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Playfighting Online Course:
Making Wrestling for Lovers Safe & Fun

Lola Jean
Sex Educator & Dominatrix
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About This Course

Dive into the playful side of intimacy with this video course by Lola Jean. Learn through practical techniques how to add playfighting into your intimacy for deeper pleasure and trust.

What You Will Learn

  1. Understand the goals and pleasure in playfighting
  2. Learn how to keep yourself and your partner safe during play
  3. Explore techniques to restrain your partner
  4. Engage with techniques to escape restraints

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Quick results & easy-to-follow instructions.

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For everyone. Singles, couples, all genders and orientations.

Your Instructor

Lola Jean

Sex Educator & Dominatrix

Expand your sexual horizons with Lola Jean, a Sex Educator and Pro-Domme who offers a fresh perspective on sexuality and kink. Lola equips you with the tools and knowledge to explore beyond your perceived limits, fostering personal growth and exploration.

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Lessons and Classes

Total length:
30-60 min
  1. 1. Welcome to Playfighting
  2. 2. The Goals of Playfighting
  3. 3. Negotiation and Safety
  4. 4. Questions to Ask Yourself and Your Partner
  5. 5. Grips and Positions
  6. 6. Body Bondage
  7. 7. Escapes and Fluidity

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Wrestling for lovers plays fighting. It's not WWE, it's not MMA, it's not any other collection of letters. It is its own thing. My name is Lola Jean. I'm a sex educator, a fetish wrestler, and an occasional pro DOM. I'm Lt. I'm a sex educator, kink trainer, a fetish wrestler as well. And I'm an erotic artist and performer. So we have been teaching wrestling for lovers class for about five years. And you don't want me to talk about how we're trying to make it so people don't hurt each other? L.T. Hawk: Well, we definitely want to, we definitely want to be able to bring this style of play fighting to people and keep them from injuring themselves, right, a big part of what we do is harm reduction, mitigating risk, and allowing people to explore in ways that keep themselves safe. So definitely want to keep people from hurting themselves. Lola Jean: And this is something that you can engage in, in a fun way, no matter how small, you are, tall you are.... heavy, light, whatever your differentiation to your partner is. I'm a short person, I don't know if you can't tell by my hair and my giant personality. I am five"three, I am not a giant person. And when I started doing fetish wrestling, I realized that because of the height differentials of the tall men, the big men that I'm wrestling, I needed to learn a bit of skill. So I call upon my friend LT here, who was able to teach me a lot of different movements and holds. But as I started doing this, in my sessions, the things I've learned started creeping their way into my sex life. L.T. Hawk: Well, I started actually wrestling in elementary school. So I started.. Lola Jean: It was noterotic then? L.T. Hawk: it was not erotic to me at all. I mean, wearing as a little kid who was like, very body self-conscious about their body and having to wear a singlet and then go out in front of a bunch of people all the time. It wasn't erotic at all. And I don't even think I could even I didn't even think I knew what the word product was. So yeah, did it competitively done as an instructor, and also just done a ton of training with so many different people, different body types, different shapes, different experience levels, different physical abilities Lola Jean: wrestling is going to be different from fetish wrestling or play fighting. And the reasoning is that both fetish wrestling and play fighting which are going to be similar things, they're going to have different goals, they're going to have added levels of safety, there's going to be a bit more playing along, less competitiveness. So in the world of Fetish wrestling, we have competitive and semi competitive and the difference between these two is in competitive each person is allowed to overpower their partner where in semi competitive, it's more about resisting. so there isn't this worry of overpowering, but it's feeling this resistance feeling this struggle, which is really a lot of the draw of why people can find this enjoyable. The goals of play fighting are going to be different. The goals of this could be to take turns in the top position or take turns winning fighting for top. Your goals just could be to be silly and fun and monkey around. L.T. Hawk: And your goals are really should be not about beating someone right? So we don't it's not about you crushing someone or smashing someone. It's really about experiencing that closeness experiencing that intimacy, of aggression of wrestling of play fighting. Well, it is yeah, aggression and violence, they get conflated together a lot of times. So