Being a single yoga girl is hard. Your practice keeps you healthy and happy, and you know you’re home when your face touches the mat. You’ve prayed and manifested and now you’re waiting for the perfect man, or woman to come into your life to share this delicious journey with you.
You want someone who you can stay up all night sharing ideas with, drinking nettle tea and reading Osho. You want a partner you can go to Tantra workshops with and damn it, have marathon sex sessions.
You’re a highly sensitive woman, so it’s only natural that you want to pick your partner carefully.
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I remember a few years ago I fantasized about men with piercing eyes who meditated regularly and looked like the muscled yoga guys on Instagram. (drool).
Well, my dating life didn’t turn out the way I planned (although it took some fabulous detours).
Dating or having sex in the yoga/spiritual community isn’t as smooth as it seems, so I’ve written this handy guide for you to avoid making the mistakes I did:
1. Yoga guys and girls are still human
Just because he has studied Vinyasa flow for 20 years, or she is a Reiki master and swears by Bikram, they still have the same emotional crap that everyone else has. They are probably more aware of them, but that still doesn’t excuse the negative behavior.
The guy or girl you’re seeing may do a lot of work on themselves, meditate regularly and go to workshops. But they’re still going to have the same fears and insecurities that you do!
Make sure that when you are with a potential new partner, you’re sure of your own values and what you want. Trust your gut and trust the way you feel around them.
2. Always use protection in the bedroom
Even if they’ve done a 5 month ayurvedic juice cleanse.
Even if they say they are careful with who they sleep with.
Even if they practice ejaculation control.
Even if they say that condoms prevent real intimacy.
They could still have an STI!
If this is someone you don’t know that well, you won’t know what other partners they have and haven’t used protection with, especially if this person is seeing multiple people at the same time.
Chlamydia, Herpes, Gonorrhea and yes, even HIV, don’t check to see if the body they infect is wearing mala beads. STI’s still happen!
Please remember that many STIs have no visible symptoms, so many people have no idea that they have one. Use a condom, or a dental dam, until you both have clear test results. Don’t gamble with your health, because STIs that are left untreated can cause serious damage even if you use a jade egg.
3. Sex doesn’t have to be spiritual
Tantric sex, energy techniques and breathing open you up to a whole new level of lovemaking. They may have triggered deep healing for you and that’s great!
But don’t judge tearing your clothes off, going at it like animals and breaking the bed sex either.
There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to have sex. The only ‘wrong’ sex is where you or your partner feel abused, have crossed over boundaries and where consent wasn’t respected.
All sex is beautiful and has the potential to open you up to the divine. Let yourself enjoy every kind of sex, as they all have their own energy and dynamic to them.
4. Listen to your body
When getting down and dirty, or high and soulful, if your body is saying, ‘Hell no!’, speak up!
If their sexy style isn’t working for you (I’m thinking sticking their tongue down your throat, grabbing you too hard, or just not hitting the right spot) isn’t doing it for you- speak up!
They may have trained in a Tantric ashram, they may be highly intuitive and they may have trained in 4 different kinds of bodywork, but if it isn’t working for you, then it just isn’t damn working for you.
Everybody is different and responds in different ways. And that’s the beauty of how we are all so different.
Ask for what you know makes you feel good.
5. Trust your yoni
Is your yoni opening and yielding, or tight and hurting?
The biggest sign of whether your new love is compatible with you is how your yoni responds.
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If it’s not feeling good (and this hasn’t happened with previous partners) listen to that.
It can be the sign that your partner may not be the right fit for you, or that it isn’t the right time to be having sex. Think of your yoni like an antenna that is super sensitive to energy and intentions, and trust it’s wisdom.
However, if you are regularly experiencing pain during sex, then please get it checked by a doctor. Most of the time it is completely treatable but it often can be the sign of either an STI, a yeast infection or vaginismus, which I recommend finding a reputable sex therapist or sex coach to work through it with.
Dating can be a hell of a lot of fun, or nerve wracking. That you take care of yourself in this exciting world of meeting new spiritual adventurers like yourself. Keep in line with your own values, and remember that nobody is perfect. Have fun!
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