Male masturbation is often not given the attention it deserves… Or at least not the right kind of attention. With the potential to transform our relationship with ourselves, our lovers, and the world around us, our masturbation practice just needs a little push in the sex-positive direction.
We interviewed Love, Sex, and Relationship Coach, Andrea Balboni of Lush Coaching, to learn about her insight into working with and speaking to hundreds of different men on this path to finding healthy relationships––in particular the one with ourselves. She suggests using holistic male masturbation techniques as a tool for self-love.
For clarity, we’ll mostly be referring to male masturbation practices for cis men (men who are the same gender they were assigned with at birth). However, this article is also for anyone, looking to transform their masturbation practice into one that is more wholesome, invigorating, and empowering. NB. Not all men have penises and not all penis-owners are men.
What do you think it means to love yourself as a man?
I believe to truly love yourself as a man in today’s society, you must come to accept all parts of you, exactly as you are. Yes, that includes the parts that you are ashamed of, might have hidden away or shut down. The parts that feel fearful, weak, and small. The parts that you are told don’t make you a “real man.”
Can you tell us about some of the stigmas that surround male masturbation?
Men just want sex a lot more than women, right? Wrong. Men are stereotypically perceived to be highly sexualized beings that “need” sex, to a degree that it’s even uncontrollable. And those men who aren’t sexual enough, well, they aren’t “real men”.
We’re told that men’s sexual release is a necessity, otherwise, they get blue balls.
Think about it, a “wanker”, a common derogatory term in the UK, is someone who’s not respected. For guys, masturbation must be done quickly and in the dark, hidden at home, shrouded in shame.
So, given this stigma and shame, where does male masturbation fit into self-love?
Self-pleasure is an excellent way to love yourself. When it’s done mindfully and with presence, you are actually honoring your body and its desires.
Male masturbation as a self-love practice guides you through exploring your full sexual potential, as well as your wildest desires, and all forms of pleasure. This is to help you understand all the different facets of who you are––and to love yourself for it!
To celebrate and appreciate your full sexual self also has added benefits to your everyday life.
What are the benefits of male masturbation as self-love?
There are so many!
While masturbation can offer a quick release from stress, changing our entire attitude can help it become something that is nourishing, leaving us with a good feeling for a longer period of time.
It can help you feel better about your body and overcome any shame or feeling as if your desires are out of your own control. It allows you to free yourself from judgment around your sexuality and get a better sense of yourself so that you can explore your body and pleasure in a whole new way.
Can masturbation as self-love help with your sex life?
Certainly! This practice can help you become a better lover, as well as enhance your own experience in lovemaking.
Enjoying a self-love masturbation practice engages you to have more control over your body, making you more sexually confident.
And we all know that confidence is sexy!
Why is it important to be mindful during pleasure?
Being present during pleasure allows you to be more in your body and in the moment, rather than stuck in your head. This will have immediate benefits when you have sex with a partner. Being present with yourself allows you to be more present with another.
This is because the more you know your own body, the more you can relax in bed with another person. You will be able to verbalize what feels good, and what you like because you know it!
How would you suggest shifting your masturbation practice into one of self-love?
In shifting your mindset around your masturbation practice helps to recognize your own inner power, and the outward expression of it, however it shows up.
So, when taking the time to explore masturbation in this new way, it’s important to notice what feels good and inviting more of that in. This can be done by saying yes to pleasure, and to what feels good. Being kind to your body, and being patient with it, while allowing whatever happens to happen, or not, but just knowing that it’s all ok.
Right, so now we have the theory, but how do you go about starting a self-love male masturbation practice?
Andrea Recommends the Following Four Holistic Sex Tools…
…to try out when you next want to explore masturbating as a self-love practice.
Breathe in and out through your mouth. Faster breath can stimulate you more and boost your energy. Slow and steady breaths will allow you to relax back from your point of no return with greater control and ease.
Allow yourself to surrender to your own voice. Release and tap into your raw sexual energy. Making noise frees you up for a more full experience. It releases you into your primal instinctual state. Let go so that you can receive pleasure more easily.
Slow down, focus on the present moment, and be in your body. Allow more space for feeling and experiencing every sensation and emotion.
Allow your body to move in masturbation as it would in lovemaking. This rewires your brain and body to release your patterns around masturbation and pleasure.
Try exploring new movements, or touching your whole body to break up your routine. Exploring the sensitivity of different body parts will help to spread pleasure throughout your body and open you up to expanded states of pleasure, like a full-body orgasm.
Use all four tools together to send the energy from the head of your penis to the other parts of your body.
Thank you for speaking with us Andrea. We totally agree that we need to diminish the stigma and change the common perception around male masturbation.
We can do this step by step, and you can be a part of it too. Though we’ve just shared some guidance on where to start, we hope this is just the beginning of your journey toward self-exploration. Learn to love your body, work on healing your shame, and be part of this masturbation revolution by practicing it consciously.
If you want to learn more about Andrea and her work, head to her site www.lushcoaching.com.