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Vulva Orgasms Online Course:
Masturbation Techniques to Awaken Your Pleasure

With
Lucy Rowett
,
Sexologist & Sex Coach
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About This Course

Ready to discover your full pleasure potential? Learn how to experience deeper bliss and stronger orgasms with Vulva Orgasms. This video-based course offers expert tips and guided audio meditation.

What You Will Learn

  1. Masturbation skills for maximizing your pleasure
  2. Techniques to achieve orgasm with your own ‘Orgasm Tool Kit’
  3. Tips on incorporating lube and sex toys
  4. Vulva anatomy, from the basics to erogenous zones

Take This Course and Hundreds More

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Taught by the world’s top experts.

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Quick results & easy-to-follow instructions.

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For everyone. Singles, couples, all genders and orientations.

Your Instructor

Lucy Rowett

Sexologist & Sex Coach

Lucy Rowett, a Sexologist and Sex Coach, combines evidence-based sexuality education with somatic exercises, movement, and holistic sacred sexuality practices. Her aim is to help individuals move from their head to their body.

More by This Instructor

Lessons and Classes

Total length:
90-180 min
  1. 1. Welcome to This Course
  2. 2. Why Masturbation
  3. 3. Becoming Orgasmic
  4. 4. Orgasm Tool Kit Introduction
  5. 5. Pelvic Movements Exercise
  6. 6. Body Shaking Exercise
  7. 7. Your Vulva
  8. 8. Vulva Anatomy Lesson
  9. 9. Your Sexual Response Cycle
  10. 10. Sex Toys, Vibes & More
  11. 11. Lube
  12. 12. Vulva and Womb Meditation
  13. 13. Final Words

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Master New Techniques

Develop skills to become a better giver and an active receiver.

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Explore new ways to spice things up — with or without a partner.

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Build confidence and give in to new depths of pleasure.

