of really need a map, a sort of direction of where are we going with this session? So I do the desires ones always because, yeah, just as said, for me this really gives me the direction, the sense where I'm leading you or where I'm leading you not. So, okay. And I would like to ask you, what are your desires for this session? - So I'm desiring to feel, yeah, really just like I'm letting go of. So I'd like to feel really, like, squeezed and held. I really love, like, tight feelings, but then I'd like to kind of move from this, like, tightness to this openness and to really open my heart, and yeah, just to have this kind of, yeah, I guess like a release, letting go. Yeah, to feel surrendered, ideally. - And do you feel that this desire is requiring a lot of rather slow and nourishing things or can it also go pretty wild? Would that still give you that feeling or rather not? - Yeah, I think building up to it slowly, so starting really slow, really grounding touch, and then kind of building up and getting to this kind of peak. Yeah, maybe with some flogging or things like that. - Thank you. And what are you needs? And those needs can be anything from physical, it can be some emotional things, some things about setting. Is there anything that you want to share? - So, yeah, I mean, my main needs, the usual, to not have you kind of disappear or leave me to be there. Yeah, I have, like, yeah, quite a sore back and things like that, so making, and I have knee, nerve damage in my knees and stuff, so if I'm on my knees, I need a pillow, and yeah, maybe like we have a mat or something soft so that I'm not hurting my back at all. Yeah, besides that, yeah, I generally find to drop in, I need like a blindfold or something so I don't feel pressure to look anywhere. - Yeah, that's good to know, thank you. Is there any fears or insecurities that will help you to voice them now, to just get them out or you want to share? - So fears, yeah, I guess what tends to come up if I'm receiving a lot is that I sometimes feel greedy and I feel selfish, or as well as sometimes it still comes up a little bit that I might be too slutty or that you would judge me if I am too orgasmic or enjoying myself too much. - Yeah, thank you. And what's your boundaries for today for this play? - So, soft limit would probably be kissing. Sometimes in a scene and kissing can be nice, but I kind of like to tune in midway if it feels right. Yeah, hard boundaries, penetration. Maybe soft boundary, like genital touch, like over my underwear. Yeah, hard limit, nothing in my ears or my nose. I have to say that sometimes. (laughs) - Noses. - Yeah. - Yeah, okay. Thank you, yeah. Do you feel complete or is there anything else that you want to share, get out of your head to be fully present? - No, but I'd like to hear if you have any fears or desires on your side as the giver, as well? - Yeah, my desire is basically really to be there in service for you, to take you on this journey, maybe be, it's not very strong, where it's just a slight hint of that would maybe be to, yeah, basically maybe makes some mistakes or just get you somewhere in a way that maybe doesn't fully resonate with your desires and needs. So having a bit, just feeling a tiny pressure on myself of wanting to give you the perfect journey. Yeah, and just with having said that, it feels much more easier. - Yeah. - Yeah - Yeah. - Yeah, thank you. - Yeah, thank you. And yeah, we're also gonna do a video on aftercare, but this is also when you could share about specific aftercare needs. So yeah, that can also be really helpful to talk about before you get into play so you can be prepared for that, too. - Yeah, and also again, the needs and boundaries, you can share about tools that you want to receive. Sometimes you might really feel like, oh my God, I really need this intense flogging, or you feel like no, just really today, no flogger. So this is really your chance also to check in with yourself, what is it actually that I really want to receive? Is there any like really, really hard desire, not only a hard boundary? Certain sorts of touch, tools, words that you might might want to hear or not hear. So all those things that we shared also with you in the check-in sheet. - Yeah, and also when you share your desires, it's really amazing to put them all out there, but then to also let go of expectations, because then the giver also has to be within their boundaries and their desires of what they feel flowing. So you can give a list of specific things that you want to experience, but try not to get attached to being like, okay, everything that I said, they will perfectly put. Because if you want the giver to be in a flow space and to be really accessing this kind of divine state of connection, then having, it's good to have a bit of a roadmap of an idea of what the person wants. So yeah, putting the desire out there is good, but also letting whatever happens in the moment and whatever is happening organically also be a beautiful thing. - Yeah, there's no guarantee for the desires to be fulfilled, which can also be a beautiful part of this dominance-submission play. Quite opposite with the boundaries. The boundaries, they will be listened, they have to be listened to. There is no play around with the boundaries. They are set, and that's also for you as the giver, just knowing you can play on the desire list. You can allow your own flow. With boundaries, there's no play. They are set by the receiver, and your boundaries are set by yourself as a giver, too. - Yeah. - So now we're going to explore the traffic light system, which is commonly used in BDSM as a tool to keep the person that is bottom, the receiver, the submissive, empowered to be able to say where is their limit, where is their kind of edge, and keep like, good communication between. So we're gonna practice this, and we really recommend that you practice this at home before you get into place, you start getting used to using these words. You can change the words if you like, but this is a kind of universal system. So we have the traffic light system. So green means go. So it can mean hotter, do more of that, I like that. Orange, is where you're starting to hit your limit, so it doesn't mean stop what you're doing, so it might just be like, okay, orange, that's like, the level of spank, or whatever it is that I'm enjoying, and that feels good for me right now. And you can also use orange to say something that you want changed. So for example, I might say, "Orange, can you spank the other side?" or "Orange. My knees are hurting, can we change positions?" And then red means stop doing that thing, but not stop the scene. So this is where this is different from using a safe word, because a safe word is when you want the scene to end. So if she said "bananas" (laughs) then this would mean like, "Okay. I don't want to be playing anymore, move into aftercare." You know, "I'm not okay with this." But red just means like, whatever you're doing now, stop doing that particular thing, but then we can keep playing and doing other things. - Yeah, and it's really important, still, to have a short communication, and to really check in that you're on the same page with the use of those colors. Yeah, green is pretty much the same, but I've also encountered quite often, people who use orange a bit differently, or who use red actually also to end the whole scene, to hold, and to hold play. So quick check in, are we having the same idea of what's happening, within those colors? And also really important, as dominant, as the giver, as a top, there is no play around with this traffic light system. That's really absolute safe, this is set. You can demonstrate and play with your power, in all other realms, but not when it comes to those words. So if someone says "orange" or "red", you take that, you don't stretch your power here and play with it. - Now we're going to give an example of this, and then you can try it yourself and start exploring. And yeah, what I really found, is at first it might sound a little bit like, weird, using these colors, sounds a bit unsexy. But you know, for me, on the submissive side, I really struggled with kind of communicating, and I found that it actually let me drop way deeper, and go way further into my play than I ever had before, and made actually, the scenes way sexier, because I wasn't getting stuck in my head, thinking like, "Oh, are they gonna know that my knees hurt?" Or "Are they going to move to the other side already?" Like, when you're not enjoying it. So it's actually like a really important tool, that makes things way better. - Yeah and it can be really sexy, even for me, in the submissive role, is like, when I'm asked, for example, like, "Tell me, is this green?" And I have to say, it's green. I mean, I don't have to say it's green, but I actually feel it's green, like I say, it's a really hard spanking, and I feel like, yeah, this is green. And then I say "green", it does something to your psychology, and you can really beautifully play with that, making the other one actually admit or tell you, "Yeah, I like this weird stuff that you're doing here". So you can make it really sexy, especially once you've been more used to it. So yeah, we're going into this exercise now, and that's a beautiful exercise for you to practice. - All right. So where would you like to explore some sensation or receive? - Hm. I think maybe some slapping on my upper arm here. - Okay. So I'll start slow and start building up, until we start, yeah, getting her saying some green, saying some orange or red and start exploring here. - Yeah. And I'm going to give feedback quite frequently, so that she can really follow and doesn't have to guess. Green. (hand smacks) Green, (hand smacks) green, (hand smacks) green, (hand smacks) green, (hand smacks) green, (hand smacks) green, (hand smacks) green, (hand smacks) green, (hand smacks) green, (hand smacks) Hm. Orange. (hand smacks) Bit slower please. (hand smacks) Green. (hand smacks) Green. (hand smacks) Green. (hand smacks) Orange. That spot's, that's really hurt, a bit less there. (hand smacks) Green. (hand smacks) Green. (hand smacks) Green. (hand smacks) Green. (hand smacks) Green. (hand smacks) Green. (hand smacks) Green. (hand smacks) Hm. Orange. Um, My arm gets a bit over irritated. Can we change the spot? - Mm-hm. Where would you like? - Maybe some gentle hair-pulling. - Okay. - Green. Mm, green. Green. Orange. That's a bit too hard. (laughs) Green. - And so if you're finding someone's using a lot of greens, or oranges and no reds, and you want to explore getting a red, then sometimes you need to get a bit creative, and this doesn't have to come from something being really hard or really violent, it can just be something that the person, you kind of suspect won't like, so maybe. (lips smack) - Red. (laughs) - So, yeah. It's a good way to test. And this is also important to kind of show your intention of what you're going to do to someone, to give them space to then say like, whether, you know, if I'm going here and then they're like, "oh, green", and you'd be like, "Okay." Your "Wet Willie" will give some time to say red. - And like you did, anything that's a bit sort of disgusting, maybe? Or to do a spit or putting your finger in any kind of hole, usually works really good. Being annoying, like going into some like, really annoying touch or tickling, that often really works. And the point here, is you want with this game also try this version where you're getting to a red, because firstly, you want to put the receiver in the position to have to say it, which is a good practice to say it. So that later on, they already made this reference point of like, "oh yeah, I am able to say that." So then it's more natural and easy, in the play, when it comes up, or if it would come up, and also for you, as the receiver, it's really important, because you actually need to practice to receive a red, which is often similar to receiving a no, so it could trigger some part in you that feels rejected or like just like, "Meh, you're weird" or whatever it is. And in this play, also, in this game, in this exercise, when you receive a red, as the giver, you say, "Thank you". So the person who was saying it can feel safe, and feels, "Oh actually, my feedback, my opinion here, is really valued and welcome. And I feel safe and empowered to say, red, equally no." - Mm-hm. Yeah. So yeah, give this a go. It's a really great way to also try things that maybe you might have had an aversion to, and you want to explore. For example, I found that I could like face slapping, after doing this. I was very against it, at first, but having this controlled environment, of me getting to say like, what was amount of energy, and amount of pain that was pleasurable to me, because most sensations, most touch will have a level where it feels good, and where it moves into being too much pain, that your body doesn't like it. So it's about really seeing like, oh, how hard can I go? Like, how hard can I push, where it's still a pleasurable, intense sensation, before it moves into being painful, and something that makes you kind of contract. - Yeah, it's this resilient edge, we call it, of like, it's, it's hard. It's getting you into that state, but it's not too much, so you can really relax in there, and you want it to continue. So we did one version of this game, and there is a slight variation that you can also use, which is a bit more free flow, a bit more playful. It has the same guidelines. I will listen to whatever Luna is saying, green, orange or red. But instead of her telling me now, where she wants me to touch her, or how she wants me to touch her. I go basically, by what I feel to do. And she, of course, has the power, because she can always say red. And whenever you're ready, I will take your hand, and you let me know by just saying green. - Green. (they giggle) Green, green, green, green, green, (giggles) green, mm, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, green, (laughs) Orange. (laughs) Slower, not that movement. - Thank you. - Green, green, green, green, green. (they giggle) - Thank you. So yeah, you get the sense. You can take this much further. You can be quite cheeky, and it can be a really beautiful thing. Also if you, sometime we want to go into some sort of play, but you don't really know, or even if you do this exercise, it often ends up in a little play. (giggles) - Yeah. And yeah, some other people, even if they don't want to say "green", "orange", "red", then they can even just say "yes, yes, yes, maybe, no." - Yep. - So if you prefer just using that, then you can also be saying yes, but yeah. It's kind of nice, once you get used to the green, orange, red. - Yeah. - It's more... - Yeah. And the reason here, is also like, if you do this exercise, you can totally use "Yes, maybe, no". It's beautiful, because it also really empowers you to say "no", not only in play, but in real life, it's practice of like saying no, and receiving, no. Although in the play, you don't want to make "no" one of those safe words, because quite often in this place, we get to a point where some of us like to play with the word "no", and saying "no", but actually not meaning it. So then the person who's guiding would not know, is this not a real "no", or is this a playful "no"? So just use, in the play, different words to "no", this is also why we use safe words. It's why we say "red", because this can't be mistaken. But for this exercise, in this frame and this container, totally go for it. Yeah. - Yeah. - Well, when we're getting to the end of the scene, it's really important, it's one of the very important cornerstones in anything that's to do with conscious BDSM and kink is the word "aftercare," and that basically means we're gonna take care of the one who received after the play. So we're gonna talk about this. Also, there is not only aftercare for the receivers. Also really important that you, as a giver, voice whatever you need for aftercare. But for this section, we're gonna focus on the receiver. So I'm usually asking before a scene already in the desires or fears needs section or in the check in section what the receiver might want for aftercare. Although, I always have in mind that particularly this need can totally change. So it doesn't mean because she said that in the beginning that this is true now. So I always will check in again and basically just ask yeah, what do you need? What do you need right now? - Yeah, some grounding touch, and just feeling really held and safe. - Yeah. How do you want to position yourself? Do you want us to be like this, or you want to lie down? Do you need any blanket or pillow, maybe? - Blanket would be good. I like being wrapped in a blanket. (chuckling) - Okay. And if there's anything else coming up, you always just let me know. You want me to stroke here? - Yeah. (chuckling) (sighing) - So I'm tuning in a lot with her breath, also. (exhale) Grounding, like she said before. Also this position is really good to hold and give her that womb feeling. (chuckling) And whatever it is that your receiver needs, this was a very short aftercare. Aftercare can take, I don't know. Can take up to a half an hour, an hour actually. So it can be 10 minutes. It can five minutes. You really want to voice when it's maybe enough for yourself if you feel oh, actually I'm good now. (chuckling) - And yeah, some people prefer being left alone. So some people might want to be in Shavasana and just meditate. So if someone's wanting to be kind of not touched for aftercare, that's also very normal kind of request, and you just want to be sitting and loving presence and being with them energetically so you're not then just like leaving the room or something like that, unless you're going to get them a tea or a water or something that they requested, if they want. 