Ejaculation Control – Why I Love Tantric Lovers

I’ve been exploring conscious sexuality for over 8 years now. Having different lovers who were (some of whom still are) helping me to explore, heal and expand my sexual being.

The thing is, these lovers are men and women who are highly skilled beings. Some more, some less, but I have noticed one outstanding thing that has really helped me move forward in my own sexuality.

We are all responsible for our own evolution, no doubt, but a lover who is able to hold the energy can be highly supportive in your sexual breakthrough. I have experienced this myself, again and again. And I found it especially true for all my tantric male lovers.

What does that mean, “holding the energy”? It means for one not losing it. Keeping the sexual passion, the flow of intimate ‘chargedness’ going.

When a penis owner is able to master the problem of premature ejaculation and control his sexual energies, hold it and/or prolong his “ending”, I am able to relax.

“When I am relaxable, I am transformable.”

When me and my partner Philipp discovered this 8 years back, I had no idea how my world around male lovers would change. Like when a kid tastes their first chocolate kind of hooked.

The biggest revelation was, that I always made myself dependent on the guy’s endurance. A tantric lover learns to control his sexual energy and is able to hold as long as he wants to. Ejaculation control is a total relieve for me as a woman because I can simply take up all the space and time I need. And it’s ok, to take loooong!

It’s turning fast-food sex into gourmet slow sex.

Prolonging the time of lovemaking will allow me to warm up my fine female pleasure body which takes me personally around 20-30 minutes. In that time I shed of stress, learn to bring my awareness to the present moment, and also acknowledge my partner properly.

Then once I am starting to ride my waves of pleasure, I need a man that can facilitate my sexual powers. Holding the space for an orgasmic woman is for most man, and I presume also for you, highly satisfying, right?!

Holding the space requires virility and strength which doesn’t come by loosing your energy or ejaculating twice a day. Virility comes with ejaculation control.

When a man ejaculates I have a schizophrenic feeling. For one it turns me on to be blessed by his precious gold. But on the other side, I also feel disappointed. Disappointed because the energy that we created together is gone, puff, disappeared.

And if you are more sensitive to energies, this is exactly what happens.

Prolonging the time of ejaculation and being able to skillfully contain the build up of energy is not a walk in the park. But I believe the sweat, willpower, and investment to master ejaculation control are so worth it.

I wish that every man could find the muse and willpower to go there and find the space to play and discover. And not just for me – my lover creates this space for himself too and can wander into a new territory of love-making.

Watch my 7 main reasons why I love to have a Tantric lover who masters his ejaculation above. Tantric lovers are the game-changer type of lovers! Frankly, I can’t imagine another kind anymore. Once you tasted the honey, there is no turning back :-).


One woman replied to my newsletter and asked me:

Where to find this kind of lover?

Here are my three options for you:

  1. You can hope for some good karma that ‘the one – with incredible tantric skills’ will be served to you on a silver plate by the universe.
  1. You can hang out at the usual suspected places that expats, hippies, and neo-tantrics call their home. Just to mention a few: Bali, Thailand, Ibiza, California…
  1. Or you initiate the lovers you pick out of the crowd and support them to become the lover of your dreams.

Number 1 is highly unlikely. Number 2 is possible but only if you’ve got that kind of money and freedom.

So the most realistic option is probably number 3.

If you want to have those soul-shaking, horizon-widening and life transforming orgasms and connections, it helps tremendously to have a lover who is open-minded and willing to control his ejaculation.

We know by now that the ‘fast food orgasms’ are possible within a short timespan, and many women managed to train themselves to cum in 5 minutes (which is the average time a western man lasts during penetrative sex).

But tantric soul-shaking orgasms in 5 minutes… very unlikely!

Of course, women can also come through foreplay and other beautiful non-genital sex, but penetrative sex is the ultimate symbol of a union, merging bodies, merging souls, between two human beings.

But how can we, receivers, initiate a man without emasculating him in the first place? I’ve got a great guest post for you by my friend Amitayus.

