Facesitting Online Course:
Maîtrise l’Art du Facesitting avec Confiance

So, welcome everyone to face sitting skills. I am Luna Matatas, I'm a sex and pleasure educator and I'm based in Toronto. And I developed this class a while ago, and then I tweaked it as I posted it, but it was so important to me as a plus size person to be able to have face sitting as part of my repertoire of sexual activities, and the reason being is, I mean, for anyone that feels like they aren't sexy, whether it's because of your body size, whether it's because of your desires, whether it's because of your performance, whatever it is, we are all lacking in some kind of sexual confidence and it makes sense in our society that we're in, but we can often feel like certain things are not for us, right? We think like, oh, well that position is for people who are this way, or that position is for people who are this way. And a lot of the times it's because we are all seeing the same kinds of imagery, we're seeing the same kinds of sexual things, we all have probably access porn, then porn is performative. So it's not necessarily showing someone using a pillow like a prop. It's not showing someone slowing down and checking in with their partner, it's not showing, you know, someone falling off the bed because they tried to balance on one leg. And so we grow up with this intention around sex that you're just supposed to know how to do the thing, and then if you don't know how to do it, it's probably not for you. And so face sitting was one of those things for me, where I thought, okay, well, I guess it's just not for me, it's just not for my body, maybe they'll do other kinds of things. And the important takeaway is that sex is a skill. We don't get that message in our high school sex ed, we don't get that message as adults, but it is a skill like any other skills. So when we learn the techniques that allow us to adjust our bodies to the types of things we wanna do, then we get to do the things we wanna do. Even if it looks different for you than it looks like for other people. So we're also gonna focus on this erotic imagination connection to face sitting, like what is so juicy about it? Puns intended. We're gonna talk tonight about why it's hot, we're gonna talk about different positions and adjustments to those positions. We're also gonna talk about props that might be helpful for you. And we're going to look at communication confidence, tips from the top and tips for the bottom. So there is a packed agenda for this class, and I'm really glad that you can watch it over and over again. 'Cause there might be something that you try and then a month from now, you go back and you're like, what did Luna say about using a pillow? And so that's also okay. If you find your own groove in face sitting, you know, after you try a bunch of things and you think, oh, this is good, but this isn't good for me, this doesn't work for my body then that's totally okay too. All right, so if you are right now thinking I came here to ask this one specific question. I came here to get this particular answer. If there's something that's really specific to your experience that you wanna ask about, some of you have emailed me about it and I've got those, but if there's something that that's unique to you, drop it in the chat now. Also I would love for you to tell me what's one thing that you think is so hot about facing sitting? What is something that is so delicious for you? I've got a bunch of reasons here, but the reason why I wanna ask you this is because a lot of times our approach to face sitting, what positions we choose, what props we choose, what we do while we're facing sitting, this can all be really independent from person to person. So a common understanding of a face sitting is that it's a form of oral sex, right? It's a form of giving oral sex either to the anus or to the vagina. So technically anybody can do face sitting, it doesn't matter what gender you are, but we tend to see a lot of femmes or women on top. And then we see masks on the bottom and that can change from porn to porn. But even when we look at same-sex porn, we tend to see the more feminine or the smaller partner on top, unless it's fetishized and we're looking at porn that is focused on larger bodies being on a different person, communicating a particular vibe like, you know, domination or something like that. And we're gonna talk about those as well. I'll tell you what I think is hot about facesitting but I want you to think about it because this is gonna help you with your communication with your partner. So for the first one, one of the big things that people come into face sitting with, is power exchange. So they think about dominance, they think about submission, they think about this as a way to give power, this is a way to surrender power, this is a way to get power, this is a way to take power. And so what that looks like from fantasy to fantasy can be really different. So being on the bottom is not equivalent automatically to being the submissive. You could be on the bottom and be the dominant. You could be on the top and be the submissive. And those vibes can change just depending on how you orient the fantasy. So someone on top being the submissive might be being obedient. So maybe this is something that your dominant likes, and you just wanna please your dominant, you're gonna do whatever they want. Someone on the bottom who's dominant, might order someone to feed them their holes, to smother them, to devour them, so it really just depends on, on what kind of mood you're putting into it. And so it becomes more of an experience and less of just an activity. All right, you love being the giver and receiver, or you being the giver and being surrounded by a person's skin smell and taste. I love the different angles I can get when I'm on top. Woo, okay. Yes, that is so sexy because this is also, two things can be true at the same time. You could be so into, you know, being surrounded by a person's skin smell and taste, and also hold ideas about skin, smell and taste that might make you feel embarrassed or shy or nervous. We all think we smell terrible, especially if you have a vulva, the entire world has told us that the vulva is supposed to smell like cupcakes and flowers, and you know, we don't have the same messaging for penises. No one's saying that penises need to smell like cake and steak, you know, so there's a lot of learn to shame around our bodies that can prevent us from taking up space in our fantasies. I love that right away, we've got smell and taste. The different angles when you're on top. I like that too, because when we hear the word face sitting or we look at porn, it implies that you're just kind of sitting, right? At this sort of perpendicular angle to the person's body that's on the bottom and you're just sort of hanging out there, and that's not true. So I'm gonna show you a lot of positions where you can get some really great angles, thank you for sharing that. All right, so another one, another reason why people are into face sitting is because they might have a fetish for or kink, so a fetish usually involves some form of objectification, but a fetish might be for a particular body. So, and some of the reasons I described what that held me back from face sitting, are some of the reasons why people desire face sitting. There's lots of beautiful, erotic art about really larger bodies, they tend to be women who are offering this reward to submissives or they're partaking in humiliation. And it becomes actually about the person size difference that we want to play up this fantasy because it implies helplessness or supremacy. So the only caution I would put about if this is your fantasy, and it's not your body that's the one that's being fetishized, I would make sure that your partner is on the same page because fetishization, if it isn't consensual between both people, like we both agree. Yeah, it's so hot, my big fat is gonna sit on your little face, it can actually feel really non-consensual objectifying for the person's body. So they become like, just this one-dimensional kind of part of the fantasy that they're fulfilling just by existing. But if they're into it, then they can own it, they can be like, yeah, I'm gonna put my big bad-ass on your face, right? So you just wanna be able to check in. So all the more reason to think about what's your motivation, what's your mood behind face sitting and what do you wanna get out of it? Another reason why people are into face sitting is because giving and receiving, right? It's just another way to give and receive. Or you might already like oral sex and you're like, this is great, let's just find more ways to do it, who knows? And that can feel really great for people, not only in a sexual way, but a lot of us have trouble receiving. So tell me if this is familiar at all, have you ever been in the middle of someone doing something to you, and you start worrying about your body, you start worrying about your performance. You know, whether you're taking too long to come, or you're not coming enough, or you're not hard, or you're not wet. You might start also worrying about, you know, like, well maybe I should do something for them now and they've been down there for like five minutes and you know, I only went down for two minutes and we start doing this tit for tat and that's really in service of performing sex rather than playing in sex, right? We adhere ourselves to a particular script about how things are supposed to go. So giving and receiving in face sitting is a chance to kind of shake that up, and when we're not in the top, you can definitely be giving yourself to your bottom. You're also receiving from your bottom because your bottom is pleasuring, servicing, worshiping, being objectified, being submissive, being a bottom for you. So if for a lot of people, the just the giving and receiving without the power exchange, without designating someone as dominant or submissive, can just increase intimacy, increase passion, and increase excitement in their sex life. I love that, I'm gonna love you up again, Abby, for this like smell and taste because my next reason why things are, why face sitting is super hot, is for this vibe of primalness. And so primalness sort of refers to, you know, our naked wild, free types of bodies. Some people feel prime wellness is about predator prey or about mask femme in those energies, not necessarily attached to any particular bodies. And so primalness involves usually overwhelming and really highly sensitizing, a lot of our senses. And so there's usually a lot of eye contact, there's a lot of smelling, there's a lot of tasting, there's a lot of feeling, it's very sensation based. And so with all the sensations that are possible in face sitting, some people wanna express their primalness through this. There can also be a sense of wanting to possess or mark someone. So if you're getting your butt juice or your vulva juice all over someone's face, that can be a sign of possession, it's a kind of scenting in the same way that animals would do scenting. Alright, or scent transfer. Another one that is a little bit dicey, but it is a fantasy for some people, so smothering can be a fantasy. Now smothering in its form that we understand it outside of a sexual context, it's actually quite dangerous because it's involves the constriction of breath. And so then you're getting into kinks like breath play. I don't teach breath play, I don't participate in breath play, I think it's very risky. And so if you wanna engage in that, you're gonna need to learn a bit about anatomy and really build that trust between your partners, but you can still play with a fantasy of smothering without the risk of breath play. And so that might mean that, you know, you give your