'Cause yeah. Usually people will be a little bit dehydrated maybe after. So yeah. Just tuning in, and it's just about being there in presence, and this is important because, especially in kink play, especially if there's any kind of pain or altered states of consciousness happening, then it takes a while for your brain chemistry and for all the activation, all the energy in your body to kind of settle back down to normal. And yeah. If you're really activated and really open, and then suddenly it's just over, and the person's gone and you're by yourself, then this can really trigger these deep abandonment wounds and make you feel really unsafe. And yeah. Also, if there is a release, then often the body might feel cold. There might be shaking. It's just part of integration and processing, and kind of coming back to loving safety. So you start with loving safety and connection. You build into this opening, and then you come back to loving safety and connection, and this is like the end of the ritual. The closing. - Yeah. It's this journey, and guiding someone step-by-step back into the real world. And also, often after a scene, after play, you're quite internal. So I really love that to be honored and not go immediately into a lot of talking. If the person who has received is all bubbly and talkative, there's no reason to silence them. But if I get too quickly asked many questions, it takes me out so quick and I can't fully digest the whole experience. So just a little note for the dominant to give a slow, slow voice. Still really having a bit this meditative energy and giving some space also for silence. There's really nothing you have to do anymore. You don't have to entertain a person anymore. It's really a lot about the space holding. Unless of course the request of the person is, "Hey, my need for aftercare at the moment," "I really need to share something with you." Then, of course. - Yeah. And you can take that silence to integrate your own experience. So as a giver, maybe something came up for you. So while you want to be mostly originally focusing on the receiver because often they're the person that has done the most processing and needs the most integration time. But yeah, taking that stillness and that pause also to come back into your own body. You can also be extremely activated as the giver. So it's really a time for both of you to integrate, process, close the container and come back to safety. And then a recap is really important. Once we are able to speak and audibly process what happened. So checking in. How was that experience for you? What did you feel? What did you like? Maybe what didn't you like? And yeah. Seeing how that experience was because you can have your projections on what the other person experienced, but they might not actually match. So it's important to check that your experiences are, - Yeah. - Aligning. - Yeah. And you can do that immediately after. You can go 15 minutes after. You might want to do it an hour later. Although, try to do it pretty close still to the session when also the feelings are quite fresh and it's not all getting just in your head. As a top, also the aftercare for you might be really important because emotions are released. This doesn't only happen for the other parts. So the one at the bottom might probably or will probably not really ask you actively, "What do you need for aftercare?" I sometimes do that, especially when I know my partners, but that's a bit more experienced, that stage, usually. So as the giver, give yourself also the aftercare. Check in with what do you need. As much as you ask the other person, Do you need a glass of water? Do you want a pillow? Do you want a blanket? Ask that yourself, too. If the other person or if you even might need a hug. Give to the receiver first, but after some moments, feel free to even go like, "Hey, I would also love or need a hug." "Is that okay for you?" So anything that you need, you can also voice. - Yeah. Top drop is as much a thing as sub drop, which is in the coming hours or days that after being in a altered state, then sometimes there can be a little bit of a low, a bit of a depression afterwards as your neurochemistry kind of re-balances, and often people that are, especially if you're frequently in the dominant position, there's a lot of performance anxiety. A lot of pressure. A lot of wondering if you did a good enough job. Yeah. It's fine to be vulnerable with someone and to say like, "Hey, I'm feeling a little bit insecure now," "and I could really appreciate some" "affectionate words or something like that." And yeah. It's not a sign of weakness. It's not losing your dominant energy. It's just a very human, real vulnerable thing, and if you try to suppress it, then it can come out unconsciously in different ways or come out in resistance and make you not want to play with someone again, and it can actually roll into all these different ways instead of just speaking your truth and speaking your vulnerability and dealing with it then. - Yeah, welcome to the section for partner techniques and tools and partner play. In this little intro video we first wanna talk about the dynamics of dominance, submission, or surrender and guidance, of a power play and some general things so that you get an good idea of what to expect and how to approach the following practices. - Yeah, so understanding the different dynamics that are at play, who's gonna be taking charge? Who's gonna be surrendering the different types of domination styles? Is quite important to feel into what energy you're gonna create with the person that you're working with so for example, if someone's taking on the dominant role, I kind of say that there's a devotional dominance or primal dominance, and they are two very different energies. So for example, a devotional dominant, which is, personally something I prefer working with is very much about like what the person that you're doing things to wants. So you might be familiar with Betty Martin's, "Wheel Of Consent" it kind of aligns with that as well, where it's like, you can either be giving an experience and really like creating a space for them or in the kind of more primal mode. It's very much about like this kind of taking this is what I want to do to you. And then the other person is really allowing, surrendering, letting go and not having to be in control of the situation or what they want. So yeah, this is two quite different dominant energies. And it's good to be clear with someone before you start playing. I'm like, all right, what energy, what does the person wanna be? Do they wanna be really receiving and being like, this is what I want to receive right now? Or do they want to totally let go of power and of control and totally surrender and more. Yeah. - Yeah. And likewise, there is also like two different types, versus many more but two main types of like the part where you're surrendering or submitting yourself, which is also the devotional surrender. And then there's a bit more the bratty one. So the devotional one is, again, it's like really tapping into that part of you that is fully surrendering and not resisting and really just giving over, which can be really beautiful and relaxing. And often as a bit more calmer play because there is not so much like struggling and persistence. And then if you're going into the bit more primal or bratty one and it becomes often a bit wilder it can be loads of fun but it's also good for you to tune in before the session. And we are gonna share exercises for that with you. And of like, what's the energy that you're in right now. Do you wanna be like fighting, resisting or actually do you just wanna switch off and let go. so yeah, this is two of those different types. - Yeah. I find it also another kind of style. That's a bit more specific to the kind of tantric practices that we're going to do is also this kind of creating a space for someone to go into a meditative trans or to really go into an experience and be breeding and then ask the person that's in the more dominant top role, you're kind of giving them the sensations and the input for them to move that energy, create different sensations. So this is a bit more of an active bottoming rather than the kind of surrendered a bit more like passive yin kind of approach to it as well, which is something that, yeah, it can be really beautiful to create space for someone to dive deep into, you know, whether it's pain, intensity, bondage, restriction, whatever, or for someone to be able to totally let go. - Yeah. And also what often plays a role in that, of course this term, you might have heard it power play or power exchange, which is really a big part of that what gives you liberation and a space to just float and be, and it's really important here to understand that it doesn't mean you're like, actually it means you're giving your power over to someone which requires first you to have your power, which requires you to be a powerful being and feel and own that. Where is it doesn't mean someone is forcing that or like taking away your power, and that's a very different, but very important little twist in the approach to it. I think it's really also a big part of this tantric approach. It's like really, entering your sessions with the tools that we're sharing, with the intention, with clarity and with this general sense of playfulness and loving kindness. - Yeah. - So whether you are naturally more dominant or more submissive, those exercises also really invite you to try it also the other side, just for the sake of trying of personal development for yourself, of course, also to understand the perspective and the feelings of the other side really more, which will then help you to play safer and with more sensitivity and empathy on the other side. So yeah. - I think that's such a vital part is to try the other side and like we were saying before, tantric is very much about getting out of, over identifying with certain things and, you know, I found to become a really good dominant. You need to experience what it's like to submit you can empathize with people to a certain amount by having an embodied experience of your own of what it feels like to be on the other side will make you truly a master. So really give it a go you might, try it and decide like, no, I definitely don't like being on that side and I want to be on the other side pool. And you know we're not saying that everyone needs to be a switch or anything like that, but that, you know, exploring both sides of the spectrum will really help you have like a yeah. Different kind of experience in mastery. - Well, now that we're going into the partner play, it is really important that with whichever partner you gonna explore that you are gonna find some common ground here. And in the section with the sort of the experiences we shared with you, some journaling questions, we shared the check in sheet, like the sheet where you can find out what am I as a person, as an individual actually wanting to explore. And the invitation here is really to sit down with your partner. And basically you might just wanna compare your journaling notes or the sheet of, Hey, what do we actually have in common? Which experiences do we both wanna try it, or we wanna practice, and then you can take it from there and pick the things that you really have in common. There might also be things that actually only one of you have. And that is also interesting to maybe go into the talk about, Hey, do you feel you can do that with me or not? Or at which point, or what would you need for that? But just taking this little sub exploration now for your direction for the partner play. - Yeah, so I like to recommend to people once they've gone through the list with their partner and you've found all the things that you've said yes to that are in common is making a little list for each other and being like, all right, our goal is to do all the things that we are both a yes, to, and to give ourselves opportunity to explore all of our mutual yeses. And then once you've gone through the mutual yeses, you can start going into the maybes and figuring out if there is some of the things that maybe one person wanted to try and the other persons and maybe, but yeah, it can be a kind of good focus point to be like, all right, we both are really into bond dates, so let's get in there and explore that. And again, having a little sexy couples to do lists can be really good motivations. - So, now we're gonna offer a selection of tools that you can use for building intimacy and building connection on a more body-based energetic level with someone before you go into playing. So, these are the kinds of tools that you'll use after you've done the check-ins, after you've really talked about what you want to be happening, that help you start to really drop into your bodies. Start connecting empathetically, energetically with the other person that can really add a whole different level of depth and intimacy to your experience. - Yeah, and you want to do one of those exercises. You can pick two or three, whatever it is, but the invitation here is really to pick at least one to build up this sequence of the journey. If you just dive in straight into the kinky play, that is totally fine sometimes, but we are here on the Tantric kink course. So, this is really how you make it more Tantric, more embodied, more conscious, more about the feeling and the overall journey, rather than just this experience of some usually pretty intense and like impact play or physical sensations. So, the exercises that we share with you, you can do them before and you can also really, really beautifully just do some of those exercises sometimes in between. You don't have to have a play being following. You can see them as a exercise to build connection and intimacy, which doesn't have to end in play. It can be a really beautiful opportunity for you to simply practice that. - Yeah, so if you're not sure if you're really in the mood or maybe one partner wants to play and the other one isn't sure. Then starting with an activity like this, a way to kind of drop deep and kind of connect with each other, then yeah. You can suddenly feel like, oh, okay, now I do want this to go further, or it can just be a nice evening intimacy exercise totally by itself. Yeah, so enjoy, and yeah, make the most of it. (both laughing) - So the first connection exercise is a very simple tool that can be very profound, deep, and very effective at, yeah really coming together, building extra intimacy. And also it can really go to some crazy deep levels, the more that you practice it, the more you surrender to it, and the deeper you allow yourself to drop into it. And that is eye gazing. So yeah, we just sit across from each other, and there's a lot of different techniques and ways that you can take this even deeper, but the fundamentals are that you're looking at each other, it's kind of best to pick one eye to look into so that you're not jumping eye to eye. So a lot of people choose to look into the left eye. - Left eye. Which is more linked to the emotional side. And if you're new to eye gazing, then it can bring up a lot of resistance. So you might catch yourself wanting to laugh, wanting to make jokes, wanting to look away. And these are extremely normal reactions that come up because surprisingly, looking into someone's eyes is something that a lot of us avoid doing, it's quite vulnerable. And yeah, so just noticing these things coming up and trying to just keep coming back to your breath, and keep coming back to looking into this person's eyes, and staying present with them, allowing yourself to be seen, allowing yourself to see the person and just keep breathing, looking and a good starting point is two minutes. Five minutes is a really good general amount of time to eye-gaze for. And if you even go for something like 10 minutes, it can get quite psychedelic. (both laughing) You can actually really start feeling this non-dual merging of beings, and it can get pretty intense and pretty transformative. - Yeah, and also sometimes when you do it for a longer time of period, don't get scared if the face of the other starts to transform and get some funny shapes, or you might see some, I don't know, like an old tree or some psychedelic forms in it that can, is pretty normal. So just staying breathing with it and trying to keep your gaze soft and open and very curious. - So we'll do a little practice with you now. So if you have someone to practice with, then you can follow along with us or you can watch now and do it with someone in the future. - Yeah. And also what you can always do is, you can actually follow along, take a mirror, and do a little exercise with yourself. So you sit in front of each other, make yourself comfortable and then your start, softly gazing at the other person, in front of you, taking a moment to slow down your breath and to also align your breathing to the person you're practicing with. Making sure your body feels comfortable. Just observing, looking at this being in front of you dropping all stories that you might have around this person and more and more dropping into the essence. Noticing all little and subtle feelings or emotions that might arise in you and allowing them to be there, but not holding onto them. Allowing them to pass through you like clouds. Coming back to the very moment of the now with this soul in front of you. Opening your gaze, and you can gently notice if you are more in the space of looking at the other person, who do you feel you are at the moment more being looked at and feeling really open. Wherever you're at, just diving a bit deeper into being looked at or looking at the other person. And gently shifting your focus. If you've been more looking at the other person shifting to consciously opening up and being looked at. All the other way around. Noticing your emotions, noticing what it does to you, if it does something to you. And coming back for some more moments into that natural state, into maybe neutral states. Again, just being present. If