Now, if you are a guy or penis owner, you might ask:

What can I do?

To answer you that, I have to make a quick side note:

Why do men ejaculate in the first place? Apart from having babies, the main reason that most men ejaculate is to experience pleasure. For a few seconds, intense and pure pleasure.

Other reasons: to experience release, let go of stress and fall asleep…

Most men are highly addicted to ejaculate because of the peak pleasure and hormonal release in their brains.

So, why wouldn’t you want to ejaculate if it feels to goooood?!

I believe you are giving away a tremendous power. And most men don’t even realise it.

My friend and highly experienced colleague Eyal Matsliah says:

“A man can actually last as long as he wishes while experiencing wave after wave of whole-body pleasure and orgasms for long minutes and even hours. And then, rather than ejaculating, a man can consciously choose not to ejaculate and instead move the sexual energy so he doesn’t feel tensed and horny. He can use this energy to deepen the aspects of pleasure, love, and power in his life.”

Doesn’t this sound convincing?

Whenever my partner is keeping his semen in, he shines. It’s like as if I am drawn to him. His energy is way more radiant, he is much more in his power and I desire him.

Got hooked?

Check out Eyal’s Tantric Ejaculation Mastery Program to change your love life from ground up. This is revolutionary stuff, check it out HERE.

[toggle title=”Click here for the video transcript”]

Hey, guys. This is Mariah. I love to talk to you about why I love to have tantric lovers who master their ejaculation. Over the years of studying conscious sexuality, I came to the realization that men who master their ejaculation, who keep their semen longer, who prolong their love-making, there’s a very special gift about them. It’s a gift towards themselves, towards their intimacy, but also towards their lovers. I simply love tantric lovers, and here, the seven main reasons why.

Let’s start with the first reason why I think tantric lovers are amazing.

#1 First of all, you have way more time.

You have all the time in the world to explore your desires and to express them. Time is actually a huge factor. Time decides whether you’re having fast food sex or gourmet, slow sex, because once your lover ejaculates, maybe you notice that somehow the energy is gone, some of the magic in the room is gone. I personally notice very strongly that a certain spark, this kind of strong, energetic, magnetic, almost electrifying feeling is gone. It seems like when a man ejaculates, it’s like you’re releasing the air of a tire. Obviously, with a flat tire, you’re not able to ride a bicycle. Similar to that, you actually are feeling in a way flat, and even it jumps over to me. I don’t feel like continuing. I don’t know if that’s true for you, but that’s just my personal experience.

#2 More pleasure for both of you

Another reason why I think tantric lovers who master their ejaculation is because I realize with time comes more pleasure. When I actually have all that time, I notice that for me personally, my body needs at least 20 to 30 minutes of warm-up, of really going into the flow of being intimate, kissing, lovemaking, foreplay. It all takes time to really go into this magic. I personally am able to explore my own orgasmic waves much more once I have that time, once I’m not pressured to come before my partner, to pressure myself to have that quick release orgasm just before him, just to make sure that I get my own fulfillment. A certain time is suddenly there, and that time is a playground to play and discover a whole new world of pleasure. I even feel the satisfaction also lasts much, much longer with prolonged lovemaking.

#3 More Ecstasy

Another reason I notice, a great benefit of having a tantric lover who is able to control is that prolonged sex actually gives you the opportunity to be able to go into that ecstasy that lies within sex, that lies within conscious sexuality. The average time of lovemaking in the U.S. is between 6 to 7 minutes, which is super little, in my opinion. When you’re actually passing that threshold, when you’re passing those 7 minutes and you keep going, there’s something building up. There’s something stirring up. There’s a certain energy, and most people cannot really hold it. It’s actually a skill to hold that energy, to keep going and go deeper and deeper into this almost drunkenness of love hormones that are being produced in your body and your brain chemistry. You suddenly realize, “Oh, my gosh. This is so powerful. This is so strong.” When I have a man being able to hold that, being able to keep that pressure, this is an amazing gift for me to ride those waves and really, really go into deeper trance experiences, into experiences of waking, ecstatic, spiritual sex, soul-nurturing sex.