you may aggressively work on a project, you may aggressively study, you may aggressively run up a hill or a mountain or aggressively work out. You know, that's the difference between being but that's not violent, right. So it's not like I violently worked for my PhD, right? No, no, no one says that. Well, hopefully. So play fighting. Now, even though it has the word fighting in it. It's not about harm. Lola Jean: And really, as adults, we don't get this opportunity to roughhouse maybe like we did when we were younger. And this is a great way to be able to do that maybe with someone that you're already intimate with. But this doesn't have to be a sexual thing at all. context is what's going to make it sexual. Or maybe it's due to the amount of clothing that you're wearing. This could be something that precedes sex, this could be something that happens during... really at any time. If you are going to be naked and playfight understand that that also comes with its difficulties and risks. When you're naked. There are things that are hanging around that can get caught places, or that a knee could go in that might not feel the best. It might be harder to be able to get grips on people you don't have the advantage of having maybe clothing to be able to grip on L.T. Hawk: with play fighting. It gives me the opportunity to create closeness and intimacy without it being so planned, it doesn't have without it being forced right because the positions happened somewhat organically, right? The closeness happens organically. Lola Jean: I enjoy playing fighting I like exerting myself physically. So I mean, if you're a kind of person where the I like the idea of like sex where you're physically exhausted at the end, maybe that doesn't mean you play fight in your sex, but maybe this is something that precedes it. So you're already a little winded you like feeling some sore muscles afterwards, L.T. Hawk: I like creating pressure for people and like and for people who enjoy to feel pressure or to feel some level of discomfort, but the discomfort is just not really being able being in control of space, not the discomfort that comes from pain, but it is discomfort of like oh, I don't really have control of my space, so I really enjoy that. I also love hitting people like steel chairs, and like going off the top turnbuckle I love smashing people with glass it's so much fucking fun. Lola Jean: [laughs] And also I really like to subscribe play fighting to brats. Brats can be motivated or enjoy a variety of different things. But one thing that can be true for a lot of people is enjoying the struggle or enjoying to exert their autonomy in some sort of a way Lola Jean: conversations that you should have with someone before engaging in it is what their goals are what they're looking for... do they want to feel that resistance? Do they want to feel like they're in a struggle? Or are they looking more to have a silly kind of a tussle, that's going to change your approach to how you're going to play fight with this person. Also, when we talk about struggle, a fun way to experience this is body bondage. So you don't need ropes or fancy restraints, you got legs, arms and hands, you can feel what is the experience to have this human bondage. L.T. Hawk: I want to disclose any injuries or any pain or any discomfort that I may have going into playing with my partner or partners. Lola Jean: You want to first be conscious of "okay, what's around you what possible things could you hit" think about baby proofing this space, but you're just wrestling proofing this space. So if there's a bedpost, being aware of all of these different spaces that could potentially cause harm if you move into them. L.T. Hawk: So it's important to to remove any objects that one you don't want broken, because they may be precious to you. And it may be valuable to you. But you also you want to remove any objects that may may cause any injury like well, there's a wound or a puncture, or a blunt force, trauma. Lola Jean: And even on your person as well, you'd like to have as much like smooth clothing as possible. So if we have like baggy shirts, these are things that can get twisted, and caught. Same thing if we have on earrings, belts, if there's things in our pockets, zippers that are sticking out that could potentially scratch people. L.T. Hawk: So you maybe you have piercings in certain places in your face or your arm around your head, when you tell someone, hey, just don't grab around my head and I'm grabbing my my ear. So then you have to kind of negotiate that space around your body. Lola Jean: And like any physical activity, you want to warm up prior. So these can just be your basic calisthenics exercises, you can Google something to do but you don't necessarily want to go into it cold because even though it's play fighting, it's still exercise. L.T. Hawk: But another thing to be concerned with, that could lead to injuries or could lead to discomfort is when you've eaten, like maybe you you maybe you just ate something, you got a heavy meal by not feeling so great. Or