Vaginal Massage – How to Massage Your Vagina & Heal Your Sexual Being

vaginal massage
Written by Mariah Freya

Yes, ladies, you can all learn How to Massage Your Vagina! In my line of work, I come across many women who have never had or hardly have, any sensations in their vagina. For those women, and you might be one of them, sex might feel numb, with vaginal orgasms not felt or hardly or never achieved, and pleasure during thrusting sex almost impossible.

First of all: All women are capable of feeling deeper vaginal pleasures.

By learning how to massage your vagina you can rewire your brain and body and become the most orgasmic woman on earth (I am speaking from experience :-)).

A Vagina Massage empowers you to connect with your sacred temple, feel incredible deep sensations of pleasure, heal your body from stored traumas, and get in touch with your desires. And all this without a partner.

Many books such as [amazon link=”1844086895″ title=”Naomi’s Wolf’s Vagina” link_icon=”cart”] speak about the possibilities that there is more, far more pleasure possible. Nevertheless, female sexual dysfunction (or FSD), which is the­­ inability to feel pleasure, affects over 50% of women. Ms. Wolf states that we have “an epidemic of female sexual unhappiness”. It’s time we take responsibility to fill our vaginas with joy.

There is nothing wrong with you – Your vagina just hasn’t had the attention that she deserves

She stores a lot of emotions and traumas in her energetical and physical tissues. Often we are unaware of this fact and neglect the healing attention that our vagina actually deserves. So we end up shaming ourselves into thinking that there is something wrong with us.

As an example: Let’s say some guy hits on you on the street and you are turned off or provoked by it. But instead of standing up for yourself and telling the guy to back off, because you are not interested in him, you walk silently away.

What happens is that you may take this experience in and swallow it down, all the way down to your vagina.

The result: Your vagina might subconsciously store this memory and over time develop a stiffness, followed by numbness or even physical knots, which may even cause pain during sex.

This leads to the outlook of shame; you are convinced that something is wrong with you and you blame yourself for relationship troubles or bad sexual experiences. Let’s shift this idea: “I have a dysfunction and something is wrong with me” to  “My sex life shows me that my vagina requires deeper and more loving attention from me.”

The Vagina Self-love Revolution

yoni-massageThe empowering Vaginal Massage practice is built on the groundbreaking belief that the body, mind, emotions and soul are intertwined with each other. When we experience negative situations in our lives (during childhood or later in life) we tend to store those experiences within the body. The amazing thing is that we can heal all levels through the body as well.

Naturally, we know that a stiff neck after a stressful workday just needs a relaxing massage to let go, right?! So how about this: Why not give your vagina a relaxing massage too in order to make her let go of all the tension she has stored during the day.

The vaginal massage is an orgasmic masturbation practice which you can practice all by yourself. Yeah, how empowering is this?!

You no longer need a partner to get the same effects as a Yoni Massage with a partner.

And you’ll learn how to massage your vagina right here!

This sacred practice brings you awareness to your vagina and releases physical knots as well as emotional and energetical blocks held inside.

Again: Why is it so important to work through those blocks?

Because they are the reason why you might feel numb sexually, why you might feel bored during lovemaking, why you might be low in libido and even experiencing “vaginal grief”, as Naomi Wolf identifies it, the sense of “not being a whole woman” that happens when our vaginas are cut off from pleasure.

(Time: around 1,5 hrs; wash your hands & cut your nails to avoid scratching yourself)

1. Embrace the idea of abundant pleasure

Firstly start embracing the pleasurable idea that you are a woman who can feel pleasure. You so freaking deserve this and you, first of all, have to invite it into your life.

Ignore any sense of self-judgment that might still sneak in, trying to make you feel ashamed. Don’t listen, stand up for yourself, and allow it to happen. The mind might argue with you that this is for sure not working. Let it speak, but don’t you listen.

Notice small amounts of pleasure, don’t hunt for the big peak experiences. Start with the small.

Say YES to pleasure!

2. Warm up your sanctuary

Cozy up in a place where you feel most comfortable. The more sanctuary-like this place is the better. You really want to make sure that you are safe, protected and feel free enough to express whatever comes up for you. Make sure you heat up the room nicely so you don’t have cold feet.

3. Get enough towels

Very important one! Make sure you have enough towels underneath you, so you don’t have to worry about making anything dirty, or wet. The mind loves distractions, so don’t give it any. I personally even have a water-proof baby blanket, so I know for sure nothing’s going to be wet and oily later.

4. You deserve ambience

Candles, aroma oils, soft music, there is a reason why this is the oldest seduction trick on earth. It makes us feel relaxed and honored. Cheesy, I know. But it works. Invest the time for it, you are so worth creating the most beautiful love temple for yourself.


