Wherever you look, there is the common belief that female sexuality is like a mystical, secret garden… an art form, while male sexuality is like a simple algorithm.
“Women require hours to orgasm (if they orgasm at all).”
“Men need a tight grip and 5-7 minutes of in and out.”
“Women need emotional safety for letting go.”
“Men need a tight grip and 5-7 minutes of in and out.”
“Women need to be treated like a goddess, with incense, foreplay and massage oil.”
“Men need a tight grip and 5-7 minutes of in and out.”
You know what I’m getting at… there is an imbalance!
I’m asking: is there really?
Or are we perhaps looking at male sexuality in the wrong way?
I think we are. When the media writes and talks about male sexuality, they are talking about a very superficial part of it.
Having approached sexuality open-mindedly for most of my adult life, and having experimented with various set-ups, techniques, and traditions, I would say: there is much more to male sexuality than everyone talks about.
So what is everyone getting wrong? Multiple things.
#1: There Is a Huge Sensitivity Issue
One of the major problems I see in mainstream sex is that men are disconnected from the sensations in their penis.
Yep, exactly the same issue that many claim is the case for women and their vaginas.
The cause is a different one though: men have bad self-pleasure habits.
Way too many men suffer from one or another state of the death grip: they have lost precious sensitivity in their penis from masturbating too frequently with a too tight grip. The problem is all over the internet.
But most act when it’s already pretty late… read: when they can’t come from vaginal or oral stimulation anymore, but only from handjobs (preferably given by themselves, because their partner’s grip is too weak).
The second consequence of bad masturbation habits is too frequent ejaculation. As much as men hate to admit it, everyone knows it’s true.
Remember the times when you didn’t ejaculate for a week and then had sex? An entirely different experience!
Ejaculating less frequently is not an option for most men because of mainstream sex, ejaculation equals orgasm. And that’s a very limiting belief that we have to work on. (More on this later coming later in the article.)
And well, if you’re already into earth-shattering and something-else kind of orgasms and want to try skipping ejaculation, you might want to check what prostate massage is known to deliver.
#2: Stimulation Happens Mostly Locally
Very connected to the lack of sensitivity down there, is the fact that male sexuality is often limited to happening down there.
Women need to warm up their entire body before they are ready for genital stimulation. Men… are born ready.
But what men need desperately and don’t know, is duringplay, rather than foreplay. Basically, they need full body stimulation and sensations during or after high states of genital arousal.
A Tantra teacher first introduced me to this phenomenon, and I find it super interesting…
If you want, it’s a reflection of the anatomical structure of the genitals: For women, it’s going from the outside to the inside. From full-body stimulation to local stimulation. For men, it’s going from the inside to the outside. From local stimulation to full-body stimulation.
That’s pretty magical!
And almost no men do this to themselves while masturbating. Nor do they ask their partners to do it.
Try it, it’s an incredibly easy win!
#3: The Impact of Gender Roles
After generally not being very sensitive, another important reason for male sexuality being viewed as limited and simple is the impact of gender roles on our sexual behavior.
Most men enjoy being the penetrator, and take on the more dominant role that comes with this. A role that is, at least emotionally, very simple.
And there’s nothing wrong with that — I personally also enjoy it a lot, and practice it most of the time.
But that is far from being all there is to be lived and enjoyed in the bedroom.
All the emotional rewards that come from the more vulnerable aspect of sexuality (which is very present in female orgasms as we know them) are also available to men. But almost every man is blocked from accessing them.
A man starting to cry while making love is unfortunately not something humanity seems to be ready for. But it’s beautiful. And only one facet of a high bandwidth of emotions that men tend to avoid.
Men have an equal potential to surrender into the act of making love, but gender roles play a limiting role to prevent them from doing so.
#4: Ejaculation Does Not Equal Orgasm
Now comes what I think is the most important point of this article. And the previously made points compile beautifully into this one.
Everyone underestimates the complexity of male sexuality.
And the main reason for those limiting beliefs is that, in common knowledge, ejaculation equals orgasm.
This is… unbelievably sad. And unbelievably wrong.
Like women, men are capable of having different types of orgasms. Shallow orgasms, deep orgasms, peak orgasms, multiple orgasms, full body orgasms. And not all of them include ejaculation.
Limiting the male orgasm to the common ejaculation orgasm is like limiting the female orgasm to a clitoral orgasm.
It’s just… limited.
So why is this limiting belief out there?
Honestly, I have no idea. I’m actually quite flabbergasted by it. It’s not that no one is talking about it and teaching other ways.
There’s Tantra and Taoism, which have been teaching it for centuries.
There’s Lingam Massage as the famous technique that is known to get men there.
There are many contemporary sex coaches helping people get there.
Let me tell you from my own experience that it’s not a walk in the park learning it. Because we have to deal with all the struggles mentioned within this very article.
I can’t go into the concrete how’s at this point. But check out the above-mentioned books or Tantra workshops in your town.
Different Types of Male Orgasms
As you know by now, the whole topic is not that simple. Did you have any idea that there are 8 different types of male orgasms? You’ve likely heard that there are several types of female orgasms, but what about the guys?!
Some Things You May Not Know About the Male Orgasm
Beyond the 8 types of orgasms for men, you may not realize that male orgasms can be faked. When the topic of faked orgasms arises, most people think of women.
Despite popular belief, one in four dudes says they’ve faked an orgasm.
Another component to discovering the different types of male orgasms is to understand that no two orgasms will be the same. However, most men will experience a series of sensations during the process of getting off and coming. These sensations typically involve arousal, plateau, orgasm, resolution, and refraction.
