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Psychosexual & Relationship Psychotherapist
A Psychosexual & Relationship Psychotherapist who uses humanistic methodology, integrating the best of the latest research for optimum sex and relationship transformation. Neves brings a pleasure-positive approach to understanding sexual diversity and erotic behaviors.More by This Instructor
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Welcome to exploring your erotic mind. My name is Silver Nevis. I'm a psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist. I am based in London, UK. Okay, so before we start, let's just look at what is our erotic mind? Erotic mind is part of our brain, obviously, and our brain is the biggest sexual organ that we have, not our genitals. Our brain, our mind is where our eroticism lives and that is where we find that those are the things that turn us on or off. It's what awakens our desire is what makes us interested and motivated for sex. Sex with ourselves or with other people. It's our sense of sensuality, and it's also our sense of intimate and erotic connections that we have with ourselves and others. Intimate, erotic connections. So it's is pretty important and it's very rich. There's a lot of things going on in our erotic mind. It is also where we have our erotic stories and our fantasies. So what that means is that it's not just about motivation for sex, things that we want to do, but also things that we want to imagine. So why is it important to get to know erotic mind? First of all, knowing erotic mind means that we gain erotic awareness and wisdom for ourselves. It's a map that can enhance our sensuality and our sexual pleasures for ourselves and our sexual partners. It's a good guide for solo sex or enhance your own solo sex, and it's also a good guide for our partners. Once we know our own erotic mind, we can share it with our partners and it provides a lot more space for knowing what to do. It also gives you a lot of skills to have erotic conversations with your intimate and sexual partners. Obviously, the more you know about your erotic mind, the more you have knowledge about what to share. And importantly, knowing your erotic mind and having erotic awareness and wisdom helps with making food informed consent of what is going on in your sexual and erotic space with yourself and with your partners. So let's get going. This is basically what our erotic mind looks like. It looks like a painter's palette. It might sound maybe surprising for you, but here we go. So what do you think about that? If we look at this, this is really just how things are, really are for us in our erotica moment. As you can see, there are some colors that are dominant. Colors like blue, for example, is quite a dominant color on this planet. And then there's other colors like green, which is quite significant too, and quite a bit of brown. But also, as you can see, there are some little spots of colors that are definitely not dominant there, minor ones like a bit of red and a little bit of white and a little bit of yellow. There are some colors that are well defined. You can really see some really good, bold blue and bold green colors. But also there are lots of other colors that are intertwined with each other and all mixed up and not really making much sense. And this is really how our robotic mind is. So what it means is that the dominant colors will be the colors that usually they're most of the time. And those colors are the colors that you need for your sex life. Most of the time, in order for you to feel really satisfied with with your own body and with what is going on in your sexual activities and sexual interactions. But it means also that sometimes once in a while you might want to introduce new colors for something a little bit novel or maybe something a little bit different. So you might still want to have the blue in your sex life, but you might once in a while have a little bit of red. The red and the and the orange and the white bits that are small little dots. So it means that you don't actually need them every time you have sex in order to have a satisfying sex life. But those colors nevertheless are still part of the erotic mind, which means that you can have them once in a while just to make things a little bit different. Now, of course, as you get to know your erotic mind, you might realize that there are some other colors that you never knew existed in the erotic template, because those colors, you know, you never really paid attention to. And as you explore, you might think, Oh, look at that. Look at that one. I didn't know that was there. Well, that's a little bit of a turn on, not major turn on, but still a bit of a turn on. Some of those colors are things that you're going to want to do in your behaviors, in your sexual behaviors, things that you will enjoy doing with your own body and things that you will enjoy doing with other people's bodies. But there will be lots of colors in your erotic mind that will be only for fantasies. And we know from research that fantasies do not necessarily translate to behaviors. So it means that there are plenty of fantasies that might be greatest fantasies and that you definitely will never want to do in real life. But knowing what those fantasies are means that it's good for you to have that in your mind as erotic stories so that it can enhance your solo sex or enhance just a bit of titillation when you need to get away from the mundane world. So let's have a little training before we get to dove in erotic mind. Let me just give you a bit of an example of what it sounds like and looks like. First, let's look at our favorite dessert. So, for example, my favorite dessert is a chocolate cake. And it's my favorite dessert