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Transcripts

Welcome to self-pleasuring and orgasms for women. My name is Lucy Rowett and I'm a certified sex coach and psychologist and i'm passionate about helping women and people evolvers have the ecstatic joy pleasure and delight in their sexuality to release the layers of shame so you can have the pleasure that you really want to be having so let me do a little introduction to this course and how to go and what you can expect from this course so this course is about self-pleasuring and orgasms and i will be using crude language during this course and i will be swearing in various videos so if you're offended by swearing probably not the course for you think of this course as a 101 in everything self-pleasuring masturbation orgasms and sex think of this also as a deconstruction of everything you think you know or thought you knew about self-pleasuring sex and orgasms because we're going to be deconstructing and reconstructing so this course is about how to masturbate better how to enhance your pleasure how to feel better about masturbation and crucially how to have more orgasms or more consistent reliable orgasms or maybe have your first orgasm this is especially for you if orgasms have been elusive this magical unicorn and the forests are far away that you can just about see but can never reach i really hope that this course gives you all of the tools that you need to experience not achieve your first orgasm and to celebrate pleasure in all of its forms including joyfully touching our genitals so this course is primarily for women and people evolvers um note that i am a cisgendered heterosexual woman so this bias will come through even though i have tried to keep the language as inclusive as possible note that i will sometimes say people revolvers i will sometimes say vulva owners or [ __ ] owners or pussy-headers i like to keep language flexible and note again i like to use crude language sometimes so this course is aimed at women and non-binary folk with vulvas if you are a trans woman this course may or may not resonate with you note that we will be working with vulvas but at the same time there are many principles that you can still embody and learn from if you are a trans man note that even though this course is about vulvas you may find the language a little bit more female focused so focus focus really feel into what feels good for you trust yourself trust your body trust your instinct and trust your yes and you'll know so also if you are a man or person with a penis watching this course i am so glad you are watching this i'm really glad that you are invested in helping your partner your gorgeous sexy partner have more pleasure and i wish there were more men and people like you who wanted to spend more time investing and learning about female sexual pleasure so welcome to everyone here in this course i take elements from psychology i am a sexologist evidence-based sexuality education and tantra and taoism i have been influenced by many teachers and i've tried to cite and reference them whenever possible because i believe in giving credit where credit's due also it shows my lineage we all come from a different lineage and i believe in honoring that lineage because where we come from shapes where we're going and shapes our bodies of work so some of the people who have influenced me include of course the late dr betty dodson i could not do a course on self-pleasuring and orgasms for women and [ __ ] hers without referencing betty dodson who was affectionately known as the mother of masturbation even though she didn't like that term i also reference and note sherry winston davey ward adrienne marie brown dr laurie mintz of the book becoming clitorate my mentor dr patti britton barbara corrales and cindy darnell so thank you to all of you for shaping and creating this body of work i hope this does you justice and i hope it does you watching and attending this course justice i hope that you get what you want and what you need from this so each course each module consists of one or two video classes a workbook and a pdf there are six modules in this and sometimes they'll include an audio practice as well it really requires you to go deep to reflect and be curious so two of these modules include a guided self-pleasuring practice because you're going to be self-pleasuring so for the self-pleasuring practice i of course recommend that you do this alone and you do it somewhere safe where you feel comfortable and you feel safe so maybe not an airplane toilet each of the course the course from door to door from start to finish will take roughly five to six hours to complete but that includes all of the videos and also the self-reflection each course has moments for self-reflection for journaling to really go deep and ask questions i ask you to be honest with yourself and kind and compassionate you may find that different emotions come up whether they're positive or negative or how you perceive them as positive or negative maybe you'll feel joyful and ecstatic or maybe you'll also notice sadness or anger or shame or grief coming up they are all welcome welcome them all so i've aimed to make each video about 15 minutes long but some of them do run over so for this course you will need to get the most out of it you will need high-speed wi-fi or just any wi-fi you'll need time alone to explore both for the self-pleasuring but also for the journaling practices you'll need a mirror you'll need good quality lubricant and i recommend them where to get some good quality lubricants and brands i personally recommend sex toys if you want to use them module 6 is all about sex toys and pleasure products and you'll also need an open mind and a curious heart you may be familiar with some of these practices or it may be completely new to you see if you can approach this with a beginner's mind with an open mind and a curious heart and not judging yourself or trying not to judge yourself especially if you find yourself comparing yourself to other people or friends or even how you used to be give yourself a shitload swear word of compassion of kindness of patience of love think of this as not just a deconstruction of sex pleasure and orgasms but also taking sex away from being something that is performance focused and goal oriented to something you experience and note when i say sex i mean both solo sex and partner sex they are both equally valid for all of these practices i recommend that you watch this you watch this club you watch the classes you do this a few times to really let it sink in to let it integrate you'll find you have a different experience every time and different things will resonate at different times be open to that be open to be reflecting and exploring so i really recommend that if you have your if you have a partner do involve them in the process maybe share with them what you've learned watch your video together let them be part of the process so that they feel part of this at the same time i really recommend that to begin with you do it alone so you do the journaling practices alone maybe you watch the videos alone and you do the self-pleasuring practice alone first the reason for that is even though i highly recommend that you want to include your partner remember this is about you and you first your body your pleasure your sexuality focusing on you because for most women and those socialized as women we've generally only been taught to think about sex and sexuality within the context of a relationship or marriage and maybe you're doing this course because you've been stuck in a dynamic of people pleasing or only focusing on what your partner wants and what gets them off maybe you're in a place where you don't even know what you want or how you want it or how you like it so this is a way of you focusing on your sexuality because your sexuality is yours and it is yours independently of your marital status or relationship status your sexuality and your orgasms are something you can share with your partner it's not something you give to your partner in the same way that your partner cannot have an orgasm on your behalf and you cannot have an orgasm on your partner's behalf in the same way if you hug if you bought this course and you're gifting it to your partner thank you so much from the bottom of my heart i'm so grateful at the same time please give them time and space to go through this alone first so they can have their own process because even though i absolutely believe that by doing this course and by doing this inner work on our own sexuality it abundantly benefits our sex lives with our partner this is for them first so i hope you enjoy this course i hope that you get what you need and what you want out of this course so before we start or before you start i recommend setting an intention what do you most want to experience what do you most want to receive you could journal it you could place your hand on your heart and take a breath and really feel into it there is an audio practice called hand heart vol hand heart vulva where we do an exercise of placing one hand on our heart and one hand on our vulva or your vulva really feel into what you most want to experience and what do you most want to receive and i sincerely hope that you get it so let's dive in to the course hello and welcome to module one of self-pleasuring and orgasms for women and people with [ __ ] so let's dive into the first module why masturbation why is it so important so let me do the thing where i reduce my camera here we go why masturbation so the reason we're starting with this is that it's really important to be aware of what you've learned about masturbation and self-pleasure and growing up and by the way for the duration of this course i'll be using the terms masturbation and self-pleasuring interchangeably although i will be going into more of that a little bit later in this class but for now i want you to think about what words have you heard of what terms have you heard of of masturbation i've got a few here wanking masturbating ringing the devil's doorbell self-pleasuring what were you taught about masturbation and self-pleasure and growing up and how do you feel about it now because in general for women girls and those socialized women and girls is that we were mostly taught that masturbation is something bad dirty wrong sinful it definitely wasn't something that good girls do or wife material do and it probably wasn't the same thing as the real thing i.e intercourse which of course means penis and vagina even though we know that doesn't mean the same thing and i've got a really awesome image here if you've watched the netflix series sex education there's an image there's a scene with lily and her mum lily was the girl who was really obsessed with aliens and her mum's in the car and turns back to her and says nice girls just don't talk about all of this s-e-x stuff which kind of summarizes what girls and women and those socialized girls and women are taught about sex and masturbation growing up it's not what good girls do not what wife materials do wife material so think about how that's impacted how you feel about your sexuality your body and masturbation in general and i could not do a course on self-pleasuring and masturbation without quoting the amazing icon that is the late dr betty dodson who sadly died in october 2020 which is masturbation is a meditational self-love so many of us are afflicted with self-loathing bad body image shame around our body functions and confusion around sex and pleasure i recommend an intense love affair with yourself so let me move that here so thinking about that here are just some reasons why i think masturbation is amazing and i've got five reasons here and this is not even including the physical mental emotional benefits so number one women and people evolvers learning to masturbate is how we take back our pleasure take back our bodies take back our sexuality and take back our orgasms number two masturbation really is a celebration and we're celebrating our pleasure on our own terms it helps you know what you like and how your body responds so you can better communicate with your partner during partner sex number four it's all about you and you first forming your own relationship with your sexuality and your body first number five it's a glorious sexual activity in its own right and it isn't second best to partner sex and i haven't even listed all of the amazing physical health benefits such as reducing stress helping with sleep creativity right writer's block but i also want to point here that masturbation and self-pleasuring are awesome just because they feel good and that's it it helps us to cultivate and learn to enjoy pleasurable sensations which is actually incredibly hard for a lot of people if i think of all of my clients i've worked with people i've spoken with and in my own experience that it's deconstructing that pleasure for pleasure's sake is good and a good enough goal in and of itself remembering that for most of us we really struggle to actually enjoy and experience pleasure so learning to cultivate pleasure is a valid goal in and of itself because it's especially valid in the capitalistic society that constantly demands extraction constantly demands more and of course i have to quote the amazing adrienne marie brown from her book um pleasure activism and there's two quotes here the first of all there is no way to repress pleasure and expect liberation satisfaction or joy and pleasure is not one of the spoils of capitalism it's what our bodies and human systems are structured for it's the aliveness and awakening the gratitude and humility the joy and celebration of being miraculous so thinking about pleasure and self-pleasuring so i said earlier that i use the terms masturbation and self-pleasuring interchangeably um and partly it's for ease of understanding but also we need to understand the etymology of the word masturbation and a lot of terms that we use to describe sexuality sex and body parts because the latin word one of the latin root words for masturbation is masterboor which means to defile and we absolutely do not want this energy here but at the same time you need to be aware of the different language that's used to describe our body functions our sexuality and the root of that another another example is the pudendal nerve which is the main nerve that connects to the clitoris the latin root for that word is shame so we need to be really aware of that that shame around sexuality really seeps down into our modern language and how that affects us today and even though masturbation self-pleasuring technically mean the same thing there is a subtle difference and i have colleagues who say no there is a massive difference between the two so use whatever term feels good for you but at the same time we want to be using the energy of the term self-pleasuring rather than the energy of the term self-definement defilement and think of this course as a journey and learning to truly pleasure yourself to track your pleasure to delight in it and in that way we're opening up the concept of self-pleasure into something bigger than your genitals but your whole experience which i'll talk about in a moment here and yet at the same time it's the paradox of both and is that we're also reclaiming masturbation as joyfully touching and playing with your genitals as a sacred healing act in its own right think of this as a complete unlearning and deconstruction of everything you ever thought you knew about masturbation and self-pleasuring so i could not also do a course on sexuality without quoting my amazing mentor dr paddy britton which is celebrate your sexual self this is a celebration of your sexuality and everything that that involves what would masturbation be like as celebration of your body of your orgasms of your genitals so also thinking about what is pleasure so the word masturbation and the term self-pleasuring can have a lot of emotional hang-ups but also the term pleasure as that can have a lot of negative connotations now i want you to know that pleasure does not mean the same as hedonism or excess think of it as a tuning in not a numbing out and pleasure can come in many different forms it can be sensory such as touch taste sound smell or sight emotional spiritual and sexual i'm accrediting davey ward and her amazing work in pleasure and self-pleasuring her book shake your soul song was one of the first books i ever read on sexuality and spirituality which i recommend to everybody so i want you to think about what brings you pleasure that isn't necessarily sexual sexual absolute we're including this in this course but thinking about pleasure as a whole because in general if you're finding it hard to experience and access pleasure in every other area of your life it can sometimes be a massive jump to then experience pleasure during sex it doesn't have to be both and but remembering that we're exploring and expanding our how we speak how we receive how we experience pleasure and that means learning how to be attuned to pleasure in every area of life so here are just some ideas and this is in the workbook such as sensory touch taste sight sound smell like food drink candles certain fabrics certain musical sounds um emotional pleasure like completing a project hugging your kids petting your dog the satisfaction of putting cooking a delicious meal there's the thing of when you get a sort of mini orgasmic experience when you tick off something in your to-do list relational pleasure what brings you joy and pleasure and relationship with others of course we have sexual and erotic pleasure like get creative and think about what sexual and erotic things really feel good and turn you on like feeling orgasmic energy having your [ __ ] like slowly reading or watching erotica spiritual pleasure that feeling of oneness when you stand top of a cliff that bliss during meditation stillness in a retreat center hearing gongs or the feeling of transcendence when you do yoga and anything else really get curious and creative what brings you pleasure what brings you joy what makes you feel yummy because you may find the more you start to pay attention the more you start to feel so keep asking yourself what feels good right now how can i make it feel better even just by 10 more where's my upper limit for pleasure what's stopping me from enjoying this right now okay so remember that human beings are hardwired to experience pleasurable sensations it's about rediscovering it again think about we have thousands of nerve endings that are literally hardwired for pleasure and i say this because when you are feeling like you're standing at the bottom of a mountain you feel that you don't know how to do it remember that this is already something your body knows how to do we're just reminding it again that's all and there are infinite ways we can experience pleasure and feel good and what feels good is unique to you and it may not be what is conventional and that's okay again you're going to find that the more you pay attention to pleasure in every form the more you notice it so if in doubt just keep coming back to these questions does it feel good how does my body tell me it likes it how can i amplify these feelings these pleasurable feelings and keep focusing on pleasurable sensations so in your workbook there are a few exercises exploring masturbation for example exploring what you learned about masturbation and self-pleasure and growing up what you learned and how it's affecting you today and how you want to think about it and also what brings you pleasure that isn't necessarily sexual but expanding that so i will see you in the next class module two which is becoming orgasmic see you then hi and welcome to module two of self pleasuring and orgasms for women and [ __ ] havers so this is module two on becoming orgasmic let to me do the thing where i share my slideshow with you becoming orgasmic so i want you to understand that your orgasm is your birthright everybody is capable of becoming orgasmic and having orgasmic experiences and i want you to be very mindful