you find yourself drifting off into thoughts, simply very gently, bring your focus back whenever you notice. From here, you can together, let your breath become a bit deeper inhaling through the nose into your belly, exhaling with a little sigh of sound, inhaling through your nose, exhaling with a bigger sound. (exhales) Once more inhaling and exhaling with a sound and a wiggle. (exhales) And finding a way to thank your partner, that can be a simple namaste it can be a hug. It can be a kiss, whatever your relationship is (chuckle). - Yeah. And so if tears are coming up, if laughter or anything, once again being present and welcoming all emotions, by just letting them be letting the emotions pass and just keep coming back to the eyes and Vida, helps to try to have half of my awareness and my body and on myself and half on the other person. So you're not totally leaving into other person. You're not totally fixated on yourself. And yeah, there's a lot of different ways that you can take this deeper, but here's the foundation practice and you can keep exploring. - Yeah it's a very simple, beautiful exercise before you go into play to simply build up this connection and feel seen and be seen. - Yeah. And you can bring it in mid play as well. If you feel like you've lost the connection, or if someone, feels that they're, getting carried away or something, having some eye gauzing midway as well, can be really beautiful way to kind of come back to each other and get grounded and present and then continue on as well. - Welcome to the three-minute game which is a really useful tool to start practicing giving, receiving, ongoing consent and yeah, being able to ask for what you want. - Yeah, and also from the giver's side to be able to practice to really tune into what the person wants to receive and allow being corrected or even asking what you can do differently. So when you do this game, when you practice that little game all you need is basically a timer. You can totally use your phone because you wanna be able to time the three minutes. - Yeah, so you'll decide who goes first, who's gonna give, and who's going to receive and then you're going to just simply decide what would you like to receive for the next three minutes. So it might be a massage. It might be belly scratches. It might be just being cuddled or spooned. It could be something a little bit more kinky if you like. But it's pretty much your chance to ask for what it is that you would like to receive from your partner and then they get to decide if that's okay with them, if they're okay giving that, if that's within their boundaries, and maybe have a little negotiation if the desire from your end of what you want to receive doesn't match up with what they're okay giving then you need to find a common ground of like, all right, what are we both happy to give and receive at this time. - Yeah, and also sometimes you might not actually know what you wanna receive, and that's perfectly fine too. So you can always start with something very, I call it like neutral almost, maybe just a touch on your arm and then feeling into that and adjusting from there to find actually what it is that you need or that you want. So would you like to receive or give? - Receive. - Okay. (chuckles) So, so, what would you like to receive for the next three minutes? - Yeah, my lower back is a bit sore, so I think like, something like really good, like pressure maybe the like getting and the elbows and really like pushing on my back would be amazing. - Okay, and is there, like can you show me what's your lower back. - Yeah, like around here. - How high does your lower back go? (both laughing) - Yeah, I guess like mostly focusing around here and then maybe we can move up also to the shoulders later but to start with just focusing there. - Okay, beautiful. And how do you wanna position yourself? - Just laying down. - Okay. You find your laying down space. And please put your fingers so I can set the timer. Okay. So, I'm switching on the timer, there we go. Is it okay if I go on and sit on you basically? - Yeah. - Okay, so, and how is this spot? - Yeah, it's good. Yeah, I just noticed now that there was tension on the side of my butt, so that's good. (chuckles) - Would more or less pressure make it better? - Tiny bit more is good. - Best and cute. So I am moving a little bit up, is it okay? Anything else that would make it better? - Yeah, i think like if you use really like lean your weight forward and like pull my back kinda thing, I guess. - Here? Like this? - Yeah, that's good. (moans) (chuckles) - Okay, so let me know if it's, if you are on more pressure. - Yeah, that's a good amount. - And also let me know when to release. - Yeah, maybe just do the kinda like scientists yeah, right here. Oh, that's it. (chuckles) (moans) You can do some on my shoulder - Yeah. Here? Also just with the weight? - Yeah. (sighs) - Is there anything you need for closure? - A hug. (chuckles) Thank you. (sighs) - So from here you can either swap directly or you can have a little recap and just ask how it was, if there is anything that you want to share. - Yeah, it was really nice. It was, yeah, good to practice asking and, yeah, I think it helps knowing that like it says set time and that like you you're going next so I don't have to feel like guilty about asking for what I want. That's what I really like about this activity. Because sometimes I can feel like I'm selfish or that I'm like taking up too much time or too much pleasure. So it kinda helps to know like, okay, these are my three minutes. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, and for me also, the giving is extra value relaxing because I trust that you'll tell me when something doesn't feel quite right. And also because I was asking so much, so sometimes I would just not know or you might not know, oh, is she actually enjoying it or not. And simply asking and getting the feedback makes them so easy. It's like the shared responsibility all of a sudden and not feeling this pressure on me to have to basically mind read what it is that you want. - Yeah, some questions you can ask is how's the speed, how's the pressure, do you like this style, maybe someone some day a bit more like rough or dominant or essentials. So asking how the style is for them. - And also with the asking as a giver, it's just an interesting for you to maybe even play with like, there's difference if you ask questions like, do you like to spit, so then you can say yes or no, but sometimes when the receiver also really needs to practice to actually feel in their body what it is that they want. It's a bit more supportive than if you ask for example, like would more or less speak make it better and then they can say yes or no, but they also have to give you a direction of like, yes please more or yes less. So asking a bit more awkward questions if there is that something that's really supportive for the receiver gives them the chance to drop more into like, what do I actually really want and really also speak up with more words than yes or no. - Yeah, so, yeah, this game is one of the most kind of useful tools for people that are getting used to asking for what they want. And a lot of people really, really struggled with this so it's a really simple game, but doing this regularly can really make a huge difference in how confident someone is to actually speak about what they like, what they don't like and yeah, it really is. Use this tool as a good warm up before any practice and just as a tool on its own. You can also do it more than three minutes or five minutes, 10 minutes. - Yeah, and whenever you receive a correction from the prison who is, yeah, is receiving. Another really beautiful thing is to say thank you. So, like really making the one who's been saying that appreciated and encouraging them to actually speak up if there's something that they want differently and acknowledging that by a heartfelt thank you. - We're gonna do an exercise that is a heart to heart energetic penetration. So this is a really beautiful tool that can help you start playing with this attitude of sending and receiving energy. So the way that we're gonna do this is by having each person take turns being the giver and the receiver. So as the giver, what I'm gonna be doing is inhaling up from my sexual energy, from my genitals, inhaling up to my heart, and then I'm going to exhale and send energy through my hands, to the heart of my partner. And what they are gonna do is inhale, receive through the heart and exhale, send it down to the genitals. So this circuit will be kind of going up and down. And so, yeah, it's really about me accessing my energy and being able to send it and knowing that you have like unlimited source of energy that you can tap into so that you're not gonna be getting depleted by sending energy to someone that I'm continuously tapping into my source of power and giving it, and then for someone to really be receiving and nourishing their body with this energy that they're receiving from someone. So, yeah, it's a really beautiful tool that you'll be able to incorporate into your play, this really sending and receiving energy and allowing yourself to receive, so. - Yeah, and if you're energetic, you're very sensitive. This can actually be a very intense exercise. So just making you aware of that, that's totally okay. That's normal, if you feel it gets overwhelmed, we shared with you some tools to just bring yourself back with slowing down the breath or even slowing down the intensity of it or the speed of it, just really listening to your body and enjoying the flow of it and not being shy to make some adjustments. - Yeah, and also you might not feel anything and that's totally okay too. So, you know, the intention of sending energy to someone it's like really about yeah, feeling into like love or turn on or some kind of yeah, emotion maybe that you want to send. So, you know, if you've got someone you're like, yeah, I really just want them to feel loved right now. And then you could just be like sending love with your hands and it can feel really different to you know, sending peace or calmness, so you can decide what kind of quality of energy that you want to be sending to someone and just get curious and play with it. If you don't feel anything, that's totally fine as well. But just seeing what comes up for you. - Yeah and often when we don't feel a lot of energy in a certain body part, what helps is to activate that body part by shortly clenching it. So also if you don't feel the sexual energy, you can actually plant your pelvic floor muscles a bit, especially with the inhale and imagining to suck that energy up, like in the microcosmic orbit also. So that might just help you, especially in the first rounds, to activate that area a bit and feel it. So you go like with the inhale, you clench it a bit and pull it up out of your heart. - So we'll just do a quick demo of this. I'm gonna be giving energy first and Sonya is gonna be receiving, are you ready? - Yes. - Okay. So we'll begin by just gazing into each other's eyes and start synchronizing our breath. We're actually going to be breathing not in sync during this exercise. You can start with synchronized breathing, but then what we're going to be doing is actually having it so that as I inhale, she's going to be exhaling, as she exhales, I'm going to inhale. So it helps having the hand movements here to really follow the flow. So you can use your hands while you're doing this to help you kind of stay in sync with each other. So I'm going to begin and then she can begin to follow for my breath. So it's good to have a leader and a follower. So the person giving is gonna lead and then they're going to synchronize their breath with you. (sighing) And then when you feel like you're coming to a close, putting some hands on the body to help ground them, letting your breath return to normal and feeling energies in your body. Once you're feeling back in sync, this is either the start of your play. And you can then move on from there. Once you've really started the energy flowing, then I could pick up a prop and really get into play, or if you're just doing this exercise just as it is, and you can go into a little recap. So what did you feel, what did you experience? (laughing) - Yeah, I feel like I am very sensitive energetically and it feels like this, yeah, penetrating my heart so I could feel a lot of tingling. And then also when breathing down and it started my own energy to build up. So I got the shakes and it's just also really beautiful to have the space where I know, hey, I can allow my natural shakes when they come and I'm held in that, and I felt a lot of, yeah. A lot of that circulating vibration and tingling in my body and the connection, yeah. - Yeah. And I felt it really energized me as well in that experience for me. And, yeah, today just kind of felt like a kind of playful, fun energy that felt like I was sending, yeah. Felt through my hands, but it can be different for everyone. So don't just take what we're saying, that this is just an example of a kind of recap and it can be nice to yeah, tune in with each other. What are you feeling, what are you experiencing? So you can try that each, that was a bit of a short demo. Ideally, you wanna be doing this for five or even 10 minutes, especially if you're new to feeling energy, it can take a while to build up and to be able to really feel the circuit flowing. So the longer you go and the deeper you breathe, the more energy that you can cultivate But if you're very energetically sensitive, if you've been doing tantra for a long time, then it can really happen quite fast as you saw with us. But yeah, this is just depending on how easy. - And even if it happens fast, you still can do that for longer time. And it might even lead you to some really full body, energetic sort of orgasm sensations. Like this is if I would do this exercise longer, just shaking just really takes over at one point. So there's no limitations, yeah. So also what happened for me and this might as well happen for you is I found myself at one point that I actually had synchronized with her breathing, although we start, or we do this exercise with the alternate breathing. So this is something very natural and common to happen. So don't worry if you all of a sudden feed yourself in the same breathing cycle as the other, don't worry, you can gently try to come back, to make a pause and then go back into the alternate breathing, or we were at the end of the exercise. So we just did stop it here. It's really nothing wrong with it, yet, if you still wanna continue with the exercise, try to come back because it has a different effect. - Yeah, and you can also get curious and play with sending from the genitals if you have that kind of a relationship with someone. So this is a heart to heart connection, but you can also send, or from your third eye, different body parts, if you wanna get experimental. - Now we're gonna go in an exercise that we call it "Secret sharing", which is a really beautiful exercise to actually connect to yourself, to connect to your desires and to have an opportunity to share them, which gives you beautiful moment of experiencing some actual release and often around a fantasies or desires that we have, will build up a lot of shame or guilt, which has many reasons like social conditioning, what do others think? What fantasies or ideas are considered to be appropriate or not? Many of us know that even about self pleasure, like maybe your mom or your parents they called you and you just learned, " oh, this is something I should do in private that is not cool". So we build up all of those often stories or judgments around what we actually want or what comes up as a fantasy. And we tend to suppress them. They are getting all stuffed more and more and more down. And in tantra it's very common as we often work from the base up or with the chakras. So speaking about a root chakra or sexual chakra, which are the low ones. And we stuff all those traumas because basically the shame and guilt, is a slide trauma, more emotional one but definitely still counts. So we tend to suppress them in this area where they were actually generated and that can totally block us. So if this area is blocked, basically if any areas blocked, but speaking about this one though, if this one is blocked, it's really difficult to come up to our heart to love and to be very freed up here. So, big benefit of working with this shadow parts with keen is that we are actually freeing and liberating a lot of the suppression that we hold here. And a big part there is to dive deeper into our fantasies and share them, get them out. - Yeah. And it's important to know that sharing a fantasy doesn't mean that you have to actually want to enact it. So a lot of the time, just being able to say that you have this fantasy, you've had boats around, this can be enough to liberate you from the shame around it. So, also just because you choose to share this with someone, it doesn't mean you have an expectation that they're going to do this fantasy with you or that it even needs to come into reality. So for me, quite a few of my fantasies that I had, that I felt a lot of shame around. It wasn't even things that, I actually would imagine doing, but yeah, just being able to feel safe enough with someone to share them, made me finally let go of this thing that was stored there and this heavy feelings around it. And then I was able to, yeah, feel a lot more comfortable about myself. - Yeah. So this is a really beautiful exercise that you can do with your partner. You can do it basically with any person that you feel trust. You can also do it with your best friend. So there is no rule to it. Just say, that if you're comfortable with the person and what you're going to do is basically I said it's a sharing. What's really important here to understand is so one person is sharing and the other