Movies, porn and magazines tell us how a good sex life and even passion “should look like”. But most of that merely touches the surface, plus does not do a good job in terms of offering you good sex hacks, making you happier and more satisfied.
Sex is one of the most wonderful things we can experience in this world, and it should not be about living up to standards set by the media.
We think you should get proper advice. That’s why we asked the best Sexperts out there to share their best sex hacks with you.
We asked everyone:
“What is your #1 proven sex hack for a breathtaking sex life?”
And these are their answers:
“Be honest and be brave. These are two things you should never ever stop practicing. In order to develop sexually, you need to be brave. Tiny, little steps are fine but these won’t happen without the courage. Remember the first time you had to kiss someone? I’m sure you felt like you were about to die from feeling so nervous. The first time you had sex? I’m sure you felt pretty nervous then too and had to muster up some courage.
This is exactly how things continue to happen even when we grow up! Your sexuality wants to develop itself your whole life and it can only do that if you’re brave and if you’re willing to take tiny, little steps out of your comfort zone and allow yourself to feel safe in whatever new place you enter.
Be sure to take baby-steps. It’s not necessarily about trying out a million new things – sure, you can do that too – what’s important is that you start to react on the lust you feel and the desire burning inside, and stick to it(!), even though sometimes you’ll get rejected. It might be something like how you want to kiss more during sex but you’ve never really found the right way to do so.
A good sex life isn’t about doing all this new stuff all the time.
A good sex life is about learning to enjoy receiving and learning to enjoy giving – and to own up to what you like, both in giving and in receiving.”
“My number 1 proven sex hack for an amazing sex life is a connection with myself. My relationship with myself determines how all others connect to me, including my lovers. If I am not integrated within, my sexual connection with a partner will be disconnected. I must connect to myself lovingly and sensually so when I show up with a partner, I am already full and ready to be taken to the next level.
When I started loving on myself, I began to attract different types of partners who reflected my self-love.
That’s when my sex life became mind-blowing! All others are just our mirrors.”
My secret to breathtaking sex is knowing to have great sex with yourself. Daily self-pleasuring is literally the best advice I could give anyone, and one that has sex changing, orgasm-changing, and life changing effects for my clients. I’d recommend women avoid vibrators and too much clitoral stimulation to become more sensitive.
Men should avoid ejaculation at the end of self pleasuring to not only last longer but experience expanded orgasms.
I also recommend not to watch porn and thus gain a healthier and pleasure-full sex life.
“Fuel Your Desire. Invest in the things that turn you on in life, in your relationship and in the bedroom. What does that look like? Do the things in life that you’re passionate about.
The things that make you feel powerful, magnetic, sexy, juiced-up and desirable. This energy carries forward into how you show up in all areas of life, especially your sex life. Actively feed desire for your partner. Focus on the qualities you find so attractive in them. Maybe it’s the way they make you laugh, the incredible way they light up a room, or the soul warming cuddles they give. Cultivate a mindset of appreciation and worship.
Prioritize sexual connection time and then protect it with a vengeance. Invest as much love, passion and energy into sexual connection as you would the other areas of your life – be creative, try new things and stay curious. Remember to treat yourself too. New sheets, new toys or new locations all add a vital bit of spark.
When you start to actively feed your desire in this way – desire for life, desire for your partner, desire for breathtaking sex – you begin to unlock a truly amazing sex life.”
“One of the best sex hacks I know is what I call “simmering”. As monotony sets into relationships, many couples fall into the coercive pattern of “I’m red hot right now and my partner is ice cold, so I have to somehow persuade them into arousal” (or more often than not, acquiescence). This ends up feeling “mechanical” or like “work” for both partners, and is a libido and satisfaction killer.
In order to avoid this, we need to actively seduce our lovers – not just up until we get what we want. This is easily done by “simmering”.
Imagine heating up a pot of water on a stove. There’s a bunch of steps to setting it up and then you turn the fire on low and wait. Eventually, it’s no longer cold; the water is active and warm, but not close to boiling. At any time you can get it to boil – simply turn the heat up and seconds later the water boils.
The simmering approach is the same. An active and satisfying sex life requires a low barrier to entry… the easier, quicker, and readier both partners are to have sex, the more sex you will have. It’s obvious, but crucial. By keeping a low-level of arousal and excitement constant a majority of the time, you no longer have to “turn on” your partner every time you want to have sex – just up.
This is done throughout the day with little tidbits of seduction, usually suggestive, rather than hyper explicit. By a light, continuous flow of authentic displays of sexual affection, you keep the sexual tension active over hours and days – not just minutes leading up to intercourse.”