of the language that i'm using i'm going to be very particular about it and i'll tell you why in a moment but it often means redefining what an orgasm is in the first place and learning to trust your body so what if we reframed what being orgasmic is and what about orgasmic experiences are something that are not just in the context of genital stimulation and what if you could develop a really deep trust in your body that it knows what to do it knows how to do it it just needs reminding and the right conditions in the same way this is how we experience pleasure so also when we're working with orgasms and becoming orgasmic and i'll tell you why in a moment we also need to understand that as women and people with [ __ ] that even though being orgasmic is something that anybody of any gender and any set of genitals can experience we also need to understand and work with what we have so maybe you've heard of the concept of the orgasm gap it was when research and a survey was done in exploring the sexual experiences of people when they had sex and not surprisingly they found that heterosexual women i.e women who have sex with men experience the lowest amount of orgasms and partner sex even compared to lesbian women or women who have sex with women with homosexual men men who have sex with men and heterosexual men men who have sex with women and as dr laurie mintz says in her work in in extolling the virtues of the clitoris and spreading the gospel of the clitoris and it's the number one reason for the orgasm gap and it's not the only one is our cultural ignorance of the clitoris and as i've said while anybody can experience orgasm note that i say experience not achieve and even though it's not limited to your gender and what set of genitals you have we still need to know what our anatomy is and actually work with it because for women and people evolvers even though it you may want to be able to climax during partner sex or during penetration and it can feel wonderful it can feel really emotional and bonding it's a learned skill because the easiest and most reliable way for women and people involves to experience orgasm is by using the clitoris and understanding how the female erectile network works because the clitoris is homologous with the penis and that means that when babies are in utero they all start off with a proto-vulva and to quote the great emily nagoski same parts differently arrange the clitoris is a very similar organ to the penis and so it's like expecting a woman or somebody with a vulva to be able to orgasm just through penetration it's like expecting a man or a person with a penis to get off just by stimulating his balls it feels nice it feels like yeah it can feel very emotional but it's not going to be what gets you off and we need to understand and i'll go through this later in that we also need to take the hierarchy of orgasms away as well because especially in a lot of sacred sexuality there can be a certain hierarchy that certain orgasms are more conscious or spiritual than others so in a moment we'll go into that but first what is an orgasm so if you want to look at the technical definition of an orgasm or the medical model and i looked at lots of different ones this is one from wikipedia and it says the climax of sexual excitement characterized by intensely pleasurable feelings centered in the genitals and in brackets in men experience as an accompaniment to ejaculation note that in most technical definitions of orgasms they're only referring to the male experience which male orgasms are wonderful at the same time there's very little about female orgasms and i had to include this image of phoebe dinova playing daphne the netflix series in the netflix series bridgeton in that episode i can't remember which one where it's basically her and simon having a bunk fest and it's fabulous because there's a lot of cunnilingus and depictions of orgasms in there so if we think about an orgasm if we understand an orgasm as a buildup and release of sexual energy usually located in the genitals then is it just that because a lot of women or people come to me and say my orgasms just feel like a genital sneeze and by the way a genital sneeze can be really satisfying in itself but there's often that feeling of but isn't there more to this i want to have more so we're going to deconstruct this because if that is the definition of an orgasm what about your emotional experience and what if your experience of orgasm isn't always pleasant because you can have orgasms that don't always feel good and what about orgasms that don't happen in your genitals like you've made you may have heard of nipple gasms or breath chasms so i want to introduce you to another amazing teacher called barbara corellis and her work of urban tantra and a quote here when we expand our definition of orgasm we are presented with a vast number of orgasmic experiences because oh and i also need to quote sherry winston and that's all orgasms are good none are superior there aren't any ways of getting to orgasm that are better or worse for most women direct stimulation to the clitoral head is required to get there women can however learn to expand their past to orgasm expand their orgasms and widen their orgasmic spectrum think of this as expanding your orgasmic spectrum understanding that everybody every woman every person with a vulva and a penis is capable of experiencing orgasm because an orgasmic experience is probably something that you're already having and we need to work with what we have already so if you're thinking about the concept of an orgasm which is the build up and release of energy then there are many things in our daily experience that our body does already that fits that description sneezing for example i know that you may not want to be having a gentle sneeze but a sneeze is a very similar concept what about giggling so hard that you feel you're going to burst or that feeling of rapture when you've climbed up a steep hill you're all out of breath and you reach the summit and you look out and you feel the sense of oh or when you've been really really hungry and the first bite of food and you're just like oh god that feels so good or when your shoulders tense and you get a massage and the knots come undone one of my favorite kinds is a bedgasm i'll explain that in a minute where i'm really exhausted and i get into bed and it's that feeling of relief so this is from barbara corrales book urban tantra if we think about the concept of orgasmic experience beyond what happens in your genitals you can have giggle gasms cry gasms angergasms foodgasms tick orgasms joygasms so think about that you're probably already having orgasmic experiences you're just not really aware that they are in the same way that a lot of people feel that they're never having they're not having orgasms at all when actually you are but it feels like a genital sneeze or it doesn't feel like the thing that you think it should feel like and the paradox is more become aware of the more we focus on what feels good we even celebrate those genital sneezes the more we're going to experience so as i said earlier earlier to paraphrase sherry winston we need to understand that we want to take away the hierarchy of orgasms that somehow a g-spot orgasm is more superior or more spiritual or more conscious than a clitoral orgasm so for now think about what does an orgasm feel like to you what do your orgasms feel like maybe think about the orgasms that you typically have or the last orgasm that you had maybe you need to go and have an orgasm now and just describe it and we don't need to think about the different kinds of orgasms that women and people evolvers can experience there's clitoral g-spot a-spot anal nipple blended energetic i forgot to put cervical there there are so many others for now how does an orgasm typically feel to you and also understand that everybody's orgasm feels different and we can have different orgasmic experiences depending on what's stimulated how we feel who we're with whether we use breath and intention and so much more you can have a different orgasmic experience with the same partner in the same bed stimulating the same spots but it will depend on your emotional experience on so many other factors so think about how orgasms feel to you could you describe your orgasm so i also want to introduce you to the terms primary versus secondary orgasmic and these are medical terms and it's basically when for a lot of women and people evolvers of the women that i have worked with and spoken with and for a long time this was my experience that it was easy to have an experience alone but impossible to have it with a partner or maybe you used to be able to have orgasms but now it's disappeared or something's happened you feel like you've lost that ability or it's gone somewhere so i want you to know that this is really common and in medical language there's two terms which is primary and orgasmia which is when you've never had an orgasm ever and the secondary anargasmia when you've been able to have an orgasm before but can't now and again i want you to know that it's really common for a lot of women and people evolvers to find it really difficult or even impossible to have an orgasm with a partner but okay to do it by yourself and we're going to explore why in a few minutes as well and for now i want to really redefine and be mindful of the language we're using again so even though the term anorgasmia is used in a lot of medical settings and a lot of therapy settings i'm going to throw that out and replace it with the term pre-orgasmic think about how language has power and the term pre-orgasmic means that you haven't been able to have an orgasm or orgasm reliably yet and yet makes all the difference or maybe you haven't been able to have that big earth-shattering energetic orgasm yet and again it's putting that trust in your body that your body already knows how to do it it's already there your body it's a physiological process your body knows how to experience it just needs some prompts and reminders to help it remember again [Music] so thinking about what blocks your orgasm what gets in the way of your orgasm because even though an orgasm is technically a physiological response that happens in your body what blocks your orgasm usually happens in between the ears in terms of how we think and feel and other factors that influence that so on the workbook there are many things for you to explore what's getting in the way so there are physical and physiological components for example various medications for example blood pressure medications antipsychotic drugs antihistamines antidepressants particularly selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors ssris now please this is not an excuse or an invitation to suddenly stop taking your medication please consult your medical provider on this but if you've noticed that your libido or your orgasmic response has suddenly changed as a result of after starting a certain medication i really suggest that you go and talk to your medical provider and discuss whether it's the right medication for you and also know you can still have orgasms and orgasmic experiences even on medications i'm living proof of that you just need to learn a few more techniques and tools to help help wake it up help your body remember again so other physical and physiological concerns vulvar or vaginal pain it kind of makes sense if you are in pain then it's going to be very difficult to experience pleasure and orgasms any gynecological issues surgery scar tissue or a colloscopy so this is when you are having a cervical procedure where they burn off cancerous tissue on your cervix a lot of women and people evolvers have reported a lot of sensation and numbness a real difference in how they experience pleasure after that procedure and i think it's really sad and shocking that a lot of medical professionals still insist there's no nerve endings in the cervix it's absolutely not true so other things illness and health conditions hormonal changes such as going through the menopause or maybe you notice that you feel different and you have a different response at different times in your cycle or maybe you're just too tired and you're burned out from stress over working family postpartum you've just had a baby over giving there are so many things so there are emotional factors as well and notice that a lot of these factors will be overlapping so here are just some examples feeling anxious and stressed about anything including whether you're having an orgasm worrying what you look like or how you're performing during sex any lingering shame from a religious upbringing that's that sex and orgasms and genitals are wrong dirty or sinful maybe you're worrying about your smell or how your vulva's responding maybe you can't switch off from a busy day or from stress maybe you're frustrated at your partner or you're not feeling turned on enough or there's unprocessed trauma from a past sexual experiences or relationship so many and sexual relationships not getting enough of the right kind of stimulation not knowing what you like or don't like rushing yourself or feeling rushed or pressured by your partner maybe your partner's really intent on trying to make you come and that actually makes you more anxious there's a communication breakdown between you and your partner maybe you want something different from your partner and you can't find a way that works for both of you maybe you feel sexually bored you struggle to ask for what you want you can't get over a past breach of trust or betrayal or you don't feel emotionally safe or physically safe with your partner so with the final two categories not feeling emotionally safe or especially physically safe if you are aware that that's a factor i really suggest that this is a time to get some professional support with this it could be the canary in the coal mine coal mine that something is not right in your relationship please get support on this so as you have been thinking about what's blocking your orgasms what's getting in the way so it's usually a mixture of sex-shaming messages that we receive growing up and that still exists in society today a lack of affirming and pleasure focused sex education stress of any kind and sometimes a physical component as well so what do you think is blocking your orgasm and what are you telling yourself about your ability to experience orgasm what do you need to enhance them because we thought about what's getting in the way of your orgasms but now we need to start changing what you're telling yourself about your orgasms and your sexuality by writing your orgasmic manifesto so it's a set of affirmations it's like making a declaration to yourself and or the universe and you can make it as fancy and wonderful as you like you can make it as soulful and poetic as you like you can make it as lusty and explicit as you like i've got some examples here really make it your own as a way of putting your stake in the ground saying this is mine and i'm claiming them so for example my orgasms are my divine birthright my body is multi-orgasmic and it feels amazing orgasms come easily and naturally to me my body loves to orgasm and it feels so good i claim my orgasm for myself with all of these you can make it as fancy as you like you could put it on your altar you could journal it you could put it as a computer screen saver really make your orgasmic manifesto your own which is in the workbook as well so a final note here which is something that i will describe in another video which is we know that stress of any kind is a huge blocker to any kind of pleasure orgasms and libido and you may be saying yeah no [ __ ] sherlock of course lucy stress is a big component of my life i really really feel you on this so this is one of my favorite exercises that can help complete the stress cycle and move energy around if you're familiar with the work of emily nagoski she talks about how stress isn't just something you need to meditate away especially for women and people in female bodies it's actually a point of completing a stress cycle rather than trying to push it down so one of my favorite exercises is shaking and it's shaking your body going through each part and there isn't really a technique to it apart from if it hurts or you experience any discomfort stop or go gently especially if you have any kind of chronic health or chronic pain conditions really work with your body you can go really slowly and gently it's a way you can think of it as a way of working with your body rather than working against it [Music] so a final note i know that orgasms may feel really tricky for some people maybe for you it feels like this elusive unicorn living in the forest are far away that everyone else can see and you can't and it can feel like you're standing at the bottom of a mountain like what's wrong with me i'll never get there so i really want you to remember this in that all humans every single human being is capable of experiencing an orgasm note that i say experiencing not achieve because it's something that we need to allow to happen and create all the right conditions to happen rather than climb and try and force ourselves to experience and it's a natural biological response that our bodies are capable of having your body is hardwired for pleasure your body is hardwired to have orgasmic experiences and you may have had them for many years without realizing it in fact you may have been having orgasms without realizing it they just didn't feel like the earth-shattering uh body shaking thing that you were expecting but from this can you trust your body's innate knowing can you trust that your body knows what it's doing you just need to allow it a little bit more and if you're finding it hard to trust your body try by ten percent or one percent can you trust your body by one percent or ten percent or 50 percent knowing that you can still have that fear and distrust and the trust as well so keep focusing on what feels good bring it back to pleasurable sensations and keep focusing on pleasurable sensations and trust that your body knows what to do so i will see you for the next module module 3 which is my orgasmic toolkit and hit the workbooks check out the video on shaking and let's start building orgasmic toolkit bye hello and welcome to module three of self-pleasuring and orgasms for women and [ __ ] heathers so this is module three your orgasmic toolkit so in module two we explore the concept of becoming orgasmic that being orgasmic isn't necessarily the same thing as having a physical orgasm although it's both and that every human is capable of having orgasmic experiences and that an orgasm is something your body already knows how to do it just needs reminding on how to do it again so this model we're going to explore some really practical exercises to enhance your orgasm and enhance your orgasmic experiences so these exercises come from tantra and taoism which you may or may not be familiar with and i love them as other ways and more tools we can use to enhance what we already have so let's dive in there we go so we've already explored that being orgasmic is far bigger than just rubbing your genitals like a dj booth and praying hard that even though this course is about joyfully touching and exploring your genitals at the same time an orgasm and being orgasmic is bigger than that as well and you may realize i hope you come to realize that a lot of what you've taught about having an orgasm is wrong especially for women and people evolvers especially that it's a myth that is often perpetuated in a lot of porn that you need to go harder and faster in order to have a more intense experience they're going to use that image of like furiously rubbing a dj booth and for men and people with penises they often respond more to more firm and vigorous touch whereas a vulva or a [ __ ] is a lot more sensitive so with these exercises we want to go into them with an intention of actually slowing down that we will go there faster by going slower we'll be able to feel more and experience more by actually going lighter