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Sex and Disability Educator
A Sex and Disability Educator, with over 15 years of experience in the sex-ed field. After discovering the lack of adequate information out there, Sweeney paved the way for people with disabilities to explore and empower their sexualities.More by This Instructor
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Hello, everybody. My name is Cameron. This is Eva because Eva is non-verbal. She's written out everything that she wants to say. So in this hour, we're going to be talking about dating, disability, adoptive sex toys and assisted masturbation. And feel free to follow along in the handout that we attached in your purchase for this recorded video. All right. So, dating and disability, needing assistance with daily activities can make dating complicated. But if you discuss things with everyone involved, that can make everything easier. If you're if you had just met someone, you might want to just get to know them as a person without having them help you eat or go to the bathroom. It also might be a little daunting for the other person if you ask them right away to help you out with these personal things. However, the other option of having a third person along on a date is weird at first. One way that is this awkwardness is to take the time before the date to explain to your new interest why you need and want your aid to go on the date with you. Also, you can discuss with your aid if and when they can take a walk. My former aide and I had a code when I pointed to the colon symbol on my letter board, she would find a subtle way to leave the situation. Also, if your new, if your new significant other, who wants to help you out with some things, your aid can show them how and give them pointers. Obviously, you have to get along with your aid pretty well to bring them along on a date with you. Your crush will probably be a little weird about having your aid there at first, but they will get used to it. If on your second or third day you feel like letting your aide take walks for longer and longer periods of time, that's okay. My ex-girlfriend Heather, used to say, Eva, I will be just fine. We'll see you at five. And it was cool. I was cool with it because I knew that she would be cool with it. I would not want to put someone in a position where they had to help me, but they didn't want to or they didn't know how. Also, people can have invisible disabilities, which means they might look fine but have chronic pain, anxiety, depression, or other unseen mental and physical conditions. So if your date tells you that you have an that they have an invisible disability will leave them, you might have to alter what you do on dates like if they have chronic pain. Hiking would probably not be a good idea, but just let them tell you their limits and don't push them into doing things that they don't want to do. When you're disabled and start dating a new person, the discussion of your disability is inevitable. This conversation could become uncomfortable, but it certainly doesn't have to be. If your disability is obvious right away, then this conversation can be a little easier. Rather than giving your partner a speech about your disability, ask more questions. They have to first sort of first open up the conversation. Tell them specifically how your disability affects your everyday life and how it affects your sex life. If it does. What works in bed and what doesn’t is a good place to start. And this conversation should go both ways. What you like in bed and what your partner likes in bed are both equally important things to know. This conversation should be fun, like flirting or foreplay. All my partners have been really cool about my C.P cerebral palsy because I have been upfront about it and frankly, their coolness about my disability turns me on. If your lover to be incurred with something, if your lover to be wants to encourage them to touch you in non-sexual ways before you all move into the erotic special, super sexy fun time together, in order for them to get comfortable with how your body feels and moves. For example, I want my partners to feel how tight my muscles can get so that I don't break their necks while we're doing it. Knowing that my partner's are aware of how my body works makes me feel more comfortable as well. It is good to remember most disabilities can change day to day. Like if you have more pain one day or not much the other another. So even if you have already have a talk about your disability with your partner, it might be good to do a quick check in before and during sex just to let them know how you're feeling. Eek. Safer sex. Talking about safer sex can be uncomfortable, but it is critical to you and your partner's health. The hardest part of having this conversation is just starting broaching the subject. It's kind of awkward, but once you get started, it's not that bad. Discussing the details of what protection you want to use is very important. Disclosing your HIV or STDs status is also very important, even if it's just to say, Hey, I've never been tested before. Yeah, if you're polyamorous or monogamous. This is also an important discussion to have. If you agree to be in an open relationship, this is the kind of protection that you agree upon between each other. Carry on to other lovers outside of your relationship. Do you want to know about it each time that your lover has sex with other people? These are very important questions to ask yourself and your partner. Sex toys, as you may know, are objects to use in solo sex or in sex with others to stimulate body parts. We will be discussing how to adapt a few kinds of toys today. Vibrators are literally vibrating objects that come in a variety of shapes and sizes, sizes. There are vibrators that you can take in the water, such as a rubber ducky shaped vibrator. There are vibrators designed for internal or external stimulation, or for both the right wingers that are attached to cock rings. There are plastic rubber and silicone vibrators. All of these options basically mean that you are probably going to be able to find a vibrator that works for you. For people with little hand control, a traditional style vibrator that is just phallus shaped might not be ideal as they move around a lot. A flexible vibrator may work better because you can position it in a way that you want it, and it generally stays in place. If you know you want to use your toy anally, you need to be sure and find one with a flared base or else it could get lost inside you and that is not a f you a fun e experience. E.R. An emergency room trip. Also, I should have explained in the beginning, I think because he was nonverbal. I mean, she's typed up this whole class, but the way that she typically communicates is using the laser pointer