Sexperiments for Couples Online Course:
Sexy Tools for Adventurous Lovers

So make sure your breathing is deep and relaxed, and don't tense your muscles. Try to relax your muscles as much as possible, and in particular, relax your neck and jaw muscles. Relax your belly muscles, and relax your leg muscles as much as you can. The way you breathe affects how sexual energy flows through your body. And short, shallow breaths result in sexual tension building up too quickly in your body. And together with too much muscle tension at the same time, the sexual ascension gets excessive and you will release it through a peak orgasm, and by peak orgasm, I mean ejaculation or clitoral orgasm. So relaxing your mind and body is essential for prolonging the sex. Slow down your movements because this will make it much easier to delay your ejaculation as well. And if things get too intense, remember that you can always exhale deeply to reduce arousal and further relax your body. Learn to breathe slowly and deeply to circulate the energy through your bodies instead of releasing it through the genitals. And of course, don't forget to enjoy and have fun together. - Great sex can be very soft and slow or wild or passionate, or rough and innocent. It can be with joy, but also with anger, and it can be with or without penetration. Pretty much anything goes when the connection, trust, and vulnerability is there. Great sex is fresh and not planned out. You don't want to plan your moves beforehand. And of course it's fine to have intentions, and perhaps it's very, very difficult to not have expectations, but really train yourself to be open to anything and to accept and surrender to everything that may happen in the bedroom. Remind yourself that it's the part of what makes great sex great when things go differently than you hoped for. Because great sex is fresh and different every time. And the more you get used to expecting nothing, the more you'll come to value these times when you and your partner actually do get stuck, because sometimes you will feel anger. You will feel sadness or disappointment instead of sexual ecstasy. And when this happens, see this as a great opportunity to become even more vulnerable, and share with your partner what's happening to you. And perhaps most important of all, please don't take (couple laughing) yourself too seriously. You're learning how to communicate and connect with each other in the new, authentic, and very vulnerable ways. And learning new skills like this is never a straight line to the top. A healthy dose of humor, and the ability to make fun of yourselves will greatly help you and your partner in your learning process. - So next time you have sex, try not to ejaculate or have a clitoral orgasm for a change. Working your way towards your orgasm will distract you, and this in turn weakens your connection with your partner and your own felt sense. So if you instead take away the goal of orgasm, it will help you to stay present with what you are feeling in other parts of your body. It will also help you to stay fully connected with your partner and with your shared experience in every moment. It will also pave the way for other deeper and longer-lasting orgasms, as you will learn to better circulate the sexual energy through your whole body. And the good thing is that these orgasms will come to you, so you really don't need to go looking for this. And one of the great arts of orgasm is letting the pleasure move through your body in different ways and in different patterns. And if you only know how to orgasm in one particular way, you've created this neural highway in your brain that you use over and over and over again. And in this masterclass, you are going to train your body to get off this super highway and start creating other pleasure circuits in your brain. And just to be clear, I'm not saying that you should never enjoy ejaculating or clitoral orgasm anymore because these experiences are beautiful, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, but they only represent a very, very small range of ecstatic and deeply nourishing experiences you can discover. Having sex without a goal can be especially beneficial for men, as they often have an obsessive focus on ejaculating, and this in turn makes it very difficult to them to tune into their partner's body and also their pleasure. So if you're not used to having sex without focusing on the orgasm, this can be quite challenging at first. And you may experience that your arousal goes up so quickly that you cannot stop yourself from coming. And that's one reason why having a strong breath practice is super, super important. The way you breathe can help relax your whole body and also reduce your arousal, if that's needed. So let's look at an animation on how your breathing affects your heartbeats and your arousal. The brain and the heart are connected through the vagus nerve, which serves as the highway for transmitting and regulating nerve impulses from the brain to the heart. Exhaling activates the vagus nerve, which then causes the heart to beat slower. During sex, breathing in the right way is vital for relaxing the body and controlling the flow of sexual energy. Sexual energy can't flow freely when you're holding your breath or only taking shallow breaths. Your breath is a powerful tool that you can use in your sexual play. You can focus on prolonging your exhale to reduce arousal and relax both your mind and your body. And this is a powerful tool in learning how to control your ejaculation. It also increases your capacity for circulating sexual energy through your body, which opens up the doorway for deeper and long-lasting orgasms. - And allow yourself to do whatever makes you horny, no matter how strange, dark, or kinky it is. 