Pleasure Mapping Online Course:
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Hi, I'm Lina Bembe I am Bishop Black I'm Sadie Lune I am Parker Marx and welcome to Sex School Sex School is an educational web series where sex workers, therapists and coaches come together to talk about sex From kissing to BDSM, fantasies, fetishes and everything in-between. All you want to know about sex will be explained, discussed, and explored. Our mission is to challenge stereotypes, ignorance, and stigma around sexuality. And inspire your sex life. Hello and welcome to Sex School, the topic for today you may or may not have heard about. We are going to talk about Pleasure Mapping have you heard about it before? I don't think I have, actually, or not so much about it. Lucky you! Today we have an expert with us, Mareen. She will guide us through the process of pleasure mapping. Hi Mareen! So what's pleasure mapping about? Pleasure mapping, body mapping is basically to exploring the body through mindful touch. And you do that with a partner. And, with the support of the partner, you, as a receiving person, you can totally focus on what you are feeling inside of yourself. The aim of this is overtime to heighten you sensitivity, and get a better communication about what you are experiencing. So, it's not about pleasure? It can be. The body mapping comes from a therapeutical context as well but you can easily integrate it into your sex life. And this is actually very nice and pleasurable. I would say this is about going away from the ideas you have about pleasure about our definition. Our minds can be very busy with our ideas and pictures around what pleasure looks or feels like. Like a personal narrative. Yes, a personal narrative and all the movies, and the porn and all other pictures around. Here it is about sensing into the body and allowing to put the focus onto subtle sensations to open up the experience to the whole range of sensations that you can experience It's about letting go of any expectations you could have That sounds challenging. What are other challenges? It might be irritating to be so open and honest with a partner. When you create such a space for trust and intimacy, your body and your nervous system start to relax, your body opens up for an experience of pleasure and connection, but you are also opening up for a whole range of emotions: Meaning sadness, fear or anger, but also pleasure joy and laughter. The whole range. This can be very intimate, and communication is key. All right. Can you say that, in one session, you go through the whole roller-coaster of emotions? That can happen, yes. You do it over a longer time, and over this longer time, everything might happen. So you need more sessions? I would say, you should do it in several sessions. Because it's not as if you do several sessions and then you have the map. (Lina and Bishop) Right, that makes sense. It is also not about learning the map, because with time, even from moment to moment, things will change, new stuff will come up. It's about not pressuring your self about "doing it right" or learning anything rather, from moment to moment, feel it into it again and stay curious. As you know, Lina and I are gonna try this out, what is going to be crucial for us in communicating? Doing this with a partner first of all takes a place of trust and safety. Think about the setting already. Think about the light you are gonna have, or colors, or smell, or even music. Whatever comes into your mind. When you are starting, think about how you position yourself. Whether you want to lie down on a bed, or sit down or even stand up, etc. You can really imagine everything. The mapping allows for an unspoken communication. Often, we have problems expressing our sexual desires. So when we are receiving the touch, we are invited, to dive into it to express it non verbally: you can breathe you can sound, you can moan but always coming back to the verbal expression. Finding a balance, what does it mean to really feel into it but also communicating. Not out of your head, but out of your sensing, out of your emotions. What sould be our ultimate goal? Do we have to aim for orgasm or we just say "Done!" This is not about orgasm, it might be better to forget about it. I was talking about expectations before. (Lina and Bishop, laughing) Ok. Don't think about the touch as only sexual touch, it's about inviting the whole spectrum of sensuality. But with the mental awareness and the new sensations, you never know what might come up. (Lina) So what are the benefits of pleasure mapping? A big benefit is not having to guess what your partner likes or doesn't like, but you can find it together. I think this is one of the biggest myths around romantic or passionate sex. Everything has to go with the flow, and your partner has to know... For me, in the long term, it's about communication. Speaking about your body is your chance to think about it as one big pleasure zone. Going away from the idea that there are these "pleasure buttons" that you have to press and then everything just works fine, but more allowing the whole body in. We have the unique setting of roles, of giving and receiving which is different than most sexual interactions. This is very interesting, because I find that with giving and receiving one might feel the need to overcompensate. So, if you are receiving, and you find out that you want to give more than receive. I think on both sides there are challenges and qualities. On the giving side, it might be hard to do everything your partner tells you to. But this can also be a quality, you can relax, you don't have to know anything. You just do it, and you experiment together. And, on the receiving side, you can just relax into it. It's all about you, you don't have to give anything back. (Bishop) Cool! To summarize, it is about finding your own and unique way and playfulness of pleasure. Experimenting, exploring your body with different kinds of touch, speed pressure, and so on. In the end, to widen your pleasure spectrum. (Lina and Bishop) Sweet! Thank you! Right, are you ready to give it a try? Ok, sure! Why not? Emotional safety for any kind of act begins with consent and communication. Trust is not just essential, but our own “emotional condom”, allowing us to protect ourselves from others. Therefore, screen your partner and set clear boundaries. It’s a good idea to take your time and connect with your partner beforehand, in whatever way that means to you. Speaking about your experience and findings afterwards might be a good way to remember them. Any emotion can take on a physical form so be mindful and aware of yourself and your partner. Even when emotions might feel challenging, allowing yourself to be vulnerable can be an empowering intimate experience.