person is really just holding space. So as the person who is listening, you're not commenting, you're not giving any advice. You're basically just really having a really beautiful open attitude and listening. You gonna keep as much eye contact as possible. You're basically just really having this open attitude. You really loving from your heart, softness. And when the person is finished with sharing with you, you gonna close that by saying, "thank you for sharing, I hear you and I accept you". (both sigh) - Yeah, feeling that acceptance is so core. A lot of the trauma, the fears around being rejected for having desires or for sharing your truth. And that someone is going to leave you if they know the real authentic you. So having someone listening, holding space and still lovingly accepting you, even if you have this kinky weird fantasy, that's where a lot of healing happens. And as the receiver, it can be tricky, 'cause if someone's sharing something that you have a lot of judgment and shadow about, then maybe it does trigger something in you. But that's really to practice for you as well as being able to, (inhales) breathe, feel the judgment coming out, feel the trigger and still be like, no, I still will accept this person, even if they have this desire, even if it makes me uncomfortable. And that's a total practice of self-acceptance and life acceptance that is really essential to spiritual growth. - Yeah. And also helps you, if you smile still have some fantasies within yourself, that you're not fully accepting, by accepting the other person in a fantasy like that, or in a desire, you are actually giving yourself also a great gift because you also hear that for yourself. So we're gonna share the practice with you as in PDF. And I said, to attitudes to sharing, It's a beautiful way to release some shame, to connect, to feel, also where. do I feel shame, why do I actually maybe not feel shame. It might even be that you sharing some things and not just, oh, actually it's way easier to speak it out than I thought. So, just allowing yourself to be surprised by that. And you can make it one way and another time, do the other person, or it's really beautiful to do both people in the same round, have some ideas in between its all described in the PDF. - So another tool that you can add to this exercise, if it feels really vulnerable for you to share this fantasy, if it's really activating in you and is a bit triggering to share, is to allow yourself to speak the sensations, the emotions that you're feeling before you share. So for example, if I was about to share and I was feeling really anxious about it, I could be saying like, "okay, right now I'm feeling really a lot of contraction and fear bubbling up, I feel extremely nervous that you're going to judge me. I'm feeling really quite Tingly and feeling a lot of, blood rushing around my body right now, as I think about sharing this with you" (takes a deep breathe) and then take some deep breaths. And then from there you can move into sharing. And this really helps the person that you're talking to be able to empathize and understand just how big a deal this is for you to share. So then they're not going to then laugh at you or something they get to actually have a little peek into, oh wow, this is really vulnerable. And what a gift that this person is going through this so that they can share their truth with me and could really help for some people. And I found this personally has helped me a lot with sharing some things that are a bit triggering and raw and vulnerable and to connect deeper with my partner. - Yeah, and also in the first round. It's totally okay. If you might wanna start with the fantasy, that is a bit more easy to also get used to the sharing and build up the trust. And then by time maybe go deeper and use that one. And also just really, why are you speaking? Staying connected to your breathing, allow yourself to take a pause or to feel it and coming back to your breathe again. - When it comes to dominance and submission, there is one thing that some of us carry very naturally in themselves and others tend to forget, but this is the mind. And this whole game or play or lifestyle, whatever it is for you off dominance and submission actually is just starts really way before physical action. And we really wanna go a little bit into this in the next two exercises also, but even here now I've given you some ideas and approaches of how to play with that. Because I, as a submissive, I often find that some of my partners would be really, really very creative and open in the play, but sometimes forgets that I have a whole internal world that wants to be stimulated and activated before and that before can actually start in the play but that before, especially if it's with a partner that you're connected to more deeply, can even start during the day already in the week. I like to talk about little experiences of, I know that say my inner bread is coming out a bit and I I'm a bit in provoking mode, and the other one just says something or gives me that look where I know, oh, later in the bedroom, that's gonna pay off. So it's really starting there and it's interesting to play with that and to see how much you can integrate and include the mind and fantasies for some people that is more than food talking for other people, that's more gestures, but there's many different ways. - So in our mind and where desire comes from in our mind, there are different sections and one of the pause is this anticipating, and that's what I feel this really comes in for there's like this expecting of something to happen, and for a lot of people to feel desire and to feel turned on, it's really important that there is this element of anticipation and expecting something to happen. That it's not just about like, okay, right now we decide that it's playtime, but that there's, yeah, there's kind of cheesed this flirtation of it coming and then that can then actually have the reward part of the brain so much more activated and excited when it finally is time for them to get that aspect. - Yeah, totally. Also like when you look at what actually means erotic, it includes this anticipation, this looking forward to something that would happen. And with the anticipation you can also play, so there is things that you can include, for example, in your daily life that some of us like, and don't, so of course it makes sense to first have a little talk about if this is something that your partner would appreciate or not, but this can be for example, like little tasks do or today. And that can even just be, for example, a text message where you would ask the other one, maybe to do something, or maybe it is about a picture, maybe you wanna hear something, maybe you want to remind them of some sexual things, or some even non-sexual things, but exciting things that you do together or that you are gonna do together. Of course, always under the umbrella of consent and negotiation, but you can build up a lot there. And one more thing that I personally really, really love is talk, and that's can be in the play and before, but especially also in the play, there is a whole art of dirty talk that we actually not going too much into here and this course, because it's also very personal, it's really difficult to give general advice because it is so personal, but there is some things that I really love that are very exciting, which is basically almost verbal restriction. So just to give you some ideas, this could be a command for the one that you are actually playing with, of don't move, or don't look into my eyes, don't open your eyes, don't close your eyes. - Don't smile. - Don't smile. (both laughs) Don't make a sounds. So those things are so super exciting for many of us because they actually, again, activate your mind, your fantasy and your psyche of psychology. They give you all this anticipation off like, oh my God, what if I no, actually move but I'm not allowed to probably something will happen. What if I can't follow up with that then I'm maybe not the good girl that I wanna be, but I really wanna be that, so I'm trying now, but the other one is actually driving me crazy and really provoking me to move. So there is a lot of fun and play that you can have with very simple tools that just coming from fantasies, desires and verbalizations. - Yeah. And if you want to add in a bit of a spiritual side to this as well, then you can even ask your doming someone dome to go and meditate. (both laughs) So if you notice someone, you know, is saying that, oh, I should be doing yoga more or practicing more, then it can actually be kind of funny to take this power dynamic play and actually be like, all right, like you're going to make a super healthy meal today or do your yoga practice or something. And yeah, just use this kind of power play in a way that's for the benefit of the submissive so that they're actually like achieving what they wanna achieve in life and yeah bettering them. - Yeah, totally like really using those things for the whole personal growth and it could even be a, "Hey, you sit down and do your taxes and before you haven't done your taxes, there's no play," so you can really bring that into your daily life, if this is something that both want. - All right. So we have another little game here that is sort of like the three minute game, but adding into it a lot more kind of domination in a way, but from the receiver. So it's kind of an interesting way to show how the person who's the "bottom" or the "submissive" can actually be kind of dominating and bossing around the other person while they're receiving. So it's, yeah, kind of curious play. - Yeah. And the lines are getting very blurred. Like who is now actually receiving and who is giving. And don't get into your head with it, but it's just a really powerful game to practice both sides and to allow it also to be blurred and not super strict. So we've been talking before about a devotional domination and that empowered submission. So it becomes really a dance between the two of you and, again, a really good practice. And what's a bit different here to the three minute game is that I ask the giver. I will actually really only do what she tells me. So if she doesn't tell me anything anymore, I will ask. Like, "What do I do?" So you could both give feedback like every some seconds. Can be like something in between 10 seconds is a good start. And then sometimes it might be a bit more elongated to period rather than feedback, but really constantly actually giving feedback and letting me know what it is that you actually want because it might change within five seconds. - Yeah. And so here, you want to be really specific about exactly where and how you want to be touched, or we're even gonna include a little bit of kink play in this one. So I'm using some tools and some toys. So my job as the receiver in this one is to really boss her around, tell her how to touch me, how I want to receive. Yeah. Pain and pleasure, and all these kinds of things. So yeah. - Yeah. And also, really being nitty-gritty with it. It can be a really, really powerful thing. So she might give me a statement, tell me an adjustment, I do it, and then it actually feels kind of like she wanted it, but not really. So then tell me again, and correct me again and again, and if it needs to be five times, so I then have to learn and practice being really patient and grateful to receive all those corrections and not take them somehow personally or get pissed with them. So that can be a really great practice to just even play with that, even if you don't really feel it, but just to get into that sense. - Yeah. And so you can really be a bit fun with this as the bossy person. So if you're really not used to asking really specifically what you want and you feel a little bit funny, then yeah, you can put on a little bit of a role and have a bit of fun, like a character. A role play kind of thing for telling what to do. - Okay. So you tell me, or you just do position yourself. And also, this one we're gonna time again. This is just really relaxing because we don't have to worry about the time and you have this safe frame. So we choose for today at five minutes, but you definitely can do this also anytime upwards. It's really beautiful sometimes to extend that, not only to 10 or 15 minutes, but maybe even 20 minutes or half an hour. See how you flow. - Cool. All right. So I'm starting the timer. All right. So I want you to first, kind of rough up my body like rough body play. Like, just really squeeze me on my arms and on my legs and sort of just move me around a bit. - Any body parts that I should not touch? - Yeah. Not in my pussy, but my butt, my boobs, that's okay. (chuckling) Maybe a little bit less grabby, a little bit more open. More pushy. - Yes. Thank you. (chuckling) - I like that. Push me down into the bed a little bit. Yeah. And I want you to pull my hair from the base and just sort of move my head around. (chuckling) A bit slower, the moving. - Yes. - Yeah. I like that when you're pushing my back and pulling my hair forward. (exhaling) - Need more directions, please. - Okay. Now lay me down and I want you to use this on me. Just running it up and down my legs and into my thighs. - Do you want to lie on your belly or on your back? - I'll lie on my belly. - Okay. So on your legs? - Mm-hmm. - Starting also on your bum or just really the leg? - My bum, too. Yeah. - Okay. (laughing) - Okay. A little softer. (laughing) - And more directions. About speed? - Yeah. It's good how you are now. Maybe if you sit on my upper body. - Mm-hmm. - So I like being pushed down a bit. - And keep on working on your legs? - Yeah. (laughing) And on my feet, as well. - Yes. (laughing) - And then do it on my upper body now. - So your upper body. Which parts do you mean? Also your arms or, - Yeah, my arms. My shoulders. - How's the pressure? - Yeah. That's perfect. Thank you. Yeah. So keep moving up and down my arms, and then lay them into the side of my neck. Maybe varying the speed. So doing some bits fast and then some bits, (laughing) Yeah. Up and down the spine. (laughing) Okay. All right. So that's enough of that. We're already at timer. - Timer. - Oh, that went too fast. (laughing) - Yeah. So five minutes is really, it's a bit more for this video for practice reasons. Actually, you'll wanna choose a time that is at least 10 minutes. It gives more time to really drop in and get attuned. - Guys, this was amazing. Like, getting to really say the way that I like to be played with. So it can be really good if you have a new partner and maybe there's specific things that you like that they're not doing instinctually in the bedroom, and actually having a kind of safe container to be like, "Yeah, I like when you push like this," "and pull like this," "and this feels good and that feels good." And yeah. It's a really kind of empowering thing to get a chance to just be like, "Yeah, this is the way I like to be played with." - So really just having this safe frame where communication is allowed, where no and corrections appreciated, and where you can really express yourself and change also. So also with the bossy massage, you can actually now go into an exchange, or this can also be a really beautiful way to have foreplay, basically, and warm up, and then go into a session. It's good to agree beforehand what you're doing, but it can go either way. - Yeah. And you can also use this for even things like genital touch and different sexual techniques and things like that. So not just for kink play, but also for things like oral sex and getting really specific about what it is that you like and how you like it. - So in this exercise, we're gonna go into some dominance-submission dynamics. And you can be as creative and playful with this exercise as you want to be. And we're gonna give you a little demonstration. You can do this exercise before play. You can just play along with it, especially if you're not so sure yet or so confident in what you're doing and just see however you feel. So what we want to do, one person is gonna be the dominant one, the top man, the commanding one, however you want to call yourself. And the other one is gonna follow. So, we have already discussed our boundaries before So, we have already discussed our boundaries before and anything else that would maybe come up or need to be shared, so I want you to go on your knees. Mhmm. No, not all fours, I said knees. Yes, good. And, stop smiling. Don't act too smart. And I want you to actually just rub my belly And I want you to actually just rub my belly and give me a bit of a good feeling. And please call me mistress. - Yes, Mistress. - Good. And you can stop that now. So just follow my finger. Yes. Mhmm. Good. And I want you to follow around behind me. Just come with me. And you're on your fours. Yes, very good. Very good. And stop there. So I would like you to sing a song for me. (laughing) ♪ In the jungle, the mighty jungle ♪ ♪ The lion sleeps tonight ♪ - And please dance a little bit. Yes. ♪ In the jungle, the mighty jungle ♪ ♪ The lion sleeps tonight ♪ - And just a tiny bit more sexy for me. ♪ Ee e e um um a weh ♪ - Enough. I am starting to laugh too much. I wanted it to be sexy. - Okay. Sorry, mistress. (laughing) - Okay. And as a last thing, I really actually-- give me some neck massage. That feels very good. - Orange, my knees are a bit sore. - Yes, okay, then you can come up with me again. And actually, I would like to give you a little spanking. And actually, I would like to give you a little spanking. Okay, so please turn around. (slapping sound) Can you tell me if it's too much or not? Huh? (slapping sound) And last one. Can I make a little bit harder? - Yes. (slapping sound) - Very good. Okay. So you can come up now. Thank you. So yeah, this was a short and very playful demonstration. You can, as said, be as playful and funny with it, you can do more serious, whatever comes up