'Cause, in great sex, when you have enough trust and connection to explore sexually, anything is allowed. And to do this you have to venture outside of your comfort zone. If you want something, ask for it without holding back and let your partner decide whether they're willing to do it or not. Don't be afraid of what response you'll get. Dare to be brutally honest with your desires and remind yourself to not take yourself too seriously. Humor and lightness is important here, as is showing compassion for yourself and your partner when something you do is not working out the way you expected. - Doing sex, you may sometimes experience that the sexual energy becomes stagnant or heavy, or it feels you're getting stuck in repetitive patterns, or the sexual mojo is gone. So to change this energy, there are different things you can experiment with. You can introduce elements of surprise into your sexual play because doing something unexpected to your partner is a great and fun way to get them out of their heads and back into their body. You can bite his neck or pull her hair, lick his armpit, smack her bum, really anything goes. But don't prepare your surprise in advance. Really follow your impulses in the moment and only do it when it feels right for you. So when you feel drawn to experiment with biting, slapping or pinching each other, let me tell you that sometimes a little bit of pain can get the sexual energy flowing again, and sometimes even greatly increase your pleasure. But before you do this, you may want to have an open conversation about this with each other. And if you are going to use these techniques, start gently with, for example, biting your partner in the neck. And don't forget to ask for feedback at first so you get to know if your timing was right, and if your partner wants you to bite harder or softer, with more teeth or perhaps more lips. Of course, once you get more experienced in this and the body feedback is clear, you probably don't have to keep asking for verbal feedback. - Most of us are used to hugging each other the normal way with our upper bodies pressed against each other. But you can also embrace different parts of the body, and this often feels amazing, especially if you begin your love making, see how it feels when you give someone extra hugging attention to their belly, their genital area, or their head. Resting your head on your partner's belly while you gently press your heart against their crotch can be a very vulnerable and intimate way of showing your love. Or you can embrace your partner's bum, and allow yourself some time to really sink into this embrace. Whatever way you hug, the key here is to do it consciously, take it slow, and put your loving presence into it. - [Instructor] Slow down your movements by at least 50%. This doesn't have to be for the whole time, 'cause you can alternate the speed of your movements. People often move too fast during sex. And the result is an overstimulation of the genital area and an effective numbing out of the rest of the body. Forget about what you've seen in porn videos, because these often limit our pleasure to the most reductive and simple level. It gives us the message that fast, hard sex is good. And, yes, fast sex has a certain type of energy that can feel delicious on some occasions. But, overall, slowing things down leads to much deeper and real experiences. So, focusing on the whole body moves energy away from the genitals and creates a fully integrated experience of pleasure. And when you really slow down, you touch on the genitals themselves. You also allow yourself to increase the sexual energy in this region without needing to discharge it through an orgasm. Slowing down not only increases the amount of sexual energy you're holding in your system, it also gives you awareness of new and more subtle levels of sexual feelings. - Keep listening to your senses and learn to trust your impulses and intuition. When you're fantasizing, planning, or thinking during sex, you've left your body and you're not present with what actually is happening. So if you do catch yourself doing this, bring your focus back to your senses and the experience you're having right now. So really focus on how your partner feels, how they smell, how they taste, how they sound, 'cause this will help you to tune back into your body, and also to get out of your head. - Once your mind and body have been sufficiently rewired and resensitized, you won't even have to take off your underwear or touch each other's genitals to become orgasmic together. You can even make a conscious decision to have sex with each other without penetration or explicit focus on the genital region. And then see if you can transform your whole body into one giant erogenous