and going slower remember in the first module we talked about how when we are expanding our capacity for pleasure and we're exploring our pleasure potential that it means being able to be available for more sensation that it's a tuning in rather than numbing out now intense sensations and intense stimulation is absolutely wonderful it can be amazing and yet if that is your default if that's the only way you can experience pleasure and orgasms then we're going to expand that we're going to expand your toolkit and expand your capacity for pleasure so all of these exercises are ways that you can amplify your orgasm and amplify your orgasmic experience so introducing your new best friends so we've got breath pelvic movements kegels touch and movement so we're going to explore them some more remember in module 2 i introduced you at the end of the module to the to the tool of shaking and shaking your body that can be part of movement as a way of moving your body in a different way completing the stress cycle and getting into your body so i'm going to touch on these pun quite briefly so there are a lot of different breathing exercises you can do to enhance your orgasmic experience and there will be a worksheet on this that you can look at different breathing exercises and breath work maybe you're somebody who's a big fan of breath work already maybe you're a breathwork aficionado or maybe this is brand new for you so if in doubt just slow down your breath and notice when you're holding your breath especially when you're close to an orgasm and consciously take a breath in somatic sex education we are constantly taught to let's take a breath so realizing that we can use our breath to amplify what we already have so let's go on to the next one pelvic movements so the pelvis is where all of your yummy sexual energy is stored and begins so let's use it there's a few studies that suggest that when a woman or somebody with a [ __ ] can freely move her pelvis during intercourse i.e partner sex or penetration she's more likely to climax and with the different pelvic movements whether it's grinding circling for figure eights or thrusting moving your pelvis with intention can take your pleasure to a whole new level maybe if you are already a fan of burlesque or belly dance or latin dance like salsa and bachata or zuk maybe you've already experienced the pleasure and the sensuality that comes from just moving and grinding your pelvis so let's go on to the next one kegels so for the purposes of this course we're doing kegels for pleasure not for strengthening your pelvic floor because there's a lot of differing opinions about the use of kegels some pelvic floor physiotherapists say that they're not actually helpful whereas other people swear by them so if you're needing help with your pelvic floor strength i highly recommend seeking out a pelvic floor physiotherapist or a different course on that for now we're using kegels for the purpose of enhancing pleasure daoism they think of kegels like the energy pump that pumps sexual energy around your body and you may find that you do strengthen your pelvic floor and your vaginal muscles as well but we're doing this for pleasure rather than for strengthening but strengthening could be a really wonderful bonus in the same way that if you choose to do a course or a program on strengthening your pelvic floor you may you may find you i really hope that you find that your orgasms are suddenly stronger and more intense it's a win-win for everyone and touch so we're going to be exploring this in a few modules down which is different kinds of touch on both your vulva and around your body think of this as a re-learning how to touch your body and your vulva to wake up sensation in your hands now you may think well yeah of course touch i can't masturbate without touching myself yes and we're re-learning and exploring deconstructing touch because for a lot of us as humans we've lost the ability to learn how to touch maybe you are a really tactile person you love hugging and you're a real cuddler but actually learning how to touch is a skill that we need to learn or relearn because it's about really using our hands as reeling my fingers here in a bit of a sinister way using our hands as tools and as feedback mechanism there are so many ways that we can work with touch and not just the pressure of the touch but how we experience touch to experience and enhance and wake up all of the yummy pleasure that we can experience so for now in this particular module we're going to be focusing on three components which is breath kegels and pelvic movement so i'll be doing another video to demonstrate some of the pelvic movements for you and they are pretty simple to get the hang of um at the same time you know that you can freestyle them as well this isn't about how it looks but how it feels so first of all let's go into kegels so the basic kegel we're just going to be doing the basic kegel for now is imagine you're trying to stop yourself from peeing what muscles do you contract you can imagine that right now imagine you are trying to hold in your pee because you're trying not to wet yourself what are you contracting you can also exp you can also explore that the next time you do pee try and stop your pee what happens so it's really important that when we start exploring your pelvic floor and exploring kegels to be really mindful that you are not just squeezing but you're relaxing your pelvic floor as well and also be mindful of what other muscles you are squeezing for some people you may find that if you can't feel anything or you're squeezing something that feels uncomfortable really do check out a pelvic floor therapist because it could be a symptom of something else going on as well so remember you must also relax your pelvic floor as well as squeezing otherwise that can cause a lot of tension and even more problems so if you're finding that difficult to visualize that trying to stop myself from peeing there's a few other ways you can try this another thing is imagine that you are getting the lips of your vulva to make a little kiss you can even kiss the lips of your mouth too it can be a really funny visual to imagine your your vulva labia your vulva lips kissing so practice the kissing or the squeezing and releasing it's difficult to demonstrate key goals on video because you can't actually see that i'm doing them and that's what makes them great you can practice them on the bus you can practice them in queues you can practice them while you're cooking you can practice them well you can practice them anywhere so to practice this i want you to try doing a rep of 10 kegels so it's in out in out and then holding for 10. and all of the time make sure you keep breathing so we're going to try this i'm going to squeeze my hand to to mimic the squeezing of the pelvic floor so one two three four five six seven eight nine ten and then we're going to squeeze and hold for ten one two three keep breathing four five six seven eight nine ten breathe and make sure you relax your pelvic floor so how did you find that was that relatively easy difficult weird you may not have felt anything doing this exercise for now it's first of all getting used to the movement because then we're going to combine it with other things as well if you find that you're really finding it difficult to isolate your pelvic floor muscles or you find that when you're trying to squeeze your pelvic floor that you end up squeezing your buttock and buttocks and other muscles as well then i really recommend investing or trying out a pelvic floor app there are quite a few ones especially um apps that synchronize with a toy or an object you can actually insert into your vagina so you get real-time feedback of what you're squeezing and what you're isolating another really simple way of doing this is to actually insert two fingers into your vagina and see if you can squeeze around your fingers for some people it can take a while to get the hang of so if in doubt invest in support and invest in help so we have explored kegels next we're going to explore the three main pelvic movements which i am going to explore in the next video so the three main pivot we we're going to explore just three main pelvic movements and they are circles figure eights and thrusts so ev i'll explain this in the next video as well try not to worry so much about what it looks like and focus on how it feels even if it feels or looks really ridiculous for a lot of people it can bring up a lot of feelings of insecurity or shame maybe there was a time when you were younger and you were trying to dance quite sexy and sensual and somebody laughed at you about it so be mindful of that and all you may find that when you start working with your pelvis it just feels really yummy and really juicy and really sexy and so i will be exploring that in the next video so in the in your workbook as well we're going to be working with linking up these three different components together the pelvic movements the kegels and the breath these are three pillars or three components to enhance what you are experiencing already and you can use them during self-pleasuring which we will be doing during partner sex or just on your own so i'll see you in the next video welcome to move your hips for more pleasure so i'm going to be guiding you through various different yummy exercises to wake up your pleasure centers your sexual energy all around this yummy area that's your hips your pelvis your bum and includes all of the organs inside there as well something that i noticed that every time working with women and people evolvers to be honest like any gender i work with and i see i often think of it like an energetic black hole between like the belly and around the pelvis and especially coming from white western cultures we tend to be very stiff in our hips notice if that's you or maybe that's your partner so part of this is to really wake up this area wake up our pelvis wake up our hips get into our sensual sexual energy i'm already starting working with this already and you can practice this either this video you could also maybe go to a burlesque class or a belly dancing class or learn to twerk or anything that gets you moving that booty moving all of this so here are some exercises we're going to go through and the basic principle is if it feels good keep going if it hurts or you have any discomfort please stop if in doubt go slower and go smaller even if it's just micro movements also if you've had any advice from your doctor or medical provider to not do this don't do it i'm trusting you to use your own discretion and to really take ownership of how you take care of yourself and your body also if you have any lower back issues any pain issues around your lower back your hips your pelvis i really invite you to go much slower and much gentler even if it's literally just micro movements of your pelvis i want you to imagine and really feel into that this is how it feels on the inside rather than how it looks on the outside so maybe for you you were used to dancing sexy in clubs or parties or maybe even worked as an adult performer and for a lot of us there's very much this emphasis on performance so we're doing it to make the men happy or to make the people aroused we're doing it for the benefit of somebody else now that could be amazing that could be really hot and yummy and juicy but we're gonna flip this back to how does it feel for you this is not a performance this is being guided by your body your pleasure your hips so we're going to begin what i invite you to do to begin with before we start i've got my hips my hips my feet planted on the floor a bit more than hip width apart it's not too much of an issue but you want to be keeping your knees soft and your hips and pelvis kind of soft and to begin with i invite you to place one hand on your lower belly and one hand on your heart and take a few breaths if you can imagine that you're pulling that breath all the way down to your room area and to your vulva so as you're inhaling it's going all the way down exhaling it's coming up again if that feels a bit strange for you just imagine and direct that your breath is going down into your belly into your pelvic area into your vulva into your womb into all of this area i noticed that i'm putting my running my hands over this i'm going to take a few more breaths here and i'm already moving side to side that's just what my body does maybe yours will do that too or maybe you just want to stand still whatever works for you taking a few breaths into your pelvis into your hips into your womb area and i say womb area and room space even if you don't have a womb it's just still the womb space and also if it feels good to you you could even place little hands just cupping the vulva a little hello feeling into your center but specifically we're going to be bringing your awareness and your energy right down to your pelvic bowl to all of this and this can be a really good place for you to start so i'm already moving you do not have to move this is just how my body wants to go but the first question i want you to really feel into and think about this feel into this think of this as a focal point for this whole practice and that's if my hips were in charge how would they have me move or even if my vulva if my [ __ ] were in charge how would it how would she have me move and any time that you notice your brain is thinking of your shopping list or getting anxious or flying away by the way this is normal this is what brains do you're not abnormal for this i invite you to thank your brain and bring it down again to your pelvis area pelvic area to your pelvis to your hips to your bum to your vulva bringing it right down the whole intention of this practice is to bring the energy and intention downwards and inwards and implosion so to begin with i've already got my feet planted on the floor and with your feet planted and keeping your knees soft keeping your pelvis soft i want you to feel into how your feet are connecting with the floor and imagine that there is a circular motion coming up from the ground you may want to close your eyes for this and as this is a video i can't see you no one can see you you can feel as silly as you want to i've got my hands on my womb area on my lower belly and i invite you to do the same because again it helps bring that connection to your skin to your body it helps build that brain body brain hips connection so i want you to feel into that circular motion because sexual energy is quite circular and we're going to play around with pelvic movements moving our pelvises stimulating all this energy so i've gone into a figure eight maybe you want to try some circling oh my body wants to do figure eights today some circling it doesn't really matter what you're doing as long as there's no pain or discomfort and as long as it feels good what would it be like to let yourself feel good almost like almost like you are doing this completely for your own pleasure you are the show you are putting on a show for yourself to yourself maybe other people can enjoy watching it but it's for you now if i had music to this i'd be too if i could avoid the copyright laws i'll be playing some music to this so you can play this you can do this to music as well and i want you to really keep bringing your awareness down to your pelvis down to your womb feeling is that circularness almost like a snakey movement and if you notice that you feel any kind of tightness or tension or things aren't quite moving have this intentional awareness imagine that your pelvis and your legs are jelly their water their jelly feel into that fluidity and if you start feeling that it feels a little bit sexy and sensual it's working and seeing as you're on your own maybe you could add a bit more sexy actually since you will miss to it maybe you could stroke your body or just keep your hands on your pelvis and as i'm doing this i'm noticing my hips are now moving from side to side if you've ever done burlesque before you could try some burlesque bumps keep bringing your awareness down to your pelvis down to your hips and i will say this again and again you cannot get it wrong you can't mess this up the only way you could ever get it wrong is if it causes you physical pain at which point stop and go slower but the point is we want to get into these pelvic movements and one way if you're struggling to identify this a really useful exercise or thing i find imagine there is a string and it's attached from your womb and it's going down through your vagina down to the ground and at the end of the string there is a stone hear me out on this and imagine that you are drawing circles with this stone this string is coming from your vagina so you're kind of slightly squeezing that string trying to adjust the direction of that stone on the ground it's funny because as i'm doing this i'm noticing all sorts of funny sensations in my womb area in my belly so obviously the stuff that hasn't quite been felt and you may find as you do this you start to feel sensations i really invite you to either stay with the sensations or find some enjoyment and some pleasure there we're thinking snaky we're thinking circular we're thinking spirally anything that is circular spirally and maybe you're an old hat of this but this time of bringing intention to it and bringing felt sense to it and maybe if you feel you've got this underwrapped you may find the rest of your body moving too maybe think of salma hayak in that in the movie dust till dawn where she she plays a vampire but she has a very sexual sensual erotic scene where she's doing all this snakey dancing in the bikini wearing a snake let's embody some of that so i've just paused for a minute i'm demoing the exercises for you and what i've done i'm now just shaking out my legs as well which is a sign my nervous system starting to relax here we go and now we're going to try a few other exercises so we practice some circling moving now we're going to bring a bit more energy so we've already explored body shaking now we're going to explore shaking just your pelvis so a way a way to really feel into that is i want you to throw your feet on the floor really plant them in and imagine that there is an earthquake or if that feels too activating for you imagine the floor's a bit shaky you're standing on a shaky plate or maybe you're just channeling some of that earth vibration and you're gonna bring it up from the ground it's going to come up through your legs and it's going to go to your pelvis and your hips or maybe if you've ever been to the gym and you've got one of those vibration plates that's supposed to help with whatever maybe even practice this on a gem vibration blade we're gonna let that shake go into our pelvis go into our hips and in the words of the great beyonce probably paraphrasing her we're gonna shake that jelly so if you notice that your belly fat and your hips and your bum are jiggling can you embrace that jiggle can you even maybe stick stick your butt out a little bit almost like we're doing the beginning of a twerk again bringing your awareness down to your pelvis we're really shaking all of that energy around our pelvis our sexual areas or sacral again keep bringing your awareness and your focus down into your pelvis and if you want to make it extra spicy extra awkward and extra fun as you're shaking i invite you to make a sound imagine you're sending that sound down to your pelvis it doesn't matter where you can send it wherever you want but we're sending it down now i'm the only one shaking and making weird noises so we're both looking very ridiculous and sounding ridiculous together and isn't that fun shaking i've now stopped i'm just going to shake it out again so we've explored first of all we have explored some pelvic swaying circling figure eight spiraling so a very circular sensual movement and we've also explored something more active the shaking the bringing energy and at the same time releasing energy to this area to our bones so i'm pointing at my belly here your belly your bum your boulder your bowels and your anus