person sort of a chance to feel a little bit breathless, and then you hover up above them and give them a chance to breathe, so that you're not actually getting into any of the risks of cutting off someone's air supply. For smothering the appeal to it is that it's overwhelming, is that it makes someone feel super helpless, is that it's an encasement of someone's like entire kind of sense of awareness, due to someone's body, thighs, bellies, balls, vulvas, asses, like all over your face. Another reason about I've got three more for you. So if I haven't hit one of your reasons yet, feel free to think about it and really get to that place where you're able to tell someone, yeah, this is what it does, this is what face sitting does for me. So another one is body worship, I think this is probably my favorite thing in any activity I want, I just wanna be body worshiped and I wanna worship other people's bodies. And what body worship looks like is that you're giving this really adoring, nurturing attention, and it could be in service. So someone might be on the bottom serving your asshole or your vulva, excuse me, serving your asshole or your vulva as an act of body worship, as an act of service to your pleasure, as an act of service specifically to your asshole or your vulva. And so body worship can be part of an exchange. It can definitely be part of a dominance, a submission exchange, it can also just be a vibe that you play with. Like, we're gonna take turns, worshiping each other. Another hot one, and this one kind of falls into dominance and submission, it could also fall into a little bit of consensual non-consent role plays or fantasies, being used for someone's pleasure or using someone for your pleasure. Now, whenever we talk about fantasies, fantasies need to be talked about ahead of time so that everyone can agree. Okay, cool, this is what being used for pleasure means to me, this is how I'm gonna let you know I'm having a great time. This is how we're gonna communicate, so we make sure that we're staying on the path of the fantasy and we don't veer off into any emotional or physical danger. But if you are into this fantasy of like being used like a fuck toy or being a fuck pad, or being an object, like a seat for someone, so sort of being non-human in your fantasy, the face sitting is a great expression of those types of vibes. And so you can play with it from the top or the bottom, but think about, you know, think about the mismatch if someone's coming to sit on your face with this expression of sort of being used or wanting to use you, and it's not your thing, you might be expecting something kind of sweet and playful. And they're like, no, I'm gonna sit here until I come. So again, another good reason to talk about these things ahead of time, and when you talk about your fantasies, your partner may not have even have considered that that being used or body worship or humiliation are things that might turn them on. So you might discover a new way to get turned on, simply by figuring out how to articulate your fantasy beyond, "Hey, babe, I wanna do face sitting." You know, that's a great way to start. And if your partner says that to you, you might say, "Oh, okay, like tell me a bit more about it, like what turns you on about it?" And if they said to you, "Face sitting," that's not enough information, there's not enough information for us to get on the same page. Now some people are not very articulate or they don't really wanna get cerebral about their erotic desires, that's totally fine. You can explore them through sexting, you can explore them through role play, you can also give your partner some of the ideas I've listed here and let them contrast how they feel about it, so you might say, Hey, okay, well, so when I think of face sitting, I think humiliation, is that what's hot for you? And if they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not into that, and then you could say, oh, well, is it adoration? Like, do you just wanna like worship my body? Or do you want me to worship your body? And you might hit something along the way in the communication that helps them have the language to talk about this, whether your partner is for one night or for 20 years, it actually doesn't matter in terms of communication over time, we might develop a more intuitive sense of communicating with our partners. But these kinds of simple questions about like, oh yeah, like tell me more, like, tell me more, what I need. You know, you do this in other types of activities that are not sexual. If someone was coming to your house for dinner, you would ask them, "Oh, is there anything you don't eat?" "Here's what I'm thinking about making," "Do you like your food spicy or mild?" You know, like, "Would you like to bring dessert?" Do you want me to get. we ask these kinds of questions to understand people's needs in other situations, but we have not been taught how to do this in our adult sex lives. So if you struggle with it or your partner struggles with it, that's totally understandable. The other types of role play that might involve face sitting that are kinkier, so you might be interested in water sports or simulated toilet plays. So some people find that there's a humiliation aspect to face sitting, you might also be interested in menstrual eroticism. So blood stamping or body stamping is also an activity that face sitting can be involved in. Okay, did I miss any, did I get yours? Is there there's something in there you were like, yeah, yeah, Luna, that was it, that was thing, you got it. I mean, maybe there's something that's really unique to you, either way we're gonna discover some of the ways that you can enter it. Maybe you'll find out what's hot for you once you start playing a little bit more intentionally with our face sitting vibes. The challenge with face sitting, we're gonna go through some of the challenges because I tend to teach sex skills in ways that help us understand all of the different nuances that have come together to form, you know, our approach to sex and sexuality and our bodies in erotic ways. And so this means we're doing a lot of unlearning, we're doing a lot of unlearning of ideas of the ways that things should be, ways that we expect other people to be, you know, the bodies that we think are sexy and like, that's the only body that can exist in this level of confidence sexiness, you know, so a lot of this stuff was learned and so unfortunately we got to unlearn it, right? I mean, unfortunately. (chuckling) All right, all of the above. Okay, amazing, awesome, you're in, you're all in. All right, that's great. It's great to be greedy about facing sitting, 'cause you can't really miss then. If your partner says to you yeah, I'm into all of those things, ask them which one they they'd like to start with, ask them which one is most exciting for them. Okay, so in terms of some of the challenges that I'm gonna talk about that are intersectional with how we feel about our bodies, how other people feel about our bodies and then some physical things. So one of the big challenges that I hear a lot in classes, especially when I'm teaching cunnilingus or I'm teaching anilingus or any anal sex things, is that some people feel like they can't orgasm in that position, because they're just too self-conscious, right? So we're thinking about all these things kind of running through our heads, and it could be also a physical stimulation. It might just not feel like the same pathway to orgasm that you're normally used to orgasming from. And this is totally understandable, this doesn't mean that you have to orgasm from face sitting. It's not a sign of failure from the bottom or the top if the person on top doesn't orgasm. And that could be because you know of their arousal, doesn't meet their desire, so their desire is like, oh my God, I wanna do that face sitting. But then a lot of the stuff that's going on in the back of their head about do I taste okay, am I gonna kill them? You know, what's gonna happen if like they can't breathe, you know that's gonna take down our arousal because our body is distracted by all of this noise up here. And that means that we have to kind of seek out pleasure rewards that are not necessarily orgasmic in our face sitting. So that might mean that, that we are taking in, you know, our partner's pleasure, like look how happy our partner is to be, you know, underneath us and taking us in. We might focus on our partner's physical pleasure. So stimulating their genitals while you're on top of them. All right, so another big challenge is accessibility. So face sitting requires a usually in the most popular position is it requires a lot of work on your knees for your hips and in some positions like squatting positions for your legs. So that can be challenging for people who are living with disabilities or chronic illnesses. It can also just be challenging for people who, you know, your body is different day to day. It's different every time that you have sex, your partner may have been able to squirt on your face on Saturday, but maybe by Tuesday, they're tired and they don't feel like doing face sitting in that way. So kind of honoring that our bodies are gonna do what our body's gonna do, and that it's really up to you to find you can use a lot of the tools we're gonna talk about tonight, but you're gonna have to find things that are specific or that feel good for your body on whatever day you decide to do face sitting. The other challenge for people in terms of accessibility is space, and so if you have a memory foam mattress, like I have a memory foam mattress face sitting is not so great because your partner sinks in and your knees sink in, and it doesn't necessarily give you that kind of denser support that that a bed with springs would have. So a lot of the positions I'm suggesting as alternatives means that you've got to move to a couch or a floor, and if you don't have a ton of privacy, you don't have a ton of space, maybe you're in a single bed, these things can be challenging. So these could also be things that you might have to deal with. Another big challenge, fat phobia. So fat phobia is both internalized and externalized. And basically our society hates fat people. And so if you hate your fat body, you think your body's fat and therefore you hate it. You know, that's sort of expected. We are, our society teaches all of us this, regardless of whatever shape you're in. If you're fat, you're supposed to hate yourself. If you're not fat, you have to fear being fat. And so there's external fat phobia. So someone might have told you, you know, you shouldn't be sitting on anybody's face or, you know, don't get big people to sit on your face, 'cause they're gonna break your face. It could also be external in ways that we internalize it. So we know we kind of see that it's not fat bodies that are doing this, or it's only that bodies are doing it in ways that are fetishized. And so we internalize that knowledge and we begin to self censor ourselves from particular positions in sexual activities that we have never seen ourselves represented in exciting, celebratory, sexiest, fuck ways. So there's a lot of this that actually is not only a social justice issue, but it's effects the ways that we approach sex. And what that means is that we stop normalizing and we don't even know what normalizing fat bodies during sex looks like. So it might mean moving parts of your body out of the way. If you're sitting with your ass on someone's face and you have a voluminous ass, you might have to spread your ass, like you might have to reach back and spread your ass. You might have to move bellies out of the way. You might have to move, you know, sag your balls out of the way. So there's a lot of things that we kind of do the censorship for during face sitting. And