because I love the texture of the chocolate cake and I love the taste of the chocolate cake. I love the sweetness. It's so sweet. But I particularly like dark chocolate because even though it's very sweet, there's also a little tinge of bitterness. And I particularly love my chocolate cake when it's really cold just out of the fridge and to enhance it. I like a little bit of vanilla ice cream to go with it. And the combination of the taste of chocolate and that I ask them together makes it a really chipper, wonderful experience. I also let the chocolate cake because it is linked to stories of celebration. My best memories of birthdays was when I was given a chocolate cake. And so for me, the chocolate cake is to celebrate my birthdays. But most importantly about those memories of birthdays. It's the connection that I had with others, feeling the love of my family and feeling the love of my friends. Friends gathering with me to celebrate my birthday, sharing the chocolate cake. When I think of a chocolate cake and I think of all the stories that are connected with it and the memories that are connected with it, I feel warm in my chest. I feel a sense of peace. I feel loved. I feel a true connection. Even with the loved ones that are far away today. I feel a true sense of closeness and connection at this moment when I remember the chocolate cake. So but of course, then when I think of the chocolate cake, I can taste it right now, even though I'm not actually eating it at this moment, I can taste it and it makes me feel hungry, certainly. And I can feel that my mouth is watching. Okay. So the chocolate cake for me has some physiological reactions. It has some sensual elements, the taste, the texture, and it has emotional connections of love and warmth. So your ten, what is your favorite dessert? What do you connected with? What are all the associations of your favorite dessert? Perhaps your favorite dessert is not a cake at all. It might be cheese. That can be quite different, but it can still be part of your favorite food. And some of you might have no favorite dessert because you don't have a sweet tooth or you don't like desserts. That's okay. Don't feel shamed about it. Just embrace it. Embrace it. I don't have a favorite dessert, so find your favorite food instead and do the same exercise. Now we're ready to do it with our erotic mind. Okay, so let's start one step at a time. Let's have a look at your own erotic palette. All the colors. And you don't have to look at all the colors at once because it can be overwhelming. So start with one pick one of your favorite sexual memory. So sexual memory is something that is sexual that you have done in the past. It can be far away in the past or it can be recent. It doesn't matter. But what matters is to choose one that is very erotic for you, that when you think of that memory, you have a smile on your face. Instantly you have a physical reaction. You might even feel horny just remembering that memory. So take some time and check out of all your memories. Pick one favorite one if you have several favorites, just pick one for now. And as you collect that memory, just try to engage all of your senses with that memory. What you see in that memory, what you hear, what you feel on your skin, what you taste, temperature, the feelings, the story, what you smell. And little by little, piece by piece, try to find all of the ingredients that make this memory your favorite sexual memory, as much detail as possible. It might be the situation, it might be the location. It might be that particular sexual partner, or it might be one thing about that particular sexual partner. Their eye color is their hair. The way they looked at you, the erotic attitude, the sexual space. Maybe it's your favorite memory because there are some ingredients that are naughty. A little bit out of the box, maybe. Well, maybe some memory that feels intoxicating because it was your first experience of a great pleasure. Every moment. Maybe it was how your body reacted to a certain touch or to a certain position. Maybe it was about how you felt that day, how you felt about yourself, how you felt about your body. Maybe it is connected to a story of celebration, attraction, overcoming a problem, feeling sensual, feeling loved, or maybe just feeling super sexual. So just take some time finding all the ingredients you might not find all the ingredients today. That's okay, because you can return to that memory any time you want. But with each ingredient that you find, it's a spot of color on your palate. Gathering little by little, gathering some piece, some pieces, some pieces of the erotic palate. The ingredients that were so potent in that one memory are likely to be the same ingredients that can be potent in other memories, and maybe some ingredients that you want to keep in your palate that you want to be aware of and keep them for future great experi ences. And there is no right or wrong. It is just exploring what is there, what turns you on, what makes you hot, warm, connected, sexual, sensual, loved. You are doing really well and this is the first video to explore your erotic mind. And there will be plenty more because there are lots and lots and lots of other ways that you can explore the erotic mind. And we are going to go together in, in lots of different corners of your erotic mind. But for now, as your first exploration, just continue to look and be curious about your memories. You can take your second memory, your second favorite, and then the third one, and do the same exercise, gathering ingredients one piece at a time. Slowly, you don't have to rush. There is there is absolutely no urgency in anything. It's just getting to know your erotic mind gently. Okay. See you later for this second