is here too it's all here the womb your ovaries and in taoist tradition and in many other practices when we shake it's like we are discharging old energy we know that it helps move the lymphatic system but think of this also from an energetic perspective it's like you're waking up this whole area that you kept very stiff for a long time we're bringing awareness bringing intentionality to it and you may find that you remember maybe when you were a young a young spritey thing or a young woman or a younger person you're in the club or at parties and you used to shake and grind can you bring some of that energy with you but this time you're just doing it for yourself you are moving you're grinding you're bringing that kind of primal sensual earthiness but this time it's not for anybody else this is all for you you may find that you start to sweat a bit i sweat a lot and for this practice we just want to keep our pelvis and our hips moving i'm putting some figure eights i'm putting some circles i'm playing with height i'm going down and up we just want to keep bringing your thoughts bringing our energy bringing everything down down to your pelvis if your pelvis were in charge how would she how would it have you move oh it can get quite naughty and a bit cheeky with it too so we're going to stop for a moment so before we move on to the next part i invite you to just come back to stillness and place a hand on your lower belly womb area and a hand on your heart just check in how different does your body feel now how different does your sexual energy feel so one more thing we're going to add to this i think we've already done some of the basics of pelvic movement activating your pelvis so you've already explored kegels which is basically the most basic form is squeezing your pelvic floor and what we're going to do we're going to add some kegels to all of this there really isn't a technique to it um there are some ideas you can try but what i invite you to do is find your own rhythm healthy key movie moving breathing squeezing so if you struggle to access your pelvic floor it may be helpful to see a pelvic floor physio or to try out an app that's connected to a toy but if you have some sort of awareness and even if you don't have the intention if you can't squeeze your pelvic floor or your vaginal muscles just send that intention there have the intention of squeezing have the intention of bringing the energy up release so i'm going to try some figure eights i'm going to be breathing i'm going to be squeezing i'm going to release squeeze release i'm going to try some circling and what i'm going to do is when my hips go to the front i'm going to squeeze then when they go to the back release squeeze release squeeze release and if you notice as you're doing this keep breathing by the way if you notice as you're doing this that you start to feel a little something something awakening in your pelvis in your hips i invite you to stay with it and see if you can enjoy it we don't have to go anywhere you can be aroused and you don't have to do anything with it just play with it it's fun i can dance with it i can maybe imagine pulling it up to my body pulling up to my heart i can imagine sending it out to the world making the world a better place or i can imagine just pulling it up through my upper column through my inner column i'm sending it to anywhere that needs it or what if you could just enjoy it what if you could just savor all of these yummy feelings and not have to do anything with them just enjoy that feeling so we're going to bring this to a close and again placing a hand on your heart hand on your womb area maybe giving your vulva a little greys taking some breaths feeling into your center and i want you to imagine that all of that sexual energy that you have awakened sexual erotic sensual energy just imagine that we're just pressing it into the body if you like nutella it's like we've awakened and made all this nutella and now we're just going to spread it around seal it in let it go to all the places it's meant to go i just gave you a little flash there enjoy placing your hands on your womb area i'm using the i think this is the yoni mudra doesn't really matter whatever feels good to you thanking your body thanking your sexual energy thanking your sexuality savoring it and now you can go about the rest of your day and kneel down with that feeling of your meanness enjoy so we've explored pelvic and hip movements for orgasmic pleasure i'm already moving as i'm doing this i invite you to find a piece of music or a whole playlist turn it on and practice all of this to your heart's content i invite you to try not to get too hung up on technique okay i'm supposed to move my hips like this i'm supposed to circle like this try not to focus as much on the technique and let your hips guide you remember the question if my hips were in charge what would they have me do how would they have me move if my [ __ ] were in charge how would she or how would it have me move follow that and trust that intelligence over what i am telling you and please really listen to your body especially if you have any twinges or any pain be careful with that please take care of your precious body because pain is not sexy if we don't want to be having it and i invite you to keep freestyling with it practice it you can do it before sex before self-pleasuring you can do it at any time throughout the day when you need a sexy boost and you can do it when you're stressed you can practice it at a party or at a club or anywhere where you start dancing with other people make it your own if in doubt follow your hips if it feels good if it feels pleasurable if it feels like it's waking stuff up it's working and that's it enjoy hello and this is the exercise called shaking so i'm going to demonstrate body shaking for you so note that even though i'm demonstrating it for you there really is not really a technique to it apart from if it hurts stop or slow down or adjust your movements especially if you have any chronic pain or chronic health issues then go gently go slowly work with your body rather than against it because the purpose is to help you complete the stress cycle to feel more free in your body to move the energy around so this is how i do it and you'll find a way that works for you here we go so i am wearing clothes you don't have to wear anything particularly fancy ideally something you can move around in but i also recommend practicing shaking at different points during the day maybe in between meetings in between zoom calls if you're still working from home you can do them for one minute they can be short bursts to help you feel energized and discharge stress so with shaking we are shaking our body so i start with my hands moving to my arms my forearms my shoulders you may find yourself making noise as you do this as well see if you can let any noise come out they may sound really guttural really silly but the great thing about this is that i'm shaking on camera i'm the only one who looks silly here you can do this from the privacy of your own home so try and imagine like you're shaking the flesh off your bones you can't actually do that but imagine you're trying to shake the flesh off your bones so you can see my very non technical definition my very non-technical demonstration of shaking i'm also shaking my shoulders i am moving my legs back and forth to let the shake move up my body you can try moving my shoulders up and down moving my arms around and notice if you feel silly can you let yourself feel silly and feel ridiculous especially if you're the kind of person who finds it really hard to let go and to stop taking things so seriously what if this was a time when you could practice letting your inner seven-year-old out you can also practice this with children as well it's really fun as a way of discharging stress oh feeling lightness i'm shaking moving my fingers moving my shoulders i'm shaking my feet i'm shaking my legs i am moving my thighs this is one really interesting cool technique i learned it can help free up the muscles around here is to move your thighs like this it helps really loosen the muscles especially if you feel tight around here shaking my legs and you'll notice that as i'm doing this i've just yawned let yourself yawn let yourself make noise feel silly can you include noise in this red dog shaking off the water off you've jumped into a muddy puddle can you shake your just move my legs shake your pelt shake your pelvis shake your hips look at us really shake your hips let them go and for the fun bit see if you can let your cheeks go uh it's hunger oh good oh we do we hold a lot of tension in our jaws do you clench your jaw so loosen it loosen your tongue speak gibberish again i'm the only one looking silly here you can make as much noise as you like you can be as extroverted as you like you probably tell i needed that shake today as well and you can continue this for as long as you want to or as long as it feels comfortable for you again if you find yourself noticing any pain any discomfort slow down or stop you're in charge you're in control she says hanging my arms like this so you may shake for as long as you want to or feels good so i'm going to stop now so let yourself yawn loudly if you want to yawn loudly and also if you find a butt or a fart slips out let them come out too and then stand for a few moments placing your hands on your body so one hand on your belly lower belly one hand on your heart take a few breaths notice how your body how your system feels now you've come back to stillness what's the quality what's the sensations now i usually find it quite hard to stand still for long periods of time so i often find that when i have done shaking or doing any kind of movement i find myself rocking from side to side see if you can let your body do what it wants to do if your body wants to do anything right now if your body wants to move a certain way or stretch a certain way treat this as your permission to listen to what your body wants and to follow it [Music] so i have just done some rocking that's what my body wants to do another really wonderful way to help bring this to a close is just run your hands over your body like imagining you you're spreading nutella or peanut butter i mean if you don't like either of those it may be quite disgusting but you're spreading something really delicious around smoothing it in that's it take a few breaths pull your hair out of your mouth if it's gone in your mouth and that's shaking what i love about it and let me come down very undignified way kneeling is that it's really simple there's not really a technique to it of course again work with your body if you have any injuries or pain or fatigue really work with your body and go gently but shaking is pretty much accessible to most people you can do it just for one minute you can do it in between work meetings you can do it before bed i especially recommend it during or during before self-pleasuring or before partner sex especially if you're feeling really wound up and stressed from the day shaking is a way that we can start to discharge the stress response to complete the stress response rather than trying to meditate and make yourself calm we need to discharge it and that often means getting active getting loud getting out of your head and into your body this is another reason why i love shaking it really helps you get out of your head and into your body into your felt sense and to start to drop some of your inhibitions and fears so enjoy oh i forgot one last thing when you are shaking it can really help to put on the track of music for it as well you could it can just help with the letting go it can help with the momentum you can freestyle some dance moves to the music as well really make it your own your own gorgeous practice to discharge the stress response to feel more in your body and to feel more playful and fun so enjoy hello and welcome to module four of self pleasuring and orgasms for women and [ __ ] havers this module is all about your vulva your vulvalicious vagilicious revolver so let's dive in move my face up here my vulvalicious vulva so to really embrace your full pleasure potential as a woman or a [ __ ] however you need to be getting comfortable with the territory and then yes i'm talking about your vag so even though i've just said the word vag be mindful of the language that we use because in common parlance we often use the word vagina to describe the whole area but actually i'm more talking about your vulva which is the external part the vagina is the interior passage i remember hearing a description it's like trying to describe your throat as your neck or vice versa because your throat is something that is internal your neck is external the vagina is the interior passage the vulva is the exterior and this is what we want to be working with first of all is this is what we can see so have you ever looked at your vulva and i mean really looked at it with a mirror can you name all of the parts are you as familiar with your vulva as you are with your face the spots and the wrinkles and the hairs because the issue is with the vulva is that it is hidden well hidden it's easier for men and people of penises because it's something that's external it's easy to see it's easy to touch it's easy to play with in order for us to really look at our vulva we have to get a mirror because it's literally underneath our body and then combine that with cultural messages about vulvas and vaginas being ugly smelly and disgusting and combine that with it's really easy to see pictures of dicks drawn everywhere but not really vulvas for most women and people with [ __ ] we end up developing a real shame around our beautiful anatomy and that's not even counting all the other things that can happen to us that can contribute to crushing sexual shame so again i'm going to quote the amazing dr laurie mintz again her book becoming clitorate highly recommend it and she said words matter when we call our entire genitals a vagina when we call our entire genitals or vagina we are calling our genitals by the part that give men not women themselves the most pleasure let's start naming our pleasure and that includes the clitoris and the vulva wow let that sink in for a moment so we are not bashing men but understanding that for most women and people with [ __ ] our primary source of pleasure the most easy and reliable source of pleasure is by stimulating the clitoris not by penetration inside the vagina again i'm not bashing vaginal penetration it can be amazing it can be so powerful but if we're not using the easiest and most reliable way combined with cultural shaming around vulvas and vaginas combined with the fact that if you ever receive sexual sex education if you were lucky to you would have received and looked at diagrams of the uterus and the fallopian tubes and the ovaries not the vulva not the female erectile network not the fact that you have erectile tissue not understanding and looking at the full anatomy of your clitoris not exploring your orgasms because i sincerely hope that you are wanting to have sex to have pleasure we don't tend to have a lot of sex just to reproduce so let's explore some more it isn't it crazy to think that your partner or your doctor or your medical provider are going to see more of your vulva than you will maybe that's been the case all of your life it's your body in the same way that your elbow your ear your knee or your foot your vulva is just as much part of your body as every other part of your body but this seems to be the part that has the most emotional hang ups if you think about it of all the different euphemisms we can make for the words if we think of all the different euphemisms we can use for vulvar and vagina like i've used the term lady muff um vag front bottom um think of all the names that you have heard or euphemisms and slang that you've heard describe the vulva and vagina a really awesome colleague of mine laura o'hara she said it's like when we try and talk about our elbow by rather than saying my elbow we say that thing we point at it like my jointy thing how comfortable do you feel using the terms vulva and vagina how comfortable do you feel naming your anatomy and calling it what it is i it i find it so interesting every time i give a talk or i meet people there's always at least one person and usually more and that includes clients and past clients who still feel uncomfortable to say the word vagina or vulva to name their parts and call them what they are how comfortable do you feel saying vagina vulva clitoris do you still feel embarrassed do you still feel uncomfortable do you go red and it doesn't mean we can't use euphemisms and slang sometimes they can be really funny i i like to be quite um what's the word i like to use comedy and laughter i've just used the word lady muff here at the same time being mindful of how comfortable you feel actually naming your parts and using the correct anatomical terms in the same way that you would describe your own your your elbow your knee or your foot another example i can think of is when i've watched reality tv and i do like trashy reality tv i've seen so many people there use really interesting euphemisms to describe their vulva my new nunu my fufu my my kitty and of course this is also exploring the roles of women talking about their bodies on tv but at the same time think about the cultural narratives we have around your body part the vulva and vagina your vulva and vagina if we live in a culture where a vulva and vagina are something ugly smelly disgusting shameful sinful how is that going to make you feel about your vulva and your capacity for pleasure so we're going to start getting really familiar with this beautiful part of your body and it's time to take a look so for this exercise called look at your vulva it's an exercise to really get to know your beautiful vulva and vagina even though the vagina is the interior passage so for this exercise you will need a small handheld mirror a safe space where you feel comfortable and can lie back maybe you need to put your phone on silent ask whoever you're living with to give you about 20 minutes alone time and you may want some lubricant or something like plain coconut oil or jojoba oil make sure you won't be disturbed for about 20 minutes and if you can i recommend making this practice something you do regularly something i learned at one of the first tantra retreats i ever did was having your own special mirror just for looking at your vulva so if for this exercise you will need some time about 20 minutes and i'm now going to give a wonderful 101 of anatomy so when you are looking at your vulva i want you to really see if you can name all of your parts and see where they are actually put a face to a name even though it's a vulva so i'm going to give you a little anatomy lesson with two of my wonderful friends this is velvet vivian my wonderful vulva pillow which is created by laura doe harris which was in the previous slide she is a very good friend of mine we've been together for quite a few years and this is my clitoris pillow i really should give it a name as well this was created by my friend doris micheletti she actually called this this model after me it's called the pink lucy it's made with tea fabric so do check her out her website is sexliberated.com and this is laurado harris from the university so in a moment i will stop sharing my screen and give you a little demo but for now you can look at this lovely little um diagram i created out of a pumpkin i saw on social media as a way of getting an idea of your vulva anatomy so i will stop sharing my screen and i will show you hello and welcome to module 4 of self pleasuring and orgasms for women and [ __ ] havers so this is the module on your vulva and in this class i'm going to be giving you an anatomy lesson with two of my friends this is this is called velvet vivian she is my vulva pillow that was made by laura doe harris from the vol from the university and it's an anatomically correct vulva pillow and this is i need to give this clitoris