for you and really observe here again, how you are feeling. You might actually feel very comfortable in one or the other position. And it's really interesting for you to just notice, "Hey, how do I feel giving commands? How do I feel receiving them? Can I also even articulate my commands really precise?" Can I also even articulate my commands really precise?" Or do I always say, "Oh please, would you?" Play with just making them do, like, sit down, go on your knees, putting away that politeness. It's really interesting. - Yeah. And it's good to have patience with this. So when I first started trying to make commands, I would freeze, I would have no idea, I'm like, "What do I even want this person to do? I don't even know." So just have patience. If you're getting in that freeze, don't quit the exercise. It's the perfect opportunity to then take the time and be like, "Okay, actually, yeah, it would be funny to have you dance or be a puppy or something." And yeah, you can make it whatever energy you want. And also like you saw, as the receiver, I said orange at one point because my knees were hurting. So always you have the option as the receiver, if something is making you physically uncomfortable, to say either orange or pause and let the person know if there's something that, yeah, it doesn't feel good for you. - Great, welcome to the impact play section of the course. (laughing) - Yeah, so in this little intro, we wanna shortly speak about why or what could be possible benefits, what do you want to maybe avoid, safety things, and how to gentrify it. - Yeah, so I love impact play. It's always being one of my favorite kind of things. So we're gonna be going over lots of different tools and things that you can use for impact play. But yeah, so what's the purpose of it? Impact play tends to more often be used as something about really working with intensity and pain, but it can also be a more soft and gentle thing. I think it's everyone kind of has this level or somewhere of like how intense is sensation is, where it's between, yeah, pleasure and pain. So, there'll be somewhere where it's soft, soft, hotter, and you find this kind of sweet spot. For some people they might like really hard intensity and really enjoy this like super kind of painful, sharp sensation. Some people prefer something that's a bit more funny and a bit more like a massage. So there's yeah, a lot of different kind of energies that you can bring into it. - Yeah. Also, I really loved the impact play to very different degrees depending on what kind of tools are used, what kind of technique. It really depends on the person who they are using it. What I find is one of the main benefits that I, or even people I work with get out of it is this activation of energy, like often in impact play would include your buttocks or your bum. And that's also at the center of like Kundalini. So the Kundalini is energy that is said to be dormant at the bottom at the base of your spine. And when we have a lot of rhythmic often also impact play there, we can really help to waken that and to set it free and in tantra this Kundalini energy is also known as the sexual energy or the life force energy. And it's set to then coil up your spine, three different chakras, two different channels, left and the right one, the ida, and pingala. And going up to your crown. And I really feel that very often in impact play that it rushes the energy all the way up into my head. And when I have my eyes closed I start to see all those colors and lights and get this full activation. So impact life for me is really activating my energy in my body and moving it. - Yeah. I find it can even be like a shot of coffee in a way, like with some lovers out there, they'll be like, "Oh, I need to wake up, slap me in the face." And there's kind of like intense presence can just suddenly get you so into your body and drop you so into the present moment. And it's really amazing. You can also be a good emotional release tool. So if you feel like you have all this, like pent-up energy or emotions, and that you're feeling a little bit like disembodied or disconnected, then having this kind of like impact plays, spank, flogging session, it can really help move this energy around your body, bring out emotions to the surface, release tension. So, I found actually quite often I could end up going into like a tremor or shake, kind of experience because this intensity and this pain can then help my body go into its natural releasing process. - Yeah. And on that, it's also like, especially if you're using the impact play in a very rhythmic way, that's also tools actually from shamanic practices or like if you'd imagined the drum that can really put you into that trends where then certain parts of your body, like energetic centers also kind of start to open up and the emotions. And also another real amazing benefit for some of us can be that if you experienced pain and that can be physical pain or also yeah, emotional pain, it often really helps you to access that pain and to give it some space and to be able to release it because you're actually connecting to this physical pain and the very present moment in a safe container with safe person, and a set timeframe. And yeah, that can really support you to access that and to give it space instead of just pushing it away and not wanting to deal with it. - Yeah, I like really feeling empowered over my pain because if I'm experiencing chronic pain and sometimes it can feel a little bit debilitating, then having a space where I can be like I am choosing to go into the pain is a really beautiful thing. Also I've found I've been able to have orgasmic experiences and organisms through pain play. So an interesting thing is that, as someone's about to orgasm if you slopped somewhere in the body, that area can have an orgasm as well. So, I've had this where ex lover where we used to slap each other in the face by surprise, as you orgasm and suddenly your face would orgasm, and so much emotion would come out and it can be a really interesting thing to do. So with some of the tantric practices of transmuting pain to pleasure into just really seeing the kind of impact area and this energy being built, that it doesn't necessarily have to be pain, that if you're associating with it, as pleasure, then you can kind of move it around and yeah, just realize that it's energy, it's just intense energy. It doesn't have to be a bad pain thing. - Yeah, and it's all about, like I mentioned at the beginning about finding your edge of resilience, which is this spot where it's intense, but not too intense that your body would go into contraction. And it's really always a good check in point for you. If you notice your body can't relax anymore, you're getting too much contracted and you're probably a bit over the top. So as an all the other practices, the breath is he really also one of the main tools to check in, where are you at, is it okay for your body? Can you still relax into it? And also the breath as the sharing the practices, using the breath to be able to move that energy and transforming positively into something beautiful, energetic whole body orgasms. - Yeah, and this also comes down to the person giving the experience to be watching the body language, really watching the energy of the person. Are they opening gradually or are they freezing and contracting, that's not the effect that you want to be having. So what's really important is to be building up when you're doing impact play, not just like straight away going into something too shocking for the body, 'cause that can create a contraction. And yeah, being aware of the different body parts that you're not doing impact play anywhere, that's like over an organ, for example, the kidneys and the lower back or a dangerous spot, also around joints, you don't want to be hitting around knees and our elbows, these kinds of things. And also it changes person to person, which is why you need to do a check-in of what areas are okay to work with and not okay to work with. But there's yeah, general spot centers, safe zones and not safe zones. And we'll demonstrate that a bit more when we're giving examples too. - So, welcome to our impact ritual. We are gonna go into a beautiful little session without explaining too much, but just really giving you the opportunity to see how we put it together. And how we put all the bits and pieces that we've been going through so far together. From the check-ins, to the steps in between and the aftercare. So, Luna is gonna be my beautiful receiver. And-- So thank you for being here. And let's start with maybe just having a bunch of breaths together. To just drop in and also close your eyes and take a moment. Gently open your eyes. So... I would love to first have me check in, so how are you feeling right now? - I'm feeling good, a little bit tired, excited for some things that'll wake me up a little bit. So that feels good. Yeah, I'm fine. - Beautiful. So what are your desires, needs or fears for today? And we go into the boundaries after that. - So, my desire is-- Yeah, to just feel like full-body activations or really be brought into my body, into the present moment. - And your needs? - Needs. Yeah, I find that standing up for very long time can be, like, too much on me. I get a bit faintly, so just that we can be aware of that. Are we gonna to be standing up for a way too long? - Are there any fears and insecurities that you wanna get out? - Yeah, that maybe I would just like, tune out or, you know, sometimes I can just like, I don't know, dissociate little bit or just like be a little bit distracted by my thoughts or something. So yeah, to not have like too much time to then get stuck in my mind, - My desires, needs and fears are... My desire to take you on a journey today. And to, yeah, combine like flogging maybe with some microcosmic orbit breathing and a lot of pulling back into the body. So I'm happy to remind you also to breathing a lot. My need would be... Yeah, just like, maybe knowing that when you are hitting your boundary or even just like, the standing thing that you communicated towards me and that you let me know. Yeah, another need is maybe your desire and senses like, I need some feedback from you with like, breath and body movement or sounds. My fear would maybe just be to, yeah, not really matching exactly what you wanna experience. Yeah. - Thank you. - Anything else you want to share and wanna say what you feel you need to get out before you can relax? - Just for aftercare I'd like to be fed strawberries. - Fed strawberries. Beautiful, yeah, thank you. Okay so, I'm going to take a moment to drop in together and I'm going to place my hand on your heart. Closing your eyes. Feeling our hearts. Getting out of your head that you fear. Touching. And let the moment feed into itself. And please let me know your intention for this session. - So, my intention is to go fully into the intensity that body vibe, intense consciousness. Yeah. To sort of access this non-dual space between like, the flogger and you and me. And just go on this, like, connection through other objects through their energy. - That was beautiful, thank you. So, I'd say your intention to consecrate this session, so that we really connect our energy and have the right tools that also connect each other. So consecrating the session to the highest mind, to the higher consciousness. And by the tools and the magic of the session and that it's also how it should be as we channel our energy into something higher than us. Relax. (indistinct talking) (calm upbeat music) Relax your neck and roll your neck muscle. (calm upbeat music) (upbeat instrumental music) (breathing heavily) That's right. I want you to one small turn around. (upbeat music) (indistinct talking) (upbeat music) Breathing. Not forgetting to breathe in through the body. I want you to stay present. (indistinct talking) (upbeat music) Can I have a yes for that? Can I get a verbal yes? - Yes. - A bit louder. - Yes. - Okay. (upbeat music) I want you to breathe into the sensations of the flogger. Feel it literally every centimeter and millimeter of your skin when I touch you here. (upbeat music) (flogger smacking) (indistinct talking) Let me know how it feels as you let the flogger. Whether it's too strong. (flogger smacking) (flogger smacking) (Luna softly moaning) (upbeat music) Breathing. Breathe into the sensations. (flogger smacking) (flogger smacking skin repeatedly) (Luna moaning) (smacking continues) Breathe. Just a little bit more. (flogger smacking) (Luna sighing loudly) (indistinct talking) (upbeat music) (upbeat music continues) Now simplicity. (Luna talking indistinctly) (indistinct talking) Is this where you want to be? (Luna talking indistinctly) (laughing) (flogger smacking) (flogger smacking) (indistinct talking) (Luna moaning) (flogger smacking) (Luna laughing) (upbeat music) (indistinct talking) (upbeat music) (Luna moaning loudly) (paddle smacking on skin) (paddle smacking continues) How does it feel? Say it. Do you want it? - No. (Luna laughing) - Do you like that? (Luna screaming and laughing) (paddle smacking on skin) (Luna giggling) - Oh yes. (upbeat music) (sighing and moaning) (breathing shakily) (breathing shakily) (breathing heavily) (upbeat music) (upbeat music continues) (hand smacking on skin) (Luna moaning) (hand smacking on skin) (upbeat music) (breathing loudly) (indistinct talking) (upbeat music) - I feel we have to do a heart to heart and we can-- - Heart to heart, or? Okay. (both moaning softly) (breathing and moaning) - Thank you. (indistinct talking) - And, we got you strawberries. (overlapping chatter) - It's very good, you need. - No, I really can't, thank you. - Lovely experience. - So we wanna talk about the importance of breath, sound, and movement, and any kind of play exploration, that you're having. So these tools are, the pretty foundational elements, of tantra and your tantra practices. And it's good to use them, and be aware, because these are really, what helps liberate the body. What helps you drop deeper into your body, and yeah, be able to feel more, an experience more, so, we'll be using lots of breath in this. So there's different types of breathwork, different types of more traditional, like pranayama, yogic breathing styles that you can do. And the more that you breathe, really deep breathing all the way into your belly, breathing in these kind of deep circular movements. Then the more you start to drop out of your cortex, out of your overthinking, rationalizing mind, and going more into your emotional, and primal brain, which really helps you to get into your body, and helps you really connect with people, without getting so distracted by everyday thoughts and distractions. And I've included some precautions, just to be aware of, if you're doing some of the really deep breathing exercises, because, yeah, for some people with asthma and other things, and there's sometimes odd precautions to be aware of when doing deep breathing, but in general, having a nice, relaxed, flowing deep breath, is going to really help take your experiences to the next level. - Yeah. And the other two, sort of techniques, to have really helpful, and supportive movement in breath. And, it's also very connected to tantric practices, but even in other modalities, like for example, sexological bodywork, we work a lot with the movement, and the sounding. So it's very basic, actually like, when you start moving your body, and especially when you start moving also pelvic floor, and your spine, your start to activate your body, and your body can just experience much more pleasure and sensations, when you are in an active, in a present, in an aware state, when we are not moving, we really easily can't space out. And the sounding, also really helps you, to put you in the present moment into the now. And what's very interesting is the pelvic floor actually, and jaw, the whole throat area. They're super connected. So when we are angrious, they are actually coming the pelvic floor, and the jaw, they are developing from the same spot. So they basically grow apart, and then in-between, that starts to grow the spine. So when we start to, for example, rock our pelvic, we actually release a lot of tension in the jaw, and the same thing when we open our jaw, when we also open our voice with sounding, we help our pelvic floor to relax. And both those relaxations, then really help you, and support you, in experiencing more pleasure, because you open the blood flow, you relax it. And there is just much more space for sensations, and not all this tension. So whenever you want to bring yourself, into more feelings, sound movement, and breath are really your tools, to always bring you back to that. - Yeah. So sound is vibration as well. So when you're sounding, you're actually creating more vibration within your body, and your cells are vibrating particles. So, sounding from the pelvis, sounding from the heart, these all have very different effects, and, you know, even covering your ears and humming, you can feel the vibration moving around your head. And yeah, really connecting to sound, will create this change in your body. And also it gives your partner feedback. So, if you're playing with someone who is extremely quiet, it can often be really hard to gauge, like where they're at? Are they enjoying this? Like, you know, how in the moment are they? Are they dissociated, or checked out, so liberating sound, and allowing yourself to make these organic, natural sounds, can be really good, but on the other side, faking it, and putting on these kind of, fake, false sounds, can also be a little bit out of alignment, and not be giving the same effects, because it's coming from your head, and what you feel like you should be doing, rather than the authentic sound from the body. - Yeah. So with any of those things, you might want to experiment, and really feel, and find what's your all-in-true way of expressing, and