let me tell you that weight actually makes no difference for face sitting, because unless you're actually sitting on someone's face with your legs stretched out in front of you, most of the weight of face sitting is on your knees and legs, which brings us back to the accessibility point. So regardless of what weight you are, even if you're someone who's a big size difference from your partner, it actually, it doesn't, it doesn't matter in terms of safety or sexiness. This is all how we see things and I'm gonna give you tips for confidence near the end to help you navigate some of these challenges. All right, the other big one in terms of challenges is what we call heteronormative scripts. And so heteronormative scripts means that we've normalized certain sexual activities based on what cisgendered, heterosexual couples do. And so we say that, you know, cis women or women or femmes are the ones who are supposed to be on top, and then the more masculine partner is the one who's on the bottom, right? And so this also doesn't allow for a diversity of pleasure in the body that you're in. You might be a masculine person, you might have a penis. You might wanna be on top. Let me tell you, I love balls in my face while I'm on the bottom. I think it's so great to have the same way as I like a bald on my face, because it's all the same. It's all the scent, it's all the warmth, it's all the wetness, it's all the, even the idea that someone's genitals and crotch are on your face is super sexy for some people. So you might think, you know, you might have wanted to ask your partner to be on top, or you wanna ask them to get on top and they're kind of like, oh no, like you're the one who's supposed to be on top, and you can start that conversation if they have an interest in navigating that shame. A lot of us wanna hold on to that because it actually validates our sexiness according to cis normative, this is heteronormative kinds of sex and sexuality. So we get validation because we've seen other people do it this way, and that's what we think like good sex is, good sex is what feels good for you and your partners. That's all, you know, porn is all performance, it's like, you know, like musicals are performance, right? We don't go around trying to look like we're living in like Priscilla, Queen of the Desert or, you know, hairspray, which is my two of my favorite musicals right there. And so we, we kind of have to find our own way in our pleasure positions. We have to find ways that are gonna feel comfortable for us. So for face sitting, when we start to think about what some of the ideas are around positions we tend to think about sort of the go-to positions for facing sitting, right? We think about kind of squatting or kneeling, but there's so many different ways that you can experience positions that are still about getting off through oral sex, they're still about like giving you that pleasure from oral sex. So first I'm gonna show you what some of the positions for tops might be. So are these not the cutest things ever? Wait, it gets even cuter. So in terms of our positions for tops, when we think about, you know, what this looks like, we're gonna see them this little emoji person with, I keep trying to get the little vanishing pen here 'cause I wanna show you what some of the differences are. So when we look at what the top is doing, ultimately the top is holding their weight up, pretty much from their thighs, hips, knees and their shoulders. And so we wanna give them support, or we wanna give ourselves support if you're the top. So the most popular position for facing is sort of this, you know, on your knees and maybe bracing yourself either on your partner's chest or on the bed, or if you're pressed up against the wall or the foot or the head of the bed. So one of the posts of the bag. Now for this position, it depends on what your body can handle, but this might not feel good or it might not feel good for an extended period of time. For some people, their knee kind of starts to torque a little bit, and there's too much pressure on the knee turning out. For some people, it's a flexibility challenge within their hips, for other people their partner is too low or they're sinking into the bed. And so one thing that really helps in this position and you'll see it in some of the other images, is that you've got an opportunity to raise the person's head that you're sitting on or their face that you're sitting on. So you can do that by putting a sex cushion or a pillow. And so that way the knees don't actually have to be spread out as intensely, they can stay a little bit closer together. Another alternative, and you can see it's both on this diagram, and on this one is that you can have one knee down and one knee up. And so one knee down in one knee up for some people they'll still be sort of at a straight angle to their partner for other people. It might mean that this knee is a little bit turned out. And so you're sort of at an angle grinding back and forth or rotating around on your partner's face. Another option is to have a pillow under one or both of your knees. And especially if you're on the floor, let's say you're like me and you have a memory foam mattress and you wanna get on the floor, I basically create a little face sitting nest on the bottom where I'm gonna have my knees comfortable. My partner's gonna have something under their head, I throw the blanket down on the floor, so we're not carpet. And that gives you so that you're not sinking into the bed. It gives you this propping up into your body so that you're not putting as much sort of strain on your groin or on, you know, sort of the hip flexors. Another position, this one I feel is a bit more challenging on your thighs, so if your size and hips are an area that you struggle with, squatting might not feel as good. And remember, you don't have to stay in each position for like 30 minutes, you can squat for a bit. And then when you're tired, you know, put one knee down, go two knees, go back up, but squatting is exactly what it sounds like. So you're sort of in a more upright position than this emoji, or you're kind of more like in a, this kind of position, you might be using your hands to brace yourself on the bedpost, or if there's a wall that's also really helpful and then your knees are bent upwards. And so to be able to lower in this position and especially around if someone's face is right here, their shoulders, their head might get in the way, so you might have to either go and squat a little bit further down the body than you would be if you were sitting or you're gonna have to go a little bit backwards, depending if you're also trying to get your ass or vagina onto someone's face. All right, I'm just gonna come back and see if you've got any questions. Does anyone have any questions or comments about the positions for tops? We're gonna go into them where both emojis are together, but if you have any questions, drop them in the chat, you all could see that, right? I wasn't just like talking about emojis and you couldn't see it. That happened to me once with when I was at yoga. Thank you, Brett, thank you. All right, thank you, Abby. Okay, let's go back in. All right, so positions for tops. Now we're gonna get into filthy bottoms. So, are these not the cutest? Come on, you gotta love the cuteness of this. I'm just in love, I'm so in love, this took me ours. And I was like, so committed to it. Okay, so with bottoms, there are lots of opportunities to kind of have your hands in different positions because people wonder, is it better to have your arms underneath the person's thighs or wrapped around their thighs? And you can see what the first emoji, this is the pillow that I highly recommend you put under your head if you're a bottom, and your hands can be sort of out to the side and where you would then have your partner would be able to have their knees sort of to the sides of your head. And so this also depends on how broad, you know, your shoulders are here. Your bodies fit together in this way, you might need to make minor adjustments if this is not comfortable for your hands to be down here like this. Now for other people, you might really find that having your hands touching yourself is a great way to kind of add pleasure for other people, it might be distracting. So when your partner is saying, yeah, okay, get on my face, you know, or I want you to be on my face, you also wanna ask them, hey, how am I gonna know you're having a really good time, because for some people they might get wet or they might get an erection in this position, and for other people, they're still having a lot of pleasure, but they might not have the same signs of arousal that you're used to in other positions. This just might mean that it's, you know, a very stimulating position in a way that's different. This sometimes happens for people with penises during prostate pleasure, because the prostate is so sensitive and so susceptible to stimulation that often having penis stimulation at the same time doesn't necessarily add anything, it's actually more distracting. This vibrator is super giant, but I mean, most of us, aren't gonna be using a giant vibrator. (laughing) But in this position, your hands as a bottom, you could also be holding a toy against yourself. So you might have a prostate massager inside of you, if you have a prostate. You might be holding a clitoral toy or a vaginal toy against you, Wand style toys, like the little wand wand or the magic wand, those are great toys for these positions because they're big, so you could technically even hold the wand against your, if you have a vulva, you could hold it against your vulva and close your legs around it and then still have your hands, you know, up here where you can engage your partner's body. Other people, they like their hands up in the mix. And so these three positions are all just like close ups of this one right here. So this might be because this is what I look like when I'm moving balls out of my face, but the person would be facing the other way and so moving balls off your nose, so that you can breathe, you might have to hold them up, if they might sit on your forehead. Likewise, if this person was facing the other way, we might be moving bellies or fupas, for our pussies out of the way, this might also be, you might have your hands here because you wanna spread them. So getting into the anus sometimes is a bit challenging, depending on your partner's anatomy and how far their knees are spread. So you might have to reach up and kind of move their butt out of the way, and then bury your face in their crack and their whole. Okay, let's go to the next one. And then I will come. All right, so this is one of my go-to positions when I recommend face sitting or I'm teaching face sitting is facing front both knees down. So you're basically head to feet, and head to head with your partner. And you can see that when we're looking at this, the bottom's hands are wrapped around thighs, but they could also be on the other side, you've got both knees down and I'll show you a variation with one knee as well. And then the top is also hanging on to the bedpost, which is great because if the top wanted to lift up a little bit and hover or decrease or increase the pressure on the bottom's face, then you have an opportunity to have something to hoist you or like help you out. So if you do do face sitting on the floor and you're choosing this position, make sure there's a wall or the side of a couch, like something where it can help you have that leverage for that. The person on the bottom, this is also a great position to have your face or your head propped up on a pillow on, and the person on the top when you're doing check-ins, and we'll talk about what that sounds like to do a