Bye, bye Gag Reflex: How to Deep Throat and Blow Away your Partner

How To Deep Throat
Molly Lazarus
Written by Molly Lazarus

I’ve never met a man who didn’t enjoy being deep throated during a blow job. From what I’ve been told, having your entire cock down a partner’s throat provides a powerful rush. Here are thoughts from a couple of my penis-possessing friends:

“Being aware that she knows how to do that is a serious fucking turn-on. Suppressing a gag reflex takes work, and the fact that she’s done that work to make me feel amazing makes me think she’s a total badass.”

“The swallowing motion milking the cum from my cock feels amazing at the point of climax.”

Notice the common word in both accounts: AMAZING. Clearly, deep throating can be a multifaceted physical and emotional experience for the receiver. For givers, however, it can be an intimidating or even scary prospect. Many people rightfully worry about gagging or injuring their throat.

If this is you, I’ve got your back. This article is all about helping you deep throat a cock like a fucking champion.

What You’ll Need in Order to Learn How to Deep Throat

Many sites suggest desensitizing your gag reflex by habitually sticking a toothbrush, banana, or similar item toward the back of the throat.

I don’t recommend this. Something hard and pokey like a toothbrush will not feel sexy or fun to practice with, and an unpeeled banana might end up breaking off in your throat during the process. NOPE to everything about that!

If your goal is to expertly deep throat an actual human dick, I suggest practicing on one whenever possible.

As long as you’re not accidentally nipping your partner with your teeth (eek!), they’re not likely to mind as you experiment to refine your technique.

In lieu of a true cock, a realistic, somewhat flexible dildo is your best bet. Make sure it’s made with a material, color, and design that you like. (Or at the very least, won’t turn you off.)

What I DON’T suggest, as some sites do, is to use any sort of numbing spray or similar product on your throat. Feelings of discomfort exist to alert you of danger. You want to be completely in touch with your body while exploring this activity in order to avoid injury.

12 Steps How to Deep throat Your Partner’s Exquisite Cock

1. Make Sure You Already Love Sucking Dick

I have a friend who wants to get into oral sex in order to better please her partners, but can’t because it feels degrading or like a chore that brings her no personal pleasure.

How to Deep Throat Woman licking Lolipop and sitting on chair

I used to feel this way too when I was younger, but I now view sucking cock as an act of power. Having a partner completely fall apart and come passionately from my oral ministrations brings me joy 100% of the time. “Holy shit, I did that?!”

Deep throating will be an awful experience unless you already think of giving head as pleasurable. If you’re not excited about the whole thing, absolutely do not do it.

There are plenty of other sexy activities out there and there’s no reason to put yourself through an experience you won’t enjoy. As you feel more comfortable with your partner over time, you can change your mind later if you like.

2. Communicate with Your Partner about Deep Throating in Advance

You’ll need to feel safe for deep throating to be fun, so talk with your partner and negotiate important details before embarking on this adventure. Tell them about your fears, desires, and limits. Is it cool if they touch your head while you’re sucking them off? Do they have permission to finish down your throat?

During bedroom activities that make you unable to speak, it’s always a good idea to have non-verbal signals you can use as safewords in case things start to feel too intense. One idea might be to tap your partner or squeeze their hand multiple times. Whatever you end up deciding, a quick chat will help you avoid any unwanted surprises.

3. Drop Any Worries about Needing to Look Glamorous

You might worry about what you’ll look like while deep throating. The act often leads to excessive drooling, coughing, and running mascara (if you wear it). It’s not exactly ‘beautiful’ by conventional standards, but you don’t need to give a fuck because the truth is that for many receivers, those effects are a turn-on rather than undesirable consequences.

Deep-throating is a sloppy, messy affair and there’s no way around it, so dive in and do the thing without self-consciousness. You’ll have more fun if you give yourself permission to get nasty.

4. Experiment to Find the Right Position and Angle

You want to get your throat positioned in a relatively straight line rather than curving it. If you don’t, your partner’s cock will hit the back of your throat with nowhere to go.

If this happens, you can bravely push on and try to wiggle that dick the rest of the way down, but this kinky strategy is unpleasant for those with sensitive gag reflexes. You could also injure your throat by pushing too hard.

How to Deep Throat Couple in Bed Girl holds mans pants

You can avoid this whole issue by choosing a position that’s ideal and comfortable for deep throating. The stereotypical giver-on-knees position isn’t best here. Lying on your back with your head off the edge of the bed or sofa is a better choice.

Other positions work too. Move around to find out what you and your partner dig most. Go with positions that allow you to keep control of the situation while you’re learning.