zone, because it really is possible to energize and connect with every part of your body in such a way that every touch, movement or even breath can feel ecstatic. So this masterclass trains you and your partner to stay fully present with your experiences in the moment, and this will take your intimate connection to the next level and vastly expand the sexual landscape that's all there for you to explore together. The more you learn to listen to what your body is telling you, instead of listening to your mind, the more fresh, juicy, deep, and ecstatic your sexual dance becomes. - Compliment your part on how beautiful she is, how wonderful she smells, and how pretty she is when she blushes, or even how gorgeous her pussy is. But whatever the compliment, only say it when you mean it and only when it comes up naturally in the moment. Receiving a genuine compliment is one of the biggest aphrodisiacs for a woman, and you'll most likely notice the shift in energy immediately. And women, tell your partner if he does something you really like. Tell him how good his hands feel in your belly or how you like it when he kisses your neck. A man loves to hear this. But again, only say it when you really feel it. - Some of us make sounds during sexual play and then some of us don't, but making sounds is not only a great way of moving stuck energy in the body, it can also be a great turn on for your partner. So using your voice is an awesome tool you can use to expand your sensual and sexual pleasure. For many women, it can be very exciting to hear and also feel the vibration of a man's low tone of voice close to her ear while having sex. And if you're not used to sex talk during sex, this may feel awkward at first. And it's certainly a good idea to have an open conversation with each other about this, so you can talk about what to say to each other that would turn you on and in what kind of energy your tone should be when you say this. Pretty much anything you can say that helps you or your partner to relax or open up more, connect deeper, and become more vulnerable together is part of sex talk. And this can be dirty or naughty talk, but it's also giving each other compliments during sex. Like, for example, telling how beautiful your woman is when she's horny. And sometimes sex talk can be as simple as saying exactly what you're doing in that moment, or telling your partner how good it feels what they're doing. What's even more important than the words you're saying is the energy behind the words, because that's what turns people on, not so much the words themselves. You can test this for yourself if you happen to speak another language than your partner, because your partner doesn't understand what you're saying, you'll probably find it less scary to sex talk in a way that turns you on. And this makes it easier to put all your horny energy in your words, and, when you do, you'll see what effect this will have on your partner. And I can almost guarantee that your partner will feel the charge of your words, even though they may not understand it with their mind. And if you don't know what to say, see if you can just try saying different things to each other during your sexual play. And just a few words of advice, you want to keep it simple. This is not a poetry contest! And, also, mean it when you say it. And also, third, don't take it all too seriously, you want to have fun with this. - Express your pleasure with sounds, because this is often out of people's comfort zones and that's a shame, because using your voice is a great way to move sexual energy and increase your arousal. (man groaning) Making sounds also helps you with unblocking your throat and your chest area, so that the sexual energy can flow better through these parts of your body. And, also, making sounds greatly helps the men with ejaculation control. - The more you practice being vulnerable and authentic during sex, and the more you become aware of the sensations in your body, the more you'll connect with your underlying emotions as well. So, deep sexual practice can stir up way more than just your body. Old conflicts, painful emotions, grief, sadness, hurts, these are all things that may come up. And when this happens, please let this come out in whatever way they want, unless of course this means you're endangering yourself or your partner, or if it's really not safe for you to do so. And the more you can welcome and release any emotions that come up in the moment, the more you'll experience how this deepens your connections, not only with yourself but also with your partner. These emotions also enrich your sexual play, as you now have the possibility to show your emotions, not with your words, but with your whole body. Great sex is basically your bodies moving to the tune of the emotions and bodily sensations you experience. So during sex, express your sadness with tears, or let your anger transform itself into wild passion, or you can even make animalistic sounds. You can scream, you can drown each other in little kisses, or really hug each other as tight as you can. You can even live out and transform your frustration with your partner in a sexual dance. In my personal experience, this works much better for letting go frustrations than having