check-in with communication with your partner, but this is a position where you can lean more upright and still have your thighs wrapped around the sides of their face, but you can give them a break in that way, or it might be a tease for you in that way to alternate between leaning forward and grinding and holding onto something stable, and sitting back up, and some of your bum weight is gonna be resting on their chest a little bit. And for some peoples that's comfortable, and for other people it's not so comfortable, but in this position, you're really getting good access to the vulva, the clitoris, or the penis. It's a little bit harder to get the anus in this position. So I'll show you other ones for anilingus. So both knees down facing feet is just the opposite direction. Now, this one is a great position, especially if your fantasy of face sitting has to do with giving your partner pleasure too, because in this position, you're both knees are down around the sides of your partner's head, sorta tucked in around their neck. I mean, these emoji figures have really big heads and they're not squishy, so we can't really see, I mean, your knees are sort of more up around just below their ears, like the ear lobe is probably where you're squishing, but you could see it would be really easy for the heart eye emoji to stimulate the genitals of the person on the bottom. So one of my favorite things that I used to love to do with a partner was sit on his face and then I would stroke his penis. And so for me, I wasn't necessarily going to orgasm in that way, but I thought it was so hot to the fact that he would get so turned on by the scent and taste and feel, and the act of giving cunnilingus, that he would have an erection and that he could orgasm from the stimulation of a hand job, and while being smothered or being fed my pussy. So it was a really cool position to also watch. I could see while I was giving the hand job. I could see if his toes were curling, where his knees started moving, or the legs started spreading, and in this position, most of your weight is actually forward. And then you alternate by bringing your weight backwards. So it's kind of a rocking or grinding position in this way. All right, I'm gonna do a couple more and then I'm gonna come back to you. Now, this one facing front, leaning back or sitting upright. So you're facing front and this emoji is kind of leaning backwards. And so this is a very similar position, if you're someone who's used to thrusting. So whether you have a factory installed penis and you do penetrative sex, or if you're someone who does strap on play, because pretty much your knees are gonna be static, and you're gonna be holding, distributing your body weight between your knees and leaning back a little bit. So your hands are either on the bed or they're on your partner's body somewhere. It's not gonna be comfortable for your bottom if you put your hands like pressing in your weight into their stomach. So we want a meatier area, depending on your height difference, you might be reaching back and putting your hands, let's say, on their thighs or their hips or something like that. This position too is really good for the bottom because the bottom can reach up and do things. The bottom can touch nipples, the bottom can play with breast, and the bottom has a great view of what's going on. So this cutie little aerial view here, you can kind of see that that's very aesthetically pleasing. So if you're into the visual of face sitting, if you're into looking at someone's genitals, you wanna see everything that's going on, that's gonna be a good position. And again, you've got the pillow under here, so we're propping it up so that their knees are floating. But I mean human body's knees are gonna be on the bed. And so that pillow is gonna help raise that up, this position is sometimes tough for bodies that if you have any lower back stress, I felt lower back stress. It might be challenging for people even emotionally and feeling like, oh my gosh, like, this is such an exposing position. So for the same reasons your partner might like it, you might feel really shy or challenged in that position. Okay, and then one more before I come back. So one the up knee down, this is what I was describing as an alternative to having both knees down, whether you're face sitting, head to head or your head to feet. So you can see they've got sort of one knee down and one knee up, and even in the emojis, you can see that they are sort of on an angle. So that might mean that your bottom isn't lying completely flat, right? There might be more weight on the knee that's bent or the hip and the knee that's bent, and your bottom might be slightly turned. So you're in a position that that is sort of crotch to face, but it's on a bit of an angle. And again, the top is using this little headboard as a way of balancing themselves and also giving them leverage so that they can focus on sort of grinding and moving their hips, and not so much on sort of sitting and grinding. Okay, I'm gonna come back for a bit. All right, so with all of those positions, you can alternate by having them on the bed or on the floor, you can alternate what kinds of stability you need for your balance, so it might be the wall, it might be the bed, it might be a couch, it might be a door, whatever you need, but you really want something that is gonna help with that. This also depends, you know, on your body shape. So do you have really long arms? Is it really easy for you to reach a surface? And so if you lean forward a little bit and you're able to put your hands down and balance your weight, then cool, maybe you don't need a wall, maybe you don't need something else, so really adjust to what you think feels comfortable and just try things out like experiment, see what feels good. Okay, let's go do more, I have more for you. All right, this one, look at this joy, this is not face sitting joy. So this one is facing feet and embracing your back. This one is a bit more athletic for lots of people. And what that means is that there's a lot more weight on your thighs in this position. You can alleviate some of that by holding onto the bedpost or the side of the couch, and then putting extra pillows. There's only one pillow under this emojis ahead, but we might wanna use, you know, a few more pillows. And when we're thinking about, you know, how do I like, like, what do I do in this position? You know, this position is amazing for anilingus and for cunnilingus, because of where, of the angle that you're able to get your pelvis at, that's really good for baby being able to put your butt hole on someone's chin or on their tongue, or put your vulva on someone's chin or their tongue, or kind of smush it around their face. Now you can do this position in the squatting and you can lean forwards. So instead of this kind of a backwards angle, you might end up on sort of all fours, leaning forward, but still being in a squat position. If you're on the bottom, it doesn't mean that you necessarily have to just be still, if you're a partner moves forward, you can also lean your neck up a little bit, or prop another pillow underneath you. If you don't have two pillows, even bending one pillow in half will give you a more sturdier, or if you have really soft pillows, you know, bending a pillow in half can give you that sort of boost from their head. This position also allows you to play with someone's genitals. So you could have one arm holding onto the bedpost and the other hand could be doing something here. In some positions, if you are looking, if you do have a vulva and you do like clitoral stimulation, some positions like this might get more at the vagina and less at the clitoris. And so in those positions, I mean in this one, because this person is pretty spread, you know, your bottom could take their hand and put it on your genitals, you could also take your hand and put it on your genitals and hold on with one arm, you could also hold a vibrator in this position, especially if your partner is eating your vagina or your anus. If you have a penis in this position and your partner's eating your ass, or they're sucking on your balls, you can also bring one hand forward and stimulate yourself if that doesn't feel super overwhelming for you. Okay, let's do another one. This one is where we're getting into some modifications now, in a way from sort of what we see in like face sitting porn. But this is definitely still face sitting. So this one sort of using the side of the bed and we've got the bottom whose head is, at this pillow, it's because it's half the size of this emoji body, it looks a little bit distorted, but your pillow would be a little bit flatter and just under the head, not necessarily under the back as well. And I know it looks funny just because they're so cute and there's a little, so when you've got the knees, they're actually gonna be on the floor. So they're just gonna be on either side. I think for this position, the best is to have hands underneath the thighs and around. And so you can have your hand on their bum, you can have your hand on their back, you could be reaching around, depending on what your body shapes are like. And then for the bottom, they can be touching themselves, they could be holding a vibrator in this position and what we're doing here, this position can also be done with one knee up, because what we're doing is we're grinding. So this position not so much about bouncing, you wanna be mindful if there's a head base here that this person's head, this emoji is a little bit too close to the bed. I probably would have pulled, if I was putting someone on the floor of the pillow would be about here, their head would be there and then I would be leaning forward to kind of hold on to the bed if I was on top. And that really can help the person who's on top, have a way stronger ability to take all of the weight and put it forward. So you could do this with one knee up, one knee down, you could do two knees down. You could also be standing and then squatting, right? So you could stand and then go into a squatty position where you are reaching your partner's face, or you could just be even teasing your partner's face. You could be giving them a look of what's to come. Now, the person on the bottom, you also have the opportunity if this is uncomfortable for you, or if it feels like you're too vulnerable to the side of the bed, or maybe you don't wanna look at or smell all the crap that's under your bed. You know, you could also in this position, sit up against the bed so that your head is above the edge of the bed and you're just in a seated position with your back leaning against the bed and then the person on top would stand up. And so they'd be sort of grinding their vulva or their penis. Anus is a little bit tougher in this situation, but genitals are great, so they could be sort of straddling your face while you're sitting up and they're not putting any weight, they're gonna be standing. And so they might lean forward so that they can grind in a different direction, or they might just sort of stand there and let you inhale them or taste them or pleasure them. Now, this one is the head on the edge of the bed and in two different variations for the person on top, I wanna caution in this position, in the emoji, 'cause their necks are so short, I couldn't show a safer version of this, but in this way, the head hanging off the bed, it's really just enough that your partner can reach your mouth or, you know, your chin. So we don't want your neck kind of being the thing that's bending backwards off of the side of the bed, like this emojis doing. But, you know, do what's comfortable for you because it's not so much about putting full pressure in this position on your neck. We actually just want