5. If You Have a Strong Gag Reflex, Experiment and Practice to Desensitize It

Personally, I gag sometimes while deep throating and find it to be pretty sexy, as do my kinky partners. But if you’re one of the 10-15% of people with a hypersensitive gag reflex, this can be a problem. You may feel nauseous or even throw up, which is obviously a huge mood-killer for anyone without a fetish for vomit.

There are things you can do to desensitize or weaken your gag reflex over time. Mainly, you’ll want to practice with a dildo or an actual penis. Gagging is often a psychological reaction, so getting used to having a large object at the back of your throat helps a lot.

There are apparently other steps that have worked for people with strong gag reflexes as well, such as acupuncture and mastering certain breathing techniques.

6. Take Your Time

As the giver of head, you need to be the person in control, especially if deep-throating is new to you. Don’t rush yourself. It’s perfectly fine to go slowly and handle the activity on your own terms. A respectful partner won’t mind!

With a pushy partner, on the other hand, deep throating can be dangerous.

It can be hot to feel like your partner is choking you with their cock or forcing themselves down your throat, but that sort of thing needs to be done in a safe, consensual, well-controlled way.

Make sure you and your partner are on the same page by communicating during the act. It can be deliciously erotic to take the process slowly, rather than diving right into the type of intense skullfucking sessions you see in porn.

7. Relax Your Jaw and Throat

Waking up the next morning with a sore jaw sucks. By relaxing your muscles as much as possible during the act, you’ll be less likely to experience aches and pains after deep throating. You’ll also be less likely to gag.

Woman licking flowerAllow your throat to open so you can slide around your partner effortlessly and without pain.

8. Get Your Tongue out of the Way

You can’t deep throat if your tongue is blocking the path of your partner’s dick. Stick your tongue out as far as you comfortably can and press it to the floor of your mouth. This will make room for your partner’s cock and allow you to use your tongue to lick their shaft while giving them head if you so desire.

9. Work on Your Breath Control Skills

You won’t be able to breathe while your partner’s cock is down your throat. Learn to inhale through your nose at the right time and hold your breath while taking your partner as far in as you can.

Rock back and forth over the head of their cock with the narrowest part of your throat to create pleasurable constriction until you feel yourself running out of breath. Once you do, back out for air and repeat the process when you’re ready.

10. Take Breaks Whenever You Feel like It

Deep throating doesn’t have to be the entire focus of a blow job. In fact, I think many people would find that fairly boring. How can you swirl your tongue around that magnificent head or give the balls proper attention if you’re hell-bent on deep throating 100% of the time?

Woman grabbing Mens Pants in Kitchen

Instead, feel free to sprinkle deep throating in as icing on the cake during fellatio. Take breaks whenever you like so it remains a fun and sustainable activity.

11. Don’t Overdo It

While enthusiasm is always appreciated during oral sex, your jaw can lock or feel sore if you go for too long. Don’t feel obligated to deep throat for longer than whatever amount of time feels good for you, even if your partner hasn’t come yet. The most important priority is your comfort and safety.

12. If Your Partner Does Come and You’re down to Swallow, Be Ready for It

Literally choking on a man’s cum would be extremely unpleasant, in my opinion. You can avoid this by anticipating exactly when he’ll finish and synchronizing your swallowing efforts.

Pay attention to your partner’s cues. Everyone’s different, but here are a few common signs he’s about to ejaculate:

  • His cock reaches peak hardness
  • His balls and scrotum rise up closer to his body
  • His muscles contract with tension
  • His breathing changes

When you finally feel his cock pulsate, it means his muscles are contracting to push semen through and out the urethra. Inhale and hold your breath here so you can catch his cum in your throat and gulp it down when he’s done. Polish off your session by wiping your mouth and eyeing him with a satisfied grin, you naughty and all-powerful minx!

I hope you enjoy experimenting with these techniques!

And if deepthroating is ultimately too uncomfortable to be worth it for you, don’t worry about it.

You’re not alone and there are loads of other sexy ways to pleasure your partner instead.

You can mimic the feeling of deepthroating by using your hands during blow jobs to ensure that your partner’s entire cock is covered, slippery, and stimulated. Or, just give it another go again later. Whatever works for you, stay relaxed and have fun.

About the author

Molly Lazarus

Molly Lazarus

Molly Lazarus is a kink & sexuality writer, BDSM community organizer, and newbie erotic fiction author. Her website, Kink Out Loud, serves as a resource for readers who are new to or curious about BDSM. She contributes to Beducated, Kinkly, and the BDSM Training Academy. Offline, Molly acts as Volunteer Coordinator for the Bay Area chapter of Kinky Salon. In the past, she worked as a munch organizer, shibari model, and kink-101 instructor. You can follow her on Facebook and Pinterest, or browse her filthy fiction on Amazon.