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Hi, I'm Lina Bembe I am Bishop Black I'm Sadie Lune I am Parker Marx and welcome to Sex School Sex School is an educational web series where sex workers, therapists and coaches come together to talk about sex From kissing to BDSM, fantasies, fetishes and everything in-between. All you want to know about sex will be explained, discussed, and explored. Our mission is to challenge stereotypes, ignorance, and stigma around sexuality. And inspire your sex life in a positive way. So today we are going to talk about threesomes…” Ok, but what would you guys say are the do's and don'ts of threesomes. Well, I guess that, like with any sexual experience, establishing consent and opening communication from the beginning is really important. I think an big part of that is being able to get all the people involved. feel that they are listened to with a collective attitude of acceptance. but it's also important to consider your own needs and boundaries before you express them to someone else, you need to think about what you want. Before you can discuss them in a clear way. I find very useful to take a minute alone before I'm turned on and when I'm not close to the sex, to write down or make a mental note of my desires and my limits. Also, it's OK to take a break during the sex. Sometimes, things feel really overwhelming for various reasons. A quick trip to the bathroom is a graceful way to give yourself the opportunity take some deep breaths, drink some water, ground yourself, and figure out what do you want to do in the rest of the time and how you can enjoy yourself. It can be challenging if you aren't used to it, but practicing, clearly asking, (whether verbally or not), for what you want, can be a very empowering experience. I find that, the more clearly I express myself, the more likely I am to get all the goodies. Or at least ending in a better situation caused caused by avoiding a rough misunderstanding. (Everybody: Yeah) Jealousy can be a big issue when it comes to threesomes, especially when people are not that experienced on them. But that's also the thrill of it, threesomes are a good exercise to understand and overcome your issues with ealousy. If you ask yourself exactly what makes you feel jealous, and why do you feel jealous. What emotions can you see there? Fear? Envy? Insecurity? Distrust? It is OK to feel that way, they are valid emotions but the beauty of threesomes is that, if you do them with consent and communication, you can actually overpower these negative feelings. And then, you get to enjoy the sexual experience to its fullest. Yeah, for sure. You said that the first step in clear communication is figuring out what you want. And that is also true when talking about your sexual health practices. It is worth taking the time to understand the health risks you face, and to think critically about how to handle them. There are a few big areas there, right? the potential for infection, the possibility of injury the potential of pregnancy; mental and emotional health; Sexual health is not always the easiest thing to talk about. Nor the most erotic thing. but when you are clear with your mind you can cut through a lot of the fear or anxiety. Opinions on sexual health practices vary, but it's important to accept and respect everyone's requests. Never pressure someone into doing something they are reluctant to do. When it comes to group sex, threesomes, foursomes... there are particular things to consider, like changing condoms and cleaning your hands between sex acts and partners. I found that that group sex can use up a lot of condoms and latex gloves so it's worth stocking up. I think another aspect for a great threesome is to lower your expectations. Every threesome is different based on the individual, the situation or environment. It's totally normal and ok to be or feel awkward. We are all humans when it comes to that, and we are in the same circumstances. In a new threesome, you are discovering each other's bodies for the first time. So there's going to be trial and error. After communicating boundaries and personal sexual health preventions it’s a good idea to let the rest of the interaction proceed naturally without getting fixated on how it ought to start and how it should end. Even when it comes down to that activities, you can be making out, kissing or caressing without genital play or penetration. And that's completely fine. You know, that's fine. Something else to take into account is alcohol and drugs. Some people might want drugs and alcohol to loosen up and enjoy the sex. But what could happen is that you can compromise the situation by overstepping in other people's feelings or trampling boundaries. (Sadie) Or your own boundaries. (Bishop) Yeah. The most important thing how you treat yourself. If you don't respect yourself, how will you respect others? But guys, now comes the fun part: Lina and I are going to perform in a “how to” video. With one of you two. (Bishop) We'll be friends after this. You both expressed a desire to be involved, but unfortunately there’s no four in threesome (Bishop) I saw what you did there. So we need to decide. Bishop, head or tails? (Bishop) Heads. (Lina) He goes for head, uh-oh. (Sadie) Tails. (Lina) I see some tails. (Bishop) That's fine. (Sadie) I'll make it to you later! (Parker) Thanks