it to be a little bit more accessible to the top who might be in a standing or bending over position. So for this one, when you're you're getting into it, the top is actually you can have one leg on the ground and maybe this hand could be sort of behind or holding on the bedpost. The other hand could also be used for balance, or this hand might be used to pull this person's face deeper. So holding the back of their head and smushing it into their genitals, and then the other leg could be resting on the bed. Or you could put it down on the floor too, depending on again, on like how your bodies fit together. This is a variation of this one where you've still, this was really hard to, this one was not an easy porn shoot over here. So this one is where we've got hands from the bottom that would be holding onto the hips or the thighs of the person who's on top and their legs are spread. So technically their legs should kind of be over here and then they're gonna bend forward. So that they're almost like bending over and offering their anus or their vulva to this person. And you might be like, that's not facing sitting, it is facing, it is face sitting. If your goal is to be covered in your partner's juices, it's face sitting if you want someone's crotch to be ground into your face. It's face sitting if you wanna use your partner like a fuck toy. So this just takes all of the weight off of it, but you can still give pressure, so that pressure would mean that you're either lining your butt hole or your genitals up with their face, and then you're grinding into it. All right, let's do a couple more. This one is one of my favorite, I think this is probably the position if I'm on top, this is what I'm doing the most, because the floor just provides so much stability, but it may not be comfortable for your knees depending on your floor and your body. So this one's the floor, one knee up. You've also got, excuse me, you've got one knee up and then you've got one hands down and then you can alternate lowering and hovering, so this is one knee down. Oops, that's actually the one knee up. This is one knee down, the bottom can be in whatever hand positions they wanna be. I would suggest putting a pillow under their head. You might want a pillow under your knees who knows, right? And here you can have great access to genitals or anus, and you can balance most of the weight on the front of the body. I think this is a great position to get into when you feel really self-conscious as a top about squishing someone's face, because in this position, you're pretty much in a and you're just sort of, you'll be rocking your pelvis. You're sort of tilting it or scooping it back and forth so that your partner can eat your holes. And in this position, you're basically just hovering over their face and then lowering onto their face. So you're never quite sitting on their face and that can be really good for people who are either just getting into face sitting or they're really concerned about putting pressure or smothering their partner, because it's pretty impossible to do either of those things in this position. Another one is to lower both knees down and actually splay your legs out. So in yoga, I think it's like a froggy kind of position, but you're really sort of giving a wide knee squat while you're on the floor. And I actually, when I'm talking on the phone, I hate having phone calls on Zoom that could have been like just a phone call. Like I didn't need to see someone on video. Cause when I'm talking on phone on the phone, I'm actually on my yoga mat in this position with no face under me, but I find it really relaxing for my back, and it sort of trains my groin to be able to splay comfortably in this way. I also get to feel really sexy playing in this position, even though I may not be in a sexual mood or in a sexual position with somebody else, I get to experience my body in an erotic capacity without actually doing any sex. So it's also important for you if one of these positions really appeals to you, you know, try it on your own, like try and see what that might feel like for you. These ones are our positions for if your back and your knees and your hips are just like, no, we can't do any kneeling, we can't as the top, we can't do any kneeling, we can't do any of those things, they don't feel good. You don't ever have to force yourself into accommodating a position that doesn't feel good because if even if you're able to force yourself into that position, your body is gonna tense up and it's gonna focus on the tension. It's gonna focus on the discomfort and you're not gonna be able to enjoy yourself in the same way that you would enjoy yourself if you were relaxed and comfortable and supported. So this might just look like real or regular oral sex for some people, I think that it still has face sitting vibes because we are still getting into, you know, this sort of, there's an ability to feel overwhelmed. There's the opportunity to take one leg and sort of wrap it around our partners' heads, so they feel smothered between our thighs. They can bury their face, they can burrow it into our legs. And you obviously thoughtfully always put a pillow down for anyone that's kneeling for you. And so this position is one where the top could give some of the vibes of face sitting without having the pressure on their body because their whole body is supported. You might wanna be, this one looks like they're really lying down, but actually they were more bendable, they would be at, they're not at a straight up angle, but they might be more like this. And when you're in this kind of position, then you can also use your hips to thrust. So you could thrust into their face, you could hold your hands around their head and bury them into you, if that's what they're into. Lots of people don't like people touching their head while they're going down on them. But you can give that feeling of overwhelm, you can give that feeling of pressure, you can give that feeling of them taking it or receiving it, whatever vibe you're into without necessarily having to be on your knees as a top. This is another position that you could start with, or you could adapt to, so this they're sort of a similar kind of half sitting, half lying down position, this one's more lying down. So the top would be lying sort of on their side. So it's resting on their hip area. And then the bottom is gonna put their face into either their anus or their genitals and then we've got one thigh that's wrapped around the head. Now that one thigh that's wrapped around the head is probably the one that's gonna make your partner feel most sort of consumed or sort of overwhelmed by facing sitting if that's what they wanna feel. And your hands in this position are free to do lots of things, so you can kind of touch their genitals, you can finger there butt, or you gonna hold a toy against them. And you're still getting that vibe of them feeling sort of overwhelmed, you're not really getting the weight part here. However, if you want them to feel a little bit of pressure without having to, you know, feel that there's risk on your body, your risk for them, this position is great because you're on this hip, you could easily roll, so you could kind of rock. So you're not putting full weight all the way over. You're not using momentum, but you could rock so that you are giving a little bit of weight of them and they're resting on your other thigh and getting smothered by this thigh. So that would be this emoji sort of rolling forward and putting some pressure from their pelvis and their crotch on this face and then rolling back into this position. So you don't have to hold it there for a super long amount of time. These are some of the props that I showed you, you can use the walls, the floor, you got pillows, you've got sex toys, all of these things are parts of face sitting if you want them to be, and if they support your pleasure, the kneeling and standing props are also really helpful. So if you are doing modifications, having pillows under your knees, having pillows stacked up against the bed, you can see here I pulled them apart from this position, so you could see one leg was sort of up and bent. One leg was standing and this person had their hand on their butt, and then one hand would be on the floor to give them some balance as the bottom or this hand could also be touching themselves. So this kneeling and standing also gives you a lot of variety for being able to grind against your partner's face, putting some pressure and some weight against it, but then backing off. So it doesn't have to be a consistent pressure, that's only dependent on you being able to hold up your body. There are also props that you could buy, I just pulled these two off of Etsy, if you search BDSM Queening Chair, these two are pretty much like variations of these two come up. So one of them has this sort of curve like C shaped seat, and the bottom would be the person who is lying down underneath this chair. So these are great for people who really can't get low to the floor, or you wanna do this for a long period of time. So this is where, where the bottom would be and then the top would be sitting and their legs are over the sides of the seats, or they are sitting kind of with their legs here. So this is great for anilingus, great for cunnilingus because you have such easy access, it's also great for people who are on the bottom, who really loved looking at that vantage point of their partner. This one is also very similar to the queening chair, I just talked about, it's a queening box. And so your partner's head goes in there. What's different about what about this one is that it feels a bit more enclosed. And so for people who like to feel like furniture for people who like to feel like they're captured, or there's a sense of enclosure, this one's a little bit less airy than this first one. Now the original queening chair is the commode, right? It's these like portable toilet seats. So, I mean, assistive devices have also been adapted to kink things or sex things as well. People, if you're not familiar, people use a commode for things like raising up the height accessibility of a toilet seat, so again, that they don't have to lower as far. It could also be something that people use camping, so they don't have to squat, but you know, in some of them come with with handles on the side so that you can hold on and you've got a bit more stability. I mean, you know, if this is, they also are gonna be a lot cheaper than, you know, queening chairs, I think these are both over $300, these two, but it's ugly, right? I mean, it looks like a toilet seat, so it depends what you're into, but there are definitely things that are out there. If you search Amazon or something like that for queening chairs, you're gonna get really shady, cheap looking things that are not going to be sturdy. And so if you're going that route, you're better if you're crafty, you know, again, something like this and just turn it into something cute by adding like a padded layer or spray painting it or something like that. I wouldn't recommend some of the ones that I saw, but I came up with on Amazon, they definitely didn't look like they would hold anybody's body for any amount of time. All right and then, so if you are a top or a switch, here's a little bit of a homework for you. So one thing you're gonna do is practice your position, so if there was a position that you thought was really hot here, put a pillow between your legs and just see what it feels like. I mean, it's, it's gonna be a little bit different than a body because of pillows really soft. So you don't have angles and bones and muscles, kind of getting in the way of your flexibility and accessibility, but it is useful for two reasons. One, it gets us into positions that we're not normally into, so we get to know our bodies and what might be challenging in those positions before we partner with someone. So we get to kind of check everything out, we get to kind of say, okay, like, is this a good for me? Is this not good for me? The other thing that you might wanna do is also try masturbating in this way. And so I know masturbation for most of us is like buzz one out, jerk one-off and then we go to bed, but this might be a way of warming yourself up for masturbation, so grinding on this pillow, rocking on this pillow, you can rub your clitoris, your penis, you know, and try and see what that feels like against it, to see what your pathway to arousal is. You know, does your body get turned on by that rocking motion? Do your knees start to hurt before you get aroused? You know, what's going on for your body. 