Racy gay sex, letting your partner cheat during your marriage and having sex in your underpants. So, what do these bizarre sounding deeds have in common? They are just some of the weird and wonderful ancient sex rituals that we are going to look at from around the world.
Whether it was ancient pre-Islamic Arabs lending out their wives or ancient Roman’s having sex in the streets until they stopped from pure exhaustion, our ancestors not only got laid, but they were more fluid and open with their sexuality than many of us would ever imagine.
From Cleopatra’s homemade vibrator to the Ancient Romans’ obsession with brothels – let’s look at 19 of the most creative ways our ancestors got their rocks off.
#1 Babylon Brothels & Holy Prostitutes
The women in Ancient Babylon were anything but holy.
According to Greek historian Herodotus, every last woman who lived in Babylon made her way to the brothel at least once in her life… Apparently, men would choose whatever woman they wanted to have sex with, and the woman would treat the sex as a holy service to god.
#2 The 26,000-year-old Dildo…?
That’s right… forget LoveHoney!
Ladies in the ice age were getting their rocks off with, literally, rocks.
The ancient dildo was actually found in Germany in 2005 and scientists believe the ancient sex toy is between 26,000 to 28,000 years old. Our ice age ancestors weren’t shy either – the penis shaped rock measured three centimeters wide and 20 centimeters long…carry on, ladies!
#3 Sex Schedules in Ancient China
Turns out the Emperors in Ancient China were so busy that they had to keep a sex schedule. Yep, an ancient sex schedule. Some historians believe the schedule was so an Emperor could rotate his sexual encounters with different women, and women were scheduled according to their rank in society.
I know what you are thinking, sounds like a lot of work – luckily for them, they actually had secretaries to do their schedules.
#4 Lending Your Wife to Get Her Pregnant
Sounds a bit familiar right? (cough, Handmaid’s Tale anyone!?) But, in Ancient pre-Islamic Arab times, husbands would lend out their wives to get them pregnant to a more ‘prestigious’ male.
Not all was bad though – the children that were made out of this bizarre ritual were considered to be the original husband’s, not the man of ‘prestige’.
#5 Taoists Believed They Would Be Killed by Ejaculating
In Ancient China, Taoists genuinely believed ejaculating too much would kill them. Their thought process was kinda justified.
They believed a losing too much of their ‘jing’ (the essence of life) would kill you.
And, you guessed it, cum held the most jing. This meant the men would stop themselves from ejaculating when they were having sex.
#6 Cleopatra and Her Homemade Vibrator
Alright, we all get creative in the sack sometimes… But, we are pretty sure Cleopatra takes the cake with rumours of her homemade vibrator. Turns out when Cleopatra was on a dry spell, she would take things into her own hands – she would fill a box full of bees and treat herself.
#7 Gay Sex Was Rampant
Even though it’s pretty well known the Ancient Greeks were into their gay sex, it’s lesser known that gay sex was everywhere in ancient times. We mean it – everywhere.
From Greece to Rome to China, everyone was getting their gay on.
And there was nothing special about it either, in fact, it was pretty normal. Greeks may have taken it a little too far though; sexual encounters between men and boys were, shall we say, not uncommon.
#8 … and Gay Marriage Was the Norm in Ancient Egypt’s Siwa Tribe
For centuries in the Ancient Egyptian Siwa tribe – gay marriages not only existed, but they were the norm. Turns out, in the tribe, grown men could marry young boys after giving their fathers a gift, and a man could have a boy as his own along with about four wives. But don’t let the ratio fool you – some historians have noted that most of the fights in the tribe were a result of competing for same-sex attention.
# 9 The Mayans Got Laid in Hammocks
Talk about relaxing – the Mayans came up with 19 different sex positions specifically for the hammock. The Mayans used hammocks to keep off the ground and away from snakes and other creepy crawlies – so they creatively found a way to make their antics in the bedroom work in the swinging bedroom.
