Choking Onlinekurs:
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Hi, I'm Lola Jean, a sex educator, pro Dom fetish wrestler and world record holder in volume of squirting. I'm LT, I am a kink educator. I'm a trainer. I am a sex educator, and I'm an erotic artist and performer. We're talking you about choking today, because you're probably doing it wrong. You want to give people the tools to feel confident and feel competent, in order to experience choking in their bedroom and their sexual play. Maybe they go into kink parties. And we want to cover some of those really important and fine points. Lola Jean: choking has become very ubiquitous with sex, porn, all these things. And there's actually a lot of different types of choking. I know my first experience with choking was I was having sex with a lover. And in the middle of it, a hand came out and it went around my neck. And at the time, I thought, oh, okay, this is kind of fun. I like it. Turns out, I didn't really like the way that they were choking me at all. I liked the control aspect. But it wasn't until I learned that there's many different types of it. L.T. Hawk: When we talk about strangling someone, like strangulation chokes, is generally cutting the blood flow to the brain. And when we talk about suffocating people is like generally what we see when people are just covering up air pathways like your nose, your mouth. And then when we talk about asphyxiation, those chokes that are restricting, like the windpipe. Lola Jean: So if you thought that there was one type of choking, then you have much to learn, we're going to go over three types of choking, there are fantasy chokes, blood chokes, and breath chokes, fantasy chokes is like, the best way to describe is like a fantasy fight. And that allows you to, you know, safely play that allows you to get used to it. If it's the first time experiencing choking, whether you're whether it's one partner, and the other, is the first time you're engaging together, and you want to see where your limits are, you want to see where your boundaries are. Fantasy can give you all the same mental and emotional benefits of it without worrying about any restriction to your airflow or your blood flow to your brain. So start with fantasy chokes. That is the moral to that story. L.T. Hawk: Yeah, but fantasy choke. It's also good warm up, even if we're going to move on to strangulation, you may start with fantasy just to kind of get the body used to feeling someone in that area, right? Lola Jean: So what's the difference between them a blood choke and a breath choke? L.T. Hawk: So yeah, so that is restricting the air flow to the brain. So anything that would restrict air getting to your lungs, or basically through your nose, or through your throat, right, so as you may be putting pressure on someone's chest with their lungs can't expand. When people think of asphyxiation, what they're actually thinking about is pressure along the windpipe, which again, doesn't allow you to get oxygen into your lungs, right? So, of course, oxygen will go to your brain if you can't get oxygen into your body. So you may also see people engage in breath play, which is a suffocation by using tools or implements, right, so that could be Saran wrapping someone's face or something simple is just closing off the nose or putting a hand over the mouth for a period of time a set period of time, which will restrict the amount of air that someone can get to Lola Jean: when we see jokes in porn. What is this? Is this fantasy? Is this blood is this breath what's what is going on? And I mean, the short answer is that you don't know because they're acting Yeah, it could very much look like a blood choke but it's really just the fantasy choke. So why would someone be into this as the receiver mentally or physically? L.T. Hawk: I don't know why people like to do such crazy shit. Really, I would say is you know, there's there's a there's the thrill of danger is always something that's alluring to people, right? So people love something thrilling. People love the dance around the edge and maybe something that could be slightly dangerous, but in the hopes that they are still safe and secure. And that creates a huge amount of release of endorphins, right? So this kind of like runner's high, like someone's kind of just running long distances. You know, the brain starts producing this natural cannabinoids and people start feeling this runner's high. Same with getting like an adrenaline rush or an endorphin rush. Lola Jean: Mentally speaking and this could be present in in fantasy chokes and blood chokes and breath chokes but there is a control aspect to it. So even if you're not physically feeling the limitation of blood flow to the brain, it is a nice feeling of control whether we are being out of control whether we are manipulating someone ele's control, that can be a draw to it, regardless of the physical. And you don't have to completely pass out in order to experience that. Some people might want to, it's something that could potentially happen. But you don't have to get to that point to experience that high. Now, if you're the choker, you're the person that is administering this. I don't really care how much that you like it if the person doesn't want to receive it, or they don't have some sort of draw to this. It doesn't really matter if you enjoy it. Do you enjoy choking people? L.T. Hawk: I get this question a lot. And it's very, you know, it always makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable. The reason being is like people say, Oh, you like choking people and my response is always I like choking people who want to be choked. I'm not looking to do things to people. I'm looking to do things with people. Audrey Fatale: Breath play is technically known as erotic or auto erotic asphyxiation. And simply it is the reduction or the restriction of your own breath or the breath of your partner as a way to enhance or elicit arousal and or achieve a more intense orgasm. So auto erotic asphyxiation is the thing that most people would probably be aware of. And that's because it's the thing we hear of the most in the media, when it's associated with a very unfortunate event of a death after participating in that activity. Like most things we do in kink and BDSM play, there is a spectrum. And when we talk about auto erotic asphyxiation, we're talking about something that's at a much, much heavier, and on a more extreme end of the spectrum, and would be, I think most people would suggest that would isn't advised activity. However, on that spectrum, there's lots of other ways we can play around with breath in ways that aren't so risky, and don't have the same amount of potential for things to go wrong. Now, breath play is considered a form of edge play in BDSM. For those reasons, it basically just means that it's an activity that if it goes wrong, there can be very serious consequences. So you know, it, there's a lot of practitioners who will say, I don't engage in it at all. And and that's a very reasonable thing to say. But I think we know when it comes to humans and human sexuality, that just being told you shouldn't do something is not enough to stop people from doing it. In fact, for some people, it might be more of an incentive to do it. So the most important thing is that we have resources and information available for people to access so that if they do choose to go down the path of engaging in something like breath play, they can do it in a way that they in a way where the risk can be evaluated for themselves and with their partner and can be done as safely as possible. Lola Jean: There was no delineation between these different types of chokes. And we found the best way to delineate that was based on what is being restricted. That's the biggest difference between the types of chokes. And that's also going to be what changes your risk assessment. Yeah. Because if you're doing a fantasy choke, it's a different risk assessment than a blood choke, which is a different risk assessment than the breath choke. L.T. Hawk: Yeah, precise language. I mean, the reason why we change the terminology is that we have more precise language, it helps people learn, it helps people decide on what their what they would like to experience that helps people to explore the desires in a more direct way. And it also helps, like you said, with risk assessment, it's hard to, you know, manage risk. And also, you know, develop the scene, if you're not sure what you're going to be doing. So it's just having an all encompassing thing. And saying, Hey, we're going to go, you know, hiking, or we're going to go jogging, or we're going to running, right, it's how far I'm going to run like, how long should we be out there? Where are we going to be? The same thing with choking. Lola Jean: Yes, it kind of like, okay, we're running? Is it long distance running? Is it a sprint? Or is it just a casual walk, run? Because those are going to be three different things to prepare. if I think that we're going for a 5k we end up doing a marathon, that I'm not prepared for that. And there that's going to be different level of risk involved? L.T. Hawk: Yeah, and of course, consent, you know, the idea, right, is that having as much information as possible, to decide if you want to participate in something. So with precise language with more direct language, it helps us, you know, articulate what we want to do, it helps us determine whether or not we want to participate. And it helps us kind of, you know, decide within that range of what we could, we could choose to do. So if someone says I want to do fantasy chokes, or someone says I want to do blood chokes, then we can start talking about how long we're going this play is going to be, or we can start developing our boundaries when we have more information. So yeah, so for us, it's about being able to teach people different aspects of breath play, and erotic choking, or BDSM choking or however, you would like to describe it in ways that makes it more accessible. It also gives you multiple areas to learn from, and yeah, keeps it better way to