'Cause then you'll be able to communicate to your partner a lot better. The other thing that is super hot, is if you're not quite ready to sit on your partner's face yet, you might explore during your other types of sexy things that you're already doing. What does it feel like to kind of show off a little bit? You know, what does it feel like to stand over your partner while they beg you to sit on their face? What does it feel like to really own your throne? And what does it feel like to have someone looking at an area that maybe you haven't looked at or you feel really shy or disgusted by looking at? You know, cause a lot of this shame is subconscious and we have shame about the shame. We don't wanna be the person that doesn't feel sexy, we don't wanna be the person that feels insecure. We don't wanna be the person that has trouble liking their body, but it's sort of our common humanity. We all don't like our bodies, right? Or we have parts of our bodies that we don't like, and we might come into that knowledge in different ways. But you know, for most of us we're struggling with body shame and body confidence during sex. So I'm gonna talk about what you do in those positions. And then I'm gonna talk about some tips for bottoms and because I didn't give homework for bottoms, basically your homework is learn to breathe but (laughing) and then I've got some communication and confidence tips for you. All right, let's see. Let's go into so movement. Let's do the movement for tops before we go into bottom. So for tops, once you're in one of those positions, you know, what do you do? Do you just like sit there or do you try and like, you know, can you just kind of bouncing around or grinding back and forth? You know, there's lots of options. So you don't have to feel like you're gonna run out of things to do, and you know, if you know your body, if you masturbate, if you understand kind of, what does it feel like when your arousal goes from a three to like a seven, you know, then you can also manipulate your positions to give the most energy to when your body is moving from like a three to a seven, right? You can get really vigorous at that seven. And so masturbation often gives us insight into what our pleasure escalator is. You know, what does one feel like? What does a three like, what does a 10 feel like? Those sides were great, (indistinct). Thank you, thank you. I am like so delighted with these bending figures. I had bought them years ago and I found them and I was like, I should make porn. You like them all, they look so happy. I know right, they're having a great time. I was like, good job everyone and high fiving them and this is what quarantine has done for my social skills. (laughing) Thank you, thank you for the appreciation. All right, so when you are on top, your options are, you could do a grind, and so a grind looks like if you're standing and you're rocking your pelvis kind of back and forth, so if you're like, I don't know how to do grind, like whatever, grinding means that rocking of the pelvic back and forth is that on the lower curve of that rock, you're kind of putting a little bit more pressure there. So the grinding is not just sort of like, hey, I'm grinding, you're actually grinding into someone. So if you were to take your hand and just sort of like, move it up your arm in a grindy way like this, you can feel the difference between sort of grinding and just sort of moving. So grinding is one option. Dragging up and down is also one option. You know, taking your anus or your genitals and sort of dragging them up and down your partner's face. If you're doing dragging because we're passing the nose, you wanna make sure that there isn't a ton of weight on the dragging one. So the dragging one is good for hovering, it's good if you've got one leg down, one leg up and you're sorta dragging on your partner's face. The nose is a little bit delicate. You could easily, you know, drag on someone's chin because it's meatier there's bone, but the nose could be easily squished or injured with any sort of movement for tops that's too vigorous. All right, another one is circles. So this means, and these are ones you can do them right now. You can do them with me, you don't even need a face to sit on. If you're someone who's on the bottom and you're listening to this, you know, remember these for offerings for your partner, when they're feeling kind of unconfident, you could be like, "Mmh, grind on my face." And so giving them that instruction gives them permission to do the thing that might feel really good for them. You're inviting it, you're encouraging it, you're enthusiastic about it. So dragging up and down grinding circles, those circles are just, you're just sort of, if you're doing this with me, you know, usually most of us are starting the circle in our hips, but when our knees are a little bit splayed, the circle is gonna be more around or sorry, your waist, the circle is gonna be more around your hips. So if that doesn't feel comfortable for you, wiggle. If you're like, I can't remember how to do a circle. Wiggling is one of my favorite things to do if I'm on the top of face sitting, I actually really like it when someone wiggles when they're on top of me to come to think of it. But on the top, wiggling just looks like this. And so it's like, you're jiggling, do you call it jiggling, jingling or wiggling? And what that does is it kind of creates this jiggle around your partner's face and it's a nice way to give intensity without weight. You guys to kind of wiggle like that, you could be up on your knees, you could also be almost sitting on their face and giving them a little bit of a taste of weight, but the sensation of the wiggle will also give them a lot of sensation for themselves. It'll feel really good to have that on their face. Other things that you can do on the top to kind of mix things up. If you only wanna wiggle, if you only wanna drag up and down, if you've got one move, you've got variations. So you can play with pressure, you can play with speed. You could play with rhythm and you could play with pausing. So you could wiggle and then just pause and kind of hover and then go back down. So anytime you create teas for your bottom that's enhancing the sensation, it's enhancing the mindfulness of the moment because they don't know what's coming next. So they're not thinking about laundry, they're not thinking about work, they're just like, oh, that was so good, I'm gonna catch my breath, it's my come again, and they get to go down on you as well. So oh, this is a great move to for tops, hovering and then looking down. So in that position where we saw the emojis sort of holding hands backwards and sort of arching backwards with their feet to the other person's feet, or their feet to, or head-to-head yes, sorry, head to head. So in that position, you could easily kind of, you know, relax a bit, so you're not on their face and your legs are spread around their face and so you could just look down and be like, "Hey, there is everything good down there?" And for some people on top, it feels intimidating because you're like, I don't like that angle because all my face is like hanging and I have a double chin. You know what your double chin was probably in some other angle too. You know, we've been told that sex is just about what it looks like, it's about aesthetics and appearances. Sex it can be about those things. But the real pleasure is actually in getting into the body and getting into what sex feels like, in getting into our felt senses. And so, you know, eventually your... Comes with practice. You know, I had all these thoughts too, I also didn't wanna be on top because I'm like, oh my God, they're gonna see all of my face, you know? And then I thought this is so hot. So eventually your pleasure, you know, we'll help cushion some of that doubt. You can be confident and doubtful at the same time, they can co-exist, we're not trying to eliminate your anxiety, we're just trying to give it its place. You know, the place for it is that we're gonna communicate with our partners about it. We're gonna do our own sort of confidence, building things we need to nurture. And we're gonna choose positions and props that are supportive for us and don't work against us, or don't make us feel like we have to prove something. The other thing that you could do is have your partner be still, and then you could be moving on them. That's really good for fantasies of objectification or if you're using your partner for pleasure. Another one is that you could be still, and so bottoms, you can like get your face going, use your chin in there, use your lips closed, use your tongue. If you're only using your tongue as a bottom, eventually the sides of your tongue are gonna get tired. And I talk about this in Eat my Pussy Like a Champ class, because it is a thing like your jaw gets tired, your tongue muscles get tired, so you got to use more of your face. You can use your nose when they don't have weight on you, if they're hovering, or they're spread back, you can get your nose in there, you can bury your nose in their butt hole if they are on all four sort of facing towards you, you can also use your nose on the clitoris as well. For some tops they wanna make it about their partner's pleasure. So they want to give stimulation to their partner's vulva or their partner's penis during face sitting and that's totally fine too. In some positions it's not great clitoral stimulation and which a lot of people would evolve as need in order to orgasm, so if we're gonna them is your goal and that's what you're going for by sitting on someone's face, you can also hold a vibrator against your clitoris while your partner is eating your ass or eating your vagina. So don't be afraid to bring in toys or cooperators or things that are gonna really help you, you know, experience this, the facing the way that you want to. If you're a top and you're playing with vibes of dominance, you know, dominance comes in in so many different forms and it doesn't always have to look like Cruella de Vil, or it doesn't have to look like a mistress. It doesn't have to look like a master. Like it comes in many different forms and I teach delicious dominant skills as well as Be a fab fandoms So both of those talk about how to discover your dominant side, and so if you're not quite sure, and you're just getting into face sitting, or you're bringing face sitting into your dominant side, you already know it really well, you could play with it with face sitting by doing things like, you know, pinching your partner's nipples while you're sitting on their face. You could slap their genitals if they're into impact play, if they're into genital torture, if they're into nipple play, you could also have restraints for your partner, so the under the bed restraint systems that have your partner kind of like spread out, spread eagle, that's a good position as well to experience