When I began to discover my cervix, I was one of the 75% of women who required clitoral stimulation to ‘reach’ orgasm. I found it difficult to ‘get there’ with a partner and loved my vibrator.
So when I began cervical awakening practices, I spent at least two months feeling like I’d deprived myself of pleasure.
I was also a bit philosophically stuck. In the 70s, pioneers such as Betty Dodson liberated the clitoral orgasm, made using a vibrator ok and declared the right and need to use it for pleasure (and I do agree, it’s a beautiful part of our pleasure anatomy).
In the previous decades, Freud had referred to the clitoral orgasm as immature and so the re-honouring of clitoral orgasm (not to mention, the new anatomical insights about this incredible erectile tissue), was incredibly healing for many women.
The assumption that you ‘should’ be able to orgasm through penetration felt like patriarchal manipulation and left many women feeling deeply inadequate – I believe it is still true today.
So as a woman who had these same challenges, I fully embraced my clit and my vibrator. I felt adequate. Like I finally had access to an orgasm. And this is how I continued for 20 years.
As I began to teach cervical awakening, I witnessed other women open up to deeper experiences of orgasm that had nothing to do with the clitoris. I celebrated with them and was so genuinely pleased that something was working! I also surrendered to the fact that perhaps I’m just not wired that way and so I chose to love what was happening for me.
But I’ve watched as the sensations inside my vagina have increased with my practice and awareness. I’ve put no expectation on this process. I’ve just enjoyed it (and sometimes felt frustrated by numbness or digression). But I have never exerted pressure on myself or expected to go anywhere or achieve anything. My emphasis has been on what I encounter on the journey more than anything else – and learning to trust.
Then eight months into my journey, something extraordinary happened in Rome (which makes it even better.)
I was in a happy place, and my heart was full. I sat on my bed and placed a finger at the entrance of my yoni. I could feel my vagina was quite open and ready. I kept my finger still and tuned to the pulse I could feel through the tissue. I could feel pleasure inside my body like a deep moan.
I held still and meditated on the sensation – Breathing deeply but softly.
I moved my finger up to my G-spot and just held my awareness there, again very still. Again, tuning into the pulse. Consciously relaxing my body all over, breathing deeply and softly. No effort.
Internal pleasure has a different kind of tone for me. It’s not exciting or edgy…it’s like a deep hunger inside the body. A fresh, patient ‘mmmm’. If this sensation were a woman, it would be Betty Davis – with smokey eyes, a deep voice and a whiskey.
So I held my finger there for another 10 minutes, relaxing again and again without expectation, just being present…. and then my whole yoni began to pulse, spontaneously gently expanding and contracting and then this ocean of expansion overtook my body. It was energetic more than physical, and it continued expanding outwards from the center, in my heart, my belly, and head.
I breathed through it, and soon I started thinking ‘holy shit’ and then ‘stop thinking!’…as I began to analyze, it faded.
I went to bed and just as I was falling asleep, the sensations began again, expanding in my heart, my whole body. I just breathed through it as my body soaked in bliss for about 1- 2 hours without a touch. Afterward, I started to feel uncomfortable because I wanted to sleep and felt so activated! How funny!
I was telling myself to stop all the bliss!
So now, as someone who has been on a long journey, I can 100% stand by claims that you can rewire the way you experience pleasure. I can testify that you can be a clitoral woman and also feel deep things internally if you want to and if you’re patient. You can feel nothing and begin to feel. You can have orgasmic experiences that are not like the orgasm we want to reach.
It’s not an event, but a continual expansion into bliss where having a goal is not relevant – it occurs outside of time and space.
I also believe this is available for every one of us!
4 Steps for Awakening Your Cervix
So if you want to feel extraordinary things via your cervix here are a few things to remember:
- Begin touching your cervix regularly to start awakening it
- Take your eyes off the goal and just start feeling what IS there. Cervical pleasure requires lots of presence!
- Notice what your pleasure ‘habits’ are and start to change things up. Clit orgasms can be very addictive – they’re quick(ish), release tension and help with sleep. Oh and they feel great, however, if you want to start feeling more inside, put more focus there instead
- RELAX – and this is probably the most important thing I can tell you. Tension and energy expansion don’t happen together – you need an open, relaxed body to feel more. So when ever you tense up, pause, exhale and relax every muscle. Begin again.
There is no single, step by step path to cervical full bodied orgasm. It’s a process of exploration, patience, and compassion as you allow whatever IS there to occur. I will share more on our Masterclass. Don’t forget: Sometimes you might not feel much, but you’re gentle with this experience. Sometimes you might blast through time and space.
Either way, what matters most is the journey, the healing and who you meet in yourself along the way.