keep ourselves safe, but also a better way for us to have fun. Lola Jean: So it's a new language, which means that you might have to be teaching someone this language for the first time for them to identify. So even asking someone like, okay, you want to be choked? What kind of choke would you like? Do you know what type of choke that there is or what you enjoy? And that can be a very empowering moment for someone who does like being choked to say, I know that I like blood chokes and I don't like breath jokes, or I know that I like fantasy chokes, or even be like, oh, there are more than one type of choke. I thought it was just the one. So it's going to take that education because this is a little bit more newer, precise language. So also just not assuming that everybody knows what a fantasy choke is. Hopefully that's what happens. But right now, fantasy choke people might not understand that and again, sometimes people are being blood choked or breath choked, and they don't realize it or they think it's fantasy. So this requires education on both people's fronts. Lola Jean: So when you bring something new up to a partner, it's important that you don't put them in a position where they feel like they have to say yes or no, because maybe they require more education, or maybe they're unsure. So really take this as an opportunity to learn something together. And if you are interested in doing it, instead of asking, Hey, can you do choking with me? I like choking. Can you do that? Say, Hey, this is something I'm interested in, here is why I'm interested in it. Because when we talk about feelings, that might arise, and here's why I like doing it, that's going to help us understand the activity better. And it's going to influence that activity. So I say, I am really interested in being choked, because I like feeling kind of held down and helpless. versus if I say, I'm interested in being choked, because the physical sensation sounds really awesome from my friends who have done it and told me about it. I'm very curious. So sharing that with someone else, and then not putting the pressure on them to like, do it right away. L.T. Hawk: Yeah, I mean, you're perfectly right. You talked about, again, communicating what your interests are, why you desire to experience this type of activity, and also what you what your desired outcome is, so ever desired results, when you bring up something new to someone, you know, being able to point them to resources that they can research on their own, right, so you send them a link, or you send them a video, you send them, you know, a written article. So having experienced instructors, having experienced teachers, having experienced material that people can go to them point them to, so they can also read about it on their own, also takes some of the pressure off you being like driving it right, it also takes the pressure off you and maybe you don't know how to explain it or articulate it. And in the best possible way, you're able to point them to information, which also can help put people at ease. It also can show that you are invested in learning the proper way. you're invested in keeping everyone safe. You're invested in doing it properly and doing the technique properly. Lola Jean: let someone else do the work for you. Let us do the work for you. And that can help ease that conversation. Hey, maybe you're both watching this video right now. So what if then you share it with your partner and this person, and the person doesn't want to administer this. This Honestly, this can be very common, because it is a very risky thing, especially if you're wanting to engage in breath and blood chokes. And sometimes as a provider, as a giver, that person maybe feels uncomfortable because of that level of risk. Someone could be averse to anything similar to violence at all, even if you're very much enjoying it, that's how they can see it. And while we shouldn't push people to do things that they adamantly do not like, there are ways where you can help this person feel more comfortable with more education, with more understanding of safety and risks involved. And then really getting into the point of here's why I enjoy it. Here's how I'm feeling, here's why I like it. And I'm starting with fantasy jokes. I mean, we should be starting with fantasy jokes, in general, but really explaining to your person, this is no restriction on my breath, or blood flow, it's more like doing the control aspect of it. But sometimes we feel more comfortable when we understand all of the risks involved, plus why this person enjoys it. But even then, it still might be something that is a hard limit for a person and that's very much okay, but but understanding what the reason for them not wanting to administer it is, L.T. Hawk: yeah, gotta be patient, you know, we want to be patient with our partners, we want to have grace, you know, for people. So if someone may take, they may need more time to really think about it to really get comfortable with it, to even want to try it or to make a make a decision whether or not they want to do it or not do it. And it's fluid. So someone may not consent to it. Now, they may not show interest in it now. But as time goes by, again, as they get more familiar with what your desires are around it, how it's applied, they learn more about it, they may say I need to learn more, like I need to have a better understanding of how to do this because they may be nervous. They don't want they don't want a better result. Right. So they may they may approach it in a way where the only results are negative results. You know, so it's it's getting comfortable with the idea that there are positive results that can that do occur from doing chokes, whether that's fantasy on all all the way up to breath play, or blood chokes. So it's just really just you know, you we have to give our partners time To decide, and if they decide No, of course, we were not going to pressure them, even if it's something you really want to do. Lola Jean: And I've even had people who do MMA, so they're very well versed in in safety and risk, but they say that it's, it's so much of a sport to them. And it's something they usually do, like I can't compute my brain to make it sexual or intimate. And when it's something like this, you know, that person has to be willing to put in work to kind of change those nodes or where things need to be able to make it something intimate or sexual. But it also may be something where that feels like work to them, it doesn't feel like fun. But at the end of the day, this person has to be willing to put in this work. And you also have to be open to maybe it doesn't work out with this person, maybe this isn't the person to engage with this with you. And then also, how important is this to your sexual or romantic relationships. So there's, there's a lot of things that you can do, it doesn't mean that any of them will work. Because that's really just dependent on each person, you're going to have things that are on your absolute No list that no matter how much education and how sexy, someone makes it, you're like, I'm never gonna do that. And that's totally fine. L.T. Hawk: Yeah, it's about compatibility. It's about having compatible, and complimentary desires, and interests. And things that we're enthusiastic about are things that we just are that we're even willing to do, like, things that we may do with our partners, we may not be as excited we may not be as driven or passionate about doing, but we're open to doing it because it brings our partners pleasure. So there is a range of spectrum, right. So I may not feel on fire about doing something. But I also may not be adverse to it, I may not be completely turned off by it, I'm willing to engage in it, but just finding where I'm willing to engage in it. And that's why, again, going back to having that precise language and being able to explain the different ways that we can play in this in this arena. So we were able to do that and then be able to point to different aspects of choking and breath, play and blood chokes and fantasy, and how we can set it up and how we can keep ourselves safe, that will allow that person to say, Well, you know, I may be like, I'm not super into it. But this sounds fun. This feels comfortable for me, I'm willing to play in this range and not not go beyond that at this moment. So it is giving people options. So it's not all or nothing, or it's like, Oh, I can't really do that. And again, like Lola said, it may turn out that this is not the type of the type of fun this person wants to have. And and that's perfectly great. You know, it is again, it's like assessing whether or not you have other opportunities to explore this in other ways, right? Maybe you have opportunities, explore it with other people, maybe have opportunities to explore it with professionals, maybe you have an opportunity to go to a class, you know, so there is again is just finding new areas and ways you can go and enjoy these things. Lola Jean: Or if it's the feeling that you're going for, like I want to feel held down and out of control, then maybe other activities you can do with that person. Maybe you don't do choking but you do wrestling, maybe you don't do choking bu you do bondage. So it's there' a lot there's a lot of differen options and don't feel like th worst if your person doesn' want to do thi Lola Jean: So talk to me about the neck what's going on with the neck? L.T. Hawk: Yeah, so the neck is running from your shoulders. And it's going to your face, right here. And on both sides, your neck running parallel, are your jugular veins and your carotid arteries, they're basically blood vessels that bring blood to the brain. So if you were to just gently press on the sides of your neck, you'll be able to, you'll be able to feel your pulse. Lola Jean: Could I be able to use my hands to close off someone's carotid artery? L.T. Hawk: to apply enough pressure on a carotid artery and the jugular with just one hand or even two hands. In order to be able to put someone to sleep. We don't know how long someone is restricted without air before there could