video. Welcome to Exploring Your Erotic Mind. Part two. In the first session, we looked at erotic memories, and looking at your erotic memories started to gather some colors in your erotic palette. Getting to know your erotic palette based on experiences from the past. Now, today, we're going to get to know your erotic palette in even more details with a different part of it, which is your erotic fantasies. Please don't be afraid of your sexual and erotic fantasies because they are just there. And they don't mean anything. They don't mean that there is some hidden darkness about your sexualized fantasies. Even the very unusual ones are just there for imagination. In fact, we can fantasize about different things. Fantasies can be good for us, and we can fantasize about things that are not even sexual. For example, we can fantasize about winning the lottery. And what would life would be like if you were millionaires? We can fantasize about traveling to the moon. What? What would it be like? We can fantasize about having a different body. We can fantasize about turning back the clock. And you know what decisions you would have made differently if you could turn back in time? There are many, many different ways that we can fantasize and our fantasies are really a way to get ourselves away from the daily grind of life, to just to explore different parts of our mind with that imagined nation that can give us a respite from the daily life. And our erotic and sexual fantasies are just the same. It's one way, one part of our erotic mind that get that can just takes us away from all the obligations of life and even the realities of life. Many people fantasize about things that could never possibly happen in real life. For example, a past, a very common fantasy is to have sex with an alien. Of course, that can never happen in real life, but just the fantasy of it can just bring some extra titillation. Some fantasies are some that you might want to keep for yourself. And they can be good for your own special, private, solo, sensual, and sexual time. And some of those fantasies you can share with your partner. And sometimes you can even incorporate them in your sexual play with your partners. Some fantasies you might never want to do in real life, and some others you might want to try them out and see what it feels like. So now let's look at your erotic palette with your fantasies. It is the same exercise as session one, but this time is to pick one of your favorite sexual fantasies. Have all the fantasies that are lurking in your mind. Which one today you would pick as your favorite one? Maybe tomorrow it will be a different one. But today, which one is your favorite one? And your favorite fantasy is the one that, when you think about it, it brings an instant smile to your face. Maybe a hug goes a little bit faster. Maybe your ears are getting hotter. Or maybe your head is getting hotter. Maybe you're feeling some movement in your groin. Just take a moment to pick your favorite fantasy. And similar to Session one. Look at all the ingredients that make this fantasy. Your favorite one. All the small details of that fantasy that is your favorite one. Is it the people in your fantasy that makes it a top fantasy? Is it the context, the storyline, the place? Maybe it's a quirky, unusual place. Maybe it is a practice that you never want to do in real life. But it feels very hot to think about a group sex, for example, sex clubs have sex with someone of the different gender that you usually have sex with. So just take some time to gather all these different ingredients. And some of those ingredients in your fantasies will be colors in your erotic palette. Really good to know it's your erotic palette, your erotic mind. Let's explore all of it, all the fantasies, and put them in the colors in your palette. Some maybe strong fantasies, really potent. And that might be big, bright colors in your erotic palette. Others might be just little bits of ingredients that can be spots of different fantasies. In your erotic palette. Just take some time, explore, enjoy without any judgments. Don't be afraid of your fantasies and together with your erotic memories that you've looked at in Session one and the erotic fantasies that you're looking at now are making up a bigger palette in in the next session, we're going to be looking at different corners of your erotic mind. But for now, just stay with that and keep exploring. And after you've picked your favorite fantasy, tomorrow or another day, you might want to pick another fantasy and look at those ingredients. They're just keeping, exploring, non-judgmental. Enjoy. Welcome to Exploring Your Erotic Mind Part three. Today, we're going to go into more depth into the cornerstones of eroticism. This is the type of thinking from sexologist Jacques Morin, who wrote a great book called The Erotic Mind in 1995. And this is going to help you really dove into your erotic mind, into the different corners of that. So let's look at what the cornerstones of eroticism are. According to Jacques Morin. First one is longing and anticipation. So that means that some people find longing extremely erotic and or anticipation also extremely erotic. That is when people really enjoy the preparation. They maybe even the delayed gratification for sexual contact. The times when maybe people can be in a distant relationships and meeting somewhere. It could be missing somebody. Somebody who's going away for a little bit. And that longing, that missing can be really the most erotic time for people. The distance in between. The second cornerstone is violating prohibitions, and that is a very, very common one. A lot of people find extremely potent erotically the parts that our society tells us is wrong. Or sometimes it's not