When it comes to anal sex, the internet abounds with stories of both intense pleasure and messy, excruciating pain. Sodomy may be all the rage in porn, but is it really all it’s cracked up to be?
In truth, your experience with anal sex will depend on how you and your partner approach it. Luckily for you, I’ve got your back (and your back door) in mind! In this article, I’ll give you the no-bullshit rundown on anal sex and how to do it safely.
Table of Contents
- FAQs about Anal Sex
- Safety Tips to Keep in Mind During Anal Sex
- What You’ll Need for a Smooth Anal Adventure
- How to Prepare for Anal Sex
- How to Have Anal Sex
- 1. Set the mood.
- 2. Lay out a clean towel.
- 3. Start with one finger.
- 4. Stimulate other areas simultaneously.
- 5. Work up to larger items.
- 6. Dive in and do the deed.
- 7. Experiment with different positions.
- 8. Don’t forget the dirty talk.
- 9. Once you’re done, back out slowly.
- 10. Wash up before moving onto other sexytime activities.
- A Couple Final Notes for Receivers:
FAQs about Anal Sex
1. Why do people like anal sex?
You might be thinking, “That is an ‘exit only’ hole, people. Why must you insist on stuffing it with penises?”
While our buttholes weren’t specifically made for insertion, humans have discovered some fabulous reasons for sticking stuff up there.
- Tons of nerve endings line the outside of the sphincter and the first two inches of the rectum, making it a sensitive area for receivers. When we handle butt sex with care and comfort, these nerves light up and sing with joy!
- Anuses tend to be tighter than the entrance to most vaginas. This extra pressure can feel great for givers.
- Sodomy is often said to be dirty or wrong. This negative reputation makes it enticing for people who get off on taboo activities.
- In men, anal sex stimulates the prostate, which is essentially like stroking a giant internal clitoris.
- Because anal involves such vulnerability, it’s one of the most intimate sexual acts out there.
In short, people like anal because it has the potential to feel fantastic.
2. Is anal sex dangerous?
It can be when it’s not handled with care. Make sure you and your partner are both aware of these risks:
- The tissue of the anus tears easily, which isn’t a problem in itself and should heal in a day or two. However, bacteria and viruses can enter the bloodstream through these tears and lead to serious illnesses.
- Fecal incontinence has been reported by multiple people who have done anal. (That means they pooped… accidentally… when they didn’t want to. Yeah.) While this is usually a temporary problem, it only takes once to seal your status as that guest who shat themselves at a dinner party. Not the kind of story you’d want your friends sharing on Instagram.
- Though studies are currently inconclusive, it’s said that anal sex could lead to anal cancer resulting from HPV.
- Although it’s possible to contract all types of STIs via anal sex, researchers say that HIV in particular poses 30 times the risk to the receiver than vaginal intercourse would.
- Due to the bacteria that lives in and around the rectum, it’s possible for both partners to contract UTIs or other bacterial infections if anal is done without a condom.
- Anal prolapse is a thing. Your entire asshole could indeed fall out if you loosened it up enough. However, this phenomenon is so rare you’ll probably never need to worry about it. Some porn stars even train in hopes of making anal prolapse happen.
These problems are mostly avoidable if you and your partner go slowly, use lots of lube, stay clean, warm up, and use condoms.
3. Is anal sex painful?
For the receiver, anal sex is often ‘uncomfortable’ at least. You’ve got to stretch the anus considerably for it to accommodate an entire cock or dildo. Anal can also be painful for the giver, as the sphincter is designed to close with an iron-tight grip.
There are apparently people out there who attempt to dodge this discomfort with pain-relieving creams or medications. This is dangerous and I don’t recommend it.
You don’t want to ignore the receiver’s pain signals and risk having the giver go too far without realizing it.
If you’ve warmed up properly before penetration, anal should be fun rather than a nightmare. That weird “I need to poop!” feeling will never fully go away. If the sensation is painful, however, you need to back up until the muscles of the anus have adequately relaxed.
If you struggle with painful sex in general check these simple tips that’ll turn your pain into pleasure.
4. Is anal sex poopy?
If the receiver empties their bowels before the act, it’s unlikely poop will come into play, especially if you plan ahead and prepare properly. (More on that in a bit!)
However, if you go digging around in anyone’s butt, accept the fact that you might find poop there, as that’s where poop’s supposed to be. If you really are squicked out by a few bits of shit, it might be better to give anal a pass altogether.
5. Anal sex doesn’t appeal to me. Does that make me prude or sex negative?
Fuck no! Plenty of kinky, sex-positive people eschew anal and that’s A-OK. It’s your body and you get to decide what to do with it.
Sex positivity is about accepting the choices of every individual, as long as they’re being safe and honoring consent. Just like every other sexual option, there’s no reason to do anal if you’re not stoked on the idea.
Safety Tips to Keep in Mind During Anal Sex
Shallow thrusts are OK.
The rectum has no cervix to stop objects from getting lost in the body like a vagina does. Some givers see this as an invitation to thrust as deeply as possible.
However, unless the receiver has gotten used to anal and craves the feeling of being pounded, diving deep is unlikely to do much for them.
As I mentioned above, our rectal nerve endings are located toward the entrance.