also, the movement, as much as the sound, there's a beautiful way to give feedback. You know when you might have a little body shiver, or some movement that actually opens you more towards the hands of the other, the other can really play with that. And it becomes more, a togetherness, almost like a dance, instead of one person doing something to the other. - Yeah. And once you start getting used to liberating yourself, through breath, sound, movement, the body starts to move on its own accord, and it becomes really organic, and natural. So you'll get into this state where the body is moving you, and the sound is just coming without any kind of conscious effort. And this is, yeah, really, our natural state, it just feels super flowing, and it really, can release so much tension, as well as being a form of releasing trauma, from the body, when you gently start unwinding, all this stuck tension, contractions, and yeah, to really liberate yourself from them. - Yeah. And this is exactly why I'm so passionate about it, also just some body work sessions, is like we barely have the space in our society, to actually make some sounds, or move. And it will be funny if you're at a bus stop, or anywhere, and just do those things, and probably you would get some looks, and some people don't care but most of us do. So this is really a beautiful opportunity to play with it, to practice it. And even if you have some resistance to it, and you feel like no, I'm more of the quiet people, or quiet person, the invitation is to really try it, try it and see all, if that changes anything of your experience, and the sensations. - Yeah. so you can sound at 20% even, It doesn't have to be a full like, aah, but even if it's a little, aah, like this can still make a big difference. And if you're feeling really shy, put on some music, people are often totally okay with, hearing you in your room, with your music playing, and then they won't even notice if you're sounding beside that. So, that's my kind of main tip, when I want to sound if I have housemates, is put the speaker near the door, and put it out quite loud, and then get to a sound, and shake out without having to, mentally be worried, that people are going be concerned about what I'm doing. (Both laughing) (red hair girl sighs) - So we're gonna both practice all macroscopic breathing and then share that one hour guide while we do it, and you can just follow along or watch the video and then practice for yourself. Finding a comfortable position in front of each other, making sure you're relaxing your body tune in with your own breath for a moment. And then you can start together to take first, chestonal deep inhale and fully exhale, - Hmm (breathing out heavily) - Again. (breathing in) - Releasing any tension. (breathing out heavily) - Once more. (breathing heavily) And starting to inhale from your paranoia all the way up along your spine to the crown of your head and with an exhale, send that energy down to, paranoia again at the front of your body, inhale to your spine, all the way up, like I said, at the front of your body, continue for some more rounds. (breathing out heavily) The spine wants to move. If your pelvic wants to move, that's absolutely welcome. (breathing slowly) You can also incorporate a little squeeze of your genitals. When you inhale shoot, your own energy up and down relaxing, feeling this alba touring up in your own body and energy circulating (red hair lady breathing slowly) Some sounds when you exhale. (ladies exhaling heavily) Staying connected, building even a bit more of your own circulation, mind even the breath of your partner. (red hair lady breathing slowly) We have to crown that Donna to fond of your body, breathing in through your own, hernia, along your spine. And then you exhale another energy through your partner's front, inhaling through your own hernia all the way up along your spine and exhale that energy through your partner at the front of their body. To their hernium inhaling through your own hernium and creating this beautiful loop exchanging the energy. Aah. (lady breathing slowly) Aah. (lady breathing slowly) - And here might feel your heart opening naturally and coming closer to each other exhaling. (both inhaling) - If you want, you can also start to move your hands with it. (both breathing heavily) Energy down to hands down and up. And in your own body, along your own body and bringing it to your partner down. (red hair lady breathing slowly) - Inhale through your back exhaling through the heart and genitals and taking that beautiful energy in through your own genitals again, (both breathing slowly) A few more rounds. Feeling it. (both ladies breathing heavily) - Gently releasing your hands the control of your breath and taking some moments here and stillness, serving your body, having the natural flow of your breath, - Taking a moment, feel that energy between the two of you. Maybe you want to visualize or feel some lives, some sparkling, like a bubble that you both created, and that you're both sitting in together. Feeling that savoring, nourishing energy of it. Now the deep inhale together into your belly, say, I fully (both breathing slowly) Make your belly even fuller. An example of the wiggle. (both breathing slowly) Then gently just do any movements that your body might wanna do and allow yourself to come back. (lady breathing slowly) - Thank you. - So another way to do this exercise is to be in yab-yum. So that's where one person is sitting on the other, and then you can connect your foreheads. So then you have this actual physical connection, so you can guys. So you can hold the backs of the heart here. And usually the shorter person will go on top, but we're similar size. So it doesn't matter so much for us. And then we can have our foreheads together. So then you can really feel the physical connection of our genitals together. So as we inhale from the genitals and then exhale through the forehead. (both breathing slowly) - Yeah, it's a really beautiful way too, and you might even want to support the partner who is sitting on you also with your hand on their sacrum. That's another beautiful chapel point. And also it really just helps the body to be in that position. - So I'm going to begin the touch. And Sonya is gonna be really meditating and focusing on this touch, starting to really drop into the sensation, to the energy. Having full presence and awareness into the touch. Following her breath a bit with the touch, trying to move with her exhales and inhales. Seeing also very connected to her. When she feels like the energy starting to build up, then trying to inhale into the sensation and exhale, start to spread the energy with her visualization, with her sensation and her energy. You can either imagine that the energy is maybe all of wide or really just dropping into the tingles, the sensation, the vibration, whatever works best for you, whether it's visual or totally sensation based, but with every inhale dropping into the sensation, and every exhale spreading it more and more around the body. I really help move this energy by guiding it along the touch. - When you guide it feels like a little bit slow. (Sonya exhaling) - So you can keep going like this for quite a while, exploring letting the person build up more, more energy. And then once you feel like it's been enough time of exploring, then you can just bring the hands, being really present on the area, and the person receiving is going to really drink all that energy that built up into all their cells, into their body, letting it nourish them. Letting it really sink into the body. Imagine every tingle, every little bit of pleasure and energy is like food for the cells, for the bloodstream, even sinking into the bones. Really growing- - I energizing and really also feeling a little bit dizzy actually. To have that time with the build up and then breathing it into my body, but then also particular with your hands, to really have the support of the energy feeling to be spreading my different body parts, very powerful, and I also really love to do this actually during, for example, lovemaking, especially also even in that position, I will be lying down and even maybe feeling my partner inside me or just on my genitals, and just have this spreading, is just a beautiful in-between break to connect and feel more, go deeper. - So use this a lot in spankings and floggings. So building up the energy in a certain part of the body and then letting the breath move and spread it. So it works if you're moving in the microcosmic orbit or just this general stretching it out to all of the cells. So it's a bit of a different effect whether you're bringing it into the central channel or whether you're just spreading it through the entire body and really energizing your entire body. And even with all kinds of different toys, even with a feather, it's like a soft play or, something a bit more scratchy and more intense, it all can work really beautifully with this. - And it's... I really also love to give that it often it has a quite a magic touch to it, with this idea of like what Luna also did, but even like with a spanking. So I would be maybe quite on one spot. So I literally see or feel energy build up here. And then I almost really take it sometimes with my hands and like to just sweat it squeezes up, or bring it to also certain body parts. Like we were spreading it in the whole body, but you might also just sometimes wanna bring that energy maybe to the heart. So you just take this energy, which was filling it up and direct it here, and then you can hold it and even push it a bit inside. Of course having discussed what's okay, what's not, but it's a very magic way to also play with that energy. - So it can help having the hands moving or you can do it just purely with your imagination and keeping it with the touch in a single area. It can be a bit more tricky or maybe a bit more of an advanced practice. So it's the same like sometimes moving the hands helps you really to feel the energy moving and it's a similar thing here. But you can as you more and more sensitize and enjoy then you can purely use the focus and imagination to spread it around your body. - Okay, so welcome to the sensory play section, which is another one of my favorites. (both laughing) - It's, oh, my favorite. - Yes. So as the name says, it's playing with your senses, which in itself is already quite tantric and connected to tantra because in tantra, one of the main teachings also is to really connect to your feelings, your emotions, and your senses, which means being very aware and conscious of how you walk around on the road. And that doesn't need to be always connected to actually sexuality or pleasure, although it then often goes into pleasure, but it's really putting us in the space of awareness of how certain things feel, how they look, like just walking out the street and looking at the sky and noticing the color of the clouds or the sky and the scent of trees, and all that what makes us feel very alive and centered and present and connected. And that's also why it's so powerful to play with it. And we can play with it in two ways. We can deprive someone of sensations, take sensations away, or give more sensations. - Yeah, so in tantra, it's beautiful that part of it being such an embodied tradition is about, yeah, really embracing this tactile very human kind of part of experiencing life through a human body and the senses that we have. So, yeah, like we said, when you do sensory deprivation, then this is really when you can get access to the void. So in more traditional tantric, Kali wasn't necessarily the destroyer. Kali was the void, this formless ground of existence that everything falls into and falls away from. So doing sensory deprivation, meditations, and exercises was really about getting in touch with this Kali formless deep ungrounded sense of reality when you're kind of, yeah, getting out of the body in a way and into this kind of, yeah, interesting liminal space that's, yeah, a little bit more on the transcendent side. Versus when we're activating the senses, then we're really activating the body and being even more present here. And also, it lights up different parts of the brain. So different sense organs are connected to different parts of the brain. So when you're bringing all of the senses on board and into a scene, then you're really activating even more. - Yeah, and also like when we take away some senses then other senses by that might get enhanced. So for example, one way of sensory deprivation would be to blindfold someone. So the person can't see anymore. And what happens then is because you can't see and this sense is shut off literally, all the other senses get heightened. So your hearing becomes better. Your feeling becomes better, like the sense of how you touch. And you can take away then also maybe the hearing sense, which makes the person even drop more into it and be more feeling and really noticing all the subtleties. So this is a very beautiful, very powerful way of playing. It's very important to check in with the person, the receiving one, especially, of where there might be some fears around it. Like for some people, it can be really edgy to not be ever to see anymore or to hear anymore or to move. So this can trigger quite some primal fears in people or some survival instincts because we need all five senses for survival. So of course, as usual, do the check-in, but especially also in this one, don't be shy to ask the person if there's any particular fears or pre-existing experiences that might be triggered or bring up some fear. - And as far as activating the senses, this is where you can get really creative and really have fun with it as well. So I'm a very aesthetic person as an artist. And I love dress-ups. I love creating beautiful spaces, beautiful altars. I love delicious scents. I have like a million different scented oils and things. And this is where you can really have fun with activating senses, doing things like dressing up, making a really beautiful space, playing with different sensory tools. Most of this section is gonna be more about specific sensory tools and how to use them and how to kind of get the most out of that play. But also you can get super creative here. And yeah, really, the world is your oyster. - So now we're moving into the sensual activation segment of our course. So as we mentioned, you can either take away the senses and do sensory deprivation or activation. So activating all the senses is a really beautiful part of tantric practice because it's really, yeah, bringing every part of your mind body on board, it really goes into the kind of primal parts of your brain, especially things like scent and sound, they really activate different parts, so you're bringing the whole brain online, you're really bringing more consciousness and presence into the body when you start playing with the different senses. - Yeah and by that also really bringing the presence in the now so it can be quite meditative sometimes, and you can also play with intensity. So it becomes more of a rush like also really bringing up a lot of hormones and adrenaline, like even if you hear all of a sudden, for example a sound that can be really activating you or scent can really, and smooth you and put you more at ease so you can play, we then play with the senses You can play a lot of intensity or speed and with little elements like surprise or all of a sudden doing something unexpected. - Yeah so for the person receiving the sensory activation, you really want to allow yourself to go all in and let this sense consume you. So you can actually make it quite an orgasmic experience when you're smelling something beautiful and you really allow yourself to go completely into the smell, to let it take over you, to let it fill every part of your body to make it feel like you're smelling something for the first time, like you're tasting something for the first time. And yeah, this can be a really beautiful experience that then you can start incorporating more into your day to day life to really see the divinity and the beautiful consciousness that's in all these senses. So we have tools for all the different senses here, and we'll talk through them a bit and then how we can incorporate it together. - Yeah. - Cool, so first here I have for sound, so when you're working with sound, you can either use instruments and things. So for example, having little singing balls that you can either play around someone, or even if you have some of those bigger singing balls, it can be nice to place them on the body and hit the singing ball and then the vibrations will also make an effect so it can also be a tactile sensual experience as well as an auditory one. As well as beautiful things like chimes. (chimes ringing) And if you move them around the body and someone, especially if they have their eyes closed, then it can be really amazing and really interesting to kind of have these sound vibrations coming at the body from different angles. You can also you use your voice, so making different sounds, whispering in people's ears like ASMR is really popular at the moment. A lot of people get a lot of stimulation activation from whispering or different sounds. And you can also make sounds on the body itself. So making an um sound or some kind of vibration onto different parts of the body, can be a really interesting sensual kind of experience. Then next we have smells. So smell is very primal. You can also be using your body. So if you're kind of genetically compatible, a lot of people really enjoy the sweat and body smells. Then you can also work with beautiful natural smells, so like natural perfumes, best not to use artificial perfumes and things. Those can be really overwhelming and quite harsh on the senses than beautiful, natural oils. It's best to not necessarily waft under someone's nose, especially if they're laying down, but