maybe you haven't eaten in a long time, and you body's feeling a little tired, a little rundown. So you may have some concern there. So just discuss all those things prior to engaging in wrestling. Lola Jean: And in general, you're never going to be starting from your feet, you're going to be starting from your knees, whether you were on a bed, whether you're on a bunch of yoga mats that are on the floor or on a carpet, this is going to be something that's going to mitigate injury risk. Because if you are to go to the ground, there's less room to fall. Other things regarding safety is slow slowness of movement, you want to start slow, when you move slowly, this gives another person a chance to respond to you, when you move very quickly, you're not sure how that person is going to move, you don't want to punch them in the face, or any other part of the body. So really focusing on that slowness of movement. When injuries occur, it is not for the reasons you might think. It's not because of certain holds or movements, it usually has to do with people moving too fast with flailing an arm in the air. This is also advantageous to play fighting in general, because it's not fast movements that will win. It's the slow and controlled movements moving from one place to another. L.T. Hawk: Well, we talked about not panicking, when I talked about not getting into like the drowning position when people are doing this thing is one thing I like to tell people is, you know, keep your arms and legs inside the ride, right so your arms or legs, you're you're safer here you're safer tucked in, you're safer with your arms in then when your arms are flying out. Lola Jean: can wrestle to pins or you can wrestle to taps. And what that means is a pin would be when you were both of your shoulders are on the ground, they're holding them that position, you're not able to move for an amount of time. Once you get to a certain count, then you reset, you go back to neutral. wrestling to taps will be to a point of discomfort or I don't want to be here anymore, then you use one of your nonverbal safe words. So this is a tap on that person's body multiple times. This is using your feet and hitting those on the ground. This could be a verbal safe word as well. But this is an agreed upon:Once that word happens. You let go, you reset, you go back to neutral. So how this can translate to sex or how this can become erotic outside of just your bodies being very close together. You could maybe talk with your person have an agreement that you know, are genitals off limits? what things are off limits of places that we can touch? Maybe when we're in a certain position I got a sneaky hand that goes for a little reach round or maybe there's a position where my mouth happens To be near that person's genitals. This could also be something where you utilize some of these holds during sex, ways of making standing up sex or moving from position to position easier because your bodies are very much attached and intertwined. So, this is one of those work smarter, not harder. Your brain will be able to figure out some of these movements that could work when we're in this position. Or it could be completely unrelated to that because it's just fucking fun. Lola Jean: Before we just get into playfighting and rolling around me to understand these different elements and then putting them together, so we're going to show you different grips that you're going to be able to use throughout. different goals and body goals and positions you might want to end up in. And then we'll show you that fluidity of movement and how to put those things together. Grips are by far going to be your friend for everything, you're going to see these throughout all of the movements that we do. So the first grip that we're going to show is the S Grip. L.T. Hawk: First thing you want to do is just put your hands out, just like this. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to cup my fingers, so my forefingers are gonna go inside the palm of my other hand, and I'm just gonna curl both my fingers together, so all eight of my fingers, or my four fingers and a curl together, and my thumbs, just pinch it. So this is how it looks. The S grip is also really good. If I have shorter arms. And any object, the person, the thing I'm trying to grip around is wider than it would be if I clasped my hands together. So the S grip gives me a little bit more length to be able to expand out. Lola Jean: If you have nails, then this might be a little bit more uncomfortable because your nails are going directly into your skin. So another great grip that you can use is the gable grip. So for this, we're going to put our hands together, like we are praying. One of those hands is going to go 90 degrees, and then those fingers will wrap over that thumb. Other fingers will wrap over the hand, and the thumbs are going to stay tucked in. So we don't want to wrap them around. We want those to be tucked in and you can pull and feel just how strong that this is. Honestly, you're going to use this not just in wrestling, if