just our society. It could be religion messages, it could be all sorts of things that we have come to believe, to be something that we should not do. It could be anything from things that are actually illegal, like our though sex, or it could be some things that are not illegal but actually are part of a society's prohibition. For example, group sex and doing something naughty, trying to get the forbidden fruit can be very, very, very erotically potent. Some of them could be staying in your sexual fantasies, of course, and others might be some things that you might want to do in real life as long as it's legal and consensual and does not cause any harm. Of course. The next one is searching for power, and that is because a lot of sexual pleasure do have an element of power. It does not have to be something extreme, like bondage and submission and dominance that we see in beads and plays. But it could be just a demand for something. Get on your knees and do stimulate my penis. For example, or get on the bed now or take your clothes off now. This kind of like demand that is not the polite demand with please could you don't. Do you mind doing this? Which is very polite. Sometimes it's a lot less erotic than making an assertive demand. Other people like to be pleasing somebody, pleasing somebody erotically, meeting somebody else's erotic demands, as long as it's, of course, part of consensual play. The power play, even if it's slight power play, can be very erotic for many people, overcoming ambivalence is one where it's when people go and sit on the fence about some sexual behaviors or even some sexual thoughts, and they're not really quite sure if they want to dove into it or not. Or if they if they were going to do something, whether they can get away with it or if they're going to feel pleasure or not. And so sometimes the overcoming ambivalence is certainly make the leap to say to you to really think about it, to stay on the fence for quite some time with plenty of uncertainty that can bring a bit of low level stress or low level anxiety, and then suddenly deciding to take the leap and that and that and that taking the leap can be super erotic for some people. So it could be some things like, Oh, shall we now have sex with that condoms, for example. And that can be that extra bit of excitement, but at the same time, a bit of titillation about, oh, is it right? Is it wrong? Should we do it? Should not do it. Or stopping contraception. Ooh, we're going into the unknown. For some, it could be something like, should we include a third person into our sexual play? Should we introduce pornography? Should we introduce a sex toy? Oh, I'm not sure. Maybe. Maybe not. And then taking the leap is the erotic, because we're going for it now. Oh, my God. To Jack. Maureen has come up with just four cornerstones of eroticism. Take some time. If you think that one of them is that you can relate with one of them, or maybe you can relate to several of the. And I've had added a fifth one, which is searching for meaning. I think a lot of people find meaning very erotic. Sometimes it can be the meaning of feeling loved, the meaning of feeling important, the meaning of boosting our self-esteem, the meaning of being touched maybe by more than one pair of hands. The meaning of of having sex with casual sex or sex with different people or anonymous sex. Or it could be the meaning of having loving sex with a partner that that is a committed partner that you love very much. All of those things have different meanings, and we can find a lot of erotic potency in meaning stories. Where did what it the place that our sexual behaviors and our erotic mind at play in the part of feeling alive. So as you look as your cornerstone of eroticism now try to go back to your sexual memories, the memories of things you have done before, and try to trace if some of those sexual memories, your favorite top sexual memories have some of those elements longing and anticipation, violating prohibitions to forbidden fruit, the things that society tells us we should not do. A little bit of power play, either a bit of dominance or a bit of submission to taking the leap into something uncertain and something new and the feeling alive. The existential part of our eroticism, the meaning exploring your cornerstones is really getting you to go deeper and deeper into your erotic palate. So now how are you making sense of your erotic palate with your turn on your memories, your fantasies, and your erotic cornerstones? When you start to put that together into an erotic palette and remember, the erotic palette doesn't have to be neat and tidy. It can be messy, it can be all sorts of different things. But just explore further. How does the erotic cornerstones interact with your top sexual memories, your top sexual fantasies, and all those different ingredients and colors that light up in your erotic palette? Take as long as you need to do these explorations. Enjoy. Welcome to Exploring Your Erotic Mind. Part four. So today we're going to look at your erotic boosters. This is something I've come up with, and that's really to understand your erotic impulses. Again, erotic impulses or erotic urges are something that are really misunderstood. And some of us really are afraid of them thinking that there's something wrong with us to have some spontaneous sexual feelings. And so what I'm going to try to do today is to teach you that there's nothing to be afraid of. It's actually quite a normal human thing to have erotic impulses or sexual impulses, and that it's just part of being alive and being human. So now I'm going to show you how it works. We have kind of about ten erotic boosters, and those are made of our senses. Some of our senses. So one is visual. Some people find a