long painful discussions, or keeping it to yourself. So you want to train yourself to not censor your self expression, but to follow your impulses and showing your emotions instead. So if your partner has some emotional release, hold space for them without trying to change anything, don't interrupt, don't intervene. And if an intense emotion like anger or grief comes out, don't make it personal, just be there for your partner, be fully present with each other so you create a safe space. - [Narrator] Sometimes it may actually help you when you close your eyes to tune into your own body, or get used to new sensations. But having said that, few things are more powerful to create a strong connection during sex than looking each other in the eyes. So I invite you to train yourself to make this part of your sexual experience together, because you can really share in each other's ecstasy and pleasure in a profound way when you do. They don't call the eyes the mirror of the soul for nothing. So let's look at that animation of what happens to the body doing eye contact. (gentle music) Be honest, how often do you really look each other in the eyes? Did you know eye contact releases all sorts of chemicals that will make you feel in love? (gentle music) Prolonged eye contact causes the body to release phenylethylamin, a chemical that increases feelings of attraction, and makes a person feel in love. (gentle music) Eye contact also releases oxytocin, the love chemical most closely associated with longer-term bonding and commitment. (gentle music) To experience the difference, make time to look each other in the eyes for a few minutes, five days in a row. (gentle music) - One very sexy way to play with your pussy and include your man is to use the head of his cock to stimulate yourself. (light upbeat music) Sit or lie in such a way that you can easily hold his cock in your hand and rub it over your labia or even slide it in between. You can also make little circles with your cock while holding it an inch or so inside, or tap it from the inside against the top wall of your pussy. ♪ Crazy how influence can be ♪ - There's no need for the man to have an erection for this, as either way, this can feel orgasmic for the both of you. - Men, don't pull your cock out too quickly after your sexual play has finished because this can make your woman feel abandoned and empty. Whether you decided or not to ejaculate, it can feel wonderful for the both of you if you stay inside her and allow your erection to go down by itself, and you might even ask her to tell you when she's ready for you to pull out. And this is a wonderful way to stay connected even after the sex has finished. And let me remind you that sex doesn't have to end in ejaculation or a clitoral orgasm because tantric sex can last for hours. But sometimes you do have to end it, maybe because you're hungry or tired or just because you feel like it. - Sometimes it can be very difficult to control your ejaculation when you are having sex. And perhaps the sexual energy is just too high, or you're in this horny sexual position, you forgot to relax your breathing, and you're tensing all your muscles. Then all of a sudden, you're about to ejaculate even though you don't want to yet, or you don't want to at all. And your woman is in all states begging you to keep going because it feels awesome. So when you feel it's time to pull the brakes and quick, your woman often holds the key to your success or your failure, because when a woman tenses her belly or her legs, and especially when she contracts her pussy and holds her breath, she blocks the sexual energy around the genitals. And this may feel grate for women, especially if they haven't yet discovered the ecstasy of deeper orgasms, but it also may be too much energy around the genitals for the man to conduct when he's about to cum. In that case, he'll discharge the excess energy through ejaculation. But if a woman completely relax the muscles in her body and starts breathing with long, gentle exhales, she can help the man steer away from ejaculation. Because when she does this, the sexual energy becomes less fiery and it moves freer through both bodies. And of course, the man should do the same, relax his muscles and breathe very gently. The longer the exhales, the better. You want to practice this when there's no danger of ejaculating yet, so the both of you know the drill when it's needed. And during sex, you can also experiment a bit with tensing the muscles and stopping the breath, and then relaxing your body again, so you both become very aware of how this impacts the sexual energy that's flowing through your bodies. - [Instructor] Men, instead of humping at a very high pace for the whole time, try to alternate the speed and depth of your thrusts when you're penetrating your partner. For example, you can surprise your partner by doing 10 shallow thrusts and followed by one deep thrust. And the key is to alternate your surprises with expected movements. I suggest thrusting 50% slower in a regular rhythm and then only occasionally thrusting fully in and holding it still for as long as your partner wants you to. Really allow her to enjoy the feeling of being filled and let her tell you when to start moving slowly again.