Sanitation is key.
Bacterial infections are no bueno. Don’t ever move a toy or body part from the anus to the vagina or mouth without thoroughly cleaning it first.
Lube is a must, NOT an option.
Buttholes don’t self-lubricate like pussies and your saliva won’t be enough for this slippery journey. Also, coconut oil, a popular favorite, is known to erode latex condoms, making it a risky choice if you elect to fuck protected.
I recommend a silicone lube, which will last longer than water or oil-based varieties.
Just be careful not to use it with any silicone toys, as silicone lube will ruin them over time. We got you covered with this guide about the best anal lubes!
Start small and work your way up.
Attempting full-blown anal without warm-up is a surefire path to injury and despair. Don’t go down that road, friend. Stick with items that are smaller in diameter until the receiver is comfortable enough to accommodate bigger ones.
Take it nice and slow like Usher.
Even if you’re both properly slicked up, it’s still possible to cause tearing if the giver gets too rough. The temptation to thrust harder and faster might arise while you get closer to coming, but try to resist the urge.
Check in and communicate.
If at any point the sensation is too painful or weird, speak up! It’s completely okay to slow down, take a break, or stop and try again another time. There are plenty of other sexy options out there.
What You’ll Need for a Smooth Anal Adventure
- Your choice of lube
- Condoms (optional)
- Latex gloves (optional)
- An enema kit (optional)
- Anal toys (optional)
How to Prepare for Anal Sex
1. Talk to your partner about it beforehand.
Attempting anal on the fly can be a bad idea. Instead, let your partner know in advance that you’re interested in trying it and see how they respond. If they’re game, discuss what each of you can do to make it pleasurable. (Also, send them this article! Woot!)
2. If you’re the receiver, watch what you eat.
Stick to fibrous foods for a day or two so you don’t get backed up before the deed. Vegetables, soybeans, and whole grains are all good choices. Also, try not to eat anything that’s spicy or could cause gas.
3. Put aside plenty of time.
Butt sex is not an ideal way to sneak in a quickie on your lunch break. Instead, shut off your phone and take 2-3 hours to focus on your lover.
4. Consider enema play.
Cleaning out the colon can make for an easier experience and put both of your minds at ease. It can also make for great kinky foreplay, but make sure you know what you’re doing, as enema play comes with risks of its own.
A massage, a hot bath, and other foreplay focused on relaxing the receiver’s body will help prepare them for the main event.
If you want to learn how to give an outstanding massage check these erotic massage techniques.
6. Make sure you’re both as clean as possible.
If you can’t take a bath beforehand, at least try to get in a shower to minimize the presence of bacteria.
How to Have Anal Sex
1. Set the mood.
Set your location of choice to a comfortable temperature. Then, lay out candles, put on music, or do anything else that will help you both get into it.
2. Lay out a clean towel.
This is for the receiver to lie on. Have another hand towel on hand nearby too, just in case.
3. Start with one finger.
If you’re the giver, you can put on gloves at this point if you wish. Lube up and start by gently caressing your partner’s entrance. Then, try slipping a finger in and out to see how they like it.
4. Stimulate other areas simultaneously.
Touching your partner’s genitals and other erogenous zones will make warming up and anal itself much more arousing.
5. Work up to larger items.
If the receiver can comfortably accommodate a finger, try adding another. Alternatively, I recommend introducing anal toys, like butt plug sets or inflatable plugs. The important thing is not to stretch the anus further until the receiver is comfortable, so be patient. Enjoy the journey rather than focusing on the destination.
6. Dive in and do the deed.
If the receiver is ready, you can give penetration with a dick or dick-sized dildo a try. If you’ve been having vaginal sex up until this point, be sure the giver is ready to move on, as switching back and forth between holes is a no-go
You might also choose to put on a condom here, as safe sex minimizes a good portion of the risk involved in anal.
Be careful, go slowly, and be generous with the lube!
7. Experiment with different positions.
Some people feel best on their back with their knees hugged into their chest. Others like to lie on their side. Find what feels most comfortable for you and your partner.
8. Don’t forget the dirty talk.
If your partner likes anal for how ‘dirty’ it is, mentioning this during anal sex will set their mind on fire. Zero in on the psychology of their fetishes to find the right words to turn them on.
9. Once you’re done, back out slowly.
Make a glacially slow, gentle exit rather than fleeing like you’re escaping the scene of a crime. This will lessen the chances of discomfort or any messes to clean up.
10. Wash up before moving onto other sexytime activities.
After you’ve cooled down and gone through aftercare, clean up before moving on to any other type of play to help minimize the spread of bacteria.
A Couple Final Notes for Receivers:
The sphincter can take anywhere from a few hours to a few days to return to its normal size. You might feel the sudden urge to poop without warning during this time. Also, if your partner ejaculated inside you, your rectum won’t absorb it. Meaning — you guessed it — that spooge has eventually got to leak out or be forced out by you. Plan ahead for this and proceed with caution.
You might be thinking “Jeez, that sounds like a lot of work and risk! Is it really worth it?” That’s up to you to decide.
For some people, anal is the absolute bee’s knees. For others, it’s simply too uncomfortable and not worth the potential hazards.
Take your time, speak up about your feelings, and find what works for you.