great erotic boost when they see things that they like. It could be a particular body parts like genitals. It could be a pair of legs. It could be hair. It could be eyes. It could be anything that for that particular person, seeing that particular thing is going to bring a boost in the erotic. So the erotic boost is not necessarily a sexual memory or sexual fantasies. Sometimes it can be linked to a memory or fantasy, but the booster is more about a bit of your the color in your erotic palette that shines brighter when you come across your booster. So for some people that could be enjoying a really nice erotic time, a really nice sexual time with their partner or partners. And then if they add in that extra boost, it makes that erotic time even more enhanced. For other times, it could be just people walking down the streets, just minding their own business, on their way to work or whatever. Not at all in an erotic mind. But then they come across the booster and suddenly they have a nudge coming out of nowhere. So visual is a very common one. People, just when they see things, they can have an incident, erotic boost or sexual impulse. But for some, is the scent olfactory something that they smell that reminds them of something sexual that can give them an assistant surge of eroticism? It could be a particular perfume that maybe is linked to a perfume that a fantastic partner from the past was wearing. Maybe it's the scent of sweat. Some people, when they go to the gym, the smell, sweat and sweat can be quite erotic, an erotic scent for some people. Other people, it could be more specific. Scents like the scent of leather or rubber. Any scent really could could be part of your erotic booster. It's important for you to know, because when you have those sudden urges, it's good to know, Hey, this is because my senses is getting triggered here. That's fantastic. That's part of being alive. For some, it's auditory. It's things that they hear. A very common erotic boost for some people is hearing the sound of pleasure of their partner when when people touch their partners in an erotic or sexual way, and if they make a sound that that tells them they enjoying the way that they're being touched, that can be a really strong erotic boost for some people. But sometimes the sound can be the sound of club music or the sound of classical music. Or for some people, it's the sound of nature, the sound of the sea or water running. For some, it's touch there. For a lot of people, they might not get quite a lot of erotic boost out of any kind of things that's visual or sensory. But the touch bits can be very, very highly erotic for some people. Being touch in a particular place in a particular way can be extremely erotic. For some people, it's a gentle caress on the inner thighs, for example, or touching the ear or caressing the neck. For other people. It can be more kind of like stronger stimulation on the genitals. Some people get the erotic boost when they're having direct genital stimulation, and without that, there's not much erotic boost going on for other people. It can be all sorts of different touch. Some people are very touched, based stress might sound like a little bit of a weird one. How could stress be an erotic booster? Well, for some, stress can be stress. If there is too much stress to the body, such with cortisol. And so that can be an anti erotic the for some people, if the stress is just enough that there is just enough course these are not enough to make it entropic. It can actually boost the eroticism. A lot of the time our body would demand some kind of eroticism to soothe the stress. So the stress might not be the actual trigger for the electric booster, but it could be the stress that would make the demand for the erotic boosted. So for some people, if they have a stressful day, they come home. And the one thing they're going to be thinking about is is sex or eroticism or going into a sexual fantasy or being touched in a particular way, wanting to masturbate, wanting to to look at something erotic. And that is because of stress as the erotic boosts for others, it can be boredom. And boredom, just like stress is is can be a demand for some people being bored is completely and theoretic, but for other people, the boredom means that it clears the mind for for having some erotic to feel that voyeur to feel that's that border. So sometimes when people are bored, it goes straight into an erotic boost of feeling very sexual, feeling very erotic and sometimes that's when people are bored that they get a certain a certain edge of of sexuality, a certain urge of eroticism and sexual impulse. And often they are thinking, why am I feeling this impulse? Is there something wrong with me? No, there's nothing wrong is that some people do get an erotic boost out of boredom. For some, it's emotional. They get the best erotic boost when they have an emotional connection with their partner or partners. But sometimes it can be an emotional connection with themselves when they're feeling like they want to celebrate something about their lives, they want to celebrate some things about themselves, or sometimes just the feeling of love for their partner. Sometimes it's the feeling of of searching for power for their partner. Sometimes it's the feeling of anxiety that they want to meet with their partner. It can be all sorts of different things. Sometimes it can be this feeling of, I want to I want to be reassured that my partner loves me. That's the anxiety. And that can be the erotic boost that to go towards the partner. It can be sometimes emotions of sadness, emotions of grief. Sometimes that also can trigger an erotic boost, a demand for some soothing. