Sex Without Orgasm – Why the Journey Is the Reward

Welcome to this wonderful podcast episode, where I’ll be talking to you about a topic that might be familiar to everyone of you. But it’s not much talked about, rather the opposite, everyone wants to know how to have sex with orgasm. And of course I am not teaching you today how to have sex without orgasm, that would be too easy (at least for women). I’d rather like to open a discourse on the reasons why we have sex that doesn’t automatically come with an ecstatic bliss.

In this episode, we get into detail about:

  • Why sex without orgasm is no disease.
  • The beautiful practice of sex without a goal
  • The reasons why we are having sex without orgasm
  • Final Takeaway

Links and resources mentioned:

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Welcome to this wonderful podcast episode, I’ll be talking to you about a topic that might be familiar to every one of you. But it’s not much talked about, rather the opposite, everyone wants to know how to have sex with orgasm. And of course I am not teaching you today how to have sex without orgasm, that’s a too easy task. I’d rather like to open a discourse on the reasons why we have sex that doesn’t automatically come with an ecstatic bliss.

Sooo, where to start.

Sex without Orgasm, yep, that’s possible and you know it. Of course probably the easiest thing that exists on earth. One out of 3 women have trouble reaching the big O. It’s a widely spread fact… sex without orgasm is common, trust me, very common, and no one speaks about it. Most fake it in order camouflage and to keep the relationship in harmony. You simply moan on high scream, and that’ll keep the harmony going.

Sex without Orgasm can still be passionate, of course, adventurous, hot and juicy with deep connection, it’s just without orgasm. Don’t panic…

We might often think that it’s a disease not having an orgasm. Or something is wrong with us… Yep, it can actually make you disinterested in sex. As you might think, “well if I don’t have an orgasm, why should I do it then?”No, no, no do it! As MUCH as possible! It might be just some barriers you have to break through till IT happens. So never give up, here!

Anyways, there is a practice called Karezza, where both involved by purpose decide not to orgasm. Sex without a goal. According to Karezza it is a form of sexual intercourse in which both partners keep sexual continence (meaning the man doesn’t ejaculate and the women doesn’t have explosive orgasm like the clitoral orgasm).

Karezza is a practice that is beautiful for both partners if you are under certain pressure. All the goals and pressure fall off and you can simply connect, caress, unify without a goal, and simply be. This is how sex should always be treated, non-egoic, without a goal and simply enjoying the very moment. And interestingly the enjoyment of sex will be much, much higher. You’ll be beaming high anyways. Where the explosive orgasm, becomes boring as you turn those orgasms with practice into implosive multiple bliss states.

If you are interested in reading more about this check out: The Karezza Method, or Magnetation: The Art of Connubial Love by John William Lloyd. (a bit of a long and heavy lecture but great for your knowledge.)

So what are the reasons why we are having sex without orgasm?

  • Maybe because you are still trying sexual continence (because you want to become a multi-orgasmic tantric master) and are still in the beginning of it?! In Tao and Tantric tradition it’s a common practice to refrain from energy lost in order to increase sexual vitality.
  • Or we simply don’t want to be impacted by someone. Meaning you are a control freak, stubborn and hard to change, you want to be in control of yourself, that’s why you are not opening up for deep strong penetration. Penetration that impacts, transforms changes… maybe something scary for you? Approach it slowly. Have a long warm-up before penetration. Build trust to be transformed beautifully. Grow your basis and that you both want to evolve on. Vision!!!
  • Another reason why we are having sex without orgasm. We are tense in our body. Uhhh, everything is stuck after a long day of work… so unrelaxed, you are in a total need of getting a thai massage. Of course how can you be orgasming if the sexual energy is simply not able to flow through? Go, have a massage, long bathtub, sauna, whatever makes you relaxed.
  • Also why sex is lacking orgasm, you are not using your breath. You are still in your moans. Maybe a little ashamed? Or slightly embarrassed someone could here you. Well, go somewhere where no one can hear you! And if that means in the middle of the forest. Moan, breathe deeply into your belly, breathe yourself high! Oxygen is the O in Orgasm! Remember that, Big time!
  • Another reason: Your mind wanders through the sky…or maybe in the shopping mall, what do you cook for dinner?! Not the right mindset for a passionate orgasmic afternoon. Focus, come back with your mind in the moment. Focus on your body sensations, on your breath. And if you wander, come back…as you would meditate… And if you are sooo busy in your mind, don’t have sex and complete all the tasks you need to do in order to be able to relax mentally.
  • Another reason why your sex life is 0% orgasmic: You are afraid. Yep, death is scary… la petite morte (little death) in French… jump in the cold water, be brave and don’t forget to breathe…
  • You are not doing your Kegels.
  • Most common: You cannot surrender. It’s a bit of a tricky word for some of you, as it might be understood as a weakness. No it’s not weakness, it’s a powerful aspect to learn. Especially a very feminine, that beautifully harmonizes our sexlife. Try and see.

So what can we take away from sex without orgasm?

  • It’s not a disease,
  • It’s actually can be done by purpose to become multi-orgasmic eventually.
  • Work on your vision together with your partner, is that something that excites you what both of you are planning for, where both of you are heading, yes? Well you earn a load of orgasms.
  • Be relaxed, have your spa holiday, you were always planning on. And of course watch out your work-and-life balance. Less overtime, more sex!!!
  • Breathe, breathe, and breathe!!!! (Also you guys, great for control)
  • Mindful practice during lovemaking changes your life, I promise.
  • No risk no fun, take the challenge and face orgasm.
  • Surrender baby, like learning to swim… it can only be mastered when practiced.

Was this information helpful? If you want to go deeper with this, I am offering at the moment Orgasmic Evolution sessions via skype for women and for men too. I will teach you the Kama sutra of self-love and other helpful practices to boost your orgasmic life.

Thanks for listening and looking forward to hearing from you.

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About the author

Mariah Freya

Mariah Freya

Mariah Freya is a sex & orgasm coach, urban goddess and founder of Beducated.com. She opens up the topic of sexuality in all its diversity through her videos, articles and online courses. Mariah has a powerful global mission: Liberating sexuality from below the belly button up, and helping the individual grow through pleasure into fulfilment.

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