#10 Prostitutes Were Everywhere, Even in Guidebooks
Not exactly an early day Tinder, but it turns out in 18th century England, the average Englishman could simply pick up a local guidebook and search for a prostitute that tickled his fancy. Some of the guidebooks have somehow been salvaged, and the ladies are described in detail. Here’s a sneak peak; one is described as having ‘a delicate hand at stroking’ and another is ‘rather remarkable in having a fine Roman nose’. Keeping it PG, boys!
#11 Sex With Virgins = Immortality
Another weird one from Ancient China; Taoists believed that having sex with loads of virgins would make them immortal.
Apparently, the younger the better.
Some historians have written that Taoists truly believed having sex with virgins between the ages of 14 to 16 would give them a better shot at immortality, as older women began to lose their ding (similar to jing in #6).
#12 Some Irish Prefered to Keep Their Clothes On
On the island of Inis Beag, Ireland, sex was so heavily frowned upon that it was only done in missionary position… with as much clothing on as possible.
And, as long as it was done as quickly as possible.
If this ancient sex approach doesn’t sound tempting enough, wait for the foreplay – light kissing and if you were lucky, a touch of the butt. No oral – don’t even think about it.
#13 Introducing: The Ancient Cock Ring
If you thought Cleopatra was creative with her bee-box vibrator, wait until you hear about the Ancient Chinese cock ring. The first ever recorded version of a cock ring was in 1200 AD in the Jin and Song dynasties, and folks made the ring using goat’s eyelids and eyelashes. The lashes apparently not only gave extra stimulation, but kept the penis erect for longer. Sexy!
#14 Roman’s Only Stopped When They Dropped
In Ancient Rome, sexual activity was so open and prominent that sometimes people were having sex on the streets to the point of exhaustion. A downside of this was the massive amount of sexual slavery that went on in Ancient Rome.
But still, walls from Pompeii to Rome were found with tales of ancient sex marathons.
Like ‘“a soldier from the 7th legion was here. Tonight he satisfied 6 women, and even that is not much for such a stallion”.
#15 Brothel’s Were so Popular They Based a Currency on Them
The Romans are at it again – this time with their own currency for their prostitutes. Turns out, brothels were so popular in Ancient Roman times that a currency was based purely on brothel sex positions.
Rumour has it they were to pay the prostitutes in the brothels, as one side of the coin would have a certain sex act on it – and the other a number. Historians believe this was to show how much each sex act was worth in value.
#16 in Indonesia, They Let Their Partner’s Cheat on Them
Infidelity is allowed during the Pon Festival in Indonesia.
The festival is actually a centuries-old ritual where couples meet up near a shrine – to have sex with somebody else’s partner. It is supposed to bring good luck, but only if the new ‘couple’ has sex seven times (every 35th day). Sounds like pretty hard work for a festival.
#17 Vikings Got It on – but Never Spoke about Sex Openly
It might not be a massive surprise that Vikings weren’t the most sexually open of people. Their foreplay pretty much went like this – a man turned toward his wife and placed his leg, arm or thigh on her… nothing more! The most explicit term to come out of Viking culture? Brolta a maga.. Or, ‘romp on her belly’. Very saucy.
#18 Church-goers Could Get Laid – as Long as It Was Missionary
For some church-goers – it was either missionary or penance. It was thought a man’s position was on top and a women’s underneath, and those caught breaking ‘gender’ roles were sentenced to a penance of up to 3 years.
No cowgirl and doggy style, folks.
#19 Ancient Egyptians Used to Masturbate into Rivers
Can you imagine walking along a river, and for some reason there is a load of guys masturbating into it?
Well, welcome to Ancient Egypt. In Ancient times, Egyptians believed the god Atum created the universe with his sperm. Yep – before his birth nothing existed apparently. Because of this, Pharaohs would publicly masturbate into the Nile so it would continue to flow with water. Okay then?
There you have it folks – from 26,000-year-old dildos to getting down and dirty on a hammock, our ancestors seriously thought outside the box when it came to getting laid. And while some of these rituals sound fun and kinky, we don’t recommend a DIY vibrator like Cleopatra, homemade cock rings or masturbating into rivers!
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