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's completely normal for other people. It's hormonal. It's more kind of like a physiological reaction. So for men, for example, men tend to have a spike of testosterone in the morning, so they're more likely to have an erotic boost in the morning. For women, it depends on the menstrual cycle. There are some times when they might have an erotic boost that's to do with their hormonal cycle. So some fantasies. And when I'm in their fantasies in that context of the erotic boost, it's stories, narratives that can be the most important erotic boost for some people. Having sex without any kind of special story attached to it for some people is just really not enough erotic. But if they have sex with with a story attached to it, they can have a very big erotic boost. It can be a simple story, as in we are having sex right now because it's showing that we love each other. It's our connection. That can be a story, a story of love, a story of connection, a story of being together for the long haul. But for other people, it could be the opposite. It could be the story of having sex with a stranger and loving having sex with somebody that I don't know. And then the sex can be a story sometimes it can be a story that's to do with role play. Let's pretend we have sex on Mars. Let's pretend we have sex with a stranger. Let's pretend we're having an affair which goes into the erotic cornerstones of violating prohibition that you've seen in the last session, for example, could be all sorts of different ways. And for some day, erotic boost is the environment. They will have an erotic boost depending on where they have sex for some, it's in the kitchen, not in their bedroom. For some it might be in the bathroom, for some it might be in a sex club. For some it might be in a private outdoor place. For some it might be when the sun is shining. For others it might be when the sun and stone, and that's when they get the erotic boost. So find out for yourself what might be your erotic boosts. You might have more than one. Some of you might be extremely visual. For example. So most of your erotic books will be visual and nothing else. But for some of you, you might have a bit of visual. You might have a bit of scent, a bit of touch, a bit of sound, a bit of emotional erotic boost. For some, it might be more story based, more in a mental based, hormonal based, or of other emotions like stress and boredom and sadness and grief. So have an exploration about it all. What are those elements that make the colors in your erotic palette shine brighter? Those are the erotic boosts are moments, moments of brightness, moments of impulsive, moments of urges. And that's important to know them, to recognize them. So you can really start to understand better in a deeper way, your erotic processes, what's going on for you when you're having those urges, those impulses, those boost moments, those potent eroticism, those colors shining bright. So now how are you making sense of the erotic palette, the interactions between your turn ons, memories, fantasies, the erotic tones, and your erotic boosters? Piecing together all of those elements for yourself, gathering all those different colors, enjoying your exploration. Welcome to exploring your erotic mind. And this is your session five and your final session. Today, we're going to look at how you can make some good erotic communication with your partner or partners. This is very much based on the fact that now that you have explored your erotic mind. Very good, isn't it? Now, how can you make use of it for enhancing your sexual life? So first you have to be honest with yourself. And being honest with yourself is about being in full awareness of your erotic palate with no judgments. Very important. Looking at all of your turn on and turn offs. Based on your memories, based on your past experiences, but also being honest with your fantasies, the things that really titillate you, that really rock your boat, the things about your erotic cornerstones of eroticism. What are the bits that are really important for you? Like longing, anticipation, violating prohibition, search for power, search for meaning, overcoming ambivalence. And how about your erotic boosters, your senses, your five senses, what you see, what you hear, what you taste, what you smell, but also some emotion attached to it and stories. And even your physiological processes of hormonal cycles. All of that is for you to embrace and for you to own. Very important, really, honestly and without judgment. That's the first step before any communication. And then you can start to express with your partner slowly and gently, one step at a time your turn ons. He are some examples. I like deep kissing to get in the mood. I prefer you stimulating my breasts first. This is how I like to be stimulated. You might want to show your partner or partners how you want to be stimulated, how you want to be touched. I like watching some erotica first. It could be watching erotica, as in watching pornography, but it could be even reading an erotic story. It could be sharing erotic fantasies. That's part of erotica. I like it when you wear trainers or stilettos or any other item of clothing. That's the visual part. I love hearing your voice telling me how sexy you think I am. That's both a sound erotic booster as well as a searching for meaning, searching for the sex and is searching for the connection. I prefer morning sex. That can be something to do with the spike of testosterone, the hormonal cycle. But it's also important to communicate with your partners, your turn off also based on your past experiences and on your fantasies and on your knowledge of your erotic palate. I don't like my inner thighs to be touched. For example, my anus is a no go area. For some people, it's the