If I Could Have it My Way – 11 Things I Want Sexually From a Man

jealousy like feeling
Ava Irani
Written by Ava Irani

I have seen, from years of practice, that the amount of presence and power my man brings into the bedroom can very much take me deeper into an experience of my true nature, as well expression (which is healing), harmony and bliss.

Here is a guide that I’ve structured based on my experiences in the bedroom with a powerful male practitioner. I should say I helped build this magnificent lover, by finding out my own needs and sensitivities and then communicating them to him clearly, repeatedly, with an aspiration towards union, so we can both explore our own expression of it.

We have the power, in many ways women are very different from each other, but also deeply connected. That our core values and desires are always to invite presence, to reward it graciously.

With deeper levels of presence, in a relationship or even just with ourselves, we uncap the mystery and infinity within the moment itself.

Beyond physical bodies, healing, the sensation of finite forms, we connect with all energy. In any moment, an awakening of real presence, within or with another human being, releases the power of Shakti, the infinity or energy herself.
Writing this guide was a beautiful exercise to show myself my own values and comforts as a feminine expression so that I can now better communicate them.

To all men out there, so they can rise up to another mysterious challenge from the feminine and claim her as he so rightly can.

I want …

Total honesty

A space of openness, presence, and authenticity that can support me to trust and open to my pleasure and energy.

Total acceptance

That my pleasure and energy may take any expression, any form.

To feel your yearning to worship me

Don’t hold that energy back. If you’re scared I’m going to become attached then don’t ‘half serve’ me, stay away! If you trust yourself that you can hold space in the midst of both of our attachments- then step forward.

To be told and to feel what you love about me, again and again, and again.

Use your worship to soften me. Use your worship to move me into the moment. Use your worship to move me in a way I can’t move.

A range of sexual abilities that can cater to my infinitely variable moods & needs.

Stay on your toes, and stay present, feel into what I want I need next. It could be space from you – it could be to melt deeper into you then we both thought possible. Be present to what is needed in the moment after that. it will change

To know that I’m totally different to you.

Admire and love that. Respect that what feels good in one second, could wound be in the next, do your best to be present to my needs.

A man that knows that whatever is moving through me has nothing to do with him.

This is Shiva, the Divine masculine. Pure consciousness, is never and can never be affected by the forms and energy that chaotically over power his presence. Don’t take it personally.

A man who doesn’t take it personally.

So he is not involved in his own shit and can be totally present to the sexual dance – not his stories about how he or I are experiencing the dance.

To be present to your powerful, amazing, life-changing light-filled cock.

I want you to feel its power when we merge together. What a gift.

You to pull me into the moment.

If I’m lost in avoidance, stories or superficial stimulation transmit presence to me.

You to explore my whole body.

I may be fully willing, or not quite ready, so – yes, you got it – be present and aware to where I’m at, and lovingly coax me just a little bit further.

Extra hints

Every woman is different.

Yes, above are some standards for a feminine code, however, each woman has a different love language, different baggage, and different openings.

Ask her what she wants. Again and again and again. She may be the type to tell you right away, or she may keep the secrets under wraps, after all, it’s a privilege to be able to fully serve and open Shakti.


What do you want sexually from a man? We welcome you to share your thoughts in the comments, sharing is caring!

About the author

Ava Irani

Ava Irani

Ava is the main teacher and founder of Spanda School, Australia. Predominantly she offers yoga classes, tantra courses and meditation retreats. She is skilled in a wide range of offerings, having dedicated herself wholly to awakening, service and the pursuit of knowledge.

Her path of service began giving classes in Mandurah and various studios in the South-West, as well as teaching at the Agama Headquarters in Thailand and the Hridaya School in Mexico. It is her greatest joy to guide others and herself along the path of Spiritual transformation, aligning with life’s purpose and connecting to the Spanda or the innate enthusiasm of our hearts.
Check out Ava's website

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