be potential damage. If a blood choke is applied properly, there's not going to be a long time before someone will pass out. And that's why we have safe protocols to let our partners know when and we've had enough. Lola Jean: What happens if someone does pass out? L.T. Hawk: So the first thing to do if someone passes out is to lay them flat, we don't want to bring them up real fast, right? Because the blood is already not flowing to the brain. So if you bring them up higher, they're going to lose even more blood to the brain, they're not going to wake up. We don't want to do anything jarring, right? We don't want to push someone around or shake them, we don't want to slap them around that kind of deal, the best thing to do in order to bring the blood back to the head is to walk towards their feet, and you'll be facing them so there'll be lying flat, I will be facing them head on, and I would lift up their ankles, and then you would grab by the ankles just to kind of shake their legs. So if you shake their leg side to side, it, it helps pretty much wakes the brain back up. Lola Jean: So if someone does pass out, does this destroy brain cells? L.T. Hawk: So there's not a huge amount of risk for long term damage to someone when they are being put to sleep by carotid chokes or blood chokes. Lola Jean: So while there might be some brain cells that are lost, if we reach that point, there are many things that do that. Certain type of drugs are also going to kill brain cells. So pick your poison, or stay away from passing out if you can help it. So how do safe words work within choking, both verbal and nonverbal. We might be used to our verbal safe words. However, given the context of where the choking is occurring, whether it's fantasy or not, that might not work to our benefit. So we want to use non verbal safe words. This could be anything from kicking our feet and tapping them on the ground, tapping on our person multiple times, it could be also holding something so that when you let it go, that is the equivalent of the safe word. You want to have safe words in addition to the body's safe word, which is going to sleep. If you're not facing your person, it's really nice to have a mirror in front of you that way you can see their face. So you know exactly if they are going to go limp or go to sleep or just being conscious of any coloration changes, anything that you're doing. A lot of times what might be 10 seconds can feel like two minutes. And you're not going to have awareness of this, if you don't have a clock, it's also a good idea to really start building up. So we're gonna do 10 seconds on 10 seconds off. Keep building from there. There's no need to test your limits and see how far you can go or are capable of. You want to see what feels good, not what you can tolerate. L.T. Hawk: And when we talk about negotiating, keeping ourselves safe is that I wouldn't train with anyone, or even or do sessions with people when we're not talking about how do we keep ourselves safe. If I'm the person who's giving or I'm the person who's providing I need to know that this person is going to you know, follow the agreed upon protocols because I do not want to injure people. So yeah, the negotiation shouldn't be, hey, let's choke each other, or, hey, let's have a boxing match. Right? It's like Okay, good. Let's have a boxing match. How long is it? Forever? Are we're gonna do this until like, you know, one of us dies? Like, you know, it has to be something we have to agree upon a time limit. We have to agree upon, you know, the intensity level, you know, we have to reevaluate what we're going to allow to be done. Lola Jean: So something you should also discuss with your person before: have they ingeste any drugs or alcohol? Do the have any medical conditions yo should know about? I mean, ca people safely experience chokin with someone if one of th persons has ingested drugs or L.T. Hawk: No. My expert advice is to not engage in anything that restricts airflow or blood flow to your brain or to your lungs. When you have ingested any substances, if you are under the influence of any drugs and you still want to experience choking, that's what we're doing fantasy, which means there is not going to be any pressure applied or any restriction of any kind of blood flow to the brain. Physically aftercare, Lola Jean: And it could be also just checking in what happened? like, Oh, my neck might feel, you might feel some roughness What surprised you? There's only so much we can negotiate around your neck, you might make my feel dry. You know, some of beforehand, especially if this person hasn't done it. A lot of the things that I think are always important is to stay things are just gonna come up during. Bottom line is, you're hydrated. all already choking people anyways, you might as well learn how to do it correctly so you stop hurting people or potentially hurting people. Lola Jean: I think a lot of people feel adverse that they're like, I don't want any risk at all, I want to do things that are zero risk, no risk whatsoever. And that's why choking can be scary to them. But I mean, really, with everything that you do, like, there's always some level of risk, it's figuring out how much you're willing to assume L.T. Hawk: There may be some hesitancy to engage in certain activities. And it's like managing the risk. So I think it's about having good risk management. And anything you engage with sexually or intimately there is there is a risk, you know, even just the most what may be the most routine activities that you experience with your partner, there's a risk, you know, there's risks of STIs, there's risks of pregnancy, there may be risks of injury, there may be risks of, you know, signals being crossed, someone having an unpleasant time. So there's always way there's always going to be a risk, and it's about managing that risk. Lola Jean: And because it's not risk aversion, it's risk assessment. L.T. Hawk: So we're talking about what potentially could happen while engaging in choking. And what are the dangers in this particular form. So again, that's why we have created our terminology and created our program, so that each level or a different parts of each level have come with different risk. And that's the way you can manage your risk. Now, if I just say, hey, I want to do some, I just want to choke you, again, right? That person might say, Well, okay, well, what could go wrong, or they may have fears that they're unable to articulate, they may have fears that they don't know how to put words to. So by bringing up say, I want to do this, I want to put my hands around your neck, I want to do blood chokes, I want to hold you down. And I want to do fantasy with my hands or around your chest area. And you may say to that person, if I just have my hands around your chest area, you may feel some pressure down, you may feel like you may feel some some pain or if you feel some discomfort. And then you can talk about how that person alert you how your personal alert you to feeling and discomfort. And then we may talk about safe words may talk about signals. So it's really about, you know, managing the risk in that sense. And then when you are going into an elevated state of elevated play with choking, there's going to be another level of risk and talking about what we do to make sure that we can keep ourselves safe doing that, and letting them know, this is the these are the dangers that I know potentially could happen. And then that person can decide, okay, that sounds a little bit too much for me, or that might be okay, that that's cool. Or they be able to ask questions. So I think it's about knowing what the potential negative experiences are. And being able to, to be able to talk about that and communicate that and not bypass those conversations, because you're worried about, you may be concerned that the person may be scared off. So it's important to not bypass those situations, because they could be uncomfortable conversations, or they could bring up uncomfortable feelings. But it's better to bring up uncomfortable feelings in any conversation and negotiation about what type of play you are going to bring up an uncomfortable, actually uncomfortable feeling during the activity. Lola Jean: And I mean, think about both scenarios. And one, we talked about the risk, which doesn't mean that those things will happen. But these are things that could happen, let's be aware of it, here are the things we can do to you know, potentially prevent that, or to communicate more, and maybe you go through, it doesn't happen. Okay, great, cool, versus the other way where we don't talk about it ahead of time. And then the risk happens. And they're like, I didn't know that this thing was gonna happen. I didn't know that I could pass out I thought we were just doing fantasy. So making sure that we talk about these things prior. And again, it's so that they can understand of, okay, so I need to tap very often. So that way you can be aware of my discomfort. That's one of the great things, I think that's different from maybe the rest of BDSM is we often think of a safe word or a safe signal as something that's used in case of emergency. Whereas with choking, you should be using that a lot you should be using to tap quite a bit because that's the main way that your person is going to be understanding of either your level of discomfort or how much discomfort you're okay having or or pain or blood loss, breath loss, any of those things. So you should be doing that a lot. And if you do that a lot and you're able to communicate verbally, non verbally, then you're mitigating your risk, those things are less likely to happen. But you're going to have an easier time doing that if the person knows, oh, I'm communicating with you when I'm ready for this choke to end so I don't pass out because we don't want me to pass out that's a risk. But we don't want that to happen. We've communicated that at le Lola Jean: So if you're doing fantasy chokes, where there's no restriction to the breath or the blood, in theory, do you still need to understand what to do when someone passes