puppet a name but it's created by my friend doris micheletti from sexliberated.com and she actually called this particular model the pink lucy it's named after me because it's made with pink tea fabric so shout out to doris micheletti so by doing this anatomy lesson it's giving you the tools to really know your anatomy because in sex education you if you were lucky enough to receive it you would have learned about the ovaries and the fallopian tubes and your uterus basically all your reproductive anatomy but you never would have learned your your pleasure anatomy and so let's learn it now so you can do this either watching along looking at your vulva or you can just watch this and then look at your own vulva so first of all using a velvet vivian i feel a bit like i'm on a teleshopping channel here we have evolver for sale so this is an anatomically correct vulva and if we were in person you could if you wanted to put your fingers inside and feel where the g-spot is for now let's explore so this is probably not what your vulva looks like your vulva probably isn't bright pink and purple and also with this pillow there isn't really a distinction between the inner and outer labia or the labia minora and labia majora but let's keep going so first of all the vulva so here we have the mons or the mons pubis which is a pubic bone and this part you're probably very familiar with which is the clitoris or more importantly the clitoral shaft and the glands of the clitoris because look you can pull it back this is called the clitoral hood and this is the glands of the clitoris just like we explored in the first or second module about how the clitoris and the vulva and the penis are homologous meaning same parts differently arranged just like with penises we have the glands of the head we have the glands of the penis and we have the foreskin we also have the clitoral hood same parts differently arranged and just like with men or people with penises the glands of the penis is the most sensitive part the glands of the clitoris is the most sensitive part we have the highest concentration of nerve endings so you may find that when you pull back your clitoral hood that this part is very very sensitive maybe too sensitive to touch and this is where we feel the most pleasure touching it very sensitively this may be giving you pleasure just watching it so also just like how with men and people with penises that they can get smegma which is grime and dirt sort of caught between the penis and the foreskin the same with women and [ __ ] havers so when you're cleaning your vulva make sure you pull back the clitoral hood and give this a good clean as well so going down we have the labia the labia minora which are the inner labia and the layman majora which is the outer labia so everybody's arrangement of vulva of labia of lips are different some people have really small inner labia some people have really big inner labia some people have asymmetric or lopsided inner labia really embrace the shape and the size of your labia because evolvers are like snowflakes everyone is unique and different and you may know that in porn a lot of female porn performers do get labiaplasties where they get their they have surgery on their labia to make it look a certain shape and size and while that's absolutely their prerogative remembering that we tend to only see depictions of vulvas in porn for a lot of people that can create a lot of shame if your vulva doesn't look like that because it probably doesn't embrace the shape of your labia um think about what if your vulva was a flower what kind of flower would the arrangement of the labia be also see if you can see if you can pull back your labia stretch them how far do they go because it's your body look at the folds of the skin look at the coloration look at the different colors of your vulva no matter what your ethnicity you'll find that your vulva actually has different colors different skin tones you may see browns and purples and blues and pinks embrace the full spectrum of the colors of your vulva so we're going down i'm just going to pull this apart here is the um the full shet and down here we have the urethra or the urethral the entrance to the urethra which is where we pee from we don't pee from the vagina we don't pee from the anus we pee from the urethra and notice that it's just the entrance of the vagina so all sex educators we recommend that after any kind of sex the ep because it helps to flush out some of the new bacteria that's been introduced to the entrance of your vagina and you may find that if you don't pee after sex you may get more chronic utis or yeast infections so make sure you pee after sex and going down we have the entrance of the vagina which is known as the introitus this is where most of the nerve endings are around the entrance of the vagina so you may find that when you're having penetration and partner sex it's often the first thrust that can feel the most pleasurable this is completely normal and if we go down here we have the perineum which is the skin between the entrance of the vagina and the anus now you may find that the perineum is also a really yummy and pleasurable place to have stimulated maybe you'll find that just by stroking it gently or having your lover teasing it can be really exquisite because this is where the culmination of the nerve endings are which also means that for a lot of women who during childbirth had an episiotomy which is a cutting of the perineum to ease the baby out you may have noticed a loss of sensation or a loss of pleasure which i'm really sorry about it's kind of basically severing those nerve endings you can still absolutely regain your pleasure potential but know that this if this has been cut for any reason that's going to be basically severing a lot of the nerve endings so here we have the anus which can also be a really pleasurable place as well this doesn't have the anus here but it would be round about here and anything else so the g-spot is also known as a perireuthal sponge and also known as the female prostate so there are different theories around it but if we know that the urethra starts here even though we think of the g-spot and most of us know that the g-spot is kind of internal it actually starts at the entrance of the vagina so if we were to if you were here in person you could actually insert your fingers so the g-spot is round about on the front wall so we're doing a kind of come hither motion and you may want to explore your g-spot with your fingers and just feel it feels a bit like a walnut it's got ridges it can feel a bit strange but this is what fills up with prostatic fluid just in the same way that the male prostate fills up with prostatic prostatic fluid and it can be intensely pleasurable so here we have the volvo so another part that you may or may not be familiar with the internal clitoris i always find it funny every time i show people this because it looks a bit like a nutcracker or it looks a bit like a wishbone and you notice that it looks very similar to a [ __ ] and balls penis and testicles because remember the vulva and the penis are homologous same parts differently arranged so this is the part that you can see if i was to lay this over even though these aren't quite the same this is the part we can see the glands of the clitoris or the clitoral shaft this is where the most sensation will be but we have all of this internal so think that this is part of the female erectile network in the same way that when men or men or people penises are aroused their penis will fill up with blood the same for females but it's all internal so we get an internal boner basically it's not very easy to see when a fem when a woman or someone with a [ __ ] is fully aroused so these parts i always think it's funny with the nutcracker these are called the legs of the clitoris or the crew this is where also more nerve endings are which is why having your vulva stimulated can also be really pleasurable and here we have the vestibule now these well this is a really weird thing these are what also fill up with blood which in the same way when a penis fills up with blood when it's aroused and it becomes engorged the same with females so again we have so much internal erectile tissue we just need to work with it so you obviously this is internal you can't see this but you can see this part something else to remember is that even though this is the main organ of the clitoris just doing a little show and tell here the nerves of the clitoris actually stretch all the way around inside the pelvic bone including the g-spot stretching to the anus so there's a lot of conflict in the world of sex education as to whether there are different kinds of orgasms or whether they're just all clitoral because an anal orgasm will obviously feel different from a g-spot orgasm but actually it's clitoral because of those of the clitoris stretch all the way back so every orgasm in terms of different parts that are stimulated are gonna feel different emotionally physically the way that they will build up will be different but actually it's kind of all clitoral the clitoris is your main and easiest most reliable pleasure pathway and it's something to celebrate and enjoy so now look at your vulva get to know it make friends with it or her maybe you want to give it a gender remember that this uh to paraphrase the great dr betty dodson that knowledge is power around our genitals when we don't know what it is and we can't name it if we can't look at it we can't fully claim and embrace our sexual and erotic power and our pleasure potential so and something that i said in the previous video why not make this a habit a weekly thing where you really look at your vulva and make friends with it or her give it some love rub it with oil listen to the meditation that is part of this course called volva heart room where you're really integrating your vulva into you even though it's technically it is part of your body i've noticed that for a lot of women and people evolvers i call it sort of an energetic black hole where there's not a lot of felt sense and feeling of ownership around your vulva so this is a place for you to really make friends with and embrace your beautiful vulva so i will see you in the next module for understanding and working with your sexual response cycle to module five of self-pleasuring and orgasms for women and percy havers this is on your sexual response cycle which includes the guided self-pleasuring exercise so let's dive in so let's talk about your sexual response cycle or your sexy cycle so if you really want to get geeky the sexual response cycle was first coined by the famous sexuality researchers i reference in previous modules dr william masters and virginia johnson in their 1966 book human sexual response there was a tv show made about it a few years ago i think called masters of sex so do check it out it's very entertaining but it was the first way of actually measuring sexual response so actually measuring how the human body responds during sexual arousal but then since then other researchers and scholars have challenged it and they've added their own mess they've provided their own interpretations as well because the masters and johnson model was only focused on physiological responses and didn't really do anything about the emotional response about what the dynamic was happening between the couple and anything else so a few other people that really influenced this was helen singer kaplan helen singer kaplan and rosemary besson so i'm going to show you this very wonderful graphic i created on the basic sexual response cycle that is the basic model used by most sex therapists and researchers and it's sort of a combination of the cycle by masters and johnson and also by helen singer kaplan so if you look here we have at the bottom we have desire which means hmm maybe i'm feeling something this was crew this was put in by helen singer kaplan and then arousal like oh i'm getting away and i hope you enjoy my little annotations here then we have plateau which is when you've built the arousal and then you're sort of staying at the same level and then you have orgasm and then resolution so notice how this model is very much kind of up and down so something we need to remember is that this human sexual response cycle that is very typical and used by most or a lot of sex therapists and researchers is it's very linear and it's typically based on the male sexual response and even though it can be really helpful to get a kind of basic model that our bodies do respond differently during sex and during arousal at the same time i want you to focus on how you respond during sex and sexual arousal both solo and partnered because your sexual response cycle and how your body responds how you feel emotionally all the myriad of other factors that happen during sex and arousal is unique to you so really embrace it think about what sparks it off how does your body change what do you feel emotionally what thoughts go through your head what excites you what shuts you down how is your energy does it fluctuate [Music] so another factor that a lot of people don't always realize is that when we are having an orgasm or self-pleasuring or partner sex or any and all of the glorious things is that when we have finished or we choose to finish that a really simple way of extending those pleasurable feelings and also helping to rewire the neural pathways is a practice called savouring so maybe if you're having sex with your partner you kind of do it automatically where you cuddle afterwards the post-sex post-coital cuddle or the post-coital debrief but this is a really simple exercise and think of it as a form of shavasana that you do at the end of yoga class pretty much the same concept in that it helps all of your neural pathways start to rewire and it's probably just as relaxing and energizing which is very simply after you've had an orgasm or had sex or you've had two orgasms or five orgasms or whatever when you are finished lie there just for a few minutes let it soak in literally and metaphorically and savor it you may notice that you feel differently when you make this a regular practice both self-pleasuring solo and having sex with partners and all of the glorious sexy things we can do so now we're going to go on to your guided self-pleasure exercise which is described in the workbook do check it out so it's for you to explore your body your beautiful vulva and to play around with pleasure the goal here is not to orgasm although if you do then that's absolutely welcome too the focus is to be really present with your body sensations and to give yourself love and just notice what's here so orgasms are absolutely welcome but not mandatory what would it be like to take the pressure off having an orgasm especially when you are having sex with a partner or yourself how much do you feel that pressure to want to have an orgasm or just to have an orgasm it can be really difficult especially when you're just really really close for now we're going to take the option of orgasm off the menu or something you have to have to finish and see how that changes because the the paradoxical thing about orgasms is something we need to allow to happen but often when we take the pressure off having an orgasm and we focus on what feels good orgasms are more likely to happen so for this you will need at least 30 minutes of alone time where you won't be disturbed so if you have children send them to another room or maybe when they're asleep turn off your phone or put it on silent just make sure you won't be disturbed because i don't think there's anything less sexy than having somebody barging on you so make your bed up maybe with cozy blankets and pillows make sure it's tidy and it looks relatively sexy you might want to like some candles some incense or play a sexy playlist if that feels good to you you can make it your own and also know that there's no one right way to do this even though we are doing this exercise as part of the course you can do this as many times as you want to when you need to you might not feel that you need to light candles every single time but you can make this your own so first you'll also need lube whether it's coconut or jojoba oil or a really nice branded one i personally recommend the brands yes and there's uh yes which is wm water-based or there's silk so they're water-based and they're made of natural materials i really recommend sticking with a water-based lube as it's compatible with all toys if you choose to use one but just make sure it stays in date and if you're using any other brand of water-based lube check if it has glycerin in the ingredients ideally you do not want to be buying a lube that has glycerin in because glycerin turns to sugar on contact with oxygen and they put glycerin in to extend the shelf life of these lubricants unfortunately sugar on a vulva equals yeast infection so if you do have a loop that has glycerin in either throw it out or use it up very quickly because you don't want a yeast infection it's not sexy and optional you can use a handheld mirror and a vibrator of your choice if that feels good to you for this exercise i'm not telling you to not use a vibrator and i'm not saying you have to use a vibrator think of this as your choice and your prerogative you may want to try using just your fingers you may want to try it with your fingers and a vibrator make it your own so there we go just skipping ahead you can pause this video if you want to and go ahead with the self pleasuring exercise which is described or you may want to continue watching because either way it's good so when you've had your wonderful ecstatic self-pleasuring experience or maybe it wasn't ecstatic maybe uncomfortable emotions came up maybe you felt bored maybe other stuff came up maybe something distracted you so really thinking about and describing your experience how did it start what happened in the middle how did it finish think about the sensations you felt and how they moved what lubrication what wetness you got and how that felt what noises did you make how did your hips move anything else you can get really specific if you want to so everybody's orgasm feels different and we have different orgasmic experiences depending on what's stimulated and you may have felt differently so something i also want to normalize if you found yourself getting really emotional that's completely okay and really normal it's really common especially when we are processing if we are very sensitive or just in general that sometimes during sex either solo apartment that we suddenly start crying or we feel really sad or really angry it's really normal and okay if you can give yourself some gentleness and know that and allow it to come up and trust that it came up for a reason so write out how your experience felt because this is your orgasmic experience and your orgasm so here are some words to help describe the body sensations because we want to get a little bit more specific so like pulsing walk pulse pulsing pulsing warm fuzzy hot cool tingly buzzy hard soft ripply tickly muffly numb heavy light thick electric fluttery gentle intense when we are learning the language of our body it's helpful to know what language we can use to help put words and things into something that feels really intangible so if you were just to draw a timeline of your orgasmic experience what would it look like so would it look like this more traditional such a response timeline up and down or maybe it looked kind of like this i've put some little annotations here i hope you can see my little mouse where it's kind of going up and down it comes in waves and maybe you felt bored and maybe it felt good again and you felt something and it went down and then you had an orgasm and then and then not or maybe it was another shape so uh this is not a complete scientific study but in general most people's orgasms and orgasmic experiences and experience self-pleasuring tends to look a bit more like this or sometimes we can get bored halfway through or feel nothing halfway through and stop or maybe we have a