you lift boxes, or you're trying to hold something, groceries... this is going to be a lot more secure than anything where my fingers can open or my thumb's open like hinges. I'm using a lot less hand strength in this position, and utilizing more of my arms. This is something where you know, if they move, I can really stay glued to them in this position, it's not really going anywhere, if they tried to get away, that's holding them at the same time. If I wanted to do any kind of squeezing, this would be a position I would start in before I either, you know, pull my hands to my chest or try to bring my elbows together. To show how strong this grip really is I can put my hand in the gable grip over their hips, bend my knees and then use my hips, my body leverage to be able to lift them just a bit off the ground. L.T. Hawk: So I'm going to show an over and under grip is commonly called a seatbelt grip as it resembles seatbelts in most vehicles. So my arm is going to go over the shoulder towards the opposite hip, my other arm comes under the armpit and I'm going to make a grip I'm going to choose a grip that works best for me, it could be a gable grip, it could be an S grip, depending on what's easier for me to join my hands together, just like with other positions, my head is going to be on the opposite side of the over the shoulder grip. So as this comes over, my head is on the other side. And I make a seat belt grip. Lola Jean: So these are potential body position goals. So these are positions that you might want to work towards. These might be positions that you want to start in. L.T. Hawk: So my partner's gonna lay on their back, they can lay on their back flat, they can lay with their feet, their knees bent and their feet flat on the floor whatever feels most comfortable for them. A lot of times this position will be called side control or a side mount. I'm going to take one arm is going to go under my partner's head. The side that I'm on closest and I'll just grab their shoulder. And I'm going to take my other arm and it's going to come under the armpit here. And same thing, I'm just going to grab the shoulder here, I can also bring my hands together into a grip position. You know, same thing we did with the gable grip here together or S Grip but not necessarily usually you just want to be in a gable grip. So my partner says walking away, I can follow with them here. if they walk towards me, I can follow them here and keep them away. But they started to roll away that direction. So I can use my arm that's under the head and kind of just tuck them back in nice and tight. I'm also keeping my weight down. my weight comes too far this way over. So watch my head, my head comes past their shoulder. My weight comes this far over. all Lola has to do is roll towards the side and I'm losing my balance Lola Jean: I wanna show on you as well because this is a great position for people that are small. And the reason being is because it's going to take my person's lower body mostly out of it. So no matter, what your lower body is just going to be stronger than your upper body, your lower body is going to be stronger than someone else's upper body. So if I can take that out of it, I'm just isolating my entire body on their upper body. So I'm going to go under and over, so my body being kind of diagonal on theirs. And the reason that I bring those knees in close to their body, that's going to prevent them from moving, I've taken their legs out of it. So even if they try to move other ways, it's my entire body against their upper body, especially from side control, I can kind of sidesaddle my leg over and move into Mount in this position, I can be able to sit back, I can even set higher on my person, moving my knees closer to their body, again, limiting that space, if I want to be in a more dominant position, I can move down their body here, I can go into that seatbelt group. Again, I can isolate arms, if we want to do a little bit of like surrender play, maybe I can hold down their shoulders, or their hands, or do a little sneaky reach around if I wanted to. L.T. Hawk: Also, Lola comes up high like it's up nice and high. Lola's weight is off, right, because Lola becomes like a tower, right. And she's right on my center of gravity, where I have leverage. And when Lola comes up slides, the knees all the way up to the armpit and sits up, it's very difficult to push the Lola off from this position, Lola Jean: Schoolyard bully to school person pin. In doing this, I'm going to slide my knees up. And I'm not going to pin my knees directly on their arms, it's my shins that are going to go there. So my knees will go above... my feet plant here. But now I have this person pinned, I can choose to put a little bit more weight depending on my own weight. But this is not feeling of restriction, you can also use your imagination to what kind of sexual play could happen in this position. But this is a nice classic one where a person might be able to move me from off of them. But this is more of that playfighting feeling, that struggle. So in