out? Do you need all these lessons on safety? L.T. Hawk: I mean, it's the best thing is to, to have information. Because information about safety information about keeping yourself and other people safe is empowering. The more empowerment you have, the more confidence you have, the better you're going to be able to play freely, right, you'll have more freedom, because you'll know if in the event, something that you didn't foresee, or any event that you may be doing something fantasy 1000 times, or multiple repetitions with different people and never have the negative experience. But the one time you do have a negative experience, if you don't have the information, if you don't have the skills, you're unable to respond to an emergency. So having information and being able to respond to emergency is going to give you the confidence to be able to negotiate play with people across the board. So it's never going to hurt to know how to how to respond to an emergency. Now, this is an example. I'll give you an example. It's an analogy is that I may not use opioids, but I may still carry Narcan. Right, I may learn how to administer Narcan. So maybe I don't personally, maybe I don't personally engage in any activities where I may need to use an Narcan, but I may still learn how to do it. The reason being is because it is community care, right is being able to respond in case there is an emergency and I'm in this space. So I think it's best to learn all the skills to keep yourself safe, even if you don't venture into an area. So yeah, I think it's great, you would want to learn how to swim. Even if you're not going into the deep end of the pool, just in case, something happens in the shallow area that you do like to play. Lola Jean: So just because something wrong hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean you're doing it correctly. And a lot of people you might think that you're doing a fancy choke when you're actually restricting either breath or blood. And this could also be "I've done this 1000 times with one person, I understand them." But this next person's body and their body chemistry is just different. And what was nothing to one person was actually very restrictive to another. So it depends on the person that you're playing with, for them to be able to both understand and then communicate their body of is there being restriction applied. So especially when you're starting out, yeah, learn all of the potential risks that can happen, and then what to do in case that those do happen. Because then you'll be able to read people's body better of Oh, I thought I was doing a fantasy choke. But now it kind of looks like there's a bit of blood loss to your brain, especially from what you've been communicating of how you feel. Yeah. So even if you think you're just doing a fantasy choke, you also might not be if you don't have a lot of experience and understanding of what you're doing necessarily. So learn everything. And that will also give you educated decision of Oh, I don't want to do breath and blood chokes. I only want to do fantasy. I think you need to learn all three to decide which one you want. You don't have to do all three to decide which one you want. You can L.T. Hawk: yeah Lola Jean: I mean, we don't do as much breath play, or I feel like the kind of people think with like a hand around your throat. But that's because the, the risks are so much more different than blood play, you can engage in it safely. But if you go too far with blood jokes, and someone passes out, that's the body safe word. And then you can get them back to a state of consciousness, they'll be fine. Whereas if things go wrong with breath play, you don't have a pass out you have death, it's a it's a very serious risk. So hat's how we take it a lot more ingerly in general. And to be ery clear, because I see a lot f breath play education, p ssing out shouldn't be a part o breath play. Because it's p ssing out is not the same as w th a blood choke. Because w at's happening is the blood c oke, you're get, you're able t get breath into your lungs, b t it cannot go then, oxyge can't go to your brain. Ver us with breath play, you can t even get it into your lun s for it to go to your bra n. So that's also why we del neate the difference between bre th and blood chokes. A lot of eople put them all under the sam category or umbrella as bre th play, but it's really oxy en play. It's not breath pla . One of them is breath pla , but its oxygen, its oxy en, either going into the lun s or its oxygen going to the bra n. And that's why you know, one of them the valve was cut off sooner than the other, which is hy it's more risky. Lola Jean: We're gonna start with fantasy chokes. And you can administer this to yourself to feel what it feels like as well as to another person. The first way we're going to start is we're going to take our thumb and index finger and make a shape of the L, and then we bring it to our forehead. No, we don't, we take that. And what we're going to do is our chin is going to shelf in this little crevice kind of between our thumb and index finger. And each of these fingers is going to place underneath our jaw bone. And now my fingers, my other fingers, my middle, my ring, my pinky, those aren't really doing anything here, I'm pressing up sort of resting that onto my chin. And if I do want to add those fingers there for show, so those can move in towards my neck, I can even at this point, bring my hand in. But the only thing where there is pressure is just along my Jawbone here. If I did want to have two hands, I basically overlap those, making kind of a bird symbol. And that will be the same thing where my chin is going to rest in that middle, my index fingers are going to come up underneath of the jawbone, and then the rest of my hand can come in. So doing this just lightly practicing it to ourselves, and even practicing pushing up into our heads if we want to give a little bit more pressure. Not in, but up. L.T. Hawk: so we make the L Shape. Make the L Shape with your hands again, I'm just really concentrating on this ridge of between my thumb and my index finger. So as I apply, I'm going to, I like to start lower around the chest, and then I like to slide my hands up. Now this area right here is where the wind pipe in the trachea are going to sit. And there's not going to be a connection between the the wind pipe in my hand. So as long as it stays open and wide, there'll be no pressure on my partner's throat, if I wanted to add a little bit extra sensation to it, I'm going to take my opposite hand to the shoulder, and I just press down. So as I press down, I lift up. So you can also press down or press down towards the ground. And I keep rising, because you see my weight keeps going this forward, I'm also not face over face, I'm also off to the side, so that my weight is not pressuring down. So if I was to lose my balance, all my weight would not fall onto my partner. Yeah, and of course, you can be in any different position. So if you were doing something sexual, if you were having inner or outercourse, if you were staddling your partner, you could be in any position that feels good, whether you're here straddling over whether you're between a person's legs, I'm going to do the same thing. As I sit back and make the shape. I go up in here and my weights back, I'm sitting backwards not sitting forward. So if I want to bring my weight forward, I always kind of just make sure my head never goes past their head. If my head comes past their head again, I'm in danger of losing my balance. Sitting back, I can access other parts of the person's body and we can still have a lot of fun. I can also forego being around the throat with my hands at all. Mainly my partner doesn't like to have hands around their neck, we can still give them the sensation of feeling pressure down on their body by just putting the hands on the chest. So I'm not going to be on the breastplate here. I'm going to be high around the shoulders. So I bring my hands, two hands here. I come high towards the shoulder, so not on, but right here. There's a little space between your shoulder before you get to shoulder blade that's right here on the chest. I'm going to press down here. Now watch my weight, my weight's not coming forward. Again. Remember, my weight comes forward I lose my balance, I'm gonna fall on my partner. So I'm here I press down, my weight comes back, my hands come up. So my hips are down. So my weight is on the hips, which gives a bit of constriction as well. So I create some pressure down to hips, my hands drive down the shoulders, some people like to go down to elbows, elbows are funky, right, some people are really sharp elbows doesn't feel so good. So it's really nice to just be here. So kind of give like a little bit of massage. There's also restraint here. So this is also a restraining hold that can be nice and fun. Lola Jean: So if I'm doing the fantasy choke from struggling My partner and I want to do two hands. Now this is going to be a little bit more risky because I don't have a hand necessarily to base out on so I don't crush my person. So it's extra important that I lean my body back. So I'll overlap my hands and pull my body back even more, but I will do so and really leaning my body back so I don't risk pushing over and then falling onto their trachea. Now that's gonna be maybe a little bit difficult if your partner has a longer torso and you have shorter arms. As we kind of are in this scenario, it might be a bit easier if your partner has shorter torso and you have longer arms, but if you're going to do this with two hands, making sure to keep our body back or keeping it directly to the side and that way, I don't have to worry as much L.T. Hawk: But the idea is that you only want to experience this thing. Now do I need to learn something? I think what's great about learning the multiple different ways of applying chokes in this context is that it gives you again, a larger, no pun intended breadth of information, and safety. So there are certain things that will, you'll cover in safety with blood chokes, and oxygen chokes