really intense orgasm and then we have more subtle ones after that and also a lot of people will find that when you start working internally and stimulating your internal points especially your g-spot and your cervix and your a-spot that the orgasms feel different and you don't have the same refractory period like you would with a clitoral orgasm you may find that when you start really breathing and working internally that you suddenly feel that you could just keep coming and coming and coming and that it feels more like a soft rolling experience again clitoral orgasms can feel different and usually do feel different to any kind of internal stimulated orgasm it does not make them wrong it doesn't make them less superior it doesn't make them less superior or worse or less spiritual anything else just different maybe less satisfying maybe more satisfying different different is not bad so a final word that your sexual response cycle like how you feel in your mind your body emotions and spirit is completely unique to you and you may find that you have a distinct pattern and you may notice that it changes over time and it can be both and and it's all normal and okay it's how your body responds during sex by sex i mean solo and partnered so try to stop making this a competition a competition that you will never feel good enough for and that you will always feel that you're losing please try to stop comparing yourself to other people like what you've seen in porn or maybe a famous tantra teacher or one of your friends or even how it used to be for you and instead try and focus more on enjoying all the pleasurable sensations right now this isn't the wank olympics i'm sure there will be some sort of olympic sport of wanking but this isn't it this is your experience think of it as it's all good even if it feels different to how it used to be for you can you really treat this as a moment to come back into the present moment and focus on how it feels for you right now what feels good right now everybody everybody's body everybody's orgasm everybody's experience of orgasm is different on different days with different people in different moods and it's all good so a final quote from the fabulous late dr betty dodson rest input rest in [ __ ] the orgasm is simply when the body does take over if the concept or the idea of letting go feels really alien to you know that it can be something that can be titrated and happen over time but an orgasm is what happens when your body takes over it's something that you can allow to happen and to relax into rather than trying to force to happen and maybe think of this as a metaphor for other things in your life that you're trying to make happen but they're not happening getting uh very philosophical and spiritual here but an orgasm is more likely to happen and an orgasmic experience is more likely to happen when you can allow your body to take over to trust your body to surrender even if you can only surrender and let go one percent more and that's okay i'm very mindful that i don't want to turn this into another stick in which you beat yourself up over when you think i can't relax i can't surrender so therefore i will never have an orgasm not true you may find that it sneaks up on you unsuspectingly but you can still have orgasmic experiences even if you can't let go completely maybe you can surrender just a little bit more and know that the more orgasms and orgasmic experiences you have the more you pay attention to orgasmic experiences more you pay attention to pleasure the more you cultivate pleasure the more you self-pleasure the more you embrace all of the yummy sexy juicy yummy juju that is sexual energy it's like a wonderful glorious virtuous cycle the more you're going to experience and the more you're going to have it's the best virtuous cycle it's a wonderful snowball of virtuous yumminess and that is the end of this module of me giving a giving lots of different analogies for yummy juicy orgasmic lushness enjoy and i'll see you for the next and final module on using sex toys and pleasure products hi and welcome to module 6 of self pleasuring and orgasms for women and [ __ ] havers this is on sex toys vibes and more so let's dive in there we go move myself to the corner of the screen make myself a bit bigger awesome so imagine that there are devices that are designed and created solely for the purpose of sexual and neurotic pleasure and now imagine that they are more available than ever with many more innovative designs for every preference body type set of genitals and more well this is the wonderful and sexy world of sex toys so from vibrators of all shapes and sizes to dildos glass toys butt plugs [ __ ] rings rabbits suction toys magic wands nipple clamps peony eggs crystal ones anal beads and so much more there really is something to please everybody so let's dive in so also add a little note for this course as this is about women and people with [ __ ] i'm going to be focusing on toys for women and people with [ __ ] so toys that fit that config that configuration of genitals i'll be touching a little bit on um sex toys for men and people with penises but for now i'm going to be focusing on toys for [ __ ] and for now we're also going to be focusing on toys mainly for clitoral and vaginal play not necessarily for anal play even though you can include many anal play toys as part of your self-pleasuring practices as well so what kind of toys are there out there and that's a bit like how long is a piece of string because sex toys is a big industry and manufacturers are bringing out new toys new designs and new innovations every year so you may be familiar with the classic shape of the rampant rabbit which was very i think it came out in the 90s and most people are familiar with that and you probably know what a dildo is and you've probably seen a dildo but in the past 20 years sex toys have been moving away from being more penis phallic shaped to being more gender neutral so that they appeal to not just people who are on on the gender spectrum but sometimes women and people with [ __ ] don't want to be playing with something that looks like a penis sometimes we want to play with something just because it looks fun and it's also why whenever people ask me what the best sex toy is it's really hard to say because it depends on your preference it depends on the manufacturer it depends on the quality of the toy but most of all it depends on do you like it do you want to play with it does it feel good in your hands is it something you'd like to have in your bedside table because you could have a sex toy that has all of the top reviews that is made by the best manufacturer but if you don't like it then it doesn't really mean anything so here's a little very brief rundown of just what kinds of sex toys there are out there because there are a lot of sex toys out there and if i move my picture here you can see a picture of i think that's a womanizer which is a clitoral suction toy so if you look here here are just some examples of different sex toys we have bullet vibrators clitoral vibrators magic wands and one shaped vibrators rabbit vibrators so like a rampant rabbit they provide internal stimulation with clutch with clitoral stimulation with bunny ears clitoral suction toys like the one here the most well known is satisfier and womanizer jiggle balls and kegel balls remote control toys butt plugs anal bleed bleeds beads ride on toys toys that simulate cunnilingus [ __ ] rings [ __ ] for penises and dildos vibrating non-vibrating baby of silicon made of glass made of stone made of everything the world of sex toys is vast so i want to show you a little example of just some of the toys that i own i feel like i'm on a tv show here so you've got a real world example this is an example of a rabbit kind of vibrator this isn't a rampant rabbit but you've got the the bunny ears that's designed for insertion and closure or play we have god i feel like i'm a blue peter we have we have a ride-on toy which is called the ruby glow which is designed to be sacked on and ridden on we have kegel balls or jiggle balls they're known as both they're designed to be inserted in the vagina and you can use them for strengthening your pelvic floor all for pleasure or both we have a glitter vibrator they come in all shapes and sizes i'll show you a few more i really want you to see this is fun we have a butt plug we have a couple's toy it's known as a couple's toy the most commonly known brand is we vibe it's meant to be inserted in the vagina with this on top and it's meant to be for enhancing some enhancing pleasure during penetration but you can also just wear it by yourself and play with it by yourself one of my favorite kinds of toys a magic wand vibrator and another one of my favorite toys that we'll be exploring in just a little bit glass toys this is one designer of a glass toy i'm going to tell you in a minute why i love glass and steel toys so much and why they are so wonderful for pleasure so let me put my toy box down and i will go back to the slideshow here we go it does that so i also want to give you a little 101 on sex toy safety because not every sex toy that is sold for retail is actually safe to be used on your body and i wouldn't be a sex educator without giving you some education around sex toy safety because in most countries manufacturers do not have a legal obligation to make sure their toys are body safe materials i know it's absolutely ridiculous but there we go so there are certain materials that you really want to avoid having in your sex toys specifically if the material is porous which means it can harbor bacteria or if it's made with phthalates which i'll explain more below which means that the chemicals in the toy can end up leaking into your bloodstream not sexy so here are some examples of toys materials and toys you really want to avoid jelly rubber or cyber skin vinyl or pvc tpe tpr elastomer tpr silicone sebs or silicone blends it's basically a cheaper kind of silicone that's made you want to avoid toys made of those materials anything containing folates i hope i've pronounced that correctly so i put crystal with a question mark on the last one because the verdict is mixed a lot of sex educators say that crystals crystals are not safe to use as sex toys because crystals are porous even if they're sealed they're still porous on a micro level they can harbor bacteria which can lead to infections later down the line however a lot of people swear by them i am very much in the middle and on the fence about this but i really recommend that if you're going to invest and i say invest in a crystal sex toy that you get it from a reputable seller and that will usually mean paying more money because you want to be getting the best quality toy for your body and also on environmental level crystals are not they're not recyclable they're not biodegradable they are a finite resource taken from the earth so really feel into the ethics of whether you want to use a crystal sex toy and i have a few recommended retailers at the end of this if this is a path you want to go down so here are some body safe materials that are hell yes get toys made of these materials pure silicone some people say medical grade silicone but good quality pure silicone but do not use it with silicon lube glass like i've just shown you ceramic as long as it's glazed and kiln fired so it's non-porous wood as long as it's sealed in a body safe material excuse my typo there stainless steel or aluminium and abs plastic abs plastic is still a little bit porous but it's a lot less porous than the other kinds of plastics so these materials you're good to go now it is difficult because a lot of sex toy manufacturers and sellers aren't going to list their ingredients which is why it's important to get them from a reputable trusted seller i've got a few recommendations at the end of this course but if in doubt go to your local sex shop and ideally a feminist owned sex shop where they'll be happy to answer any questions you have just don't buy jelly toys jelly toys are often the cheapest but they are not good quality but if you must use a jelly toy just pop a condom on top to prevent any any of the materials leaking into your body because you don't want that so talking about vibrators because for a lot of people a lot of women a lot of people invite with vulvas they don't like vibrators either because the vibrating sensations don't feel good it feels too overstimulating maybe you haven't found a toy that you like the feel of maybe you had a bad experience with one in the past or maybe you've been told that you can get addicted to vibrators see me making quote marks there and you won't be able to climax during partner sex so i have a lot of opinions on this there's a big myth in the world of conscious sexuality that vibrators are somehow lower vibration play on words there or they're less conscious than more natural methods of having sex like using a crystal fingers tongue penis or a vagina so i'm going to myth bust in a minute but a vibrator may not be for you you may not like vibrators and that's okay you don't have to like them you don't have to enjoy that kind of stimulation and that's okay just really be mindful of a lot of myths around vibrators so i want to bust them here number one myth number one you can get addicted to vibrators quote marks and not be able to climax via any other method no be really mindful of certain clickbait teachers and speakers using the language of addiction around vibrators or in fact anything around the topic of sex you cannot become addicted to your vibrator not in the medical or diagnostic terms or any clinical sense you can become accustomed to the sensations a vibrator provides in the way that our bodies can become accustomed to a lot of things but the great thing is that we have this wonderful mechanism in our bodies called neuroplasticity so if it worries you switch it up add in other tools like what you've learned in this course and you can and if you can only climax with a vibrator and no other way is that such a bad thing is that such a terrible thing humans use technology all the time for everyday use i mean you're watching this on technology so there is no reliable evidence on this so please don't believe any sex shaming or fear-mongering messages even if it's from your favorite conscious sexuality teacher or it's click debate don't believe it so number two you shouldn't use the vibrator because it's not natural the naturalistic fallacy where anything natural is automatically good and anything human-made is automatically bad whereas real life is more a spectrum yes vibrators are a fairly recent human invention but humans have been making sex toys and devices for sexual pleasure for centuries if not thousands of years i i challenge you to google the world's oldest dildo i think it's about 30 000 years old there's still some debate over whether this is a thing but humans have been making or using objects for sexual pleasure probably for as long as humans have walked the earth so there's nothing wrong or unnatural in using a vibrator and remember that you use technology for everything in your life from a washing machine a dishwasher an electric toothbrush a laptop what device you're watching this on right now i'm british so i always use a kettle to make my tea but do you wear glasses have you been fitted for braces do you use a walking aid have you ever been told that you shouldn't use this it doesn't mean you don't want to try other things and that you don't want to experiment with different tongue techniques and fingering techniques and thrusting techniques and breathing and it's all yummy but be really mindful about somebody telling you what is natural and what is not and that this version of natural sex is better and superior and more conscious be mindful and myth three vibrators chords will cause vulva numbness and nerve damage no there is no reliable evidence that this is the case none you may find that a really strong vibrator on its highest setting that you experience a temporary numbness or tingling but it always returns and similarly if you're going to use a strong vibrator for prolonged periods of time you're going to become accustomed to that level of intensity so again switch it up learn new techniques try new stimulation like in this course or if you're really worried you can put a wash cloth or a flannel between your vulva and the vibrator but it does not provide or cause permanent numbness or nerve damage if you are experiencing permanent numbness or nerve damage that is from something completely separate it is not caused by a vibrator just so you know and i want to really emphasize this you can become accustomed to stimulation of vibrators but thanks to neuroplasticity you can retrain your body to add new pleasure pathways so there's other ways to experience orgasms think of it as yes and more rather than you can only orgasm this way all this way and again if you became addicted to a vibrator see my quote marks here surely that's better than never climaxing at all and you can include vibrator and partner play and it can be really fun and exciting and you can keep practicing what you're learning this course to keep teaching your body new pleasure pathways because we know a sexologist that the more you have regular and consistent orgasms through whatever means whether it's with a vibrator whether it's with your thoughts whether it's with breath whether it's the fingers whether it's with whatever it's easier to keep having them it's a wonderful glorious virtuous cycle that just keeps getting better and better and if a vibrator is what you need in order to experience your first orgasm then all power to you use your vibrator because you still have hands hopefully you still have fingers you can still have other means to experience stimulation please do not bend your vibrator because you've believed a lot of misinformation there that's my little run over i want you to adopt a mindset of erotic abundance that there are multiple delicious ways for you to have pleasure and orgasms but it's i think like how many kinds of ice cream do you like i love using dessert metaphors like you may like chocolate ice cream i love everything chocolate but you can go to the whole bloody ice cream parlor and enjoy everything if you look back into the earlier modules exploring orgasms there are so many different kinds of orgasms we can experience one is not better or worse than the other but why not have more be mindful of dogma disguised as spiritual teachings or rather purity culture repackaged with a mandela on top so if you're not into vibrators there is another kind of toy that i've explored and showed you earlier and that's made with glass or steel um you could include crystal in this as well again i say crystal with an asterisk because some women and people evolvers love crystal toys too but again make sure it's from a reputable manufacturer and distributor and learn to clean it properly because they are porous but one of the things i love about glass or steel or any metal toys it's the nature of the material because they're firm and heavy enough for really deep internal stimulation so i'm gonna use my glass toy i really do feel like i'm on blue pizza if you're not from the uk it was a very popular children's tv show anyway i digress this is my trusty glass glass toy and as you can see from this image on this lovely stock photo glass toys come in all shapes and sizes and configurations of loveliness and deliciousness so the main reason why glass or steel or even crystal toys toys feel so good when they're inserted is that the clitoris responds better to friction like vibrators rubbing and licking but the inside of your vagina which includes all the different pleasure spots responds better to pleasure because think about it the clitoris of course has thousands and thousands of nerve endings brilliant but if the inside of your vagina had that percentage of nerve endings childbirth would be even more excruciating and it's why toys that have a lot of weight a lot of volume and a lot of heaviness they're much