on her head and a letter board that you cannot see that is in front of you. So if there's any additional things she wants to add during this class, I will be spelling it on this board anyways. Yeah. So that's not a fun E.R. trip. You definitely want to get a flared base with any of your anal toys. Yeah. If discretion is important to you, there are vibrators that just don't look like vibrators and said they look like make up or rubber duckies or other sundry items. Dildos also come in lots of shapes, sizes and colors. They can be used for self penetration or for penetrating your partner. And there are single sided and double sided dildos. Dildos can be hand-held, used with a harness or with any other body. Part that you find works for folks who find using a harness. Difficult double sided dildos are good because you can put one side inside of yourself or wedge between your legs and the other side to penetrate your partner harnesses, to attach dildos to your body, come in many different sizes and styles, and you can get them customized to your shape of your body. There are harnesses that go on your hips and waist and chest and chin and leg, just to name a few. Yeah, with some harnesses, your dildo will be in the place where most people's penises are the pelvic harness. For some people, it's easier or more fun to use a leg harness or a thigh harness, especially if you have spasticity in your hips. For people possessing a phallus. So there are toys especially made to be penetrated. In addition to the traditional blow up dolls, there are also cyber skin, flashlights and masturbation sleeves. These work by putting your phallus in them and having fun, but do require a certain amount of hand and or pelvic control in order to enjoy them. Also, there are three vibrators that vibe vibrating c0c cock r i and vibrating cock rings that are e q u i require l e s s less l less h a and hem control so yeah. See out with masturbation sleeves. These work by putting your phallus in them and having fun, but do require a certain amount of hand or power control in order to enjoy them because of that. But anyways, lube helps sometimes more. It can make things really slippery and harder to manage, sometimes using pumps to draw blood into your phallus, clitoris or nipples can also be really fun. If you're interested in starting to integrate sex toys into your sensual life, we recommend checking out all your options out in person for yourself at your friendly local sex store. Some places are creepy and don't have staff, but you'd really want to talk to about what makes you feel good. Masturbation. Jerking off. Meow. Self-love. Whatever you want to call it. It is a very, very healthy part of sexuality. Typically, this is done in private. People don't generally announce to others like, Hey, I'm going to go jerk off. However, for some of us, jerking off with no systems is just not possible. This section will cover what is just the masturbation is how to have that conversation with your aides and how your aide can help you with it. So first, what is assisted masturbation? Assisted masturbation means exactly what it sounds like. Masturbation with someone's assistance. Assisted masturbation is not sex with someone. And this is not someone jerking you off either. The person who is helping you just sets you up. Whether that means pulling your pants down so you can touch yourself, handing your sex toy, or putting a sex toy in a place that you need it. Once you are set up, your aide can just go and enjoy a little alone Time to themselves while you enjoy some special alone time to yourself. This method of assisted masturbation is very respectful of both you and your aide, even lost it because you do not involve your aide in the actual sexual part that way. Oh, the way that you let your aide know that you're done will vary from person to person. For example, someone might use their voice if they're verbal, to call their aide over. Others might have to go and get them from another room, if that's possible. Or you might use a call bell or text them. Whatever works for you and your specific situation. Okay. So now we're going to move on to talking to your aide about assisted masturbation. The discussion of whether or not your aide will be comfortable with assisting you with masturbation is often a delicate one. You should never for someone to do this if they are not comfortable with it. However, if you bring it up in a frank manner, explain exactly what it is that you need. It helps your aide to understand that you are not asking them for sex. Explain the process. Clearly discuss when you need assistance and at what point your aide can leave you alone. Your aide may be worried that you're hitting on them or that you find them right away. They need to know that you are not asking them in particular because you find them attractive. This is about your needs, not about your relationship with your aide. Allow your aide to think about it if they need to. If it is a requirement for the job, you have to tell the person when you interview them. You should not feel shy or uncomfortable when you ask your aide about this because it might make them feel uncomfortable to everyone masturbates. And you should too. Even if you need help. Okay, so how does someone help with assisted masturbation? This section is going to be geared towards AIDS and giving tips for assisting masturbate, assisting someone with masturbation. If your employer asks you about this and you do not feel comfortable with it, feel free to just say so. You can decline in a calm and pleasant manner and not a frantic one. If you decide to assist someone in masturbation, do not judge how much he or she does it or the way that they do it. Be aware of confidentiality issues in regards to masturbation. For example, if your employer has roommates and doesn't want them to know that they are masturbating or know what they're doing while you're taking your little break, you have to respect their wishes and not tell them to make sure that you set up the objects correctly and that things are turned on if necessary. If they're using a vibrator, you may need to check that it is on the setting and speed that they want and make sure that you are within earshot or accessible to that person somehow after you leave them alone. After assisting them a couple of times, it's a good idea to check in with them to see if there's anything, any of their needs have changed or if anything needs to be changed. Sorry. Yes. This should not be that different from the other parts of your job, like helping someone shower or helping someone either. So that's about it for this class on Sex and Disability. If you're interested in learning more about other classes or the work the even does, please check out crimping up sex with eva.com. Thanks everybody. Hope you have a great day.