The #1 hack to an amazing sex life is to put sex at the top of your to-do list.
“More often that not we are just ‘too busy’ for sex. Sex isn’t seen as productive, so everything and everyone else keeps being prioritized above it. Our heads keep telling us to be/do/have more while our hearts + wombs forget the medicine of presence + pleasure that only sex can help us embody.
Whether it’s sex with yourself, or with another, embodying the belief that you are never too busy for sex is a sure fire way to have more spontaneous, heart opening sex, at the slightest sign of being turned on.”
“Breathe. This may sound deceptively simple, but don’t let yourself be fooled. Or even better: observe your breathing pattern during sex. You will notice that, in certain moments, you hold the breath or breathe shallowly. Time to change that!
Holding the breathing during sex stops the circulation of sexual energy and prevents relaxation. It is one of the main causes of premature ejaculation, anorgasmia, and a host of other sexual dysfunctions. We tend to stop breathing during sex because of our inability to cope with intense stimulation… and intense pleasure! Yes, stopping the breathing is a “defense mechanism against pleasure”.
Breathing shallowly, on the other hand, can produce a certain excitation and a superficial arousal of the sexual energy. It can be fun in certain situations, but a shallow breath does not allow us to experience the deeper and more fulfilling orgasmic states.
When you are making love, try to breathe deeply, slowly, and with awareness.
If you notice that your partner is holding the breath, ask him/her to breathe deeply as well. You will notice a powerful shift in your lovemaking. Pleasure will start running abundantly through your body, even as you feel more relaxed than ever. And if you want to make it even juicier, try sounding your exhalations. You can sigh, moan, cry, whisper, or chant! Use the breath as your ally, and your sex life will almost instantly upgrade.“
“My sex hack would be to slow it all right down.
Give a LOT of time to opening the female body…let it be a relaxed process rather than one with a destination.
If penetrating the vagina, go very slowly, so you can feel everything. We want to move away from friction based, hard fast sex so we can develop more sensitive awareness and therefore more pleasure. When you go slow and take the goal of the table, sex can go on for a long time…you can even have a tea break. ;)”
“Sex free of agenda. Sex free of performance. People tend to have very specific ideas about what sex should look like and what pleasure should feel like. For many sex it’s all about thrusting, sweating, pumping and humping. Then reaching a peak (hopefully), cuddling a little (maybe), smoking a cigarette and falling asleep.
This is a mainstream view of sex, this is what we learn from movies, porn and other “sexual education sources” available out there. What most people associate with sexuality, with erotic and therefore with orgasm is really only a tiny little fraction of what it really is.Tantra teaches us that there is really no end to the depth of erotic opening.
Even though someone may seem totally erotically free, there is always more… Because essentially what we are opening to is our true Self, it is the Universe, it is a space of no separation, it is God.
So the “sex hack” is to stop defining sex and projecting our expectations on what is a good orgasm.
Because the degree and depth of your orgasm depend on how open you are to life. First and foremost be present with your partner. Get out of our mind. Be in your body. Be present with the energy between the two of you. Listen to it. Don’t force things. Don’t rush into penetration. And let your mind be blown. Because when there is sexual energy, there is always room for magic.”
“Don’t rush! Fully connect with each other first with transfiguration (eye gazing) or meditation. Double your foreplay time, keep eye contact, synchronize your breathing and slow it down. Kiss your partner all over. Communicate more – tell them what you like and how it makes you feel. Build up the anticipation.
The more you can take your time, the more the intimacy can build, allowing you both to go deeper.
Women normally take longer than men to arouse and climax so go at her pace and share the ecstasy together. You’ll both feel much more connected and when she’s feeling more connected she’s able to open more and experience greater pleasure! In my opinion, this is one of the fundamental keys to deeper orgasmic bliss.”
I’d say communication is my number 1# hack for an amazing sex life.
“Of course, breathtaking sex starts with this gut feeling, this crazy lightening sensation starting in your belly and going up und down your spine when you see this person that triggers desire and lust in you. But we all know chances are slim that the sex that – hopefully – follows will be amazing without any words spoken. That only happens in the movies 🙂
So in my experience great sex starts with a proper, sexy mind fuck – with words. Knowing how to flirt, knowing what to say to get the other one in the right mood. Then, formulating your desires, being able to vocally steer sex the way you want it and not being afraid to ask what your sex partner desires from you. Expressing that you are having a wonderful time during sex, dirty talking, saying that you are about to come.
And last but not least communicating afterwards, telling your sex partner how good it was, what you enjoyed most, what maybe did not feel so great and what you would like to do next time.If both people involved communicate, sex will start off great and can cultivate into mind-blowing experiences.”