for playing, Bishop, next time! (Bishop) If anyone needs me, I'll be writing my phone number, on a toilet wall. (Lina) We'll be thinking of you for sure. (Sadie) You can take care of yourself. (Bishop) Yes, self-love and respect. Before we talk about how to make a threesome happen, its important to realize that a good threesome starts with a strong foundation of trust, understanding and communication. Once you are sure these three basics covered, let the fun begin! If you’re single, in a relationship or up for some fun with a friend, dating apps can be the quickest way to find a third participant. Just make sure to clearly talk with your partner or friend about your boundaries and respect each other’s wishes. Decide if you want to make a joint account or two separate accounts. Remember to communicate to the third participant about what you are searching for so you can find the perfect match. Or, if you have the means, it can be a fun adventure to hire a professional sex worker. They are usually great at clear communication and often a safe choice for couples who may be worried about emotional dynamics interfering in their partnership. If dating apps aren’t your thing then why not try to find someone on a night out? Bars, clubs, swinger, play and sex parties are perfect locations to find someone, and the act of hunting can be very exciting. Just make sure to communicate your approach before hand, like who will make the first move and how far you want to take it before someone starts feeling uncomfortable. Or maybe you have a friend who you’ve always fantasized about. Threesomes with friends can be amazing as well as a bit tricky, because there can be a bigger risk of emotions getting involved, resulting in trust issues. The key here is to make sure that there is a mutual attraction either towards the friend or towards the situation. Sometimes this can happen spontaneously or it can be planned, just make sure, like in all situations, to communicate before hand and treat each other with mutual respect. The trick to a good threesome is to have realistic expectations Each threesome is unique and comes with ups and downs. Remember that it’s totally normal to have a come down after the high of entirely new sensorial experiences, emotional and physical overloads. With the right approach (meditation, communication, self-care) negative feelings can be great teachers. Most of these uncomfortable feelings arise when we don’t take the time to create realistic expectations of the situation. And don’t consider our own boundaries or the ones agreed upon with the other parties involved. I hope you enjoyed our threesome and that it inspires you for your own adventures. Make sure to join us next time, when we discuss another stimulating topic. And remember, don't be late for class! Before we talk about how to make a threesome happen, its important to realize that a good threesome starts with a strong foundation of trust, understanding and communication. Once you are sure these three basics covered, let the fun begin! If you’re single, in a relationship or up for some fun with a friend, dating apps can be the quickest way to find a third participant. Just make sure to clearly talk with your partner or friend about your boundaries and respect each other’s wishes. Decide if you want to make a joint account or two separate accounts. Remember to communicate to the third participant about what you are searching for so you can find the perfect match. Or, if you have the means, it can be a fun adventure to hire a professional sex worker. They are usually great at clear communication and often a safe choice for couples who may be worried about emotional dynamics interfering in their partnership. If dating apps aren’t your thing then why not try to find someone on a night out? Bars, clubs, swinger, play and sex parties are perfect locations to find someone, and the act of hunting can be very exciting. Just make sure to communicate your approach before hand, like who will make the first move and how far you want to take it before someone starts feeling uncomfortable. Or maybe you have a friend who you’ve always fantasized about. Threesomes with friends can be amazing as well as a bit tricky, because there can be a bigger risk of emotions getting involved, resulting in trust issues. The key here is to make sure that there is a mutual attraction either towards the friend or towards the situation. Sometimes this can happen spontaneously or it can be planned, just make sure, like in all situations, to communicate before hand and treat each other with mutual respect. The trick to a good threesome is to have realistic expectations Each threesome is unique and comes with ups and downs. Remember that it’s totally normal to have a come down after the high of entirely new sensorial experiences, emotional and physical overloads. With the right approach (meditation, communication, self-care) negative feelings can be great teachers. Most of these uncomfortable feelings arise when we don’t take the time to create realistic expectations of the situation. And don’t consider our own boundaries or the ones agreed upon with the other parties involved. I hope you enjoyed our threesome and that it inspires you for your own adventures. Make sure to join us next time, when we discuss another stimulating topic. And remember, don't be late for class!