dominance. You can also make it dominant by saying face sitting is a reward. So you get a reward after you accomplish these things, after you're a good slut, after you're a good sub, after you're a good pet, right? You can also encourage dominance by telling them to beg for it. Do you want me to sit on your face? I wanna hear some begging. No, that's not enough begging, right? So you can bring in that vibe and still do any of the positions that I showed you. The position don't necessarily dictate the dominance. You dictate the dominance, your vibe, your ask, your communication, that's what brings it into that erotic place-based. Bottoms, you also need to think about what your rewards are. Do you wanna be smothered? Do you wanna be used like an object? Do you want to have weight on your face? Do you want them to come on your face? You want them to squirt on your face? No, I remember I sat on someone's face once, and it was the first time that we had sex and I didn't. So I didn't know them super well either. And I remember I squirted it and I looked down and I was like, it's so Canadian, "I'm like, oh my God, I'm so sorry." And normally I would never apologize for squirting, but in that position, I felt like I'm like, oh my God, it's kind of like a peed all over their face. Or like the sensation of peeing on someone's face, I thought they were gonna feel, you know, that they drank it, maybe they didn't wanna drink it. And so I was ashamed of what my body did in response to pleasure, so bottoms, this is our opportunity to be enthusiastic as fuck and encourage the responses that we want from our partner. We want tell them like, come on my face, make my face messy, you smell so good. Yes, I wanna eat you more, I wanna taste every part of you, you know, this kind of language, or even communicating it with your hands, you know, that can really help the confidence of your tops. And so that means you're gonna get more of what you want too. We can provide reassurance as partners who are on the bottom. Excuse me, one thing is that if you are a bottom and you are restrained, you need a way to communicate. So for bottoms, there's nonverbal communication and verbal communication. So nonverbal, if someone's on your face and you've got your hands wrapped around them, you need to establish beforehand, how are we gonna know when you need a break or when enough is enough and when some people like little slaps, but if you're someone who gets their ass slapped while they're facing sitting, that might be confusing. So if you know slaps is something that you don't normally do, then use a slap as a nonverbal way of communicating, hey, I need a break, you know, that's enough. You have to establish this beforehand. 'Cause you're just gonna slap and I'm gonna be like, what? You know, so another one is pinching. So pinching can be a little bit more specific and clear than slapping. And so you just give them a pinch on their thighs, and so that the top is aware, you need a break. There is so much trust that has to happen with face sitting as a top, I gotta trust the bottom as a bottom, I gotta trust the top. And so bottoms that fail to communicate eagerly and enthusiastically, they may tops feel unconfident. So you might be like, yeah, I'm gonna be fine, I'm not gonna die. You know, it's like communicate so that you're not just speaking about your own needs, but you're communicating as a way to nurture the confidence and the communication needs of your talk. So you might be fine, but you don't tell them you're fine, tell them you're having a great time, tell them you want more, tell them that if they can do more, you're gonna take more. If your hands are tied, you're gonna need a way to make noise. So like dollar store kind of squeaky toys for pets are a good thing to give your bottom. If they are like spread eagle on the bed and they're restrained, or you've restrained their hands above their head or something. If they don't have their hands to be able to pinch you or slap you, you're gonna need to give them something to communicate with. Now, I get a lot of questions about breathing for my lovely bottoms. So breathing can be challenging and it can be challenging with different bodies, while I love balls on my face, it does make it hard for me to breathe. If someone is sitting on my face who has testicles and they're facing sitting towards my feet, then their balls are right on my nose, and so that's really hard to breathe for like any amount of time. So you might have them in a different position, if breathing is a concern for you in that way, you also can practice your breath work while you're going down on your partner during other sex things, right? So practice holding your breath while you bury into their asshole. Practice, like you're holding your breath while you bury into their vulva. When they hover above you, when they're taking a break, if you didn't initiate that break, or even if you did, use that opportunity, it can be a little bit hard to remember this, but use that opportunity to like inhale them. So if their face is just right here, just do a, (inhaling) because that, it does two things, one it calms your nervous system. So if you got all excited and adrenaline and maybe a little bit scared because of the breath, and even if that was exciting for you, it also gives you the opportunity to kind of send a signal to that nervous system, that's trying to keep you alive. It's like, I know you like this ass on your face, but we might die, and so you're giving that nervous system a chance to calm down and trust this process, like trust this experience and that you're gonna take care of yourself. Talks, it's very, I Googled it, nobody has died from face sitting. This is totally just fat phobia and it really has nothing to do with weight, so your bottom is gonna tell you, you know, if they're about to die, right? The body is gonna fight, it's gonna struggle, they're gonna kick their legs up and unless you're in a very deep, kinky, role-play where those are signs of struggle or signs of pleasure, that's where it starts to be a little bit dicier for people but for, you know, for most of us facing sitting is not going to go in that direction and we have to have bottoms that are enthusiastically communicated. This is so important, we've talked a lot about communication. So I don't have too much more to add there, but just some three quick questions that I always ask people, not only for face sitting, I think these questions are so important for any type of sexual play or erotic things, especially if you're trying something new or it's a new partner or if you're just lacking kind of confidence in things. So I always ask them, you know, like what turns you on or off about face sitting? My second question is always, you know, is there anything you're nervous about? Is there anything you're shy about? And so that gives, if you get asked that question, like, think about it because it also gives your partner an opportunity to be empathetic with you. And so part of navigating through shame is not letting shame exist in the shadows, bring shame into the light, you might still feel about your body, but saying to your partner. Yeah, you know what? I'm kind of worried that I'm gonna squish you. At least then you're releasing the shame about feeling the shame and it gives your partner an opportunity to demonstrate empathy. They might say, okay, babe, I'm gonna remind you how much I love this. So you forget that you think that you might kill me, right? So it really gives us a chance to just be better partners. And then the last question I always ask them is, you know, how do I know like you're having fun? And this is important because we're removing a lot of the cues that we usually use to intuitively pick up on someone's pleasure. So we're not looking at them in the eye, we're not hearing some of their sounds. So we might be looking for signs of physical arousal, like erections and if we don't see those things, we might doubt that this is pleasurable for someone. And so we want to be able to be slutty about our pleasure. We wanna be like, yeah, you're gonna know I'm having a good time 'cause I'm gonna be grabbing you, I'm gonna my toes or any curling or, you know, I'm gonna be making noises. I'm gonna be begging for more and likewise on top, it might be like, you know, I might not orgasm, but I am so excited to just like rub my juices all over your face. All right, during, so that's before, so during communication you can check in with you can, you know, pop down like tops, this is a lot of, you're gonna have to do a lot of the checking in because your mouth is the one that is most free. So you're gonna remember to be proactive about your check-in and just even like pop down and be like, hmm, do you want more? Or do you need a break? 'Cause that's very simple to answer, it could be like no more, or like, yeah, sure, let's take a little break, right? Another one is, if you're looking for that affirmation and your partner isn't very verbal, ask for it. It doesn't make it any less sincere if you ask for it and receive it. So you could say to your partner, tell me how good I taste? Hmm, tell me how good I smell. I can't wait to taste you off of your, or taste meat off of your lips, right? You could say more or less of me, you know, what do you need right now? Do you need more, do you need less? You could tell them to touch themselves so you could give them instructions. So, I mean, we just wanna keep that communication line open, and if you're not used to doing that kind of communication, start doing it through your other sexual activities that you already like. So during other types of oral sex positions, you know, start asking like, do you want me to go faster or slower with my tongue? Do you want me to go deeper or shallower with my fingers? Do you want me to go harder or softer? And this starts to build your communication skills as individuals and as partners, because no one taught us this. So if you think it's awkward, it is, I think awkwardness is authenticity. I think awkwardness is like, all my masks are off. All of like, you know, I'm like not branding myself anymore. I'm just like, oh yeah, I don't know, I'm afraid I'm gonna squish you, you know? And that's awkward and that's okay. It doesn't have to feel very rehearsed or that's not what confidence looks like. Confidence is about the sense of playfulness, the letting go of self judgment and feeling like you belong in these sexual experiences. That yes your body is not what you thought or what the world tells us sexy is or maybe you're working on your abs, or you doing whatever, you can change your body and still accepted and respected at the same time. But it is really about feeling like this body deserves pleasure and can give and receive pleasure as well. So with confidence, it's actually, it's okay to feel anxious about your body. You don't have to try and fake it till you make it. You know, it really doesn't happen through one position or through one type of communication. Building acceptance in your body is a daily practice. So there are daily practices that you can do to feel less self judgment about your connection to your erotic self through your body. And I teach a bunch of those in the out of your head and back to your body webinar and the sexual confidence webinar. But just remember that this stuff is built over over time, it's built over a practice. It isn't really just a shift in mindset, it's about experiencing your body in different ways. Trauma and past experiences also affect our confidence. So you might have trauma trapped in your body. You might remember something someone said about you or the way that you felt in a particular situation, so that can affect your confidence. You know, and feeling like it's not okay to speak up, like it's not okay