You or your lover experiencing painful sex? The oooh, oooh—ouch! is familiar when it comes to the intimate parts in your life? First of all: Don’t worry, you are not abnormal:
According to the 2009 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, 30% of women reported pain during their last sexual encounter.
Having experienced pain during sex myself, I did my own research behind the curtain of pain and discovered a great potential. A potential that will blow your mind. And one that’s just screaming to be shared with you all.
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This is an amazing opportunity for you to grow and experience tons of pleasure. Here are my 6 tips that helped me and can turn your or your lover’s pain into delicious pleasure.
Disclaimer: By the way, in this video, I am mainly talking about pain that is a result of psychological and emotional reasons. Visit a doctor in case you are not sure if your pain might also have its roots in physical causes (such as vaginal infections and inflammatory diseases, sex too soon after childbirth, or injuries).
Understand & Acknowledge Pain as Your Teacher
Let your pain be your teacher, not something that you need to fight against.
Stop fighting your pain.
Breathe in and out.
Pain is not necessarily something bad; it tells you a story of great value.
Deeply within ourselves, we know it, but we’d rather push the pain aside because it’s uncomfortable; it’s a deal breaker; it’s not something we want at the moment when it’s there. Instead, we’d rather get rid of it, as quickly as possible.
Best of all with a quick fix magic unicorn pill!
But hey, did that ever last long or even work for good?!
When you start listening to your pain closely and acknowledge it fully, it tells you exactly what needs to be transformed. Easier said than done, I know. Bear with me.
So whenever you feel pain during sex again, tell your lover that it’s there, but don’t stop. Let them know they should slow down, very slow, yep super micro slow. Listen! Feel! Give it space! Breathe deeply in and out!
What happens when pain is being heard and listened to, is that it turns into pleasure. Pain transforms into Joy. The moment when we look deep into our shit, claim it, it’s the moment when we realize that it’s all just ok.
And that’s where the magic begins, the moment of relaxation. Putting an end to worrying that there is something wrong with you.
Sexy Fix: Let your pain be your teacher.
Create the Most Delicious Love Nest
As cheesy as it might sound, candles and soft music do a great job to make your love nest more trustworthy and safe.
Studies have found that women can let go more easily when they find themselves in a more romantic environment.
Feeling safe is essential for the relaxation part that you need for fully letting go of your worries and tensions. Which is, by the way, the number one reason for painful sex in the first place.
So invest some time in your love nest.
Sexy Fix: Feng-Shui it up, decorate it fairy-like, light up some candles, use incense, create the temple that you deserve, whatever it takes to create the most special love temple for you and your lover.
Make the Warm Up Phase More Exciting
Every sex coach says it again and again.
The length of the foreplay is crucial, so make it as exciting as you can.
And especially in ways where you can relax. Don’t like oral sex, because it makes you tense? Do something else then! Massage, kiss, cuddle, pillow fight, whatever turns you ON!
Show your lover how you want it.
And if you don’t know: figure out by yourself through, yep, masturbation beforehand.
Check whether you are wet enough; is your sex swollen? The second point is actually quite crucial, as it shows the blood flow of your sexual glands.
If you really cannot get wet, use lube. But know that your body is capable of producing it once you are ready. So rather stay a bit longer in the warm-up phase until your body is also up for it. No need to stress.
You’ve got all the time that you need. Actually exciting times!
Sexy Fix: Explore your desires. Make love to yourself if you don’t know where is up or where is down. Figure out what excites you!
Work on Your Surrendering Skills
Stop fighting with yourself.
Stop fighting the universe and the natural flow of things.
Stop resisting and pushing against reality.
Surrender is Complete acceptance of what is, and having the faith that all is well.
For example, when I become aware that I’m in control mode, I imagine that I’m in a small canoe paddling upstream, against the current. It’s hard. It’s a fight. That’s what control mode feels like to me.
When I choose to let go and surrender, I visualize the boat turning around, me dropping the oars, and floating downstream.
Sexy Fix: Take action from that place of surrender energy.
Use Your Breath
Your breath is the tool that turns your boat and makes it float downstream.
Oxygen is the O of orgasm.
It turns every bit of tension into relaxation.
Breathe into the part that hurts.
Imagine you are softening it with every exhale and healing it with every inhale.
Sexy Fix: Use your fucking breath!
A sore back would get your attention with a good massage right?!
It’s about time you took responsibility for your pussy too and gave her the attention she deserves.
A great way to start is to give yourself regular Yoni massages with a non-vibrating dildo. Or even together with your partner. This way you can focus on certain spots within your pussy that hurt, and you can bring awareness and healing energies there. Experiment with what feels good for you as long as you take care.
Sexy Fix: Schedule me-time! Now!
Ok, again. Most importantly, see the pain no longer as something negative, but as a sign from your body of something to act upon, to get up and transform, to listen and learn about. This way you’ll be able to surrender, breathe, relax, cozy up and claim your sex life back!