or breath chokes, that you may not need to cover in fantasy chokes, there's a different sensitivity that people have. So if you're able to learn different, different levels of pressure that people experienced, and the different levels of safety that's needed, in order to create an environment that feels competent, feels like you can assess the risk better, you'll be more you'll be more prepared. Lola Jean: Learning what you don't want and don't like, is just as important as learning what you like. And that way y u can have an under tanding of how and why the fanta y choke is different from a bre th or blood choke. Because if y u just learn the fantasy chok , that's great. And that's wond rful, and you should, but it's also important to have that that breadth, so you understand, here s why it's different, here are he different feelings. And it's fine if you don't want to ever engage in those at all. But havi g the understanding of all thre makes each one of those bett r, because you understand the ifference between them. L.T. Hawk: Yeah, and if someone presents a style of choking to you, and they may misrepresent it. you know, just just out of making a mistake, someone mayy misrepresent you'll be able to recognize that. So if you're someone who wants to receive or you have someone who's going to be administering the choke, someone may say, oh, I want you to do this thing this way. And that person says, oh, no, it's just a fantasy choke. You now have the information to say, oh, no, that actually isn't a fantasy choke, as opposed to saying, well, maybe it is. And I didn't learn that. So you're able to equip yourself again, the more information you have, the better you are to pick and choose and decide whether or not something is actually within that area that you're comfortable with playing as opposed to someone bringing something out. So if you hear some misinformation, you're there's Oh, no, that actually will create some pressure here that actually could lead to this risk. Um, so I'm not comfortable with it. Or if someone asked you to do a certain style of choke, you're able to modify it. So if you learn how to do if you learn how to do blood chokes, you learn how to do breath chokes, and you're able to now modify that into a way that it's only administered in a fantasy way So again, the more skills you have, the more information you have, the more empowered you're gonna be. L.T. Hawk: So this is where we're going to be doing air chokes. So I'm gonna be closing off air pathways to the lungs. So one way that we want to do that is, again, I want to avoid asphyxiation, which would be pressing down on the windpipe in order to restrict airflow to the person's body. And the way that we're going to properly perform suffocation is I'm going to be in a position where I can see my partner. So if I'm off to the side, so I can see their face, I can see if they're in any distress, I like to have a hand as a frame. So I can put my hand at the base of the neck, or the base of their shoulders, right. So where the neck meets the shoulders is where my hands going to rest, this is a nice also way to support them. So if the person was somehow feeling a little faint, or they needed to lay down, I can kind of feel where their body is going. And I can also bring them well. So I always like to be behind the person right here. So if the person does feel, if my person starts feeling a little faint, and they start falling back, I'm here to catch them, I can lay them down gently. I like to wear a glove. One, gloves are just more sanitary. Okay, so if I have nails, if I have any dirt or any oils on my hands, and I was unable to get off, I'm not transferring that oil, that dirt, or any contaminants to my partner's face, or Airways, or nose or mouth. So we want to do this in a timed way. So I'm not going to go crazy and just slap my hand across the face, I like to start off nice and easy. I'm going to take, I'm going to pinch my fingers, my thumb and my index finger, I like to go high. So you can see I'm not covering the mouth, I'm going to find one side of the nose, I'm going to close that. And then I take the other finger and I pinch down. And from here, I'm going to have already counted a couple seconds here. And I'm going to release and allow air to return to my partner's body. Lola Jean: And so I have the benefit where I can I can open my mouth and breathe. If I really need to, if I'm engaging in this play, I can choose not to and then just tap my person when I'm ready for it to end. So it's up to you as the person receiving it if you want your tap to be opening your mouth to breathe, or if you want to actually like physically tap your partner, L.T. Hawk: you can combine the two where I close the nose. And I'm just going to drop my hand down and cover the mouth here. So same thing counted to two to three, when my partner's ready, they'll tap me on the arm, and I'll release. You can cover the mouth, which is a really, really smooth way of doing it you just cover the mouth, so you kind of bring across and I'm just going to use a top ridge of my hand, basically the top finger, and I'm just going to slide it up to give some restriction to the nose. So here we go. I'm also cupping here, so I'm making this shape. So I go across the mouth, I cup my hand I slide up, you can use a thumb, pinch in a little bit. And I'm going to release before they tap. So I also want to play you want to play with the timing, you don't always want to go to a tap, you don't always want to go to the person's need to open up their mouth, you want to kind of just play with it right now in a different sensation to happen. Right, this is what I like to call like the the danger zone basically, right? This is where we can do some physical damage to someone by putting pressure on the throat. So right here in the front, we want to avoid that area here. Lola Jean: And this is a play that is very inherently dangerous. So it's important to err on the side of caution. And if this is something that you're into as the receiver, you will know. I found a lot of that to be mostly uncomfortable and not enjoyable, but I was able to put up with it. I'm probably not the ideal candidate for breath play in asphyxiation for that reason. L.T. Hawk: And I talked about being able to see your partner like where I'm seated now is not so easy for me to see I just have a ton of turn my head. And again, I'm going to use my body you know, so either I have my hand to base their back, or maybe I'm not even like wrapped around them and giving them a hug. Another good way is just kind of tilt the head to the shoulder. So I may tilt their head back to the shoulder so their head is now resting against my shoulder. And now I can start applying my hands in the right place. Because here goes my partner just passes out and feel somewhat faint, their head is not bobbling around, right? Lola Jean: And we could also have a mirror in front of us so that way LT doesn't need to constrict their body and they can just look directly in front which is really good for any position where you're behind your person. L.T. Hawk: Yeah, if a mirror is not handy, or a mirror is not able to be placed in an area you want to play put your phone on selfie mode, right you have your phone in a selfie mode, you can use that you can use a computer, a camera's viewfinder, anything that where you can be able to see each other is really good. Lola Jean: I think a lot of people are still you still think this is breath play. And you kno , we've gone over, hopefully you had it like hammered into you brain that you don't want to ut pressure on your trachea on our windpipe. So if that's sti l something that's within you fantasy for breath play tha you want to engage in, you can always combine so you can do a f ntasy choke. I can't talk, bu then do the breath play by holding different parts. So it c n be a two handed job. L.T. Hawk: I'll demonstrate Lola Jean: so many different ways that you can involve the other person because breath play is riskier. So if you were to give someone a bear hug, then that's going to be something that's going to restrict their breathing because their lungs can't expand. Yeah, but then f they add a breathing out, and y emptying their lungs before y u even do the bear hug back can ake it more so. So these are ays where you can involve the erson who's being administered n and it lessens that risk a b t because they're still in ontrol, their mouth is still pen, you can release and you an experience this for a bit of ime. L.T. Hawk: Yeah, body compression is a part of breath play. So by compressing the body by using your body by squeezing them, by stacking them with something or just laying on top of them. That is a form of breath play, you are restricting air to their body or are restricting oxygen, that the way that they're breathing. So always be considerate. Alway consider that and always b aware of that. And it's als another aspect of breath play that you can explore if you on't want to administer if you on't want to put your hands o put anything or objects a ound someone's face. You can com ress their breath or compress heir body in order to achieve this similar eff L.T. Hawk: So if Lola like wraps her arms like compresses my chest, so from behind Lola's gonna make this grip here, right, so I'm gonna bring Lola'ss arms up higher, like higher my chest was not basically right around my ribs. So Lola has his grip, we call it a gable grip. So it's fun. I'm making a cup in his hand goes over, I'm closing off my thumb. Okay, that's the grip low is choosing here. So whatLola is going to do is bring her chest forward into mine, yeah, in this squeeze here. Lola Jean: So, I'm not squeezing wih my muscles I have my whole front is against their whole back my elbows are into their sides, so we'remaking as much contact as we possibly can. I mean, if I just pushed my body in. L.T. Hawk: Yeah, and that's kind of restrict on my breathing. But what I'm going to do is simultaneously Lola is going to pull in, and I'm going to hold my breath for three seconds, and then I'm going to like go right, I'm actually gonna hold my breath for