Most people think of group sex rituals as the kind of threesomes and orgies in porn, or R rated movies. Needless to say, that gives group sex a pretty bad reputation!
However, ancient religious traditions understood the immense power of group sex rituals. Having group sex as part of a ritual is a completely different experience from, for example, going to a swingers club!
What Is Group Sex?
Group sex is any sexual activity where more than two people are involved.
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A relatively common example in modern times is the threesome, where an established couple invites a third person to join them. After mentions on Sex in The City and in several Hollywood movies, the threesome is almost mainstream!
If two couples make love in the same room, that also counts as group sex, even if each person is only touching their own partner.
Why Have Group Sex Rituals?
Most people who experiment with group sex are just exploring a fantasy, spicing up their sex life, or managing a desire for variety.
However, there is a growing group of people who use sacred group sex rituals as part of their spiritual practice, for several reasons:
1. More people = more power.
Whatever power there is in a sexual ritual, that power is multiplied exponentially when more people participate.
2. Bringing all the elements together.
A group may decide to have one person representing each of earth, water, fire, air and ether, for example, or to have one person from each sign of the Zodiac.
3. Transmission of qualities.
Merging sexual energy is a powerful way to become more like another person. If you want to develop more confidence, for example, you can make love in the same room as someone who has a lot of confidence. For a woman who has never had an orgasm, being in the same room with a highly orgasmic woman while she makes love can be the missing key to the door.
How Do I Get My Partner To Agree To Group Sex?
If your partner really isn’t comfortable with the idea, then I wouldn’t advise trying to “get” them to agree. You could explore with them why they aren’t comfortable, though.
Many people are afraid of the unknown, or wary of the kind of empty, exploitative group sex shown in porn and the media. Many people also fear that group sex will somehow damage the relationship. Maybe the new person will be a better lover, or maybe there will be bad feelings afterward.
If you have friends who are also curious about group sex, get together to talk about it. Talk about fears, concerns, and what each person might need to feel safe.
Just talk – don’t plan to have the conversation and then jump into bed together the same evening!
A really nice way to develop closeness and familiarity is to cuddle and massage in a non-sexual way. “Group cuddle” might not sound as titillating as “group sex”, but for many people it is a valuable first step toward feeling safe and comfortable being physically affectionate with new people around.
Pro Tip – you can get most of the benefits of group sex rituals by doing group cuddle and massage rituals.
In fact, if you want to work on expanding the heart chakra, cuddles and massage may even be more effective than full sexual intercourse!
What To Discuss Before Having Group Sex?
At least 24 hours before a group sex ritual, it is a good idea to have a conversation with all the participants, at a time and place where everyone is relaxed, comfortable, and able to speak freely.
1. Make sure everyone feels safe and comfortable with whatever is agreed for the ritual.
2. Be clear about each person’s boundaries, and each couple’s agreements.
3. Discuss each person’s sexual health, and any precautions that might be needed.
4. Agree on methods of contraception and STI prevention.
5. Decide the intention of the ritual, where and when it will be held, and what each person will bring.
6. Agree that anyone can change their minds at any time during the ritual, if they feel uncomfortable with any aspect.
Preparing for a Group Sex Ritual
If you are not familiar with sacred sexuality, you might find it useful to read the background in our Tantra 101 article.
There are many ways to prepare yourself and the space before a ritual. Here are some suggestions:
- Clean the space thoroughly and bathe
- Light incense and candles
- Play uplifting music in the background
- Release any self-centred thoughts and feelings
- Begin by holding hands and meditating, to connect with each other and the Divine
- See the Divine in each person present
- Remind one another of the intention at the beginning and during the ritual
- Ask the Divine to be with you and act through you during the group sex ritual
After the preparation, you can interact as much or as little as you like with the other people, within the agreements. You may start with a simple cuddle-and-massage ritual, or by making love as couples in the same room. There is no need to rush into more intense practices, like interacting sexually with someone other than your partner. In fact, it is better to take things slowly and be comfortable, than to push things too much and be nervous or distracted.
After a Group Sex Ritual
Come together for a final meditation and/or gratitude at the end of the ritual.
It is a good idea to have a debrief afterward, but some people may not be in a space to talk immediately after the ritual. It is best to arrange a follow-up meeting to talk about how it went, the next day, or within a few days, before the memory fades.
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Our ancestors have long understood the immense power of group sex rituals – maybe you, too, can gain some personal experience of this immense power.
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