to place it on different parts of your body and then move them around their nose. You can also do things like burning incenses and having like a beautiful smell in the environment. And yeah, you can also, when you're working with food, let someone smell the food before they taste it so it also activates that. For sight, it's really about having a beautiful space set up or even maybe decorating yourself. So I like for sight maybe doing a dance and dressing up, or you can also work with mandalas and yantras, if you are getting into the more tantric side of things. So having someone staring into a mandala can be a really beautiful way for them to go into a meditation on site or yeah, working with a blindfold so that the other senses are even more activated. - Yeah and then of course we have a lot of tools and a lot of opportunities for everything that has to do with touch and uptakes. So you can be pretty creative. You can go through your household and find a lot of beautiful tools. For example, brush can have a really beautiful soft sensation. You can of course also play with firmer strokes, they become all scratchy and you can go at it like a gentle impact, you can go into a harder impact depending on where you are at in the play. If you're just coming from all the more sensual things, it's also nice for you to start soft of course. There's things like fork. So also by me showing you this is really like of course you can go into a shop and buy beautiful tools, for example, like this wheel, it's really beautiful. It can be quite pinchy and can have very interesting sensation on your skin, on different parts of the skin. Also, if you go, for example, on the inside of the arm, of the leg, the skin is less thick, so it tends to be more sensitive or definitely of course, on private parts. So you can get something like this, but this one is very similar. So if you're just starting and you don't wanna spend a lot of money on all those expensive beautiful tools, just look in your household, there is a lot to find. What else do we have? So we have this finger extension, it's from Thailand, is it right? - Yeah, it's for dancing, belly dancing. - So they use this for belly dancing but also has a very scratchy, pinchy surface. So again, I'm using my arm for demonstration, but obviously you can use it everywhere. You can do like really beautiful sensation or longer stroke and like with all of them, it's really beautiful also if you take time, if you don't do it too quick and also if you breathe together in it. So I just do this right now, I obviously feel it, but it doesn't do a lot. So then I'll take the time to go like, (instructor inhaling) and really feel that, especially when it's going a bit more to the peak and then I exhale and spread the sensation into my body, it changes the whole thing. We have a bit more ticklish things and a bit more soft things and we have this beautiful thing. You can use obviously anything that goes in that direction like feathers also, or some people like to use a big piece of fur, this is really beautiful also on your face and smoothing and relaxing, it's really nice also sometimes after something that's been a bit more stingy so to relax the skin again and to relax the receiver. What else? Straws, you can use straws to blow obviously. So it's really nice to play with your air also so you can use your mouth just as it is and go do a bit of a bigger breath. So that's quite warm and if you want to make a colder sensation, you can either just also use your mouth and just make it a bit like as if you're whistling basically, and then the breath becomes thin or you can direct it even more, (instructor blowing) with that one. It's nice also again, very much on the neck or maybe close to the face, it can be very intimate, especially if you're breathing with the mouth on someone so also check in with the people if that is okay for them or give them time for feedback. Yeah and other little things obviously like brushes that are really soft and nice, these chopsticks that you can also use for pinching, or just going a bit like, a bit more annoying sensation probably, of course if you stroke along it's also really nice again, also sometimes if you do symmetrical things that can feel really nice for the person who's receiving. We have the chain here. So this one is also really cool because the chain is a bit colder. So you have a chilled sensation of different temperature and again you can play softly with it, you can become a bit more, using it for more like impact, and it still feels really soft, so a lot of opportunities here to be really playful. - Yeah and then obviously we also have taste. So you can have beautiful, fresh fruits that you can use, that you can feed people with. You want to really think about the texture so yeah, like mangoes, strawberries, things like that can be very sensual. You know, a crumbly cookie might seem like a good idea, but it can not be as much of the same effects you would really think about the sensations inside of the mouth that come with playing with taste as well. And then there's also just things obviously like beautiful fabrics. So even having, you know, velvets and floss that feel really beautiful on the skin. All these kinds of things really add together to activate all the senses and yeah, there's so many ways that you can tease and play with these with someone so that they don't know what to expect next, there's always all these different activations and yeah, they can become very present in their body. - Yeah, and obviously you can also use anything that you're own body offers, which could be hair if you have longer hair, definitely your nails, your tongue, whatever body parts you can use to create some sensations on the other person. - As it is with most of things, when we have activation, there's also the other part of it that can be deprivation when it comes to senses. And deprivation part, you can play that together with the activation, or you can just basically also go into it more as independent modality and yeah, we may have something to say a bit more about hubby and the wife. - Yeah, so sensory deprivation as a form of meditation is actually a traditional tantric tool as well. So there are parts in tantric scriptures that they are talking about how, if you block the sense organs, then you can visit, call, explore also, you know, the feeling of death and the feeling of nothingness, which is a really important part of tantric practice and so that you're not fearing death, you're not fearing nothingness that you can embrace that kind of feeling and so before Kali was this kind of warrioress deity probably it was also just the formless grounded existence, the void. So this is very much the, the consciousness and the nothing that all other things come into. So it's a really beautiful thing in sensory deprivation experiences to really embrace that formlessness, embrace the void, and to not fear being nothing. And a lot of people in sensory deprivation experiences can go into panic attacks and anxiety, because there is this fear of death in the sphere of nothing. So, you know, gradually working towards that if you do have a fear of the nothingness and a fear of the darkness, you know, by working the sense by sense, and not going into an entire sensory deprivation experience can start easing you into it and letting you use breathe and relax into that nothingness. - Yeah. And also imitation practice. Often you find references to working with the inner peace that inner stillness, like really dropping into yourself. And that's the same thing with the senses. So once one of our senses is shut off, it's usually heightens other senses. So let's say my eyes are blindfolded that I will just feel much more because all that awareness that I usually spread between the senses now gets concentrated on the other set or maybe less, and like the meditation, this is also really beautiful possibility to drop more into yourself and to, to hear yourself, to hear that inner voice, to shut off the outside noise and just drop into this place of stillness and your heart, or is your breath and focus more on that is within that. Yeah. Yeah. - So having said that, you know, having a mindful meditative practice before tapping into this is important because if you are going into that stillness and the mind is very loud and uncontrolled, and this is when anxiety can kick in because your mind can go crazy. But once you have control over the mind, and once you are someone that has a regular practice and you're able to yet drop into your core and your true assets and not be controlled by the chatter of the mind, then that's when it can be a really profound experience. - Yeah, if you're a regular meditator. And you find yourself having your thoughts coming back, you simply start to focus on your breath, breathing deeper and start to focus really on maybe one sensation on one body part so that you let the loss of control out of your mind and into your body. So one of the things that I already mentioned is the senses of sight, which is eyes. And the eyes we can, Very simply basically play with covering them. So what we often use is blindfolds, but also if you don't have blindfolds, you can always Use something as simple as a scarf. So I like sometimes to not immediately and all that, just give a bit the anticipation. So the person has this idea closes on the back. It's always good. Also, if you're not sure to check with that person you're blindfolding. It's fine? - Yes. So you have many different possibilities. You can use your own hand kind of just also the beginning, like include the senses, starting to close the mouth, move around. And it gives this sense of like also being held a lot, especially taking care of. You're also holding that head on the back so that she doesn't feel like folding. And what I also really liked this just if someone, something to vote, you can obviously use also, you can also use a scarf to put it in the mouth. Just if something here that doesn't allow them to speak or to open the mouth, obviously she can open the mouth, but she's not supposed to. And the last one here is never going to show now his ears, and that can be really intense. So you can start also by just copying them, not pressing too much, but just popping them. And again, the little bits I kind of adjust for some moments you can also use, I flipped them off. The person is receiving certain amount for the session or for whole session. Obviously also coming some communication about those things beforehand, everything you see that just breathe and whatever you're going into, all the other beautiful tools that they have for sensations. You can build this one here, again, holding their heads also that the eyes it's really nice if you don't do it. So the person has some time to get the eyes, just remind them to close the eyes, open the eyes, gently, come back into the room. - Yeah. So another thing you can do for someone is use noise canceling headphones - that's also an option, but yeah, otherwise just holding and you can even command someone to block their own ears. If you're wanting to then be able to play with other senses. And yeah. The thing is as well, and sort of stopping someone from being able to move. So yeah, she borrowed and it's a really popular form of bondage having someone using, yeah. Once again, a tie to tie their wrists, or even tying like the entire kind of upper body, there's also kind of modification techniques that people do using fabric to wrap around the entire body or even clingfilm or something like that, where you stop the mobility of the person. And if you have all the other senses taken right as well, then that's when you can drop really deep into an intense, that is sensory deprivation experience. - We're going to be talking about breath play here, and breath control. And this can be a very touchy subject, and yeah, it can be one of the more risky types of play, but we know that this is yeah, one of the most popular things that a lot of people do at home. And we really believe in a safer education around these kinds of things. If people are going to be playing with them anyway. So yeah, breath control is simple ways to do it where you're just blocking the breath, and when the person receiving has still a lot of control over the experience, and then there's also even more blood choking, which is when you're actually compressing the blood vessels in the neck, and it gives you more of a lightheaded experience that isn't so much blocking the airway. So we're going to tell you a little bit about both of these and give you some exercises that you can try yourself if you're into this, but just being aware that this is a safer practice, that when you're playing with breath control and stuff, it's never a fully safe practice. So this is a risk aware kink play. - Yeah and it's also really important that you usually do this with the partner, especially if you would play along with yourself and you use a scarf or rope or something just don't do that, because if something goes wrong there's no one else who could possibly help you. So the most accidents that you actually were encounter is people playing with themselves, not with their hands, but with tools, so we just really recommend to not do that. - Cool. So start with controlling the breath, and actually stopping someone from being able to breathe. It's a really beautiful way to practice that one. If the receiver it actually lying down, because they can just relax the whole body much more. And that allows them to drop in much deeper. There's a few safety things that we are going to do, and that you also do when you practice. The first one is really about the communication. Because I am going to close the my mouth, she can't speak anymore. So what we do instead then is we're going to agree on some tactile, safe words, opportunity or possibility. This is my hand, and I'm going to using on her mouth. So I'm going to ask you to please hold my wrist, and you can do two things here, I asked her to really give me a firm double squeeze, when she wants to just stop, or she just lets go. So and I know it's okay to also enclose. So am just closing her mouth here, and for now leaving her nose open. So it's a really nice way to start to play with this, to build it up and not overwhelm the person. (breathing soundly) And then I want to close the nose also, which get, becomes a bit more edgy obviously, so either I'm just moving my hand a little bit, either I go more up, so I'm just partially not closing the nose with the edge of my hands, or I can use my other hand and actually close the nose. And this is where you want to pay absolute focused attention to her hand. I can just play with it and. ( both breathing soundly) Breath together. (both exhaling) And it's nice to just have your hands maybe on the shoulders, give some grounding touch, be there for the person, don't let drop, and as you could see, she was letting him go with her hand. So there was a sign for me, it's enough, please let go and I simply did to follow. And also you can, obviously this is more but the exercise style to incorporating that into your play, you might want to play a bit more also with edging that and set, as long as you really paying attention and giving opportunity for other person to give you a physical sign, this is totally fine. Use the communications rules that you learned, use the check informs, and desires, needs and fears maybe even around just practice and then you can pretty safely play with it. So, one more form also of intensifying is, actually we're going to just going to shocked. So, please hold my wrist again, yes. Closing. (breathing soundly) Am just holding her in that present. (breathing soundly) I can see the body starting to make some movements, so I notice she's getting a bit much to an edge. (breathing soundly) (inhale and exhales) So, I was just giving her release moment of air, gasps and enclosing again and giving her a bit more, pretending that she's safe, then enclosing again. (laughs) (laughs and breathing soundly) And obviously, you could edge it now to a point where she gives me a sign that it's enough for her, or we'll just let it out and hold her, it's often really nice also to have her face held afterward. Breath together. (both exhaling) With a stroke, I can also bring in here aftercare skills here, you might want to ask if there is anything she needs, or you had a good communication around how you want to proceed with the play and you can just go on. - That's intense there. Yeah, it can be a very intensive, very powerful practice and very trying to relax the body even when you are needing to breath, and you're first getting that resistance saying that you want to breath, and yeah, in turn trying you get to practices, when you're doing the breath hold, this is one of the most important parts of the pranayama and the practice is this void when you're without the breath in between the inhale and exhale, so yeah, it can be a really beautiful space to explore together, especially having that safety of someone else there. - Yeah. And also like sometimes she would not be able to breathe, but she actually had an exhale force, so she's empty. This is in the pranayama practice more to explore your relationship to emptiness, to devoid. And if you have a breath retention while holding inhale, this can also be really intense and very different, because it allows you to explore more this in a fullness. And I as the air giver, I often tend to actually really focus a lot on my breathing, and sometimes I also would go into holding my breath with her. So you can play with that as it please you. - So we just want to go a little bit deeper into some practices for resourcing and taking care of emotions that might come up during play. We've already talked about this in the trauma section and a lot in communication but just giving you some practical tools that you can use, if anything happens to come up