three seconds. As I let go, I'm going to tap Lola and Lola is going to release the hold. so I'm gonna take a deep breath in. Lola squeezes and then release here. So there again is like me timing it saying okay, how long would it hold it? Now I may say may not be three seconds, right? I'm gonna I may say I'm gonna tap and Lola knows when I tap what was gonna release the pressure, right? So I'm gonna hold my own breath as Lola does this to mee. But Lola can also do the compress around my lung area to restrict my air and I could not hold my breath and I still can feel some lack of air coming into my lungs. Right? But again, it's still a very safe, safe way to do it right. Oh, God, we're not face to face. But we have a mirror. We have cameras from my phone on selfie mode, right? I can see I can see what's happening. Audrey Fatale: Breath Play doesn't have to necessarily be about achieving the ultimate orgasm. In fact, most often than not, when I'm engaging in breath play, that's really not the aim of the game. What I really love about exploring that type of play is that there are a lot of different elements to it that can be drawn upon. So yes, while arousal, sexual arousal and enhancing that arousal is, is a lovely part of it, it doesn't have to be the main event, one of the things that I really enjoy playing with in a scene is fear. And what I really like about fear is the the intense psychological experiences that can come with that, that if managed in the right way can actually be really, really pleasurable. And for me, breath play is a really fantastic conduit to get to that point. So if you've got someone tied up to a bench, they're restrained, they can't move their limbs, and you start to restrict their breath. Well, that's a real threat to someone. And even though we're doing it in the context of a consensual and safe environment, that doesn't necessarily mean that the brain and the body receives it that way. So there's a lot of fun that can be had, playing with those concepts of fear and panic. I mean, ultimately, what we're doing is we're looking for the aftermath of those experiences. So when someone's afraid, they're in a fight or flight response. When the threat passes, their brain releases a whole lot of hormones into the body, that can be experienced in many different ways. Someone can feel elated, they might laugh, they might feel an enhanced level of intimacy with the person they're playing with, that might be an emotional intimacy, or it might be a sexual intimacy. So sometimes the body can mistake those well not mistake those feelings but interpret those feelings as sexual so it can enhance the sexual experience, which is often I think, the thing that a lot of people are chasing when they're incorporating elements of say, like erotic choking and that kind of thing into their sex with partners and stuff like that. So you know, there can be different ways to approach it. But what we're really trying to do is tap into these, you know, incredibly powerful experiences. Audrey Fatale: So where do you start, if you've decided you're interested in exploring breath play? Well, the most obvious place to start is the hands. It's one of the easiest and most controllable ways to engage in breath play with yourself or with someone else. So it's as simple as hand over the mouth, hand over the mouth, or nose, hand over the mouth, or the hand, pinching the nose. And that way you have complete control over how long you do it for, I mean, really, it's almost impossible to get a complete seal, you know, with a hand because there's lots of little gaps, you can get it quite tight. And if you pinch the nose hard enough, one of the fun aspects of using hands for breath plays that if you're doing it with a partner, you can sort of lean over them and pinch their nose and hold their mouth and, and sort of look at them in the eyes as you you know, tell them about all the nasty things you're going to do to them. But it also also allows you to, you know, to watch very closely for for their reaction as well to communicate with with your eyes, which is very important part of breath play is, maintaining forms of communication throughout the whole process. Now, while I'm not advocating for people to engage in auto erotic asphyxiation, it's probably one of only a couple of activities I would suggest, okay to explore on your own because you can do that. And should you get to the point where you've held your breath and you become dizzy and or fall into unconsciousness, which is unlikely, of course, your hands will just drop away, and you'll be able to start breathing again, without any concerns that your your airways are blocked, so the hands are a perfect place to start. Also, other parts of the body. So one of one of the sexiest ways to engage in breath plays to incorporate your breasts or if you don't have breasts, your buttocks or another fleshy part of the body. So that's breath play / smothering, which is a very fun and sexy way to engage in breath play with a partner. Something else you can do is use a piece of clothing, such as a T shirt, or you might use a pillowcase. So these things, sort of beginners techniques because they can give the sense of having breath restricted and sort of give the feeling of, you know, the face being covered. And it can help people get used to sort of the feeling of claustrophobia. But generally, things like t shirts and pillowcases, still quite porous. So there's not a really severe and sudden, you know, stopping of breath entirely. So that can be fun to play around with your partner to test the waters a little bit and see how long they're able to cope with that sort of thing covering their face. If you want to go up a little bit from there, you can go to something like a plastic bag, which obviously everyone has in their drawers. Now, this can be fun because it allows you different levels. Again, you can play with the probably the sort of on the lower end of the scale just by putting a plastic bag over the head, but without restricting the neck in any way. So again, it gives that feeling of something being on the face, you'll start to feel, you know, it might move in and out on the breath against the mouth. And that can be quite an exciting, exhilarating experience. If you want to intensify that you can put your hands around the neck and or put some masking tape or something around the neck to to escalate that play a little bit. Something you can do is poke some holes in the plastic bag. So while you are still restricting the breath, it's it's not that you know the person knows that there is at least that little bit of air that is still able to come in, which might allow you to kind of push through that fear factor a little bit and go a little bit further with it. So a couple of other household items. Because you might have that would work well with breath play is, if you've got masking tape, or gaffa tape, you know, you can just place that first over the mouth, which sort of you know, is a little bit restrictive. And you can then add to that by placing over the nose, you might create a tight seal or you might leave you know enough of a gap so that a little bit of air can come through. But it's a good way of, again, playing with the idea of it, getting someone used to what it feels like to have that restriction. And you know, it's a cheap and easy way to to get involved. And another thing is, I know this looks a little bit fancy, but it's it's just glad wrap or we call it glad wrap in Australia. saran wrap pallet wrap, plastic wrap, you know you've got it in the kitchen, this is just a small roll of it. So it's, I really enjoy having this to play with for many reasons, but one of them is it's a very quick and easy way to wrap around someone's head. And again, you can in case someone fully with it, or you can leave little gaps. It's whatever you'd like to do. But it's quick and easy to get on. And perhaps more importantly, it's quick and easy to get off as well. Now if you're wanting to kind of take a step up from there and you're interested in things specifically designed for breath play, then we can start moving into the realm of hoods and rebreathers rebreather bags. So this is probably a good place to start for people who want to get into perhaps if you're a rubber fetishist, or you'd like latex play or you like medical play, and anesthesia mask, with a rebreather bag, on the end can be a really fun activity. This is also something you can use on your own reasonably safely, as long as you don't use the, the straps that attach it to your head because you can use straps with it. But this is a nice way to play with reducing the breath gradually. And it's rather simple, obviously. It's just putting it on your face and the bellows, fill up withdrawal fill up withdraw. And after a minute or so it starts to you start to labor for your breath. Because you've you've you know you've used up your all your oxygen, so something like this is a little bit of fun, and it has the element of menace about it as well. And if you're someone who likes the idea of medical play, you know, the kinky doctor with the very badly behaved patient, this is a nice kind of toy to play with. From there, you could incorporate things like Breathe, breathe, or hoods. So this is a just a basic latex hood, which you can pull over someone's head now this one has a big bellow in it, but it also has a very small hole there. So it's enough to make the wearer you know, have to really focus on their breathing and their breathing is restricted but it's not entirely stopped or you know, their ability to breathe is not entirely removed. So this is one of my favorite recordings because it's something you can have the submissive or your bottom or your partner they can, they can wear that for quite a long time. It's it's quite psychologically intense. So that's a big part of breath play. Well, at least it is from my perspective, and I'll touch on that a little bit more. But you know, I don't necessarily want to stop someone from breathing Well, I don't really want to stop someone from breathing. I like reducing their breath. But not you