opposite. My anus is the best ever place I want to keep my socks on. Having benefit is a turnoff or I prefer to keep a tap on. I don't want to be fully naked. Being fully naked is a turnoff. I don't enjoy penetration. There's more to sex than penetration. I just don't want penetration. Important to know, important for your part is to know. I want to keep the lights on. I don't like it in dark. Those are some examples. It's really important to communicate with your partners all of those things too, because those are part of the boundaries, the boundaries your sexual and your erotic boundaries so that you and your partners can make full, informed consent of what you're going to do together. And there might be some curiosity bits, some bits that you're not quite sure yet. The things that you are willing to explore. I've never tried to nurse doctor role play, but I'm happy to try once and see if I enjoy it. If I stop enjoying it, we must stop straight away. That's very, very important. Golden rule. And I've put that in red because it's the most important golden rule. It is to do with consent as well. And so if there is something that you're trying out the first time because you're you're willing to explore, you're curious about it, but actually does not feel right, you've got to stop as soon as it stops feeling okay. And your partner must listen to you saying stop. And the sexual activity must stop straightaway. Very important, because otherwise it's going to be hard to be curious again in the future and to do more exploration in the future. So to keep it safe and to keep curiosity alive, you've got to really make sure that you're not enduring anything that doesn't feel right. It could be also something, a curiosity about something that you're not willing to try just yet. For example, I've never tried the golden shower and I really don't want to try it at the moment. But you might also want to communicate with your partners. Let's review it. Some things can be complete. No no's and you know they're going to be no no's forever. But there might be other things that can be like, I'm not ready yet, but hey, let's talk about it again in three months time or six months time, and let's review. You can also share some of your sexual fantasies with your partner. I feel sexual when I think of the particular fantasy of group sex, but I don't want to do it in real life. Why not? Your partner might find it very sexy that you have this kind of fantasies. I enjoy some specific dirty talks when we have sex. So this is the kind of fantasies that you can incorporate in your sex life. I love the idea of having sex that because it feels naughty that's expressing with your partner one of your cornerstone of eroticism, violating prohibition. It can be something that you can have as place, something that you can try in real life if it's safe and secure or something that you can just keep in your mind just for a bit of naughtiness in your mind, it's important to know that you don't have to share all of your sexual fantasies with your partners. Some sexual fantasies are just for you to keep for your private time, but sharing some sexual fantasies can bring that little extra erotic spark between you and your partners. When you have shared your erotic palate to your partner, knowing your erotic palette really well for yourself and sharing it with your partner and partners, and they do the same with you. Then you create a bridge between you and your sexual partners, and then you can meet on that bridge finding what are a match in your erotic palette and your partner's erotic palettes and the things that are a match. That's where you meet on the bridge and that's where you can be erotic together, sexual together, knowing that you have a real erotic palette map, you know exactly what you're doing. You know where you're going, you know what is the place of your partner's erotic mind that are really the great place to go, to visit, to explore and those other areas that are no nos. Same with the body. You know where to touch. You know when not to touch. You know what to do, what not to do. It's really important. The more you know, the better sex you have. And that happens on that bridge. At the same time, there might be some things in your erotic palette that are really completely different from your partner's erotic palette. Those parts are not to be dismissed. They're not to be ignored. It might not be the parts that you want to interact with your partners with, but there must be important parts for yourself to have, for yourself and to engage with your own time with yourself. Like with solo sex, for example. And don't forget to keep in touch with your erotic palette and the one of your partners because it changes over time with new experiment, with new exploration. The more you continue to explore, the more you might find your Cortez, the more you might find new erotic boosts, the more you might find other parts that your of cornerstone of eroticism interacts with your erotic palette. Depending on your partner, you may have different sexual partners, or maybe your sexual partners. That is an ongoing one might suggest new things, new sexual fantasies, new exploration, new curiosity. And all of that will influence your erotic palate. It will make your erotic pattern develop, change, grow. So you have to keep in touch because the erotic palette that you have today, that you've explored today with those five sessions might be quite different in ten years time. So you want to continue to keep in touch, to continue to explore it, and to have an ongoing erotic conversa session with your partners. And then when you do that, you can have a thriving sex life. So enjoy, enjoy your erotic palette, enjoy your erotic mind, and enjoy a thriving sex life.