this positioning, if I find myself, somewhere around here, what I'm going to try to do is get their hips, with my legs wrapped around them. And if I can, if I'm able to, I might need to maybe move closer to their body or bridge my hips up in order to kind of walk my legs there. But I'll try to lock my ankles. So as I do this, I'm going to flex my feet. And this way, I'm attached to LTs body, if I wanted to be even closer, the benefit of this position is I can move them by using my hips as a lever. So if I want to move them forward, I can throw them off balance, or if they came forward, I could then move them back just by pushing my legs back. If I wanted to make sure that they can't move at all, maybe I bring them forward. And then I do that Seatbelt grip onto them. And now I'm just completely attached to Lt. So if lt goes up, I'm gonna go with them. I'm attached, there's nowhere that they can go, that I'm now not going. So you can imagine how this can be a good one, if we wanted to maybe move or switch position, if we wanted to do something standing. This is an area where I'm doing more of the effort here, they don't have to put as much effort into lifting me up as they would if they were using their arms. So this is a closed guard position. This is one that can both keep our bodies together, if there's going to be any movement, as well as one where I have more control, maybe even just for penetration depth, I don't want them as deep, I push them back or bring them forward or anything of that nature. L.T. Hawk: I can't lock my ankles around my partner's back for some reason. Maybe my legs are too short, maybe they're too far away. Maybe they're a little too wide. Whatever the options are or the issues are I'm going to adjust with an open my guard, I'm going to put my feet on their hips. Now this controls how far away they can come towards me. It's a very controlled position. Exactly. So as they come forward. I don't need to extend away so I'm not doing this. I'm not kicking them away from me. Right? That is the thing you could do kicks them away. So that way you can get away, but I'm not necessarily doing them keeping them from coming forward. So let's say too far away, I keep the hips here, keep the pressure, if Lola drives really hard. I might just release and then they close enough so I can lock my legs around it back. If I can't lock still around how close they are. I'm just going to kind of pinch in. I'm going to pinch my knees in. So that way I have some control over the person Lola Jean: L.T. was saying before how some people like bear hugs, they like to feel that. So we'll use our S grip, our gable grip, whatever is more comfortable for you, I always prefer the gable grip because of my nails. And I can either do this by coming underneath of their armpits, and I'll bring my chest as close to them as I can, this is both going to assist with that bear hug. And it's also just going to constrict as much around their body as possible, I can bring my chest to their back, and then my hands to meet my chest and my elbows tucked in as much as I can. And letting go. And just doing this every so often. Probably a better one, just so I am further away from the ribs is by encasing their arms in it as well. So that way I don't have to worry about being too tough on those floating ribs or anywhere on the outside of the body. And this isn't something you're going to hold for a really long amount of time, there's a little bit more strength involved. But this can be a fun thing to experience. If you like being constricted and having your body constricted or squeezed in that way. Maybe I'm doing the bear hugs, maybe I'm not if I find myself behind my person. Another way that I can work to get body control is by getting my hooks in. And what that means is getting my legs in between their legs, and really just getting my feet kind of within their sides. And doing this gives me more control to my person, kind of makes us a rounded bond. So if they roll a certain way, I'm going to be able to roll with them. Even if they can't get up necessarily. To make this even a bit more, if I wanted to do some more body bondage feeling that restriction, I could move their arm into one of my hooks, or I could do that with both of them, I could maybe even just grab the arm to have that there. Really just controlling the body in different ways. So usually with our feet, we're going to try to have them flexed, we don't want to have them pointed, the flex will keep that active so I can stay within those legs, can also be a fun thing. If I want to force up on their legs to do whatever I want to do there. That can be a way we do it from behind. Coupling the seatbelt grip with the hooks. This is like a backwards koala. So this is a regular backpack, where I'm attached to my person, especially of how close my chest is to their back. So LT has coined this term for this play, baby bear play. And it's something that's great to understand body awareness and start to engage in movement that still allows the other person to move within that control. So