more effective for internal stimulation and much more pleasurable and also what i love about glass and steel toys is you can warm them up with warm water maybe not boiling water you want to be careful of the temperature or you can cool them down put them in the freezer for a bit you can really play with temperature play it's a lot of fun and of course they're safe to use in the bath there's no risk of electrocution i think i'm just going to gesticulate for the rest of this module with my glass one i'm going to put it down so i'm going to touch on lube in this module but i'll go into it i'll explore and go in more depth into lube in another video but there are four different kinds of lube and lube is your best friend you do not need to be ashamed for needing some help you haven't failed and it isn't because of a dysfunction or anything ignore anybody who says you shouldn't need lube because you should get wet naturally you can have both i saw this thing where lube is like a way of waking up your genitals as a way of reminding them use lou but you're one of your best friends so there are four kinds of lube water-based silicone-based oil-based or a hybrid of the two kinds it's usually of water and silicon and here are some brands that i recommend for lube and that will be in the workbook as well um so you can google them um a quick note when you are doing the self-pleasuring practice for this particular course depending on what kind of tour you are using because you're doing solo practice it might be best just to sit with oil based or just a simple oil or water-based the thing about silicon lube is that while it is the most versatile and provides a lot of slip it's not always compatible with silicone sex toys because it can cause degrading for me personally when i'm doing myself pleasuring i use either a simple water-based lube or an oil stick at that so i'm gonna go back a bit the workbook contains your sex toys guided self-pleasuring practice so enjoy it's similar to the self-pleasuring practice you've done before but this time you're going to be really intentional by using toys and also using an internal toy this is another thing why i love glass toys and steel toys but glass toys especially they're really inexpensive you can get really good quality ones that don't that aren't as much of as investment as some other toys and it's about how can you play with internal stimulation using something really heavy to enhance your experience so i said at the beginning that i'd do some recommended retailers or places to get good toys so again if you can shop local shop local ideally a locally owned and or a feminist one because the store with any sex shop store assistants are trained to answer all of your questions and worries it's literally their job to do that they have seen everything they've heard everything there is very little you can say that will embarrass or shock them but if you can't get to a good one or it's not available or you just want to get a specific kind here are a couple that i really really recommend so for steel toys you cannot get better than enjoy toys they are the best quality steel sex toys and they come in the most exquisite box velvet and loveliness highly recommend velvet and enjoy for an online shop there is spectrum boutique there is also unbound by lesser boutique if you're looking for crystal products i personally would only recommend your only pleasure yoni pleasure palace or chakras please don't get your crystals from any don't get your crystal products from anywhere else apart from these retailers although i know that chat crabs and uni pleasure palace do an affiliate scheme so lots of people sell them as an affiliate i'm not going to use the term stay safe because that term has been overused in the past two years not saying anything but play with awareness treat your body as the glorious temple that it is and there are so many wonderful places to get good quality sex toys and lubes and pleasure products to treat your body as the exquisite temple of pleasure that it is so i wanted to also talk about some more benefits of steel and glass sex toys because there are so many benefits to them and you're going to be exploring that in your self-pleasuring practice as well and that's to practice slow and deep penetration yourself going exactly the patient you want to go at to increase the sensitivity of the inside of your vagina or your anus or birth to strengthen your vaginal and pelvic floor muscles as part of a ritual or sexual healing practice many women and [ __ ] owners swear by them whether it's glass steel or crystal and helping them heal emotional and physical blockages and especially after a traumatic experience um i'm very mindful that crystal products or any toys think of them as a vehicle or a tool in helping healing rather than the thing itself that provides the healing because i really truly believe that learning to self-pleasure and self-pleasuring can be really a really empowering thing to do after a traumatic experience as a way of reclaiming the boundaries of your body so a final word about sex toys but before i say the final word i want to add one more thing before the final word and that's again basic safety when you're using sex toys vaginally you can go from vagina to anus but you cannot go from anus to vagina if you want to be playing with anal play please use the specific anal toy for that i'm gonna hold up my little butt plug as an example because not only from a hygiene perspective that can cause infections but the anatomy of the rectum is very different to the anatomy of the vagina please do not use any toys for your anus that are meant to be used for the vagina because you don't want an emergency trip to er do you that's the least sexy thing that you can imagine happening okay got that safety thing underway a final word about sex toys sex toys are never meant to be a replacement for a human being be that their body and the touch a penis a tongue a finger or a vagina you will never replace a partner with a sex toy never they can never provide the same thing that another human or your partner can you do not have to choose between the two and if your partner is insisting that you do show them this course you don't need to you're not cheating on your partner for using sex toys and they are not failing as a lover one thing i love to say to men is think of toys as a wonderful addition and enhancer to your sex life where they do all the hard work for you but you get the credit and the reward if you are a fan of porn star owen gray and i've talked about him a lot on my instagram one of the reasons of the many reasons that people love him so much and he has a primarily female or non-binary vulva owner audience is that he uses vibrators on his partners in scenes and it looks sexy and it looks normal so if you're ever going to be watching porn search for owen gray look at and enjoy his videos show them to your partner if it feels good for both of you because sex toys in partner play in partner sex can be a wonderful wonderful fabulous addition and sex toys can be an amazing enhancer to your sex life like whipped cream and sprinkles and hot chocolate i've used another dessert analogy there because you might be able to tell i have a sweet tooth so enjoy go play enjoy the self pleasuring practice and check out my video on lubes to use as well hello and welcome to this class on lubes so let's dive in here we go remove myself here loobs so lube is your other best friend of many best friends that you may have don't be ashamed of lube or needing to use lube you are not failing or you have not failed for not being able to get wet and it isn't because of a dysfunction think of it as giving your vulva a wake-up call to help with natural lubrication and also because it feels good and that in itself is justified i mean you're also you also may need lube at different parts at different points in your cycle you may need it when you're breastfeeding on certain medications and going through the menopause and after the menopause it's not a sign that you are failing or that you have failed but you're not sexually liberated ignore anyone who says you should not need lube because you should get wet naturally be it your partner a past partner a friend a relative or a sex educator pleasure is pleasure and that's it and we want to be kind to our bodies as well we want to give ourselves kindness and grace and treat our bodies with love it's absolutely possible to get gushingly wet but using lube or using lube can really help you get there and denying yourself lube is a subtle way of punishing your body we don't want to be doing that that's not pleasurable so there are four different kinds of label four variations of lube so whatever brand you buy whatever household item you use and we'll talk about household items in a bit there's always going to be four different kinds so there are three main kinds which are water-based silicone-based and oil-based and there's also hybrid lubes which are usually a combination of water and silicon based so you can buy lubes from shops you can also use household items but you do need to use which is safe for purpose don't use toothpaste and don't use vaseline don't use shampoo either so let's dive into the different kinds of lube and what they can be used for because not all lubes are made the same and different lubes are going to have different effects and can be used for different things so let's explore the most common the easiest this is kind of a it goes with everything it's water-based water-based lube is compatible with everything with condoms with all kinds of sex toys it's a great all-around lube that goes with everything the thing is the cons are it does run dry really quickly so you have to keep reapplying it and it can leave a sticky residue it's not ideal for anal play because the anus doesn't naturally lubricate on its own so you're gonna have to keep using it and reusing it and it can get really complicated and unsexy so water-based not great for anal play but primarily water-based lube is safe to use with condoms and all sex toys because we'll talk about that in a minute silicon based so a lot of people say silicon based is like the silk version luxurious version of lube and the reason is it's really really really really slippery it does not need much um reapplication often you can apply it just once and you're good to go it's safe to use with condoms and it's often hyperallergenic so you or you're more you're much less likely to have a reaction if you have a very sensitive body it's also great for shower sex or self-pleasuring because it's not going to get washed away as easily and it's just much more slippery and it's really good for anal play but there are cons in that it's not compatible with silicon sex toys when i say not compatible it means if you're going to use it with a silicon sex toy it can cause minor degrading over time which you want to be treating your sex toys as treasured objects and treating them well so they're going to last for a long time any time a toy degrades it means that the material is going to start leaking into your body and into your bloodstream because we're often using toys internally you don't want that stay sexy we don't want we don't want chemicals and bits in our bloodstream any more than we can help it so don't use silicon lube with silicone sex toys but it's safe to use with condoms and with sex toys made with gloss and steel so you can still play with it and go ahead with it so this is one of my personal favorites which is oil based and because it's often the most convenient because we generally all have a bottle of olive oil in our kitchen well a lot of us have olive oil in our kitchen and a lot of us have coconut oil it's really easy to go to any shop we're a health food shop be it local corner shop or be a really bougie supermarket and you're going to be able to buy coconut oil it's also wonderful because any kind of oil based or just a typical oil can be used as a vaginal moisturizer as well especially if you experience dryness and i highly recommend using it for regular vulva massage whether you're experiencing problems or not also oil lasts a long time you don't have to keep reapplying it and it can also double up and be used for massage and it's great for anal play but the cons oil based lubes or any oil is not safe to use with latex condoms and i will just say condoms in general be really careful because it can cause them to rupture and that's kind of the opposite reason of why you're using a condom and it can really ruin a moment so be careful don't use oil based lube when you're using a condom also oil base lube can stain your sheets and it's harder to clean up also a lot of women and people with [ __ ] report that oil-based lube especially coconut oil can sometimes be more likely to trigger trigger yeast infections so listen to your body really trust your body your body is not going to like everything you put on it if you find that coconut oil or any kind of lube that i've recommended does not agree with you listen to that don't use it pain is not sexy irritation is not sexy so also oil-based lube is compatible with most sex toys especially made with glass steel and hard plastic you can use them with oil as well just be a bit mindful make sure you clean it off properly and thoroughly so something i forgot to say also latex not latex silicone based lube can also stain your sheets as well and it can be really hard to wash off sometimes it needs sometimes a bit of a scrub or a bit of soap so just be mindful that both silicon and oil based lube can be a bit of a faff to clean off and can stain your sheets but sometimes i think that's a very small price to pay for pleasure so the final kind which is hybrid which a lot of brands are doing now which is basically a mix of usually silicone-based and water-based and it gives you the benefits of two kinds of lube it gives you more slip it can feel more natural so to say but do you check with a manufacturer check on the label if it's compatible with condoms and silicone toys if in doubt don't especially with condoms if it's got oil in it or has an oil based don't use it with condoms so it may sound like there's a whole lot of things to watch out for with lube and it's the same with sex toys just because you can doesn't mean you should there are lots of household items we can use as lubes and i'll go into that a little bit but we also need to watch out for certain ingredients that can also be used in lube's soldering shops the big one is glycerin so i've seen this in lots of brands that cell lubes glycerin is generally it's a shelf stabilizer it helps it last a longer time but the thing is glycerin turns to oxygen glycerin turns to sugar on contact with oxygen and sugar on a vagina or on a vulva in a vagina on a vulva really not good you don't want to be having a yeast infection so as for really check the ingredients of any lubes that you buy from a shop if it does has glyph if it does have glycerin and you are using it use it up as quickly as you can um i have a very horrible story to chef and that i used out of date lube that had glycerin in and it triggered a horrible yeast infection don't use my don't follow my example check the expiry date check for glycerin don't use it if it has glycerin so other ingredients you want to be really mindful of are all of these long chemical names but especially anything that's petroleum-based that means put down the vaseline vaseline is not a good lubricant to be using on a vulva or inside a vagina some people may swear by it for anal sex if in doubt don't don't use vaseline because it's a it's based on petroleum you don't want petroleum inside your gorgeous body inside your bloodstream also watch out for propylene glycol chlorhexidine gluconate and no no nanoxinol nine you can tell i don't have a scientific training specifically in this i hope i pronounced them correctly but there are certain nasties you really want to be watching out for in your lubricants a lot of people prefer to buy lubricants that are natural or made with all natural ingredients and i'll share a couple of my recommended and best retailers at the end so there are also some things in your house that you can use as lubricant either you've gotten caught short and you've run out or you've gone to your lover's place and there's no lube there are some things you can use but again just because you can doesn't mean you should so here are some things that are safe to use so for example a lot of oils coconut oil jojoba oil olive oil also vitamin e oil or evening primrose oil so if you or your lover hasn't has any of those to hand they can be used but first they are not compatible with condoms any oil is not compatible with condoms and number two listen to your body if you had flare-ups or inflammation or general ouch before from using these oils don't use them again our vulvas are very very sensitive and for some people your your natural vaginal ph can be easily thrown off if in doubt listen to your body and trust your body so you could also use aloe vera gel as well there are many companies that sell aloe vera gel if you wanted to get really natural if you had an aloe vera plant i don't know how easy that is i haven't tried that we'll see aloe vera gel is water-based so that can be used in the same way that a water-based lube can and it can also be really helpful if you're experiencing any burning tingling or irritational inflammation on your vulva and yet again the golden rule is listen to your body if it's burning you if it's causing you irritation stop so here are some brands of lube that i recommend personally that i use personally as well so one of my favorite brands is yes organics i've got this here to show you i've got the water-based version yes they do a whole range of lubricants water-based oil-based and also vaginal moisturizers as well love the company the same with silk that's another company just like yes organics and they pride themselves on all natural ingredients for vulvas and creating lubes and vaginal moisturizers also the company good clean love they've done a lot of research into the vaginal microbiome again i love good clean love so a few other brands i recommend that aren't necessarily natural but they have a really good reputation and provide a whole broad spectrum are pure and that's spelt pjur because they're a german company but it's pronounced pure their lubes in general are really good i personally love their silicon based lube also this liquid they produce a whole range of different lubes as well uber lube as well one of the classics so there are two other companies here that i want to talk about there's quana and fourier wellness and they use cbd in their lubes and this is a relatively new trend because we add cbu to everything but trust me cbd in a lube in my personal experience is absolutely mind-blowing so again you need to trust your body and listen to what your body tells you i like quanah because they produce water-based cbd lube fourier wellness and they produce a whole load of broad spectrum hemp products i'm not an expert but especially as most of us do not live in a state or a country that legalizes tdhc they do a whole range of wonderful cbd products their fourier wellness gel it's technically not a lube it's an arousal gel but i i found personally whenever i've used it i've gotten wetter so much quicker i've experienced a lot more pleasure a lot more quickly and i've experienced just a general warm feeling of loveliness so experiment with cbd in your lube as well ideally buy it from a retailer that knows how to make it properly i do have colleagues that make their own cannabis lube as well you need to use your description on that treat your body as a gorgeous precious divine vehicle of pleasure and treat it well so enjoy your looby your lube your lubey lubed up journey lube is your best friend lube is there to be for pleasure it's designed for pleasure don't be ashamed or embarrassed for using it see it as another enhancer to your pleasure mwah enjoy and have a looked up sexy time.

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