What Makes Sex Great?

This summer, we asked 2,291 people about all things sex. We wanted to know: what are folks into these days? What gets them hot and bothered? What’s the best oral sex they ever had (spoiler: apparently ice cubes are having a moment).

Taking more time for intimacy has become a recurring theme in Beducated's surveys, and this one’s no different. In this survey, we asked participants to reflect on the last time they had sex, how long it lasted, and how satisfied they were with the duration. While 55% of respondents said their last sexual experience was “just right,” 34% wanted it to last longer. For many, the sweet spot landed somewhere between 30 and 60 minutes.

Men were nearly twice as likely as women to say they wanted longer sex sessions. The reason? Not entirely clear, but it could be tied to things like erectile dysfunction, mismatched desires, or just the usual — busy routines, kids, and work eating up all the time and energy.

We asked survey participants if they were in a relationship and how long it had lasted. The longer they’d been together, the more likely they were to wish they’d slowed down during their last sexual experience. As relationships settle into daily routines, intimacy often takes a back seat. Between building families, growing careers, and juggling the endless responsibilities of adult life, it’s easy for sex to slip down the priority list.

People are more adventurous about intimacy than they often admit. Our survey showed a strong interest in everything from novel oral techniques to creative ways to enhance sensations. Here’s a look at some popular fantasies and techniques that are adding spice behind closed doors.

The vast majority of respondents said penetration is part of their sexual routine, but here’s the interesting part: 70% said they don’t need it every time to have a satisfying experience. This suggests a shift in how people view intimacy, embracing a broader range of sexual activities that can feel just as satisfying without always relying on penetration.

Different age groups engaged with penetrative sex differently, too. Respondents under the age of 29 (Gen Z) and above 60 were roughly 10% less likely to say penetration was a regular part of intimacy for them.

When quizzed about their favorite positions for partnered sex, the clear winner is missionary. It’s classic, reliable, and let’s be honest, a bit vanilla. Coming in a close second is doggy style, proving that while some like it traditional, others prefer to switch things up. Interestingly, there were no significant differences in preferences across gender or age; responses were pretty consistent all around.

It’s no secret that penetration alone often doesn’t do the trick for vulva owners. So, we asked our respondents where and how they like to be touched by their partner(s). Unsurprisingly, the clitoris took the top spot for most popular pleasure zone, followed closely by the nipples. What did catch us off guard was how low the cervix ranked on the list. Though our survey didn’t offer insight into why that might be, we know that pleasure zones beyond the clitoris are lesser known. If you want to read more about how to explore the cervix, check out this article on the Beducated Mag.

When we asked penis owners the same question, the penis naturally topped the list. However, similar to our findings with the cervix for vulva owners, the prostate came in surprisingly low. Often referred to as the male "G-spot," it’s a key pleasure zone that many might not be fully exploring.

Only a small number of men — just 1 in 10 — reported enjoying anal stimulation during oral sex, mostly with hands, fingers, or toys. While deep throating remains a popular favorite, the low number of men open to anal pleasure stands out, especially given how much pleasure potential the area holds.

“We often see straight men avoiding anal stimulation, likely because they feel pressured to conform to traditional ideas of masculinity,” says Freya. “So it’s surprising that even a portion of them listed anal play as a favorite technique in our survey.” The anal region is packed with nerve endings, making it an often-overlooked pleasure zone for men. “Men are really missing out if they’re not tapping into this source of orgasmic pleasure,” Freya adds. "It’s something more guys should be trying."

We also noticed a minor hot trend in the open-ended responses: 74 participants told us they enjoy having an ice cube used on them during oral sex.

Why we have sex is just as important as the how, so we wanted to know what our survey-takers value most during sex. Almost half said emotional connection, showing that physical intimacy undoubtedly has a significant emotional dimension. You can check out the full breakdown in the pie chart below.

The spectrum of sexual desire — running from responsive to spontaneous — can help us understand how and why folks experience arousal differently. The concept emerged out of research by the pioneering Sex Educator Emily Nagoski. According to Nagoski, folks with more spontaneous desire can feel turned on without needing external stimulus, but rather it just “pops” out of nowhere. Responsive desire is where a person needs a little “nudge” to get them turned on, like physical touch or porn.

We tasked survey-takers to rank themselves on a scale from 1: Responsive to 5: Spontaneous. In our findings, women leaned toward the “responsive” side, hanging around a 2, meaning they usually need something to get them going. Conversely, men fell right in the middle, showing they’re a bit more flexible with how their desire works.

Most of our survey-takers told us they enjoy both giving and receiving oral sex. But one finding that jumped out for us was that women were a whopping six times more likely to say they didn’t enjoy giving oral (12%) than male respondents (2%). Our data doesn’t offer any insights into why that might be, but Beducated’s founder and certified Sex Coach, Mariah Freya, believes two things might be at play here.

“Firstly, performing oral sex on a penis can come with its discomforts,” says Freya. “You can get gag reflex, jaw strain, and occasionally, it can taste foul.” Freya also thinks porn can make blowjobs intimidating, too. “Adult film actors can do these really impressive oral sex scenes, with loads of deep throating, swallowing, and other more ‘adventurous’ tricks. Some women might be ok with doing that, they might even be turned on by it. Others might find it intimidating, especially if they think that’s expected of them.”

“Adult film actors can do these really impressive oral sex scenes, with loads of deep throating, swallowing, and other more ‘adventurous’ tricks. Some women might be ok with doing that, they might even be turned on by it. Others might find it intimidating, especially if they think that’s expected of them.” says Freya.

Even with the sexual revolution and the rise of sex positivity, we're not all that thrilled about our sex lives. According to recent pieces in the New York Times, Slate, and Vox, dating — especially online — feels tougher than ever, and it turns out Gen Z is having less sex. Our survey echoes this: Less than half of respondents feel mostly or very satisfied with their sex lives, with only 45% giving themselves a "4" or "5" on the happiness scale.

Across all genders, ages, and relationship lengths, the median sexual happiness score settled at a lukewarm "3." However, one group stood out: women over 40. Out of 1,097 respondents identifying as women, 501 in this age bracket reported being happier than other groups with their intimate lives, with an impressive median of “4.”

“That’s a pleasantly surprising finding,” says Freya. “We tend to hit perimenopause in our 40s, which brings hormonal changes that can decrease sex drive. Still, women aged 40+ were the happiest with their sex lives in our survey.” So what could be behind it? Mariah’s theory is that they might be more confident and relaxed in the bedroom than their younger counterparts. “Many women have come to terms with their bodies by the time they’ve reached that age, which makes performance anxiety less likely. The more relaxed we are in the bedroom, the more likely we are to enjoy ourselves.”

As we wrap up Beducated’s latest survey, here are the highlights that’ll stay with us moving forward.

1. There’s a strong desire for longer and more intimate sessions, particularly among men.
2. Non-penetrative sex is gaining ground, showing that good sex isn’t always about going all the way.
3. We're also not exploring our pleasure zones as much as we could be. Men seem to overlook their prostate, and women are missing out on the potential of the cervix.
4. As for oral sex, survey-takers showed us they can be adventurous. Shout-out to our favorite rising start of the year, the mighty yet humble ice cube.
   
5. And finally, women over 40 years old might just have the key to a happy and healthy sex life.