when you start putting these different movements together, this is a great way to understand that fluidity How do I get from mount to side control to guard to one of the other things that we showed you L.T. Hawk: It's all to be playful. So I'm not I don't really have a goal of doing something there's not It's not competitive and not trying to win anything. I'm just trying to feel their body out and feel how I move with it. Lola Jean: This is the opposite of smothering, right. So there's movement, it's contained and controlled movement. I'm still able to move but at no point am I in complete control because LT is blocking where I can and can't go. L.T. Hawk: Yeah, I'm like directing where they can go. So am I closing off one area where the person feels like oh, I can go this way. I'm allowing them to go that way. That's where I want them to go. Because I know what to do. I can follow from that position. But it also doesn't pin my partner down so we're not getting in a place where we neither of us can have fun or neither of us can play. We're getting into position where I'm like okay, I stopped the movement. Now I'm gonna let you move again. And of course baby bears can switch top bottom like I can go baby bear. One minute, baby bear me. And then I'm at the bottom and then now my partner plays top baby bear. There you go baby bear honey. Baby Bear in the Honey Hole Lola Jean: And your porridge is always just right. L.T. Hawk: The porrige is always just right. The bed is nice and comfortable. Lola Jean: Does that mean I'm Goldilocks? Lola Jean: We shouldn't necessarily be grabbing people's wrists to control them for a lot of reasons. And that tends to be what people might do to start out. But if they do, it's really easy to escape a wrist escape. And that's how we showed you other grips, because they're much more effective than these. So if LT goes to grab my wrist, all I have to do is bring my wrist up and around towards their thumb, their thumb is going to open up like a hinge. If I just went up, they still might be able to move that, but up and around, there's no defense with their thumb. L.T. Hawk: Yeah, so a person reinforcing, they have two grips, it doesn't change their thumb. So if I went down, I'm going down into the force, right, the strength of their grip is these fingers, but their thumbs are always going to open like a hinge. So it may be hard for me just to go up and out. Because maybe they have a really strong grip. So if I'm not able to go up and through, what I'm going to do is take my opposite hand, I'm going to make a fist, I'm going to reach in and grab, I like to say like a bird grabbing a berry. So this is the berry, I'm gonna grab, grab my Berry, I'm going to bend my elbow, as I pull my arm towards me, I've been my elbow, arms open two arms against one, it's very difficult, so I have to use my second arm. So if my partner is up this way, I'm going to bump them forth. So I take a leg, I'm gonna use my outside leg, and I'm just gonna bump into thehirr butt. Here, I bumped ther butt, their leg, hands come to the floor, I'm going to reach outside, grab the arm and pull it in and use two hands, I'm going to block a foot. Here, as I blocked the foot, I'm going to roll this direction. So when I bridge up, I'm bridging towards. So watch me I look over my shoulder, the direction I want to go not over my head, you're gonna always gonna go where your head goes. So I look over my shoulder as I bridge. And I land between my partner's legs. Lola Jean: So the purpose of them trapping my arm and trapping my leg, if you need help remembering it, you want to trap the arm and leg the direction of where you're going, because instead of them either basing out or making a point that's a rounded side, that a rounded side, so I don't have any defense when they choose to bridge, and then roll me over that same way. L.T. Hawk: So from from the angles. In order for you to see where my leg traps went into it from this side. And I might not bridge completely over. But just to give you an idea. So let's say my partner's already down. If not, let's say they're sitting up, I'm gonna use this leg just kind of bumping their butt not hard. So I'm not slamming my knee into their back, I'm just going to give him a little bump until ther hand his the ground. Lola Jean: It's enough, trust me it's enough. L.T. Hawk: And I'm also like blocking. So they'll come right back, I kind of keep my knee up. And I'm gonna reach around, grab the arm and suck it in. I'm gonna bring this foot to the outside. So watch what I do, I've blocked the foot and I pull it in. So I'm looking towards the direction because that's the direction I'm gonna go. I'm going to bridge over the shoulder. Again, like Lola mentioned, I've trapped. there's nothing for Lola to base out on to stop the momentum, this whole side is rounded. Okay, for my partner's protection, they may tuck their chin to the chest to make sure the head doesn't hit the ground. I'm going to bridge up and roll. I did it nice and slow and I land in this position. And here I am between the leg, my