because emotions do tend to arise in intimacy and sexuality a lot. So what do we mean by resourcing to begin with? So, resourcing is a term use by Peter Levine and a lot of people in the kind of somatic experiencing, somatic trauma aware world. And this is about having something to kind of come back to that grounds you in the present moment and can make you feel a little bit more comfortable and centered. So, a resource can be something in your body so if you feel into your body and you feel like, "Oh, where feels comfortable right now?" So if something's overwhelming but you might feel like, "Oh, the palms of my hands actually feel like quite soft right now." So that would be a resource that you can focus on the palms of your hands or anywhere in your body that happens to feel nice. And if you're working with someone then yeah, maybe a supportive hand on the back of your heart, might be a really nice resource that feels safe and grounding and helps you stay in the present moment. A resource can also be like looking at these beautiful flowers that are nice on the eyes that make you feel like, "Oh, yeah, beautiful flowers I can focus on that." So, you know, especially if someone does have like a flashback or like a really intense reaction, then focusing on something that looks nice or feels nice can just be enough to help the nervous systems start to reground in the present moment. - Yeah, so also, because we've talked so much about emotions and they can come up but it's not only that they can come up but we actually really invite them to, I come to them to come up. It's something we work a lot with in tantra and in king. So this is also one of the components where we go like, yeah, everything is welcome. We want to invite everything. We don't want to suppress anything. And the example for example if the flowers also, it's not only if you have like a really big intense flashback or sensations and for that one it's an amazing tool but even to ground yourself in the present and combine the experience that you had with the present moment because we tend sometimes to separate our session or our sexuality from real life and then this becomes it's bit like dream brought onwards. So this can be a nice thing. Also this resourcing bringing it back to reality and combining that experience with, "Hey, this is actually, this is real. This is happening here and now." And my internal world is as much part of it as those flowers. So anchor your back, anchoring yourself back into the now that's a really beautiful tool for it and anchoring your emotions also in the now and feeling safe with them in the now and not just in your internal world often play. - Yeah, so it's a beautiful point of also to be And the body, you know, you can get these beautiful altered states and these higher consciousness but we don't want to be transcendentalists, where we're just trying to get out of our body. This can be a type of dissociation and a way to like kind of exit and avoid feeling emotions. So, a lot of people can use tantric practices to try to like get out of their body to somewhere that they perceive as, "this better higher realm." So resourcing can also help you be in these like high states but also like totally here and now in the present moment. That blend is where you get the most integrated, embodied and lasting kind of effects that are going to help you live a better day to day life and not just see peak experiences and peak spiritual highs as something out of you and out of your body. - Yeah. So we are gonna share two exercise with you that you can do to actually feel our emotions, to work with them, to either release them or just really transform them into something different and any other tool a way that you've learned so far from maybe other modalities like yoga or tau or bodywork. Feel free to work with whatever works for you. - So talking about emotions, about releasing them, about getting them out of the system, especially if those emotions set up potentially really feeling like big, something that you would want to move, that you feel like it might even get stuck somewhere. Like when we talked about the trauma awareness. So sometimes when we have those intense emotions, we feel they are stuck now somewhere in our body. So what we want to do is we don't wanna make them even more stuck, by just leaving them where they are, but we actually wanna give them space to one of my most favorite practices is dancing and... shaking. So... what you can do, I will give you a little demo and you can do this exercise basically during a session, you can do it afterwards, and you can do this whole practice as a total. Yeah, as a total independent unit, as a total independent practice, throughout your day. So you can put on some music. We're gonna share a little playlist here also for you with music that matches and you start by finding a really comfortable stand. You open your feet a bit, so like you're standing hip width apart and have your feet really beautifully grounded on the floor, and then you close your eyes, that really just helps you to drop into your body. And you start by feeling your feet and you might wanna move your legs a tiny bit and find a balance on your feet. Notice if you're standing on the back, on the front of your feet, how your weight is distributed. And starting to go deeper with your breath, starting to take the breath all the way down through your nose, through your heart, into your belly, or even further into your pelvic floor. And you stay with that for some minutes, for some breaths, as long as you really feel you need this to calm your thoughts down, to calm your whole system down, and to connect what's present within you. (deep breath) So from there, I will start to shake my knees a bit, that's better for you to see. So starting to give my body some shaking repetitive impulse by balancing my knees. Now my fingers are following my hands, my wrists, the shoulders, and you will get your whole body into this full on shake. (exhales) Sounds are very welcome. Not only welcome, but even try to incorporate them, even if it might feel a bit weird, maybe at the beginning, just do it. (deep breath) Ah, ah, ah. And you will bring your whole body into full shaking. Don't forget your bum, allow your bum to shake and allow your breasts or your chest to shake. And to wiggle the funny way, your belly, your organs, your womb if you have one or your energetic womb, (exhales) your shoulders, your elbows, your earlobes your whole face, your neck, (exhales) your lips, your tongue, your cheeks. (exhales) And even your tongue, it's really beautiful to stick your tongue out and make some sounds like (trills tongue) really like opening your throat, opening your voice, and releasing whatever is there. Sometimes you might really know the emotion, sometimes you don't. Sometimes just feel there is this overall (groans) a yuck feeling or whatever it is, and you just release whatever wants to come. And sometimes you feel, oh, this is anger. This is about whatever it is, this is about this and that topic. And then you can with the intention, release that one. If the shaking, for some reason does not suit your body because you have some body aches or issues that you can't fully do it, just do it in your own pace. You don't have to go super strong. The stronger you can go, beautiful. If that doesn't work for you, just stay softer. If for some reason it hurts in your hip, then don't do, move your hip too much. Whatever it is, be careful with your neck, just listen to your body and listen to your knowledge that you have about your body. And after that, giving it always like a final really big one. (exhales) Shake my legs, basically getting to a sense where I feel the shaking is doing me rather than me doing the shaking. So it becomes more automatic and it's moving my body. And then after that, (exhales) I quite sudden drop into a space of stillness. Internal stillness of not moving my body anymore and just feel, and then you take those moments to feel into the energy of your body. There might be some like sensations like tingling or vibration in your arms and your limbs and your face, wherever. (inhales) Really take in that moment and I found this really often, I would go into some dance and also with the dance again, feeling almost like the emotion or that whatever wants to be expressed through your body is leading you. Like drop all the ideas of how you look, how you should look, what dance moves you know, what dance moves you're doing now. Just allowing your body to get into some movement. And that can be really big and spacious movements, and it can be very subtle and small up to only moving your little finger or some of the fingers. So there's really no rule to it. It's good practice to get into touch with the natural movements of your body, of your emotions, and to release, and to embody, and to give that what's present in you some expression. - So I wanted to share with you a technique for digesting emotions that I call emotional transmutation. And this is a tantric practice that you can use if either both of you feel triggered, if there's some emotions coming up that are kind of getting in the way of your experience. So I'll have the guided audio, but I'll just talk a little bit through it first and you can try it out just at home. It's good to explore it before you're triggered, so then you have it in your toolbox and you know how you can move the emotion in the future if something comes up for you. So first we do a kind of sematic check-in with our body of how the emotion feels. So whatever is coming up for you, then you can close your eyes and just feel where in the body do I actually feel this emotion. So different emotions will kind of be felt in different parts of the body. You might notice a contraction, an expansion, a heaviness, a tightness, a sharp pain, maybe you felt like a weight on your shoulders, maybe it feels like someone's stabbing you in the gut, maybe it feels like a wall over your heart. So really noticing the physical sensation quality and associating it with that emotion. So for example, if I'd be feeling sad, then I might check-in in my body, do a bit of a meditation notice, like, okay, so I feel like tears are coming off, I feel this like tingling around here, I feel like this kind of wall numb feeling around my heart that feels like it's pressing into my chest, and then I'm feeling a bit of a sinking in my belly, it feels like it's pulling downwards. So then you just start to really notice, you can even say out loud to yourself what sensations you're feeling in your body, what you're noticing, and then you're going to stop breathing into it. I'm really not trying to push it aside to just do some deep, full inhales and exhales into whatever part is the body you're really feeling this sensation. (inhaling and exhaling deeply) So in a way you're inviting it and telling that these sensations, this energy of this emotion is welcome here, that you're going to give it space, you're going to feel it and allow yourself to feel it. So if this at all feels way too overwhelming that you can't handle feeling this, then wanna just go back to resourcing, grounding, looking at something comfortable in the room, opening your eyes. But as long as it feels like you can handle this emotion, that you're able to feel it, that your energy body is capable of holding this, then you keep breathing and feeling it. And then what you're going to do is to start to allow it to sound a move. So if this emotion could move, how would it move? So letting your breath remain deep, allowing it to move in your body, how does it want to move? Maybe you wanna, yeah, allow it to kind of dance out, and how does it want to sound? So allowing sound to escape from this emotion, from this sensation can really help it to energetically move, to help it release from your body. (moaning sound) So let yourself move and sound even if it's weird, even if it looks strange. (moaning sound) So you can place your hands on the part of the body that you're feeling it, you can really let it express. So you'll do this for a few minutes, really allowing it to move around and then taking some stillness, you'll notice whatever energy you're feeling. So really noticing that emotions are just a type of energy. It's a energetic pattern that is kind of visiting your body, that there is this stillness and presence that's always there behind this wave of emotion that is visiting you. And then you can actually start to breathe the energy of the emotion into the microcosmic orbit, and you can actually launch whatever feeling it is. If it's sadness, if it's anger, grief, whatever it is, you can breathe it through your system and actually let it transmute, let it alchemize through the body. And this helps really to digest this emotion, to move it around. And you can even start to blend that with pleasure. So maybe you wanna add some self-touch, some soothing grounding touch on yourself and breathe it, move it, blend it with pleasure. And eventually when you start doing this kind of exercise, you'll be able to have a different association with the emotional charge, with the emotional energy. You'll be able to let it move through your system and you can even possibly feel energized or feel a certain type of pleasure or goodness in your body from what originally was a kind of uncomfortable sensation. So it's changing your relationship. It's just letting the emotion be there, seeing it as a divine, something that can be welcomed that belongs in you, but isn't all of you if that makes sense for you. So I invite you to try the audio, explore it for yourself. And then this is a tool that you can use at any time in your play or in your life at all. If you're feeling maybe any kind of shame, any stress response, any kind of undesirable feeling coming up, that you can change that association. - So, we really hope that you've got a lot out of this course. That you've got to try some new things, learn some new things, learn a little bit more about yourself, maybe accept some of yourself a little bit more. So, we just wanted to close up with, where can you go from here? What can you do next if you're like, yes, I'm addicted. Tantric kink is like my world now, and you want to know, yeah, what else you can do to explore this realm. - Yeah, so we're gonna link to quite some resources. We're gonna give you some links to sources where you can explore more tantra, to teachers that we personally can recommend from our experience. And, of course, there's also the option to work with us or with each of us single. So, I do offer coachings and bodywork. The bodywork obviously works if you are where I am, or if I am where you are, but I do tantric bodywork, and also kinky tantric bodywork, which can often be really supportive to give you this little starting experience, this reference point of where you want to go, what you want to experience. And in my coachings, I really work with individuals and couples. Whoever feels inspired to shift basically from pain to pleasure. That's one of my programs, where it's really all about shifting your emotional or your physical pain into a life that is more liberated and free. I do also really in my coachings, help supporting you to find your sensuality, to find your self expression, your rawness, your wildness with tantric tools, with sexological bodywork tools, and with tools from coaching. And I offer also mentoring for people who want to get especially into the bodywork, or who are already in bodywork, but want to expand also a bit more into the kinky realms, and at different other workshops throughout the year, and you'll find all of that then on my web page. - And yeah, I also do personal coaching. So, I'm certified from the Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality with VITA Coaching, which I offer for singles and for couples. So, this is really about exploring the inner world about getting through any resistances or blockages around sexuality, anything that's stopping you from having a thriving and liberated life, and also working with couples around whether you want to learn more sacred sexuality in tantra and go really deeper into some couple's tantric sexuality practices. Or couples relationship therapy, which is more around conscious communication, inner child processes, and things like that for couples. And then, yeah, there's more on the Sensual Arts School. So, if you want to learn Shibari, pleasure yoga, I do a bunch of other online offerings, as well as the Sensual Arts retreats, the Sensual Temple Nights for play party experiences with other tantric kinksters, and yeah. Also offer mentoring towards people that want to become teachers and facilitators in this world. Hopefully in the near future we'll be running a teacher training. So, if you're interested in actually learning how to teach and hold space for these things, or becoming a professional practitioner, then you can send us an email let us know that you're interested, and something will definitely be getting organized in the near future if you want to do this in a professional sense. - Yeah, and we'd really appreciate if you want to fill out the feedback form that we are posting here. Very self explanatory, but we really want to improve this course. Also we want to be able to grow, and we want to have your feedback on how this was for you. What you liked, what you maybe didn't like, and anything else that you want to share with us. - Yep, and you can become an affiliate if you want to recommend this to your friends. If you have a bit of a network that you want to share, then you can be making a percentage of each sale by recommending it. So, you can even earn back all the money that you spent on this course by promoting it, and telling everyone how awesome it is. So, also hit us up if you're interested in being an affiliate. - Yeah. - Sweet. (lips smacking) Thanks for joining.

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