To help you dive deeper into the topic, we’ve outlined the 8 types of orgasms for men here.
The Regular Ejaculation Orgasm
To start off our list, we’ve gotta cover the regular ejaculation orgasm first. This is the tried-and-true male orgasm we’re all familiar with. Simply put, the regular ejaculation orgasm results in ejaculation of semen.
As one of the easiest kinds of male orgasms to achieve, a large portion of men will experience this type of climax every time they have sex or masturbate. The ejaculatory sensation can vary in intensity and is typically reached through penetration, repetitive thrusting, or stroking the penis.
The Anal Orgasm
The anal orgasm, sometimes referred to as the ‘male G-spot orgasm,’ is achieved by stimulating the prostate gland. Men can reach an anal orgasm alone or with the help of a partner. Through anal penetration, the prostate will fill up with fluid that will eventually be ejaculated.
You may be somewhat familiar with this type of orgasm, or it might be a whole new body part to explore during sex. If this is your first time with an anal orgasm, get ready for an out-of-this-world experience because it’s often described as being more intense than a standard male orgasm.
The Prostate Orgasm
Men can experience the prostate orgasm by stimulating their prostate gland. The prostate is located just below your bladder and in front of your rectum. During stimulation, your prostate and seminal vessels will contract.
Prostate massage (or ‘milking the prostate’) is one of the best ways to have a prostate orgasm. Plus, the massage method can lead to deeper, more intense sexual experiences. Different types of prostate massage include internal prostate massage, direct prostate gland stimulation, and non-physical stimulation.
The Extended Ejaculation Orgasm
The extended ejaculation orgasm can be achieved by learning to gain control over when you ejaculate. Tantric techniques are a great way to learn to control your climax and extend your ejaculation. With enough practice and focus, you can learn to last for several minutes, an hour, or even hours—everyone has a starting point!
An extended ejaculation orgasm will require focus, practice, patience, awareness, and the ability to be present during sex. For more detailed instructions, check out Beducated’s Ejaculation Mastery Training Guide.
The Ejaculation-Free Orgasm
Believe it or not, men can have ejaculation-free orgasms. Sometimes referred to as a ‘dry male orgasm,’ an ejaculation-free climax can be achieved by practicing ejaculation control. Similar to the extended ejaculation orgasm, you can learn to prevent or delay coming during sex or masturbation by developing strong pelvic muscles or trying tantric techniques.
Try practicing with masturbation first.
With the right timing and focus, you’ll be able to have an ejaculation-free orgasm. Also, with practice, multiple ejaculation-free orgasms can be reached while you’re getting it on.
The Hands-Free Orgasm
Guys can have a hands-free orgasm by utilizing a variety of methods. Get your rocks off sans hands through meditation, watching pornography, reading erotic content, flexing your PC muscles, or using stimulating fabrics.
The hands-free male orgasm is sometimes referred to as the ‘energy orgasm.’ It can be a fun one to try because climaxing without using your hands will open your mind to new techniques and allow you to let go of your usual masturbation habits. The idea is to get your penis to begin to twitch without touching anything. Soft or silky fabrics can be used if you’re just starting out with a hands-free orgasm.
Focus, visualize and keep practicing until you’re able to reach the big O.
The Nipple Orgasm
Listen up, guys! Nipple orgasms are not just for the ladies. To have a male nipple orgasm, start by gently touching your nipples or having your partner touch them. Rubbing, licking, sucking, flicking, or light pinching can usually lead to arousal. Try alternating between your nipples until they become hard and erect.
Visualize a dirty scenario that you know will get you off.
As you get going, increase the pressure on your nipples (or have your partner do this) to crank up the intensity. Reaching climax with only nipple stimulation may take a few tries, but with practice, it can be achieved without much effort. In fact, stimulating your nipples is just one of the many sensations that can be intensified to reach an orgasm.
The Full-Body Orgasm
The full-body orgasm sometimes referred to as the ‘blended male orgasm,’ stimulates both pathways that connect to a man’s pelvic region. It can be reached by stimulating the penis and prostate at the same time. Your nipples and other body parts can be aroused to experience a more intense full-body orgasm.
Men can also have a full-body or blended climax through multiple orgasms during sex (ejaculation-free, nipple, penis, and prostate). A full-body orgasmic experience will happen when all senses are activated and everything happens at once.
There are likely plenty more than 8 types of male orgasms that have yet to be discovered or documented. According to Tantra, it’s possible to turn all sensations in the body into orgasmic ones. With the male orgasm, the possibilities are endless.
There’s So Much More to It
Okay, let’s look back at what we now know:
- Most men suffer from low sensitivity in their penis due to non-beneficial masturbation habits.
- Men are stimulated locally. They don’t require foreplay per se, but rather full-body stimulation during high states of arousal.
- Most men can’t let go and show their vulnerability while making love due to gender roles and societal restrictions.
- The common belief is that the male orgasm is limited to the ejaculation orgasm
With these points in mind, it’s not surprising that male sexuality is generally seen as very primitive.
But imagine these four issues being resolved.
That would mean men actually could feel sensations in their penis. That they would be able to feel vaginal walls. The swollen G-Spot. The entrance of the cervix.
It would mean that men could spread orgasmic sensations throughout their entire body, instead of only experiencing them locally.
That would mean men could surrender and let go during making love. Instead of being limited to being a mechanical penetrator.
It would mean men could be able to have multiple orgasms. Men could choose to ejaculate, or not to ejaculate. There would be a huge variety of orgasms available to them.
Under those circumstances, would you still claim that the male orgasm is simple and mechanical?