know, not really shutting it off for any, you know, any length of time. It's more about the reduction of the breath. Now this is the next level up with a rebreather bag that doesn't have any holes in it. So a little bit scarier for some people. It's very easy to get on and off. So that's what you want to think about when you're engaging in breath play. What are you doing, what are you putting on and how long is that going to take to get off if you need to get that off immediately. So something like this is, it's just an elasticated bag. Now, the point of this is it does go on and comes off very easily. But this is obviously not something you would be using on yourself. Because if you lose consciousness with this, it's not coming off. And for me as a practitioner, I can get this off very, very quickly. If someone starts to panic or feel like they're in distress, this is also very enjoyable because aesthetically, it's very pleasing with the translucent latex being able to see their face underneath and the bag sort of, you know, move in and out, I say, breathe. Anyway, probably going from there, you might want to consider moving up to something like a, a mask, like a proper gas, like a gas mask. So what I'm trying to say. So these are fun, if you're again, if you're into like rubber and latex, heavy bondage, sensory deprivation type of play, there's something like this is it's quite basic, then they're inexpensive, and they allow you a lot of possibilities. So for example, here, I mean even wearing it on its own, it's, it's, it's going to give you the feeling of having your breath restricted, even though there is still a little bit of airflow going on. But being completely encased like that does, you know give you a sense that you are a little bit more aware of your breath. But you can have some lovely attachments for something like that. One of my favorites is a well, I call it a peace bottle. But I don't think that's its technical term. It is designed to hold liquid, and it attaches to a gas mask, as I've just shown you. And the idea is that as the wearer breathes, their breath comes through this hole in the top, it goes through the water, or urine or whatever else you've put in there, and then through the tube, and it makes breathing harder. So you know, this is this is quite an intense experience. And it can be toned down or turned up depending on how much liquid you have in the container. So the more liquid there is, the harder it is to break, the more water there is for your breath to have to get through. And also the, the tube, if the tube is long, it takes a lot longer for the breath to get through. So it can be a very intense experience. So again, this is something where the breath isn't entirely restricted. But it's, it's reduced in a way that can be quite challenging for the person. So that's just some of the ways that I play with breath in my sessions, you can you know go well beyond that if you're exploring you know heavy bondage and, and sensory deprivation and stuff like that. And you can also even go into the realm of using medical, medical machinery and, and things like that, but that's sort of getting to the more advanced end of the spectrum. Audrey Fatale: Breath play comes with real risks. So the best way to mitigate those risks is by educating yourself. And to have an awareness around what it does to your body, what the potential for harm is, how to manage that harm, but also to give you the language and the understanding to be able to have a conversation with another person about it. And to ask the right questions about it. If you're wanting to explore that type of play with someone else, it's not just the responsibility of the top or the person administering the breath play to know what they're doing. It's as much the responsibility of the submissive or the receiver to also educate themselves as much as possible around techniques and risks associated with that play. Along with the most obvious risks associated with breath play, it's also important to consider some other risks that might be present and might. It might suggest you are not a candidate for breath play, or that someone who has requested breath play with you is maybe not it may or may not be the best course of action to go down. So it's important to find out from people if they have any medical conditions, particularly relating to things any sort of heart condition would be an absolute red flag. If anyone had any type of fitting condition such as epilepsy, for example, that would absolutely be something to be avoided. You would also need to take into consideration is there any type of medication that can cause dizziness, lightheadedness, palpitations, increase in blood pressure, for example, or decrease in blood pressure, any of those things, you just want to steer clear of playing with these, you know, these these techniques that can put some stresses on the body. Another thing to consider is if someone suffers from claustrophobia, in fact, sometimes people don't really realize they're suffering from claustrophobia, until they find themselves in a situation in which they are experiencing it. So it's always best to be prepared for a very quick change of direction when it comes to exploring play like this. Often fantasy is better than reality. So always be prepared and equipped and present because it might just be that you start something and you need to stop it at, you know, quicker than you had anticipated. Lola Jean: Okay, so moving on now to blood chokes. So this is strangulation and we know that it's not going to work with our hands, we're not going to put a lot of pressure on our hands, I'm not going to be able to get the carotid artery there. So this version is an abridged rear naked choke, A Rear Naked Choke is actually a very more advanced move, and it can almost be too effective. And we want to play, we want to have fun. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to use my arm, so the arm is going to be the bit that is going around the carotid artery, my elbow is going to act similarly to the fantasy choke where we had that kind of nook between our thumb and index finger. So that's where the trachea, the windpipe will be. So it gives it a bit more space. So I'm only applying pressure along the side of the neck and not the front. So as I do this, I'll go behind my person. And depending on my height, I'm a bit shorter, I might have to go higher on my knees, you might go lower, you might be on your butt or not, that's just gonna depend on your height differentials. But I'll come behind my person and take my arm around their neck. Depending on my arm size or their neck size, I can maybe just do it right away, or I might need to take my body this way in order to get my elbow right in the space. So I do this here, and I'm going to bring that hand to meet my other shoulder. So I'll do this here. And now what's nice about this is I can have my head near theirs my front is pressed against their back. So we have a lot of nice body contact, a lot of times with choking, it's very far away, and not necessarily having that intimacy. So once I'm here it's more about making different shapes, so I can move my hand further back onto my shoulder to make a shape that is slightly more constricted, I could also just lift my shoulders up and give a shrug, that's going to make an area that is slightly more constricted, it's lessening that shape, until I'm in a space where whether my goal is to restrict that blood flow from the brain, or if my goal is just to make this slightly more uncomfortable for LT. So with a scissor hold, we're going to be using the same kind of movement that we did with our arms in the abridged rear naked choke, but now this is going to be with my thighs. Now my thighs are even fleshier and they take up much more space than my arm. So I'm going to be able to get a lot more of that surface area and think of how much more that is than just our little fingers. The great thing about this too, is I'm going to leave the trachea pretty much untouched. So I really eliminate that risk. This can be done in many different positions. This one is one of my favorites just because of how much access I have to my person's face. And also how much access their arms have to my legs being able to either touch that for added intimacy or to tap that for it to be able to let go. So in this position, I'm going to want to slide up to get basically my crotch as close to this person's neck as possible. Once this is here, I'm going to take my legs and extend those and even if I just extend them like a backpack, I have pretty decent sized quads. So LT might already be feeling a little bit of restriction on their neck. When I want to be able to administer this further, what I'm going to do is I'm going to cross my ankles, I am not using my muscles, I am not clenching them. Ideally, I don't want to be able to do that at all. When I want to apply more constriction, what I'm going to do is extend my feet outwards. So I extend those more. And if I wanted to apply even more construction beyond that, I still wouldn't use my muscles and clench my muscles. What I'll do is then I'll just bridge my hips up, because that's going to move LT's neck up, that's going to be further into my quads into my muscles. So we can do a scissor hold from many different positions including on our back. And this is great because I have the entire back of LT's neck where I can be able to rest my legs and my feet instead of that driving into the ground. here if I also maybe want to make it more erotic or have that control, I can pull their head into mine or I can shoot my legs up to get my crotch as close to their neck as possible. So in this position, I will then move my legs around here and a very similar thing. I'm locking my ankles. I'm not using my muscles. I'm not clenching them. I'll do the same thing. extend my ankles out. Unknown: And I can bring them back in. You okay? Lola Jean: I don't want to be on their ears, I want to be conscious of that, because that's just gonna hurt and be uncomfortable. But this is a great place where we can move to many other sexual