5. Oils & lubrication

A Vaginal Massage requires a lot of coconut oil. Get the rawest, pure and natural, virgin organic coconut oil available on Amazon and in all Health Stores. This particular oil is even antibacterial and antifungal. So it’s the best for your body and sweet parts. Don’t skimp on it. Get enough. You can even heat it up a little in a water bath to make the feeling on your skin even more delicious. Oh, and making your pussy taste good is also something you should consider doing!

6. Tune into the right mindset

As weird as it sounds, don’t expect anything from this practice. Leave all goals out of it. They just pressure you to achieve, which for most woman is the number one reason why they cannot let go and orgasm. You can have a little meditation beforehand, ask for guidance and support and offer the fruits of this practice to the universe, so you naturally “detach” from the goals.

7. Gift yourself a classy toy for a greater Vaginal Massage experience

Treat yourself and get a good toy for this practice:

The 11 important steps to a fulfilling and self-loving vaginal massage

Note: The massage shouldn’t be performed if you:

  • have an acute vaginal infection.
  • If you are at risk for preterm labor, or your water has broken.
  • If you are rushed and have no time.
  • If you don’t feel right about it.

Step 1: Establish a Vagina-Heart connection (still clothed)

Sit in a comfortable sitting position and place your right hand on your vagina. Your left hand is placed on your heart. Feel the connection between both centers. Visualize energy flowing from the heart, down to your vagina.

Step 2: Breathe in Orgasmic Oxygen

Oxygen is the “O” in Orgasm. Start breathing fresh orgasmic oxygen into your body, with a deep full inhale, all the way down to your vagina (count to 5 after inhale). Imagine you are filling up your vagina with energy. Then exhale, imagine your vagina is relaxing and releases all the old energies, which she doesn’t need anymore (count to 5 after exhale). After 2 minutes, start making an “Ahhh” sound on the exhale to amplify the effects of this practice.

Note: The moaning sound might feel awkward at first, but it’s the best practice I know to really find sexual confidence, which is required for the next steps to follow. Take up the space that you deserve.

Step 3: Make oily love with your body

Undress slowly; with each piece of clothing you are peeling something off that you don’t deserve any more. Imagine you are for example peeling shame off with your shirt, judgment off with your trousers, self-hatred off with your undies, anything that you individually would like to peel off from your life.

Then start covering your whole body in coconut oil. This process can take its time. Really slow down. Use your breath to find your rhythm. Enjoy this process of touching your whole body, covering it with this nourishing beautiful smelling oil.

Make sure you give enough attention to your beautiful breasts, circling them, clockwise and anti-clockwise. Play around with your nipples, squeeze them, tingle them, tease them. This will release a lot of yummy love hormones which fill you up with excitement.

Step 4: Approach yourself patiently down there

Once you’re finished the breast massage you can slide your hands down to the pubic bone area. Massage this area in circles with your palms and fingertips. Especially on the left and right side. You will feel tiny lymph nodes; gently activate them in circles.

  • Massage your inner thighs, stroking towards your vagina, massage your whole hip area to loosen up. You can even dance a little bit with hip circling movements to loosen up a little. Even an awesome booty dance with Beyonce will do a great job in helping you let go.
  • Place your right hand on the entrance of your vagina again. In your mind ask her for guidance and support.
  • Start massaging the outer lips by squeezing them with your thumb and index finger together.
  • You can stretch your outer labias in all directions as if you were giving them a good thorough yoga stretch.
  • Squeeze them separately. Squeeze them together.
  • Then approach your inner lips, do the same stretch and squeeze. As long as it’s comforting.

Step 5: Warm up your sweet clitoris:

The clitoris is the rawest and most explosive pleasure organ women have. Use it to warm up, but don’t overstimulate it. Just use it as an appetizer. Make sure to use a lot of coconut oil!

  • You can indirectly arouse your clitoris by pressing the outer labia together and moving your fingers up and down a little. Lift the hood of your clit and gently, very, very gently rub the tip of your clit with one finger. Focus on the very tiny, tingly sensation.
  • Read more on clitoral orgasm here.

Step 6: Vaginal Mapping

Use even more coconut oil for the inside, unless you are wet enough. Start inserting your middle finger, very slowly, very consciously. Squeeze your vagina muscles while inhaling (imagine the muscles are sucking in your finger) and relax your muscles while exhaling. Let your vagina naturally invite your finger in. There shouldn’t be any pressure, physically or mentally. Take your time. Be conscious of this moment.

  • Once your middle finger is inside, simply feel. Her warmth, texture, tightness and wetness.
  • For the next steps consider using your index, middle finger – also the thumb can be useful for massaging out tension and providing an easier reach.


  • Start with a reflexology massage just a few centimeters inside the entrance wall of your vulva.
  • Press your index and middle finger up against the 12 o’clock position, just below the pubic bone (stay on each point a little bit and breathe into this area). Feel to find out whether you are holding anything physically or emotionally stored in each clock space.
  • Then move to the 1 o’clock position, press hold and breathe in. Feel.
  • Do this with the entire clock rotation until you return to 12 o’clock again.
  • On the 6 o’clock position it’s easiest to use your thumb, pressing down towards your anus.
  • A sitting position, leaning on a pillow, is best for Vaginal Mapping.