to co-create the pleasure that we want. You might be on the bottom and need a pillow and feel like, oh my God, I don't wanna ask for a pillow, I don't wanna disrupt this movement, I'm gonna ruin everything, ask for the pillow. Because if asking for a pillow, ruined the mood, the mood was never really there. As we want empathetic partners, I should've offered you a pillow. You know, this is where we get to really see that nurturing and caring for each other, even if we're in dynamics that are about humiliation or degradation, you know, we're people first and we're role-play second. So we have to meet those needs of ourselves as people. So some of the things that can help you with confidence are having an affirmation, and so this affirmation is something that you can use during your, this is mostly for top to bottom, sometimes also feel this as well. But your affirmation is something that you can use to kind of just like distract those thoughts that wanna like take over, right? So you're like, oh my God, like my butt's really big and maybe I don't smell good, and so your affirmation is gonna interrupt that. My affirmation, you want something really actually simple. So I have daily affirmations that are, I'm beautiful, I'm enough, I have everything I need, so I'm reminding myself of that daily, but in the moment it's harder to access that knowledge. So my affirmation is, oh my God, I'm a goddess, I forgot. You know, these are not goddess problems I'm worried about, and I actually just, I wanna make it playful, I wanna make it like, so out there that it actually, it combat, you know, also the ridiculousness of my very valid concerns of feeling unconfident. So come up with something that works for you and you can say it to yourself, you don't have to say it out loud. If you wanna say it out loud, say it out loud too. Another one is to play with erotic movement. So if you're on top, some of those suggestions that I made about circles or grinding, try using those during masturbation. So if you're using a Fleshlight to masturbate, if you use a vibrator, penetrative or non penetrative to masturbate, try fucking your sex toys, instead of them fucking you. So if you're stroking with something and usually do this, you know, angle your body, you know, in ways that you might do through face sitting, if you're using a vibrator internally in your vagina, you can try like bumping against it as well, instead of doing the thrusting yourself. So that kind of helps you generate that connection to this erotic movement towards a pleasure reward. It sort of creates this like memory for you, we're creating this body memory that, oh yeah, damn, I can do this. Like I have all the things I need to do the wiggles and the jiggles and that helps us, like when we come into that moment, we don't have to dig from down here. You know, you're building up your connection to your erotic movement, and what your body is capable of, all day long every day, or for five minutes a day, and then when you get into your sexual situations, you know, your sexual situations, then get the overflow of that confidence, the confidence is yours, right? It's yours to keep. Okay, are there any questions about confidence? Is there anything that you struggle with that I didn't talk about? There might be things that I missed in there, or that fall under categories, but that are really specific to you. And so if you try being confident the first couple of times, and you just can't quite get it, be gentle with your sweet self, it is so tough to navigate these challenges. But it does work, over time you build this acceptance that your vessel for your body is not necessarily, you know, or your vessel for your erotic energy as your body is not the only thing that you bring to the bedroom. You know, it's not the only thing. So what some talks do when they are in the top position, and if you start to get distracted and affirmations don't work for you, you can connect with your body too. So I'll sometimes take my hands and put them on my breast or I'll put them on my body and I'll like show off a little bit, because that's showing off, that like, you know, the sort of the kinds of movement that would be showing off are playful, they aren't focused on performance. They're focused on me being like, oh, I'm a bad bitch up here, right? Like someone's tongues in my bubble, what am I worried about? So, you know, we wanna bring more play, less performance, more play into it. I wanted to touch on health and hygiene. I think this is one that people are also really worried about. You love that awkwardness equals authenticity, you grew up in purity culture. Yeah and was taught that pleasure was shameful, workshop like this really help. I'm so glad to hear that you are here and that you are unlearning a lot of that stuff. Yeah, it can really distort our relationship to pleasure and we can feel stirrings of wanting to be transformed, but then we've got this kind of noise from all these voices and narratives, they just don't serve us anymore. At one time, those messages might have kept you safe. At one time those messages might've kept you cushioned from rejection or invalidation from families, communities, people that you cared and loved about. But in this moment, we're letting go of what no longer serves us, but it's a process. Thank you for sharing that. So one question that I always get around facing sitting is, you know, can I use a dental dam during face sitting? So dental dams are pieces of latex that are kind of rectangled and they're very soft, and they're used as barriers between your mouth and somebody's orifice, so either their anus or their vagina. Face sitting makes it really hard to use a barrier. And so if you are concerned about STIs from oral sex, if you're not using barriers in other types of oral sex, then there's no reason to use a barrier in face sitting. But you are using barriers in oral sex on penises or vulvas or anuses, then face sitting because it makes it tough to do that, might be something that you either assume the risk, and be knowledgeable and communicative of it. Or, you know, you don't do this particular thing where you can't hold something against it. If someone knows a way of using a dental dam during facing sitting, please tell me, but I have tried. And it's just, there's just too much going on. Actually, I couldn't breathe. I started to like inhale the latex, like little like into my nose as I tried to use it with someone, so it's just not me for face sitting, what you could do in those positions, if you do like the vibe of, oh, like someone's sitting on my face, you could sit on someone's face with clothing, so you can sit on someone's face with your panties or your underwear or with leggings. (laughing) I think there's also something even just like really hot about the warmth and the scent of somebody who is putting clothes, is sitting on your face with clothing because clothing traps a lot of that, right? So you actually get to like, if you've ever smelled your own underwear, or if you smell somebody else's, you know, there's a lot of sense that comes from the reaction between our juices and our fluids and clothing. So, butt bacteria. So if you were putting your ass on someone's face, it's not so much a concern, unless someone has something like a Giardia or an intestinal parasite. And I mean, you know, like if they had diarrhea, like don't put their ass on your face, like it's not the day for anal face sitting. But if their stomach's fine and like they don't have any kinds of concerns it's not a high likelihood that any other type of bacteria would be harmful to your gut. However, butt bacteria isn't great for urethras and vaginas. And so if you are eating your partner's vagina and then you eat their anus and you're going back and forth, there's a chance that you're transferring some bacteria to their vagina, and some vaginal bacteria to their butt, the butt to fit to vagina is much more of a problem than the vagina to the butt. So you either wanna be mindful of what's going on, or your partner might wanna do a pretty thorough clean out of their anus if you're gonna do both. Again, you could wear clothing or you could put a butt plug in their butts, so you're kind of trapping everything in there, and so they're still getting anal stimulation while you're going to town on their vagina. Now, should you shower before face sitting? You know, if you're the person on top, that's up to you and your partner. We have this like very strong obsession with like genitals smelling like nothing or soap and, you know, genitals smell like genitals. And so I want you to consider that if you shower and then hop out of the shower and you're gonna do the face sitting, I would take it sort of slow, 'cause you're gonna need to arouse each other, you're gonna need maximum time for the body and the mind arousal to reach. And so some people also feel shame if they've been doing other sexual activities and they got, let's say you have a vulva and you started to produce fluids that come with arousal. Now, you know, they took a shower, but now they're messy with like sex fluids. So it depends what you consider hygienic. Like for example, pubic hair is not inherently unhygienic. So whatever is comfortable for you and your partner without creating shame. And as a partner, you also get to decide what to do with your body, so if someone wants me to shave my pubes, because it feels itchy on their face, I'm probably not gonna do that, because then I gotta live with my itchy hair or like growing back in between. So you get to decide and you know, it's not inherently unhygienic. I mean, if you've taken a shower after your last bowel movement, then you know, any kind of worry about feces or things like that are gonna be gone. And so you can think about it in that way too, about like, what's been your activities. Some people like a highly scented whole. You know, some people like someone sitting on their face when they've come from the gym, because it's more of them, there's sweat, there's their taste, you know? So it's not sort of cut and dry that this is dirty and this is clean, and there's a moral judgment about this is good and this is not good. If you're just getting started with, you know, kind of face sitting like that, you could try it in 69 and see how things feel, because it's not necessarily the same weightiness, but you're getting that exposure to their holes, to their crotch in your face if you're the bottom. And on top, you're getting used to this angle of someone pleasuring you. All right, woo, oh my gosh. Hold on, hold on, face it like a boss. I hope that this covered a lot of your face sitting concerns, (laughing) and that you've got some really great tips for face sitting that you feel a bit more confident or you feel that there are at least tools available to help you navigate confidence. You are not stuck in all of the things that society has taught you, that you are not enough, whether you're on the top or the bottom, all that stuff can be reclaimed. And face sitting in such a powerful position to be able to see that a lot of the things that we think of as unsexy or, you know, not confident building could actually build our confidence. And so if you feel good, you know, face sitting on top, you might take up other top positions in other ways, if you're someone that's versatile, you might discover something that is exciting about you for being on the bottom that you didn't think would match your sexual desire, because you're someone who's more proactive or you wanna be in charge. Well, what's it like to be in charge on the bottom? Like that's a whole like mind fuck right there. So it really does have a lot of opportunities for expansion. All right, so I hope that you got lots of face sitting tips and that you're gonna face it with joy.