activities if we so desired. So this is going to be a little more difficult for the scissorhold, because my legs are driving into the ground, there's less place for them to go. So I'm going to want to elevate my person's head a bit more to be able to get my legs in that same sweet spot on their neck. But this time, they have a very nice, potentially, view. L.T. Hawk: Some of the dangers of playing with choking is auto erotic asphyxiation. Auto erotic asphyxiation is something that we don't teach because it is very risky. And the tragedies that have befallen people who have tried it sometimes can lead to permanent damage or even death. Now, one of the really good things about doing choking with a partner is that you have someone there who's keeping you safe, you have someone to look over you. So we want to go over some things that you can do on your own, that are much less riskier, and do not lead to death, or permanent damage. Lola Jean: So maybe you want to feel what this feels like a little bit. But you have control over your own hands. And you can choose to stop this at any time. And a great way of doing that is what we called a butterfly choke. So I can Macarena my hands to each side, and bring those closer to my neck. So they're a bit wrapped around, hands crossed over my chest. And I'll do something similar to that abridged rear naked choke, where I can just shrug my shoulders up. And hold that and you can feel here a little bit restriction on my voice. And same thing, using that time on time off, I could even choose to look in a mirror to see any differences in my face. But I could definitely feel that I could definitely understand the change in blood flow to my brain just by administering that on my own. Let's say you did this and you passed out, you're gonna pass out and then your arms release. If you also want to be conscious of that you don't want to pass out and potentially hit something, hit your head have a concussion. So maybe you want to lay back on something on the bed, a pillow while you experienced this. But keeping true to that time on time. L.T. Hawk: If you're really going to want to engage in self play, and self restriction of your airflow or your blood flow, let someone know that you're doing it as maybe as uncomfortable or maybe embarrassing as it may be there's nothing more embarrassing than having accidents and not having someone who can come to your aid. One concern that everyone has is knockouts, pass outs, someone going unconscious, what we talked about before is always supporting the head. So if I was behind the person, when they passed out, I want to support the head and help them safely return to the ground, safely returned to the floor or somewhere that is soft. When someone is passed out. The thing that I do not want to do is to yank them forward. So I don't want to just immediately start bringing their head up. So what I'm going to go is go to the legs, as I move towards their feet, I'm going to be facing them here, I'm going to grab both of their ankles, I'm going to have a grip on one side and the other. If you have someone else with you, you can have another person, one person, grab one leg, one person, grab another leg. So I'm going to lift up the legs and knees come towards the face. I'm going to walk forward. As I come up, I'm going to extend their legs and again, I want to have their legs at 90 degrees or 45 degrees here. I use my legs kind of as a brace, and I'm just going to shake their legs here. It'll bring awareness back to the person, maybe they may wake up. Let me know that they're awake, I'll put their legs down. And then they're gonna ask me what happened. I'll let them know that they did pass out then everything's okay. And I'm here for them. And then we'll attend to whatever needs they may have. May they need to take a drink of water, maybe they need to rest. But you want to help them up if they want to get up. Let's tell them to take it a little slow. Yeah, maybe support the head. Help them bring them up, you know, give them maybe give them a hug and make sure your partner's cared for Lola Jean: Okay, but I've been I've been blood choking people with my hands, and nothing bad has happened yet. L.T. Hawk: Yeah, I mean, some people have been speeding in cars every day down the road and never getting in a car accident. But is there a risk? Is their risk elevated? You know, by doing so, of course, right? I think we all can, would agree with that. And maybe some people wouldn't. But yeah, so anytime that you're, you're doing something without really having a good understanding of the of the skill, the technique or how to keep people safe, or what the risk are, yeah, you may be able to, for lack of a better term, you know, get away with it, or you may be able to get really good at doing something incorrectly. So when you're able to start developing better knowledge, getting deeper, deeper, teaching deep learning, you're able to develop better skills, then you're going to be, you're just gonna be a more more attractive partner to play with. Lola Jean: Yeah, and it's, I mean, again, it kind of goes back to risk assessment. And, for us, especially if it's not just about when we say something, this choke isn't efficient. It's not efficient, to try to blood choke with your fingertips. So it's not efficient, that doesn't mean that, oh, it's not going to get the job done, it's not going to give someone that high or make them pass out. Because again, that's not necessarily always our goal. But in terms of the risk involved to what you're going to potentially get out of this, it's not efficient, because it's a lot of risks with how much pressure you would need to put on your fingertips. And that makes it a lot riskier that you're going to have discomfort, you're going to have bruising, things that can totally be eliminated with different ways of administering a blood choke. So, you know, yeah, you can speed in a car all all you want and not get hurt. And that can be fine. But it does have your risk level. And that particularly has a much higher risk level, that that just really isn't necessarily needed to get the outcome. And when I say outcome, it doesn't mean passing out, it just means that the restriction of blood, the outcome is some level of restriction of blood, or if you're doing, you know, a breath chokes some level of restriction of breath, and you figure out what level of restriction that you are comfortable with or that you want. L.T. Hawk: Yeah, I mean, you can cut a sandwich with a fork. I mean, I mean, there's so many things that you can do, without, without having the right tools, and still be able to reach your desired outcome. You know, but there's a there's the thing, right, you want to have the best tools, you want to be equipped with the best information, you want to be equipped with the best skills in order to have the best possibility of always having the kind of results you want to have. So the more that I do things properly, I increase the probability that I'm going to have the desired result. So the more information we have, the less the less ignorance that we have around an activity, the safer We are the we are able to eliminate some of the risks some of the negative risks, and we're able to minimize some of the negative outcomes from engaging in these activities. Lola Jean: And we're just showing you some of our favorite or what we feel are the best and safest ways to practice these different types of chokes. Yeah, there's like 10 ways to Sunday, there's so many different ways that you can restrict someone's breath, restrict someone's blood, or apply a fantasy joke. So these are the ways that we feel most comfortable to be able to teach people to engage in this for the first time. So it's, it's there's a lot of different ways to do it. That doesn't mean these are the only ways that work. These are not the only ways that will get whatever outcome it is that you're looking for. But these are the best and most comfortable way if you especially if you're just starting out, yeah, L.T. Hawk: this is a foundation. So we want to give you foundational tools, in skills so that you can start playing, you can start exploring, and then from there, you're going to build on it right and you're there, you may learn some new skills, but you you're going to already have this introductory foundation to build on. As opposed to saying this is like Lola said, this is not the exhaustive list. This is not every possible way that you can, you can do breath plank. This is not every possible way that you can do blood chokes, or even fantasy jokes. But again, when you're learning and you're building and you're getting, you're gaining that confidence, then you're gaining that experience, then you're going to be able to again, start developing your own style, you're going to start maybe discovering things, but being able to discover new ways of applying these techniques needs to be built on a foundation of where you can say I can always go back I can always scale back this is not working out or this is not getting the kind of results or the experiences I want to have. You know that you can always scale back You know, you can keep yourself safe, you know that you can communicate what your desires and what your needs are and allow people to express their boundaries around the play because you have a good foundation. Lola Jean: And I think it's important, these are foundational moves, they're not necessarily beginner moves. Because with that foundation, you're going to keep this with you for I still use the founding, they're great their foundation moves. So it's not that these are beginner and you know, then you have to work your way up to advanced moves, and you're not going to use these again, they're its foundation. So they're all great and it's something that you can use, whether you're advanced or beginner and that's kind of the beauty of it as well is that if you want to learn different things you can but it's also just not necessary. If these are like the, here's the main tools in your tool belt, you can acquire more tools, but you're probably going to always need these ones.