partner could go right to locking their ankles together. And then now they have me trapped in this spot. And we can go from this position again, Lola Jean: In terms of escapes, so if you are trying to control you're trying to lessen the space between you and the person, when you're escaping, you're trying to create that space. It doesn't have to be immediate. This is a chess match. Remember you're puzzle piecing. So you're going to look for different openings. And figuring out how you can create space with your body. Is it through putting your arm up? Is it through a knee? A leg? Scooting your hips? So keeping that in mind, if you're ever looking to distance yourself from someone, L.T. Hawk: my arms out of position in here, there's no way I'm going to be able to get my hips away. Every time I move Lola is going to follow me with the hips and is blocking my head from moving where I need my head and my hips to have space here, arms inside the ride. My arms are going to come inside the ride. I've got my elbow inside this leg. Put my hand on the hip. This hand comes in front of my partner's face. Here, I'm grabbing the shoulder. I'm controlling the hips. I take this leg, outside leg come out. I scoot and bring my butt out. My butt goes away from Lola. As long as it comes forward. I'm just gonna drop my leg inside. That's it. That's fine. Here is good enough. I've gotten some space. If I wanted to keep going. I'm gonna keep pressing and keep scooting. So just bring your hips away. Hip-hip-hips away. In a very like, and eventually, I have my arm side, you'll get really good at scooting across, bring your legs across, and then I get back to guard, or I'll scoot out here, control the head. Let's say this isn't enough, and you need a second arm. So let's bring your hand inside and make like an X with your hands. So my arms going across like this, I'm making x over the shoulder here. That way and kind of pressing the shoulder away, same thing. So scooting the hip and pushing the shoulder. Lola Jean: So it's not all upper body, they're not just pushing with their arms, they're moving their body and using their arms to move their body away. L.T. Hawk: I'm using my arm as a frame. So my arm just kind of keeps Lola in the same place as I bring my hips away, because I can't push Lola across the room just with my arms. But what I want to do is create enough space, let my hips escape. And then that way, when Lola comes forward, Lola runs into my arm, not following my hips, my hips go away, I keep my partner in the same spot. It's like a frame. Lola Jean: For starting positions, you can choose anything that we have shown you, you can choose the position to begin from. And then if somebody taps or they decide that they want to reset, you can reset back to that same position, you can reset to a different position, you could just switch roles n whatever that starting position was, but picking whatever your neutral or whoever is going to have the upper hand and take turns, L.T. Hawk: If you're a larger personwho has more strength or more weight, what you want to do is be mindful not to put all that weight and all that pressure down on top of the smaller partner. So this is where we talked about sitting our weight back. So maybe I don't even have this grip, because it's a little too much. So I might just place one arm on their shoulder, I might bring my one arm to their hip, and I sit back in this spot, that way my weight is not on them. If I was the smaller person, and I can't really cover their body. So if I'm smaller than a person, I'm the smaller person on top, it's gonna be very hard for me to hold a larger person now, even with my weight all the way around that top part of the body. So I might shift my weight towards their hips, maybe their legs are a little smaller, maybe I control one leg, or I'll just turn their legs into what we call a mer-person. I'm gonna squeeze their legs together here, and maybe even bring it on top of the leg. But I'm just gonna bring their legs together, squeeze together, make your grip, gable grip, S grip, whatever it is. I come under. So you can see here, I'm going to make my grip, and I'm controlling their legs as they start to go places and start moving around, I might stop them again, if I'm struggling to do it. If not, they might roll to their stomach or something like that. So if you are the larger person, make sure you're not squashing the person give them space to move. Maybe you want to start on bottom if you're larger and stronger. That way you have more, you have more leverage from bottom because you have more strength and you let them work from top. So be mindful not to crush your partner. And the same thing if you're smaller, isolate parts of their body. You want to be high or low. So if you're someone who's smaller, I won't be around around ther hip, I might be way up here around their head. So if I have these grips around their head, now they have to carry all my weight with their shoulders and back. It's gonna be very difficult to do

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