Step 7: Going deeper and deeper:

  • Move your fingers around your vaginal walls (with your index and middle finger), in circles, circling deeper and deeper inside.
  • You want to gently touch every part of your vaginal walls. Check for tension, numb areas, and knots. Stay there if you don’t feel anything until you do feel something. Massage all knots out. Breathe through it in case you feel pain.
  • Go to your G-spot (the G-spot is right inside the upper front wall) and make a figure of 8 around it.
  • You can press on it gently. Can you feel a spongy area? If you feel pleasure, continue to press on it a bit harder, yes, even harder.
  • Then start stimulating it with a come-hither motion till you get the feeling that you have to pee.
  • When you get the peeing feeling you have to ‘bear-down’ and almost ‘push out a little’. Your body will manifest itself with sexual energy through the squirting orgasm. Don’t worry, it’s not pee. And if it is you have all those towels, remember. Just experiment.
  • The Lelo is also handy when it comes to G-spot orgasm. The curve helps to press on the G-spot and perform the come-hither motion faster by yourself.
  • Insert the Lelo with the curvy part and press the outside end down, so the tip goes up and hits right on your G-spot.
  • Use the pointy part to massage out any deeper tension inside
  • Read more on G-spot orgasm here.

Step 8: Cervical Bliss

Many women experience pain during cervical penetration; often the reason is emotional tension in this area.

  • You want to gently penetrate and massage around the cervix to face and release all emotions and tensions.
  • Make sure you are wet enough.
  • Go into an active position, like riding your dildo from top, in the doggy-style position, or take a kneeling position. (check out my organic dildo article)
  • Insert your Dildo, ideally a bit bigger than the Lelo, something like the Outlaw or a longer Zucchini/Carrot (with a condom on).
  • Try different positions. Move your hips horizontally forwards and backwards, sideways and also, if you feel like it, up and down.
  • Don’t forget your breasts; re-establish the connection between your vagina and your heart.
  • Express what needs to be expressed.
  • If you experience pain, breathe through it and come back to your clit for arousal, then go back to the inner parts.
  • Try to focus on the sensations; do you feel all parts of your vagina? Focus. Where the mind goes the energy f
  • Don’t forget to use your breath! BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE…
  • Massage out any knots or pain spots. Find the magic spots that work for you, step-by-step, have patience, surrender more and more. Dive into the sensations. Let go.
  • Whenever you feel bored: change position, change the spot you are arousing, or read an erotic novel.
  • Read more on Cervical orgasm here.

kama-sutra-of-slStep 9: Experiment with body positions

We are talking about Vaginal Massage; this means it’s going to be a little bit harder to relax, as in a Tantric Yoni Massage, where you are just relaxing and letting go. So make sure you prep your body with as many pillows and as much comfort as you need. Try different positions:

  • Kneeling
  • Lying on your back
  • Lying on your belly
  • Doggy-style
  • Sitting with your feet bent and some pillows for your back
  • Standing, holding yourself on the wall
  • Experiment!

Step 10: Final Integration

Once you feel you have enough, sit still for a few minutes in meditation. Place your right hand on your vaginal entrance again and your left hand on your heart. Re-establishing this connection and thanking your vagina from your heart for allowing you to massage her.

Scan your full body, how does your body feel?
Scan your mind, what does your mind produce?

Step 11: Go to the toilet

Make sure you go straight away and pee after the massage; this prevents urinary tract infections (UTI). I actually do this after sex as well, it’s a precious little tip for UTI prevention.

Now it’s your turn to practice and learn how to massage your vagina

Schedule a date with yourself right away. Take about 1 1/2  hr for the whole process, with preparation, massage & shower afterward.

I wrote this article to make this practice available to everyone, with or without a boyfriend. You now have a powerhouse of a tool to really give the love and attention that your vagina deserves. This will awaken sensitivity. You will learn more about what you want and find confidence as a lover. Plus: You will dive into wonderful pleasures and amazing insights into your body. Remember, your vagina is your sacred temple, it holds precious wisdom and the potential for your growth.

If you want to know more about Yoni Massage, sign up for my Newsletter below and receive my ebook on Yoni Massage with a partner. Or check out my Yoni Massage online program for learning the techniques with a partner.

About the author

Mariah Freya

Mariah Freya is a sex & orgasm coach, urban goddess and founder of She opens up the topic of sexuality in all its diversity through her videos, articles and online courses. Mariah has a powerful global mission: Liberating sexuality from below the belly button up, and helping the individual grow through pleasure into fulfilment.

Don’t know how to talk about sex? Play Desire Match Quiz!