#4 He stays attractive

Another reason, what came to me when I realized, “Oh, my God, tantric lovers are incredible,” is that he is actually way more attractive. It seems like when a man … and that’s my personal opinion … when a man really can keep his semen in, it’s like something is shiny about him. Something is strong about them. There is a certain energy that’s being held within him that is so freaking attractive. I even notice that his lingham even feels like something that is really piercing me in a lovely way, not pressuring and that heat that comes with that pressure, but more coming from a sense of love, from a sense of filling me up as a woman. It’s like that is filling me up fully. Also, because he keeps it in, there’s this energy that’s inside of him, that drive that keeps him filling me up. That’s really my own personal experience with that. I can totally understand if you guys seem a little bit, “Okay, what’s this woo-woo here?” Just stay with me for a moment.

#5 He feels more confident

Another really, really important factor here is when a man is able to control his ejaculation, he feels like a master. He actually feels much more confident, which of course is a great turn-on factor for me. I would love to make love to a man who is confident, who is connected with his body, connected with his soul, connected with what he wants, what he desires. He will be much more likely to speak out and ask for his desires, for his fantasies. I think that’s a great turn-on factor and even a way for me to be able to relax and let go because if he’s stressed out, if he’s under pressure to keep his semen in, to hold longer, but he can’t, that can be very hard for a woman as well. I had a lover where I would actually have a bad feeling afterwards because I thought I did something wrong because he came too quickly. There was always guilt and somehow shame involved, which of course is not ideal for beautiful lovemaking.

#6 He feels more

Another reason why I believe tantric lovers are incredible, it’s simply he feels much more. Somehow that energy that is built within a man when he is not ejaculating is actually transferring to his feeling. Suddenly he feels his whole body. He suddenly feels pleasure he hasn’t felt before. That is for me, as a lover, amazing to see and amazing to give him that pleasure and even support him to explore new territory of male orgasm, new opportunities to feel orgasm in a new, defined way that is way beyond ejaculation. This is a very exciting field to explore together and makes me definitely feel very fulfilled. It’s the same, again, with the fast food versus the gourmet dinner. The gourmet dinner is going to be a tremendous, delicious meal full of aroma, full of amazing, fresh spices. This is similar to that.

#7 He is more present

One of the last, but I feel very important reasons why a tantric man is really amazing and a great gift to the world and also to their lovers is that they will be way more present. This presence within a man is so sexy. When a man is able to hold the room, when a man is able to keep me in that room of energy, of build-up, of ecstasy, this is so desirable. I find this attractiveness and that magnetic sensation towards a man, plus combined with that presence, is an incredible groundwork for any conscious lover in this world. I can highly recommend you to talk with you lover about this if you’re a woman or a man being together with a man. If you’re a guy and exploring this field, I can highly recommend you to study more, to dive into that sea and figure out for yourself how can you prolong, how can you keep yourself calm, present, and slowing down with breathing.

There are so many amazing techniques out there that you can learn to master this skill and to keep that attractiveness about yourself, that magnetism, that amazing presence that comes with it, an amazing pleasure opportunity for you and your lover. I can highly recommend you to go deeper into that. If you’re interested in learning more, I have a link below where you will be able to explore more of this field and also discover some techniques that will be helpful for you. I thank you for watching this. I would love to get a thumb up from you if you enjoyed that video and also hear from you. What are your challenges with that? What are your own experiences with that or maybe questions that you have? I’m happy to answer them for you. Have a lovely day, guys, and see you next time. [/toggle]

About the author

Mariah Freya

Mariah Freya is a sex & orgasm coach, urban goddess and founder of Beducated.com. She opens up the topic of sexuality in all its diversity through her videos, articles and online courses. Mariah has a powerful global mission: Liberating sexuality from below the belly button up, and helping the individual grow through pleasure into fulfilment.

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