Painful Sex

Ever experienced nagging pain during lovemaking? Ever felt tense, emotionally closed or scared to open up sexually? You are not alone.

What Causes Painful Sex?

There can be lots of reasons why women experience pain during sex.

From a holistic standpoint there are 3 different overall reasons:

  1. Physical reasons
  2. Emotional reasons
  3. Mental reasons

All 3 reasons are often interrelated, and some conditions cannot be treated by drugs or creams. I encourage all women to look deeper, into the roots, even when it can sometimes be hard and scary. Ask your partner, best friend and family for support. When it comes to sexuality, we are especially full of shame and guilt. In order to heal we need support, love and transparency.

tear of pain

Vaginal Pain during Sex

Often there is a simple reason why women experience pain during penetration in their vagina:

  • If there is not enough vaginal fluid produced.

Other common conditions which can cause pain during sex:

  • Vaginismus: A condition where due to emotional fear the vaginal muscles are spasming.
  • Vaginal infections: Any sort of yeast infection can cause a burning pain during intercourse. Many women experience those conditions after the first time of sexual contact with a new partner. Problems with the cervix (opening of the uterus) can also cause pain, especially when the penis reaches the cervix at a maximum of penetration. Problems with the uterus can cause pain during deep intercourse as well.
  • Endometriosis: The endometrium, which is the tissue lining the uterus, grows outside the uterus, which can cause pain during sex.
  • Ovaries: Any problems with the ovaries such as cysts are reasons for pain as well.
  • Pelvic inflammatory disease: The inflamed deep tissues cause deep pain during the pressure of intercourse.
  • Ectopic pregnancy: Pregnancy where the fertilized egg grows outside of the uterus.
  • Menopause: Intercourse pain can be caused when the vaginal walls are losing their normal moisture and are lacking lubrication.
  • Sex too soon after childbirth or surgery.
  • Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs): These diseases include genital warts, herpes sores, and other STDs.
  • Any injury of the outside or the inside of the vagina

How Can Painful Sex Be Treated?

  • In case of vaginal dryness, simply use a sexual lubricant – ideally a natural lubricant without silicone and glycerin e.g. Sylk, or you could increase the amount of foreplay 🙂 !!
  • If you feel tense and cramped, talk to your partner about it; be transparent and honest with your emotions, fears and traumas. Professional therapeutic support helps many women to heal sexual traumas.
  • Often vaginal massages (‘yoni massages’) can help on this healing path. Look for a local tantra massage studio or do a course together with your partner.
  • You can also develop your own masturbation to become comfortable with your body. Start slowly, slowly with patience and sensitivity. Get yourself a small handy dildo (no vibration) to train yourself step by step until you’re ready for your partner.
  • Yeast infections can be treated by natural medicines or through diet change.
  • Painful sex after childbirth can be solved by waiting for at least six weeks; be gentle and patient.
  • Some conditions causing sexual pain do require a doctor’s care.

FYI – I’m not a doctor, therapist, or healing expert. The purpose of my blog is to share my experiences — not to dole out health advice. When it comes to your health, do your research and consult a doctor.

Healing from Abuse

Ancient lovemakingFor thousands of years, women were merely men’s tools. They weren’t ask what they liked, were abused, mutilated and violently raped. I believe there is a subconscious pain in all women regarding this background. If we look deep into our feelings we can find this pain within us which connects us with millions of other women. In so many countries this circle of repression and violent abuse continues; that’s why western women, women who started in the 60s with a first step, have to continue believing in the healing process of the feminine and masculine. Being able to cry for all women in the world and being able to express this pain changed my life completely. Once we decide to heal, forgive and open our hearts for a better now and future, we are making the first step of a revolution without repression.

Many of those physical conditions for sexual pain have underlying emotional and mental traumas. That’s why sexual therapy, psychotherapy, sexual Tantra, Tao for women and other alternative sexual healing methods can help to heal deep wounds and resolve emotions such as guilt, shame, inner conflicts and feelings regarding past abuse.

I would love to hear healing stories and empower you to share and read of women who were brave enough to forgive.
Lots of healing love,

(Lower photo by Sinabeet)

About the author

Mariah Freya

Mariah Freya

Mariah Freya is a sex & orgasm coach, urban goddess and founder of She opens up the topic of sexuality in all its diversity through her videos, articles and online courses. Mariah has a powerful global mission: Liberating sexuality from below the belly button up, and helping the individual grow through pleasure into fulfilment.